I watch Faith as she sits by Pike, unconscious, at his bedside.
I just can't seem to do anything right anymore. I sent Dawn down the path that made her fall apart,and ultimately got her killed. I let her alienate herself from everyone who loved her and made her think that she wasn't worth anything. That she didn't deserve to be happy, or that anyone else deserved to be either.
And in the process, I destroyed everyone else that I love. Faith is barely hanging on by a thread after killing Dawn. She doesn't know how to live with herself. She still hasn't washed my sister's blood off her hands since she stabbed her and watched her die. It's like she's trying to hold on to whatever little part of Dawn she can. I'm worried about what would happen if she did wash it off. I have no idea whether it would be a good or a bad sign.
Now she's holding on to Pike for dear life. After she and Dawn broke up, Pike came along and gave her something to focus on. A way to work through her issues and find some kind of normal life. If she loses him, it would definitely be way too much. I'm not sure I could handle it myself.
He was there for me at the beginning of me becoming a slayer. I wouldn't have survived Emry without him and probably wouldn't have done everything I did in Sunnydale without him. I owe him my life, and it's not a stretch to say that everyone I've ever saved owes him their lives too. Without him, I wouldn't be me. The idea that I might lose him is devastating.
Plus to have it be because of my sister and the things she did, would be so much worse. All the destruction that she's left in her wake, forcing us to deal with the consequences. Part of me can't help but hate her a little for that. Even with all the ways that I'm responsible for how things happened,she's the one who made the choices. She's the one who made us do things we didn't want to. We have to live with what she did to us, she doesn't. That may have even been part of the point of everything she did. To force us to never forget her by living with what she did to us.
There's a vindictive part to that which I really don't like about her. Some kind of complete disregard for how people think or feel. It's kind've malicious. As much as I want to think she was just in pain or she wanted to make herself feel better, I think she just wanted to be cruel. She just wanted to hurt people. She just wanted to attack the people who care about her the most.
In the end, she was a bad person.
Pike shifts in his bed before groaning. Faith looks at me with hope in her eyes and I move up next to her. He opens his eyes.
Is he awake?
"Pike?"
He finds Faith first.
"Faith?"
"It's me. I'm here."
He smiles. She looks at me before focusing back on him.
"Buffy's here with me too."
"Hey Buff."
Faith gets to the question first.
"How are you feeling?"
Pike doesn't say anything at first, like he's thinking it over.
"I don't know. I... I'm not really feeling much of anything right now."
"That's okay. Willow said that might be a side effect of what she did."
He gets this curious look on his face.
"What she did?"
Faith explains things.
"Red put a spell on you after you collapsed and started having a seizure. She needed to stabilize you after the spell she did to keep Dawn from destroying things. There were..."
Before she can say it, he clues in.
"Complications."
It makes Faith look down at their hands together.
"Yes."
"Willow said there might be side effects when she put it on me. I guess she was right."
I smile at him.
"She usually is... unfortunately some times."
"Okay... what's my prognosis doc?"
He always did have a quirky sense of humour.
"We're still working on it, but basically, you and Wrath sharing the same body is becoming a problem. He wants to get out, but things are only stable because he can't."
"And if he gets out? What happens to me?"
Faith and I look at each other, but I look him in the eyes as I say it.
"We don't know, but it's probably not going to end well for one of you."
There's a moment before he responds.
"And with him being so powerful... I'm guessing I'd end up on the short end."
Faith pushes back quickly.
"We're working on a way to fix that though. We'll find a way to fix this and you'll be okay."
Pike's eyes meet mine.
He knows where this is going. But he can see what Faith needs right now.
"Sure. You've all pulled off a few miracles already. What's one more?"
Faith smiles at that.
"Exactly."
This isn't going to end well for anyone.
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