"A Sanctuary Safe and Strong"(Marianas Trench)

Chapter 52

Matt crossed the floor to the opposite wall, finally remembering to close the door he'd flung open and left deserted in his valiant search to find Josh. He locked it, then felt his way back through the darkened space to drop down into the soft recliner chair that was so new that it still smelled like leather. There was no way he could leave Josh alone in the house with the way he was acting. He didn't even want to leave the room if he didn't have to. Matt leaned his head back and let the chair rock easily for several minutes as he thought of everything he had just witnessed over the last two and a half hours. Josh was completely out of his mind.  

Sleep deprivation was obvious, but where were these old vices coming from? As far as the brunet knew, Josh hadn't screwed around with self-harm since he was about eighteen years old, at the very latest. Chronic insomnia was always a part of his life, but it had never been this bad before. So what the hell was the deal? Matt knew, realistically, that he should probably do exactly what he'd done in the past when the band had been on tour and Josh had acted a little 'off'. He would sneak back onto the tour bus alone, warily and wearily searching the singer's bunk for any signs of the old life that may have come back into play. Or if they weren't in the middle of touring, Matt would make any excuse he could to subtly sneak into the bathrooms of Josh's house, rifling through closets, medicine cabinets and drawers in search of objects that just shouldn't be there or seemed out of place. If he had the time and could get away with it, he'd dart into the blond's bedroom, and, in under a minute, pull open the bedside table drawers, feel around under the mattress and check under the bed, all of which were go-to hiding sports for Josh in the past.  

Matt hated doing that. He hated it. It had been ages since he'd felt the need to do it, finally coming to trust that Josh was safe and stable and that he didn't need Matt to check up on him every time something was the slightest bit out of place. Now, though, the guitar player just wasn't sure he should leave that to chance even though, the more he thought about it, the more he was starting to believe that Josh's antics were truly just due to the most severe case of sleep deprivation he'd ever seen. Matt had been around long enough to know that lack of any real rest had a tendency to do some strange things to the singer.  

Just as he was working up the nerve to shove himself up and out of the chair, forcing himself to walk back up the stairs and into Josh's bedroom, he felt his own eyelids slam shut and he couldn't have pried them open even if he had wanted to. It was late and the fading fear he'd had coursing through his system after getting the phone call from the older man had completely wiped him out, rendering him fairly useless. Though his body was exhausted, his mind refused to quiet down, so the guitar player accepted that he might not be quite as ready to sleep as he initially thought. Rather than trying to force what he knew would come eventually, he allowed himself to finally reflect on the conversation he'd had with Josh a little over three hours prior. 

Matt's phone buzzed loudly on his nightstand as he was stripping out of the black suit and tie he'd worn to the wedding and getting ready to go to bed. It hadn't been a particularly bad day, but it had been long, and he was more than ready for some much-needed sleep. Since he hadn't had to stay at the studio right up until the moment he had to get ready for the event, he'd been hoping for a short nap before it was time to leave, but he never managed to slip one in, making him look forward to crawling between the covers that much more. Yawning, he grabbed his cell phone and glanced at the caller ID, smiling when he saw the moniker he had given to Josh ages ago scrolling across the front, marquee-style: "Fuckin' Ramsay calling: 2:07am October 24, 2014". 

Tugging the worn old long sleeve shirt he slept in over his head, he raised the phone to his ear, accepting the call. There was nothing strange about the older man getting in touch with him at this time of night, usually, though it did seem a bit odd that Josh would be calling him tonight, knowing that Matt had specifically told the older man that he had things to do. Jesus, he hoped everything was okay.