Staring at B, I can see she doesn't know what to think either.
I was already at the end of my rope after everything with Dawn and Pike and everything else. Now I have visions of this other life I apparently lived. Of feelings that I never had. At least not in the world that I can remember. Or couldn't until now. How do I even learn to live with that? And what does this have to do with why we're here?
"Wait... what does this have to do with anything?"
The thing that looks like Cordy smiles at me.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you said that somehow this was about a decision Buffy made. Was this kissing thing the decision? Because I'm not seeing how that works."
"No, that wasn't the decision, but it is what The Powers tapped into when they tried to correct things."
B gets there before I do.
"Correct things?"
"As I said, because of the decision you made, things turned out differently. The Powers tried to correct that mistake by tapping into your previous timeline where you fell in love. They thought that if they could get you to feel things for each other, then you would get together and things would work out. Maybe even better then it did last time."
Wait...
"Better how?"
It doesn't speak right away.
"You remember the vision you had in the graveyard? I told you it was real. What I didn't tell you is that's part of how it all goes wrong."
They hold out their hands like before.
"Things start to go downhill from there."
B and I give each other a look before taking it again.
The door comes open and I stop just inside the door.
"Faith!"
She's sitting on the floor, the knife in one hand, the sharp edge of the blade against her other wrist. Tears stain the flat side of the blade.
She must've been sitting like this for a while, I have to do something.
I kneel down a few feet away being careful not to push her too far.
"Faith what's wrong?"
"I-It won't s-stop..."
"What do you mean? What won't stop?"
She presses the blade against her wrist and I know I have to do something fast.
"I have to make it stop."
"Faith, please just give me the knife and we can talk about this. Whatever it is it can't be worth killing yourself over."
"This is the only way to make it stop."
"What Faith? What is it that you want to stop?"
"MY HEART! It... it won't stop beating."
What?
"I... why would you want it to?"
"Because..."
"Because why Faith?"
"She... she t-told me..."
"Who? Who told you, Buffy?"
"S-she told me once..."
Her eyes squeeze shut and she presses the blade harder against her wrist.
I have to keep her talking.
"What did Buffy tell you?"
"She..."
"Tell me what Buffy said Faith..."
"She s-said that as, as long as I could h-hear her heartbeat she... she still loved m-me..."
She looks at me eyes red, tears staining her cheeks.
"But I heard it stop Will. I was there when it stopped..."
She looks back down at the knife against her wrist.
"I was there when she stopped loving me."
Whatever this is changes.
"No, it doesn't. No matter how much we feel. No matter how much we might wanna be together, it doesn't matter."
She turns away, frustrated.
"Why not?"
She punches me in the face, knocking me down.
"BECAUSE I WAS HAPPY!"
What?
"I... what do you...? I..."
"Yeah, I was happy. Wherever I... was... wherever I, went when I was... I was happy."
She was... happy?
"Oh god..."
I start to pick myself up off the ground.
"Do you feel better now? Now that I've told you the other side of the story? I was dead, and alone and happy. Completely and utterly happy. I was warm and safe and surrounded by pure joy. And now I'm not."
I feel like I'm gonna cry, or throw up maybe.
"Now I'm cold, and hurting, and I feel like I'm gonna cry, all the time. And you wanna know why?"
Tears start pouring out of me.
"Ask me..."
I... I don't...
"Buffy I..."
She grabs me and shakes me.
"Come on, ask me why."
"W-Why?"
"Because of you!"
It pulls its hands away from us as it speaks.
"The powers tried to spare you the pain of suffering through what happened to you by stopping things from going wrong. They introduced a need to connect with other slayers into the slayer line. It's why most slayers feel alone most of their lives. And since Buffy's the only one to ever exist with another slayer at the same time, it didn't really come into effect until you died and another slayer was activated."
"Which is why I felt such a connection to Kendra when she came along. We were reacting to what the Powers did."
It looks at me.
"And when you came along after her death, things took a more direct turn between you two. But the Powers miscalculated."
Of course they did.
It turns its focus back to B.
"They underestimated the power of the decision you made. It was so powerful that even if you did act on it, you couldn't develop the feelings you were supposed to. Which meant that they couldn't stop things from falling apart between you."
B asks something I never thought of.
"But, there are hundreds of slayers out there now. Thousands. Why aren't they all getting it on with each other if this goes through the slayer line?"
"Because there are so many of them. It dilutes the power of their need and leaves them basically the way they should be. Just ordinary slayers with the free will to decide what they want and from who."
Uh...
"So why did it suddenly happen again after Dawn left for college?"
"Well that requires a few more details."
It holds out its hands to us again. I look at B and we both take its hands. Again something changes.
"What's wrong with me?"
What?
"There's nothing wrong with you Dawnie."
"Then why do you keep fighting about me? What is it about me that you hate so much?"
I look over at Faith and I can tell she feels just as bad for what we've done to Dawn as I do.
"Dawn, we don't hate you or anything about you..."
Faith glances over at me before continuing.
"We love you, very much."
"Yes, very much..."
"Then why do you guys keep fighting about me?"
I take a deep breath before stepping in.
"Dawn, sometimes couples fight about stuff. Faith and I in particular tend to fight a lot. But it's not your fault. Faith and I fighting is no more your fault than it was when Mom and Dad used to fight... remember?"
She turns around and seems a little calmer.
"Yeah..."
I close the small gap between us and take her in my arms.
"Oh Dawnie we're so sorry."
She wraps her arms around me tight and I swear I feel it.
I almost feel like a mother holding her daughter.
I look over at Faith standing a few feet away and I tilt my head a bit, encouraging her to join us.
"So there's nothing wrong with me?"
After a few moments of hesitation, Faith comes over and puts her arms around Dawn and me.
"Of course not kid. You're just fine the way you are."
We just stand there together in silence, comfortable silence, just the three of us. Dawn's head against my chest, Faith's powerful arms around us both, making all of us feel safe.
I can't lose this, any of this.Right here, right now, this means everything to me. I have to protect this. I have to protect Dawn from whatever's coming. No matter what I have to do. Faith and Dawn are my world, and I can't lose them for any reason. I have to tell Faith the truth about our daughter.
I'll get together with her and Giles tomorrow, and I'll tell her everything, our sweet beautiful Dawn... our daughter.
I pull my hand away and things end.
"I... Dawn was there? She was a part of this... other life thing?"
It kinda matter of factually gives mean answer.
"Yes."
"But... what was that thing? About her being our daughter? That... that wasn't real, was it?"
"Did it feel like it wasn't real?"
Looking at B, she doesn't give me any reason to think it might be.
"No... but, I mean, it was just a thing we said right? B's always been like a mother to Dawn. If B and I are together, I'm sure I would see her like that. I saw her that way when I first met her. It was a little weird when I first started dating her, but I got over it. That makes sense, right B?"
"Um... sure... I guess..."
She doesn't sound really sure.
"What is it?"
She looks at that thing calling itself Cordy.
Something's off.
"You're sure this is real?"
Why is she asking that?
"Yes, it is."
Eventually she looks at me.
"Faith I... I think it's... more than that."
More than that?
"Like how?"
She glances back at that Cordy thing before continuing.
"I think... I think I was being, literal. Dawn was... actually our daughter."
Our... oh god... did I sleep with my own daughter?
"No, I... I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't sleep with my daughter."
That thing steps in.
"You didn't. Dawn's not your daughter in this reality. In the other timeline, because you got together, the monks created Dawn out of apiece of both of you. So that you shared blood. That didn't happen in this timeline."
"But... you said that this reality exists because of the other. So she is my daughter."
"Like I said, it depends on how you look at it. Technically, you were never her mother because that was changed."
That doesn't really make me feel better.
B jumps in.
"By this decision I made? Was that what did it? Telling Faith about Dawn?"
"No... but it was a major turning point. It set off a chain of events that lead you down that road."
She holds out her hands to us again.
This isn't going to go well.
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