Panicking in my bedroom should be a sport in which I could win the Gold prize because after all the practice I did that night I was ready to win the world cup of panicking for absolutely no reason.
I shouldn't have cared about his relationship, I was his family and we just met after all, it was obvious that I couldn't know all his past. But every time I tried to close my eyes, breathing deeply to calm my anxiety, I ended up seeing him holding that girl's hips on his... And I opened my eyes again, my heart racing was the only sound I could hear.
The time passed so fast and the morning knocked on my window entering sun lights before I could realize that I had no sleep. My eyes hurt, but my heart hurt more.
Looking straight to the floor of my room I asked myself why I was so jealous about someone that was never even mine, after all, a kiss can't mean much if the person who kissed you didn't give a shit. My crazy and tired mind started to think that I was the maniac, as I turned around my face and I saw that Benji's watch was showing 06:00 am and my alcohol was slowly leaving my body.
My head was heavy and full of feelings that made my skin tremble because of how nervous I was. How could he have a girlfriend if he kissed me? Why he didn't say he was dating someone?And most important why I kept remembering how his lips felt like when he kissed me?! Did it feel the same for her?
My tears fell down my cheeks without letting me notice, I was crying for something that I could never have. I wish I was so drunk that I had imagined everything, but I also broke the vase I gave to him as a gift, it was important and now it was gone because of me. Could things be worse than that?
Yes, because by the time my head slowly calmed down, Benji opened my door without even knocking and found me sat on the floor, with my back next to the window glass and my face dirty of tears.
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"You didn't have the ticket for the show, what the fuck were you trying to do?!" - he yelled at me, making me confused. He called it "the show" as if I had fun seeing him with someone else, he couldn't understand that I was dying of jealousy and I knew it didn't make sense, so that why I decided to stay silent for a bit, until my heart exploded - " I only wanted to give back your watch... It's you who lied to me!!" - "I never lie!!" - "You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend! Or maybe you forgot while you were kissing me!!!" my tears broke and started to look like waterfalls again, I bite my tongue to shut up and it hurt, but not as much as my heart.
"I don't have a girlfriend, we are friends, Luise is like a sister to me" - " How can you say that?! Not when I saw you holding her and fucking her against a wall!!" - I didn't want to be mean, but I couldn't hold it anymore, he looked at me for a second before starting a strong laugh on my face, it hurt more. " Are you judging me?! As if you wouldn't want to be fucked by your brother, bro?!" - he walked closer, looking down at me as I was still sat on the floor, he stood in front of me with this look on his face as if he wanted to kill me.
