Fanfiction [MASHIKYU]

4 - 8

Mashiho

About half an hour after Hyunsuk and I get back to the dorm, I'm curled up in Junkyu's old bed, in my pyjamas, not having bothered with a shower despite how sweaty I was onstage, thinking about how everyone must be mad at me for skipping dinner. I'm sure Asahi was especially mad, which is part of the reason why I didn't go, because even if I did go he still would have been mad at me and at least this way I don't have to deal with him for any longer than I have to. And then there's the fact that Junkyu was at the dinner, too. But then my thoughts are suddenly interrupted by a knock at my door followed by a loud hiccup.

"Mashi?"

I jolt upright. "Junkyu?"

"Open the door!" is what I think he says, but it comes out very slurred.

I scramble out of bed and swing the door open to find him standing outside it.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you said you needed space or whatever and I've been giving you space, lots and lots of space. But space is stupid. Space means I'm far away from you and I've had enough of being on the other side of the space, you know?"

His eyes are glazed yet locked firmly on mine, and he's swaying a little bit. My stomach clenches nervously as I inhale the undeniable scent of alcohol.

"Are you... drunk?" I ask the unnecessary question.

"No!" he says in outrage. Then he hiccups again, stumbling back a little from the force of it.

"Oh my God. You're really drunk."

Junkyu doesn't drink. He especially wouldn't drink at a dinner with the whole group there. Why...

"Okay, so I'm drunk, but what does it matter?" His speech is still slurred and difficult to understand, and now his voice has gone a bit wobbly, too. "Drunk or not, I know what I want. But you don't know what you want and that really fucking sucks. Because what I want, what I've wanted for so long, more than anything in the entire world, Mashi, is you."

I open and close my mouth like a goldfish, trying to think of words to say, but the words he just said won't stop repeating in my head. "Junkyu..."

But he cuts me off. "I'm in love with you." The words hit me like a brick wall, and now I'm the one struggling to stand upright. "I'm so in love with you that it hurts and it hurts so bad that I have to get drunk to make it hurt a little less, but you know what? It still fucking hurts."

"I don't think I've ever heard you swear before," I say quietly, perhaps the most unimportant thing I could have said.

Junkyu lets out a horrible laugh that doesn't sound at all like him. "Well that just shows how fucking much you mean to me, doesn't it? I've had a massive crush on you since the moment I laid eyes on you. It was fun at the first, kind of, like haha funny yeah I have a crush on Mashiho! That's weird! But then it wasn't a crush anymore. I don't just like you. I love you deeply and I desperately need you. And I know you don't need me because why would anyone ever need me? I only need other people. But I especially, especially need you."

"I—"

"So yeah," Junkyu says, not letting me speak (not that I have any idea what I would have said), lifting his arms up then letting them slap loosely back down again. "I just wanted to tell you that. You can go back to having your space now. You need space. I need you. This doesn't work."

He turns to leave, and I instantly reach out to grab him by the arm. "Junkyu, wait."

He yanks his arm out of my grip, then turns around and looks at me for a long, hard moment. When he speaks again, it's very soft. I hadn't realised how loud he had been before until now. "I don't want to wait. If it takes you this long to figure out whether you want to be with me or not, then clearly, deep down, you don't want to at all."

"You must hate me," I blurt out before he goes to leave again.

He looks down at the ground, then back up at me, and his words are no longer slurred and he doesn't have that drunk look in his eyes and he's not swaying anymore; he's back to the Junkyu I know for a brief moment. "I don't hate you. I'm too in love with you for that."

"Why?" My voice cracks pathetically as I ask it.

"Because!" His voice cracks as well. If he cries then I'm definitely going to cry. But he doesn't. "That's just the way it is. The sky is blue, the sun is bright, and Junkyu loves Mashiho. Goodnight, Mashi."

Then he walks away, and I'm too stunned to follow him.