Confused

Leap of faith

ROMANCE IS by Lights
And romance just is...

Slow it all down, the damage is done
Play the music loud, don't make a sound
Let's raise a toast to a sad story
In a dirty cup, in a dirty cup
You made it--you made it hurt so bad
You made it hurt so bad

With a little poison
We can burn this whole place down
To the ground again...

I woke up at 8 for my class at 9:30. The space beside me on the bed was empty and cold. Then I saw the note on the pillow. Rick was such a neat freak. He had written it and folded it neatly.

I opened it hastily.

It read:
Dearest Chloe,
I had to go back to work. You looked so peaceful so I didn't wake you up. Will call you later.
Love you. Take care. You mean the world to me.
xx

How could he just leave like that. I hated having unresolved issues. I felt like I needed to tell him face to face.

I got ready for my classes. I was on autopilot. I also needed to meet Sinjay and stop the toxic relationship we had. We needed to figure out what to do with ourselves and our friendship.

After my 2 and a half hour class I texted Jay that we needed to sort out some issues. We agreed on lunch.

We were meeting in town because I thought it would be less crowded than the restaurants on campus.

I ordered a drink and waited for him to arrive. Whilst I was enjoying my sparkling water Sinny walked in. Sinny was a force on his own. Whenever he walked into a place he drew attention to himself. Probably because he looked like a model and it was probably his personality too. He was charming and polite.

Sinjay was dressed in a dress shirt, waist coat, jeans and brown boots. And had a grey beanie on. He was carrying a backpack. He smiled a big smile and his eyes lit as he walked towards me.

"I see you are fine now. You look great. You always look great ,"he said as he sat stood across me.His grey eyes shone. He kissed my cheek and sat across me.

"I am finally fine. Thanks. You look like you're coming from a photo shoot. "

He smirked and ignored my remark.

"How are you doing? "I asked.
"Not bad . Just trying to get an education, juggling work, a crazy girlfriend and trying to win over the girl I love. "

"Actually about that..."

I was interrupted by a waitress who wanted to take our orders. I let Sinny order for the both of us.

"Sinny we need to talk about us."

I looked up at him. I realised he knew I was going to turn him down. The shine in his eyes had disappeared. He held a straight face however.

"Please give me a chance Coco, "he pleaded. I shook my head.

"I like you Jay. I know that you know that but the timing isn't right. You have Faye, I have Rick. I have thought about this when I was in hospital. Let's stop hurting those around us and ourselves because of our selfish feelings."

"I love you. I am in love with you, Chloe. That means nothing to you? "

"It means so much but I don't want to hurt Rick. I don't want you to hurt Faye too. So we'll both do the right thing and love our partners the best way we can . Maybe this thing we have is lust. I don't want to lose a good guy over something that is temporary. "

At the mention of lust Sinjay really looked hurt but he quickly gained his composure.

"I don't know about you Coco. But as for me, I love you. Don't tell me how I feel and I won't argue about how you feel. I am old enough to know the difference between lust and love. Thanks for lunch "

With that he stood up and dropped a wad of cash on the table and walked out. The waitress walked in with our plates with a killer smile. Her smile dropped when she saw the hot guy walk out.

❤❤❤

"He walked out on me. How very rude, "I explained to Tala.

"Well, you turned him down. I didn't know it was that deep. I just thought you were a one time thing."

"Why is he so cute. It gave me a complex whenever we hang around each other. I wanted to scream at everyone to stop staring at him. "

" You wish he were ugly? "

"No. I don't know. It's just intimidating being with him. "

"Your stupid. You let the eye candy go."

"It's not like you liked the guy Talz."

"That is cause I thought he just wanted to take advantage of your innocence. Plus, Rick doesn't deserve that. He has always been nice to you. "

"I know. "

At least now I only had one issue to sort. I actually didn't feel relieved when I told Sinny my decision. It only made my heart heavier.

My heart still couldn't get over the thought of Jay loving me. He loves me, I thought to myself. I could have him for myself. My heart fluttered. He could get anyone he wanted but he loved me. It was so tragic.

"I can't believe he said he loves me twice, "I blurted out.

Tala laughed a humorless laugh.

"Just get married already and make lots of babies."

I threw a pen at her.

" We would have already made three babies by now if you weren't being annoying, "I joked.

"Forgive me for caring about you , "Tala said, "He's probably boasting to his dorm mates about how he hit a junior. "

We both knew that wasn't true. Sinjay wasn't like that. Plus, he really did care about me. Getting over someone I was mostly likely to bump into alot was going to be so hard.

Having a writer's block.
I know where I want to take the story but I also don't want to rush it off. I hate having fillers too. Life goes on.