Free Falling

Chapter 9 | Bless His Soul For Getting Involved

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"I exist, that is all
and I find it nauseating."
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*Trigger Warning* The nature of what's talked about in this chapter might be triggering for some readers. 

I'm becoming like him.

As I walk to my car, all I can think about is Bridgett's face, and how badly it looked when the fight ended. I just keep thinking about the anger that I felt, and how I couldn't stop.

Is this how he felt when he hit me?

"She throws her pity party everywhere she goes."

Those words continue to resonate in my head. Is that really how he views me?

Maybe he's right...I mean, he hurt me, but I also hurt him back. 

Maybe I deserved it.

If I wouldn't have broken up with him in front of everyone, he wouldn't have felt the need to hit me.

Yeah, I definitely deserved it. 

It's all my fault. 

"Emma?" I hear a voice interrupt my train of thought. I turn around to see Alex, coming up behind me.

"Hey, what are you still doing here?" I ask, continuing to walk to my car, trying to ignore the thoughts consuming my brain.

"I had to get some work done in the library after school." He says, falling into step with me.

I don't say anything, just nodding. When we get to my car, I turn to say goodbye to him, but I catch him already staring at me.

"What?" I ask him, suddenly feeling self conscious. 

"You look like you've been crying." He says, analyzing my face. 

"I'm fine." I tell him quickly, looking away. 

"Emma, what's wrong?" He asks.

"I just...I had a rough practice."

"Does it have anything to do with the state of your hand and eye?" He asks me.

"Maybe." I say, keeping my head turned away.

"Hey, bad days ha-"

"Happen. Yeah, I know." I say, cutting him off.

I'm so tired of hearing that.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.

"There's not much to talk about. I quit cheerleading and now I have nothing." I practically spit out. 

I quit cheerleading.

Why does it hurt so bad to say that when I'm the one who did it?

"You quit cheerleading?" He asks me, practically doing a double take as surprise floods his face. 

I just nod, not trusting myself to speak. 

"Emma, what happened?" He asks quietly after a few moments of silence, leaning against my car.

"I don't know..." I start.

Can I trust him?

He hasn't given me a reason not to.

"I was just screwing up a lot today and Bridgett just pissed me off, and I just...I lost it." I tell him.

"So I'm guessing that you and Bridgett had a fight?" He asks. I just nod slightly, feeling a lump growing in my throat.

"I've never been one for violence...in fact it's the worst possible solution in my opinion. But today...I was just so angry that I couldn't help myself. I hate that so much."