Pleasure and Pain (Professor Kylo Ren x Reader)

11. I'll Go

The inside of your cheek was chewed raw, the faint taste of copper spread thin across your tongue as you anxiously waited for someone else--anyone else--to join you in the vacant lecture hall. It could have been anyone really, Rey, that incessantly chatty girl who always sat behind you--hell, you'd even take Dean Pryde at this point. You literally did not care who, as long as it meant you wouldn't be alone with Ren.

You should go. Just get up and wait outside, you don't even have to take your shit with you. Just...remove yourself from the equation altogether.

...Jesus, "remove yourself from the equation". So fucking dramatic....Besides, it's not even like you're that early. Other students are bound to show up literally any second plus he always cuts it close to late anyway. Yeah...yeah, you're just being--

Distinctly heavy footfalls shot to your ear, setting off a dreadful chill across your skin and making you immediately eat your words. You were frozen--paralyzed, eyes drifting shut as you took in a long, slow breath. You could feel him drawing closer, could feel his dominating presence slowly but surely creating a vacuum as it sucked all of the air out of the room and left everything in his path, you included, to wallow in oxygenless oblivion.          

When a thud echoed from the front of the room your eyes snapped open, chest shuddering slightly with startled breath as your attention zeroed in on him. He was lumbering behind his desk with those...fucking shoulders--easily too wide to ever be sensible--and thick dark tresses that fell in waves that perfectly framed his greek god-like face. You couldn't help but notice how the buttons of his shirt strained ever so slightly with each and every breath....

It wasn't fucking right, the way your body so redily betrayed you at the mere sight of him. How your pulse quickened or how your belly swarmed with that pesky warmth that had a bad habit of making its way lower; where warmth often bloomed to lecherous, greedy heat.

You shook your head slightly, swallowing your swell of obfuscating emotions as you kept your eyes glued to him. You weren't exactly sure if he knew you were watching him, though it's not like you were being discreet about it. Still, he didn't look at you. Didn't acknowledge your presence. Not once; not as he set up his things or as he settled into his seat. You tried to ignore the way your throat suddenly felt dry, the chill that iced your core when you realized he was making it a point not to look at you. He knew you were here, of course he did, but he was making a show of not acknowledging you. Like you were a poltergeist, lurking at the edge of his vision as he did everything in his power to pretend you weren't there--that you didn't exist.

He's been thinking about you too.

Likely struggling with how to handle things between you two after the mess that was Friday...and apparently you both settled on the same means of action.

Stay distant.

Survive the semester.

Something thick and heavy started to fill your chest but you shoved it away, sinking slightly into your seat and glancing behind you. Relief quickly began to trickle into your blood as other students joined you in the lecture hall, bringing with them an air of protection; a buffer between you and Professor Ren. You let your attention dance over faces, all of them familiar but none of whom being the two specific smiles that you were looking for.

Until one was.

Rey with her bright, white smile pulled wide across her strong jaw, spotted you and shot you an excited wave, her agile body snaking around the other students to get to you.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," she half whispered to you, settling into her seat and shooting a glance at Ren. "You okay?"

"Mhm," you hummed, choosing to continue to look at Rey as her attention flitted between you and Ren and the items she was pulling from her bag.