"A Sanctuary Safe and Strong"(Marianas Trench)

Chapter 18

Exiting the bathroom, he went in search of Matt. Josh noticed that the guest bedroom door had been closed, making him feel highly guilty about his completely unnecessary, though somewhat warranted meltdown the night before. Resisting the urge to open the door and peek inside for a second look, the singer trailed tip of his index finger down the wall of the hallway as he made his way into the combined living room and dining room. There, he saw his bandmate sitting at the table with an ice pack against the right side of his jaw, a newspaper laid out in front of him and a to-go cup of coffee within reach. More guilt, the singer mentally lamented as he watched the brunet wrinkle his nose when he moved the ice pack to a slightly different spot. 

"S-sorry about that," Josh said by way of announcing himself. He pointed at the already prominent bruise on Matt's face. It wasn't quite dark enough to rival Josh's own marred complexion, but it stood out enough that there would be no mistaking it for anything less than it was. 

The younger man smiled and set the bag of ice down onto the table, waving off the singer's comment with a quick flick of his hand. "Forget it." 

"No, I...-," 

"Hey, forget it. I said it's fine," Matt stopped Josh mid-sentence. "You didn't mean it and I know it, so it's okay. Now sit." He gestured to the empty chair across the table. 

Josh pulled it out and sunk down onto it, feeling more than a little uncomfortable around the brunet for the first time since he'd met the younger man half a lifetime ago. Awkward. That was another good word to describe it. It was awkward when he'd asked Matt to crawl into his hospital bed, awkward when he'd shown up on Matt's doorstep looking like a madman, awkward when he'd taken a swing at Matt, thinking the brunet was a potential attacker, and it was awkward when Matt had invited the older man into his own bed just for peace of mind and sleep. Josh didn't know how to deal with that at all. It was Really. Fucking. Weird. Sighing quietly, he decided to keep his mouth shut about everything until Matt brought it up. It seemed best that way. Instead, he lightly traced the patterns in the grain of the wood on the tabletop to keep himself occupied. 

"So, how ya feelin'?" Matt was the first one to speak, and the blond looked up, somewhat surprised. But, if he wasn't going to be the first one to open his mouth, it might as well have been Matt.  

"You mean, after last-," 

"Nah, I'm just...asking how you're doing," the guitar player said, taking a sip from his coffee cup. 

Josh had to think about it for a minute before responding. He didn't actually know how he was doing. There was definitely pain, there was vulnerability, and there was tension (though that part was mostly just in his head). But on the flip side, Josh mentally felt a little calmer than he had the day before, stable, and taken care of. As far as he was concerned, all those things canceled each other out and he broke even. He could be better, but he could be a lot worse, too. "I'm okay," he finally concluded, giving Matt a small, lopsided smile. 

"Yeah?" Matt asked, returning the grin. "'Cause it's like, three in the afternoon and you must be freaking starving, man." 

Josh shook his head, dropping his gaze back down to his hand. "Not really." He truly wasn't, but even if he was, he wouldn't have admitted it. Matt had already gone above and beyond what anyone should have done to help him when he needed it, and feeding him just wasn't the same kind of priority.  

"C'mon, Josh. I know you better than that." The younger man stood and walked the ten steps into the kitchen where he opened the refrigerator, rummaged around for several seconds and came back into the room holding a bottle of soda and a small rectangular tinfoil packet. "I picked up this stuff for you when I went out earlier. Eat." He set both down on the table in front of the singer and took his place again, picking up his coffee cup to finish what was left.