again & again - [ sasusaku ] [ au one-shot collection ]

eighteen

It hurts. It really hurts, but you can't allow yourself to feel any pain.

Or maybe you should. Maybe you should accept all the pain in this situation. You wish you could, because you hate hurting her.

But what were you thinking? What did you think the outcome of your actions would be?

Did you think she'd laugh about it? Did you assume she'd immediately start crying? Did you expect her to yell at you?

What were you thinking?

You weren't. You weren't thinking. Now she's hurt and all you're feeling is the heavy hole in your heart sinking, sinking lower and lower with each breath she takes between the sobs and the screams.

You didn't think it'd come to this.

She was always there for you, so you married her.

You thought that it was love. She thought that it was love.

No, she knew what she felt. You didn't.

Seventeen years of marriage. You spent seventeen years thinking that what you felt was enough. It wasn't.

Maybe you should blame Naruto. It's his fault your life is taking a turn for the worse.

If he hadn't invited you to the club he enjoyed going to, then you wouldn't have had to break your wife's heart.

But you felt curious.

You spent your entire life only knowing one woman's body, since you were twenty. You just wanted to see what else there was. It had to have been something, at the very least, interesting if it pulled the loyal Naruto away from his devoted wife.

So you were just curious.

You were curious when you entered the dark room, the lights reflecting off of the glass cups on the tables, as the show was about to start.

You were curious about the way Naruto's eyes were greedy in their scan around the room as you followed to see where they'd land.

You were curious when the curtains pulled apart and sated any curiosity you had left.

She was beautiful, beautiful enough to make you forget your vows.

And you did.

After the show was over, you went home to your wife.

But you went back.

And she noticed.

And then, you betrayed her.

Your wife's hiccup brings you back to the present, and you are again hurt as you look at her.

She's lovely. With her bright, tearful eyes and her hair that whips around as she cries. Her cheeks are flushed in a shade that matches the strands stuck to them.

She's lovely, but she's not her.

How could you?

It's a soft whisper, but it's demanding.

You don't know.

It's not every day that you tell your wife that you're leaving her for the young exotic dancer from the burlesque club, how are you supposed to know why you're doing it?

You just know that you can't keep living a lie.

You just know that you can't keep feeling like you're cheating when you're with your wife instead of her. Your heart is loyal and devoted, just not to the one it should be.

She screams this time, repeating herself so now you have to give her something.

An apology.

You have to give her an apology.

You're sorry that you feel things for another woman with wide and soft features.

You're sorry that you yearn for a life outside of the one you feel stuck in.

You're sorry, most of all, that you don't really feel sorry for telling her the truth.

You're ready to live a new life, you just have to start it with an apology.

"I'm sorry, Karin."

***

A/N : I'm back :)