Pleasure and Pain (Professor Kylo Ren x Reader)

5. We Need To Talk

"Hold the fucking phone," Rey's voice rang out over your speaker, "in the library...on our table?"

A deep, tired sigh pulled from your chest as your let your head hang, arms stiff as you propped your body up against your bathroom sink.

"Dude, we study there!"

"I didn't--this is not why I called you," you scolded, choking back a misplaced laugh. You knew Rey was right, of course she was. Getting your pussy split wide by your history professor's cock in the library was hardly the most sanitary or productive thing you could have spent your afternoon doing...not that you had gone there with that intention. If you could have, you would have avoided him all together.

...you think.

You took a sobering breath, raising your eyeliner to meet your lid when Ren's face--beautiful golden eyes brimming with wanton desire, skin dewy with satisfaction--ripped through your mind.

'Do you think you deserve to cum after the shit you've pulled?'

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Rey's voice dripped with sincerity, pulling you back to earth.

There was a lull in the conversation and you shook your head, rubbing small, deliberate circles into your temples as if you could massage away the memory of his hand around your throat. Or his lips, warm and soft and dripping with lust, pressed to yours. Your eyelids fluttered and you let out another deep, weary sigh, trying to shift your focus back onto getting ready for work.

"So what are you going to do?"

You grumbled and for a moment you couldn't tell if it was from the inevitability of Rey's question or the fact that your makeup looked like shit. Not that it really mattered, the odds of anyone showing up at Maz's tonight was basically slim to none.

"I...don't know," you said, tossing the slender black pen back into your makeup bag before zipping it up and putting it away. "I definitely shouldn't call him...right?"

"Right."

"...right," you said, your voice punctuated by the flick of the lightswitch as you made your way out of the bathroom.

"We should egg his house--"

"--Rey!"

"I'm kidding...mostly--"

"I don't know...I feel like I should say something. I mean...it's not fair...It's not fair, right?" The desperation in your voice wasn't lost on you but you didn't have the mental capacity to care. You felt like Kylo Ren had thrown you overboard, thrust you into a sea of insecurity and you were barely treading water. It sucked and you were desperate for some fucking validation.

"Not even a little bit," her words breathing new life into your annoyance, into your anger.

"I've...I put distance between us. I've avoided him, I've ignored him...I have been doing the right thing...and then he just..."

"I know babes...I know."

You sighed, tossing your phone onto the bed as you pulled on your shirt.

"I don't think I've ever heard you this upset. At least, not about a guy."

"Shut up," you chided, desperate to push away the acknowledgment of what you were already all too aware of.

You didn't get upset about guys, ever. It just wasn't worth it.

And yet here you were, hands shaking, heart thudding against your sternum at just the mention of him. Your mind was replaying every single interaction you'd ever had with Ren, trying to figure out where the hell you went wrong.