Supernatural Book 4: Ezra's Story

Chapter 6

    I lost track of the days pretty quickly apparently. After I had found that my mom was no longer there, I felt that nothing had mattered anymore. Not saving anyone, not taking notes, not going to school, anything. What was the point if I was going to be found one day by those patrolling Supporters, and be used by Maya?
    I thought that maybe, maybe she was out somewhere, but I knew that wasn't the case. Where would she have gone anyways? It's not like businesses are open during the night. I waited, by her bedside, until I could see light streaming through her curtains. I don't know how long I was waiting there, or if I had fallen asleep, but I know that she didn't come back.
    I could tell why she didn't come back. Everything she had said was correct, or at least herself that was in my dream. I had caused all of this to happen, and that's a fact. I am a disappointment. I am a coward. I have the ability to save people, but I can't bring myself to do it. Whenever I can bring myself to try and save people, it only ends badly. It ends with a child being murdered on the lonely streets.
    I kept sitting there, curled up on the floor. I kept thinking about how much of an idiot I was for sitting here, thinking. I was thinking about that dream, and I was thinking about Maya. I let my thoughts consume me as I refused to do anything.
    Eventually, I got the strength to get up. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts anymore. I went back into my room and picked up my phone. It was eleven in the morning. I guess I had missed school. I didn't want to go anyways, I didn't even want to show my face in public anymore.
    I scrolled through social media, and watched videos, to try and get the day done with. My phone kept buzzing in my hand, because I was getting notifications from Gabriel. He was wondering where I was at, and if I was okay. I didn't want to text him now. Maybe I would do it later when I felt better.
    I don't think I ate anything that day. I wasn't hungry, so why should I even eat? I did have some water later in the day, since my mouth was getting dry. I don't think that I would have had enough energy to eat anything.
    I thought that sleeping was going to help me escape reality. I was dead wrong, I don't think I could have been any more wrong. As I slept, I kept dreaming, and my dreams followed my reality. I couldn't escape reality even when I was sleeping. It didn't help that they were so vivid too.
    In one dream, I was just in my room, sitting next to my bed and the wall, scrolling on my phone. It was dark outside, but it didn't seem like it was night just yet. Everything seemed to be normal, until something had opened the door slightly. I looked up, and it was me, but I was purely black. The only thing that wasn't black was my eyes. They were totally white.
    He was looking at me, staring into my eyes. It started to creep closer, and closer, until it was only a foot away from me. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I was stuck, and I couldn't even move my hand so I could look back at my phone.
    He had said something to me, I don't know exactly what, but it was along the lines of "You're stuck with me." Or something like that. The message wasn't scary, but he was. I had become paranoid after that, looking around the house to see if anyone was there. I knew that there couldn't be anyone there, but I was irrational.
    I tried to stay up as much as I could so I wouldn't dream. In real life, you could potentially avoid your thoughts. When you are in a dream, you cannot escape. Your mind makes a show for you, and you are forced to watch it until the end, unless something wakes you up. I preferred not being forced to relive my fears.
    I had refused to watch any of the news, or look outside to see what was going on. I had enough stuff to worry about right now. I don't want to know if Maya is doing anything else, like killing random people, or making babies work. I was so tired of her, and I just wanted her to leave, forever.
    Days started to pass by, as I started to get more and more tired. I wasted my time by staring at the ceiling and finding entertainment on my phone. I had eaten a little, but only because my stomach would not stop growling. I wasn't actually hungry, I just wanted to feel like I was alone, and like I didn't have anything to worry about.
    I kept getting messages from Gabriel, and I didn't even look at any of them. I just deleted the notification. I didn't want anyone helping me right now. I want to be alone. I think I may have gotten texts from other people, but I haven't checked. There's no reason to check.
    I didn't want people to worry about me. They had other things to do, while I am only good at hiding away. I'm sure that I am doing alright, and they don't need to be in my business. They have a life to live, even while Maya reigns supreme. I will just live my life, inside my house, without seeing anyone else.
    I'm surprised that people don't think that I have become a Supporter yet. People usually just give up on their friends and family that have converted, just like what I have been doing. It seems that they still care about me, and think that I am out there. Maybe it's because I am using my phone.
    Every time I shut my eyes, I would open them, because I didn't want to sleep any more. I didn't want to have any of those horrible nightmares. I didn't need to sleep anyways. My heavy eyelids might try to fight, but I will always be there to fight back. It's probably the only good thing that I can do.
    I still fail sometimes at the only thing I am good at. I accidentally closed my eyes for too long, and I fell asleep, as I lost my fight. It's only happened twice, which is good. I had already said something about one of my dreams, but the other one was a little more unsettling.
    I was right back where I was when it happened. I was in the alleyway, and Rome was in front of me.
    "I don't think you have a badge, did you forget yours?" He asked.
    "Uh, well-" I sputtered, but he cut me off.
    "It doesn't matter, we can get you a new one right away! Just follow me." He tells me, and tries to grab my hand, but I move it before he can.    
"I..I'm not coming." I tell him.
    "You have to though, or else I have to force you."
    "But why?" I ask.
    "Because it's Maya's orders? If you don't know what I mean, you should follow me and I can show you."
    "No, not that, why do you have to listen to Maya? What has she done for you rather than promise a good afterlife?"
    "She has given me this job, and I am thankful for it. Please, come with me or else I might have to get other people."
    "Are you happy with this job though? Do you like to find people and force them to believe in something that they clearly don't want to see?"
    He makes an audible sigh, and picks that device, and speaks into it. "I need backup on-"
    I had pushed him to the ground, even though I was not in control. Something was forcing me to move. He started to cry out in pain. He was going to alert all the other people around us now!
    I bend over to him. "Wait, don't scream! Please! Shh..." I try to tell him. He doesn't listen to me, and keeps screaming and crying, now holding his ankle. I try to put my hand over his mouth, but he bites me.
    I had pulled out that small knife from my pocket. I kept looking at it. My dream was really going to make me do this.
    The kids kept screaming, his voice becoming more worn out by the moment. I kneeled towards him, as he kept crying out for help. His eyes were closed, and tears welled up around his eyes. I raised my arms, with the knife faced towards him. I aimed for his head.
    I felt each heartbeat go through my head and my hands. I could so vividly hear the pumping of my blood, it was uncomfortable. I was torn with tears. With as much force as possible, I bring my arms down, with the knife gripped in my hand, towards Rome's head.
    This time, my eyes were open while I was doing it. I saw the impact, the blood oozing out, and the splatter. Then, I had done it again, in a different spot, as I had done before. I kept going, and going. I was fighting to try and stop it, but I couldn't do it, as tears spilled down my face, and blood flooding out of his head. Stab. Stab. Stab.
    Dreams can be so awful to you sometimes. They are brutal, and they don't care how much you want it to stop. They will keep going until you tear yourself apart.
    Sometimes I would hear cries from people come out from people in the city. I don't know what it was for, but I knew that I didn't want to find out. I don't even want to wonder what it might be. If I became curious, then I would have to find out what it is. I didn't need anything else to worry about.
    As more days passed, I let myself start to waste away in my room. I didn't care if I was going to die anymore, from starvation or dehydration. If dying meant to be safe from my worries, I might as well embrace it. It became more difficult to form thoughts as I mindlessly wasted time, waiting for something to happen.
    There was also another reason why I wanted to stay inside, where no one could see me, or interact with me. What if it would happen again? What if I got so scared like last time and I had ended someone else's life? It was entirely possible. I have read from a book that it was physiologically easier to kill someone after you had done it the first time. You had experienced it once, and now you know how to do it again. More efficiently. More quickly.
    I didn't want to expose myself to anyone else. Rome didn't deserve to die, and no one else did. I could snap at any second, and I could hurt more people. Like Rome. I could hurt my friends. I could have hurt my mom if she hadn't left. I could have hurt Gabriel if he comes over to check up on me. It would be safer to stay away from everyone else. Alone, and safe from harming anyone.
    I was staring blankly at the ceiling when I heard a noise come from my phone. I picked it up, and I read the notification, out of habit. Please text me if you are here, I don't know why you've been gone for so long, but I know you're out there!
    It was from Gabriel. I should have read the contact name before reading the message. Now I know that Gabriel is really worrying for me. He sounds so desperate for me to text him. I felt bad for leaving him hanging like that.
    I tried to ignore the message, but my emotions were too strong. I clicked on the notification, which brought me to the messages application. I got to see all the messages he has sent to me. They had asked where I was at, and if I was okay, or if something had happened to me. I couldn't bear it anymore.
    Look, I'm fine. Don't worry. I had texted.
    Immediately, I got a response. I got scared when I had heard another noise come from my phone. My phone had almost dropped out of my hand. I got a better grip on it and looked at it. It kept buzzing, because he was trying to call me. I declined the call, and he had sent a message.
    Dude let me call you!
    No, not now. Don't text me anymore.
    No, I'm going to keep texting you! You've been absent for at least a week, I was worried sick!
    It's been a week? I checked my phone's calendar, and yes, it's probably been a week. I don't remember when I started to do this, so I guess there was no reason to keep track of the time.
    I don't want you to worry, so I'm sorry, alright?
    You don't need to apologize, I am just glad that you are here. Without school, my life has been a mess.
    School's been out?
    Yeah, it happened a couple of days ago. Didn't you hear anything about it on the news?
    I haven't been watching the news lately.
    Why not? Haven't you been taking notes on Maya?
    No, not really. I don't want to talk about it. I didn't want to think about what I had done. One flashback, and I could say everything to Gabriel, right here, right now, but then what? What would he think of me with powers? With secrets? Being a cold-blooded murderer?
    Oh come on, I'm your friend. You can tell me anything. I won't judge you at all, I promise.
    I didn't respond. He knows that I am keeping something away from it. That fact was clear as day, so I shouldn't be surprised about it. He would definitely judge me if I had told him everything.
    Look, I'm going to come over to your house in a couple of minutes so I can see you again. It feels like it has been so long since we have hung out.
    Wait, I am really busy right now, so maybe you can come over tomorrow. I tried to lie and explain to him. This is exactly what I didn't want him to do! Now, if he comes over, he's gonna see what I have been living in. He's gonna know everything, and if he knows too much, then I might have to-
    No. I couldn't believe that I was even going to think of doing that. I could really just snap at any moment that he is here. I could do anything to him while he is here and no else is going to be here to watch. Unless my phone is out, recording everything, but that doesn't matter.
No. I couldn't let myself think like that again. I can't kill anyone else. I will find a way, but for now, I want to be alone.
    No, whatever you have to deal with, we can do it together. There's nothing that can stand in our way if we are a team! I will be over in five minutes.
    I couldn't persuade him to stay away from me. He doesn't know what I have done or what I can do. I started cleaning up my room in a hurry, to make Gabriel think that I am doing just fine, which I totally am! It's just that my room might be a little more messy than usual. I put some everyday clothes on, and take all the dirty cups and plates downstairs. I didn't get to clean up my room all the way once I had heard the doorbell ring. I stuffed everything else into a drawer, and I hurried downstairs, and opened the door.
    "Hi Gabriel!"
    "Oh, hi. So, what have you been working on that's so important? You have never missed a day of school, so it has to be big." He walks in and closes the door. He puts his shoes next to the closet door.
    "Oh, yeah. It's sort of a surprise."
    "For who? A special someone?" He nudged me.
    I pushed him away slightly. "Nope, not at all." I laughed, which was actually more of a nervous laugh.
    "Yeah, right. Whoever it might be, I would want to meet them."
    "There isn't a special someone though. It's a surprise... for someone else. I can't show you it because it might ruin it."
    "Then it is for me?" He asks.
    "No, it's not." I kept on lying.
    "Okay, I see. By the way, have you lost weight? You look a little thinner than I remember." He looks at me.
    "Wait, what?" I have noticed that my PJs seemed to be baggier than usual. It's the same thing with these clothes. "Oh, no no no, it's nothing."
    "Are you sure? You didn't need to lose weight, you were fine, and I have seen you fit fine in that shirt before."
    "It's fine, I promise. Maybe this shirt is a little stretched out." I explained.
    "So, where's your mom at? Does she know that you're staying home?" He walks over to the couch and lays down on it, sprawling himself out.
    "She's gone." The words slipped out of my mouth. I had instantaneously realised that I had slipped up.
    "Wait, what?" He sits back up, now serious.
    "She's... gone?" I had said again. It felt so weird to say, even if I hadn't said her name. I realized that my mom really was gone. She wouldn't be coming back anytime soon, as long as Maya is in power. She could be dead right now for all I know.
    "Ezra, why didn't you tell me before?" He gets up from the couch and walks over to me. My head is hung down and I don't move.
    "I don't know, I'm sorry."
    "You have nothing to be sorry about. I should have come over earlier. I should have done something so I could have known. How long has this been going on for?"
    "A week." I quietly say.
    "That's why you didn't come to school."
    I nod, and I only lie a little.
    He hugs me. "Just remember, this isn't your fault. It's Maya's fault. One day, she will be stopped, and everyone will be freed."
    "I know." I whisper.
    He lets go of me. "You can't stay here forever. You can come over to my place, since my parents are still home. They barely know about Maya, since they don't ever watch her or go outside. I guess it's what's going to save them. It's much safer over there anyways."
    I start to pack up a bag of my clothes while Gabriel tries to cheer me up. "We will have so much fun together. We can play video games, make forts, play video games, all that stuff. Of course we can't go outside, but we can still have fun inside."
    "Yeah, that sounds fun." I tell him. Something about it just doesn't settle right. I don't know what it is.
    "It's like we will be having sleepovers again, except they are at my place! I think we only had a sleepover once at my place. I wonder how I was able to persuade my parents to do that."
    "Okay, I think I have everything I need. I just need to grab my toothbrush."
    "You can just use one of the extras that we have if you want to." He says.
    "No, I think I'll stick to mine."
    "Whatever suits you." He concludes. I grab my toothbrush, go downstairs, put it in a plastic bag, and then we are ready to go. It feels like a weight has now been lifted off my shoulders, but I also feel much more silent now. Like I don't have to say anything, which I clearly do, but I don't want to.
    "Maybe we should grab the food from the fridge." Gabriel told me as we were going out the door.
    "Why?"
    "Food is now pretty tight, and it gets more expensive each day. You seem to always have some food in your fridge, so we could just stock up at my house."
    "I don't know, I think just my clothes is all we should take. We would look suspicious if we were carrying a lot of food. Maybe it should just stay here."
    "I guess you're right." He says, and we both head out the door. The streets are mostly empty, with a few people walking.
    I am able to take a quick look at the plant. I have watered it in weeks, and I don't think my mom has either, since... you know. It has wilted, turning yellow and brown, and a couple of its leaves have fallen off. There would be no use watering it, since we won't probably be coming back here in months. It's going to die anyways, and there is nothing I can do about it.
    "You might need this." He tells me, and gives me a Supporter badge. "We wouldn't want to get caught, right?"
    You wouldn't want to get caught, right? I hear, like an echo, or like I was fading away from reality. In the blink of an eye, I'm back in that forsaken alleyway.
    Rome is in front of me, talking, I can't stop staring at him. Everything sounds like it's muffled, or maybe underwater. Then, he's picking up his device and talking into it. I feel the blade of the knife in my pocket. Please, don't let this happen again to me. I don't want to see it again.
    "Ezra, are you alright?" I hear Gabriel say to me. Suddenly, I'm looking at him, and both of us are stopped. I'm leaning against a wall.
    "I.. I dunno." I tell him, making sure that I don't slip up again. My mom was the least of my worries right now, but I can't let this lie get leaked. That would be horrible, to say the least.
    "Maybe you just need some rest. We will be there soon." He comforts me as we both start walking again.