CRIMINAL

1 • Kadota

Ka • do • ta
Noun | Meaning
To disappear, vanish; to get/to be lost, be missing; to fade

I remember watching the train arrive as I stood on the platform, my heart beating rapidly as I kept looking around me. The fear of him appearing in the crowd eating me alive. Yet it was also a desire. Like I wanted him to find out that I had ran away, and he would've gone after me. Showing me that he cared about me. But I knew, I hoped that wouldn't happen in the long run. I had disappeared from our bed right after he had arrived. He was probably still sound asleep.

I remember taking a deep breath as the train came to a stop and its doors opened up, allowing me to enter the train that would take me far away from my home. Far away from the love of my life. But I couldn't stay here, not after what I had seen. Not after what he had done.

Life was easier before I had found out. I was happily in love with the man of my dreams. Had my dream job and shared every proud moment with him. I was genuinely happy. Life couldn't get any better. And I was right about that, it couldn't get any better. But it could always get worse.

I met Nekan when I was 20 years old, in my sophomore year of college. I was studying English, with an emphasis on creative writing and he was studying business, with an emphasis on finance. We were complete opposites but fit perfectly together.

He himself was in his third year and while I had a four-year study, he had five years. Which meant we graduated in the same year, allowing him to propose on our graduation. Thank God we both graduated.

I personally didn't see it coming since we were only dating for two years, but somehow the thought of spending the rest of my life with Nekane didn't scare me. It comforted me and made me feel safe.

So when he got down on one knee there wasn't a second where I doubted anything. The only thing that entered my mind was the word yes. I loved him to my core and I knew he loved me.

We eloped pretty fast after that. We didn't want to wait and we both didn't really like the idea of having this big fancy wedding.

Something that I did always question, was how Nekane got his hands on the money that he got. He always told me he got it from family or just his savings since he was really good at working with that stuff. He had a degree nonetheless, which I guess made it all believable in the end.

But it didn't always sit right with me. For example when he was able to buy us a house without a loan and pay off MY student dept. When he bought both me and himself an individual car like it was nothing.

Those were times that arose question marks but I never wanted to offend him. I believed he worked hard for his money and that he was indeed really good at handling his money because of his degree.

Something that I didn't think about however was how his money was now our money and so was mine. We shared everything now and that was going to be a problem in the future.

I remember sneaking out of the house and driving my car to the airport. There I found an ATM machine where I cashed as much money as I could and after that I got myself a taxi, bringing me to the train station.

I hoped that my car and the traces of the ATM would mislead him. I even bought a ticket that led to LA, I just never used it. Instead, I threw it away, together with the rest of those credit cards. I couldn't take any risks.