by order of the fucking peaky blinders

52

Dear Isaiah,

I love you, i have for 6 years, and i am so lucky to have had you as my husband and father to my children, I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. I don't want to. Like you told me on our wedding day, i promise to love you until the day i die, and i kept that promise. I'll love you even in death. And in whatever life comes next, i'll find you or you'll find me. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, its us till the end. Love is not a concept, i know that now and i accept it. Love is what we have. What we will always have. You've flipped my mindset on everything, this was fate, destiny. You are my soulmate. I'm sorry, because i feel like my time will be over sooner rather than later. I'm surprised i made it this long. The Shelby curse, none of us die old, we get killed or kill ourselves. My Mum, my Dad, John.

Please look after the kids, i know it'll be hard, but they're a product of us, they're the most precious things on this godforsaken earth. You can do it, and times will be rough, but i believe in you. You can do this. And i'll be with you, in heart if not in person.

I want to say so much more, but i don't know how to express it. I love you, I appreciate you, I trust you, its always been you. Its so much more than this though. You're so much more than that. I've never been happier, safer than when im with you. Isaiah, this is hard to write because i don't want to imagine not being by your side, but I've got a feeling. And i didnt tell you because i didnt want to worry you.

I love you, forever and always

Charlotte Jesus, (aka. Your girl)

p.s. only give the kids their when they turn 15.

-

Dear Tommo,

Sometimes i hate every single fucking word that comes out your mouth, sometimes i wanna shoot you in the fucking head. There's no-one quite like you, I've got over 7 trillion nerves and somehow you manage to get on all of them, but i know life would suck without you. Because the other times, you're the sweetest guy i've ever known, you know how to deal with me. You got a big fucking heart, i know you do. You just don't like people seeing it. You're an asshole, but we love you.

This is going to be weird to read but just imagine, i'm stood infront of you, hands on my hips, looking angry for a reason you can't seem to work out.

Thomas, don't be fucking difficult for your family, they love you, and want what is best for your dumbass. So stop making their lives harder than they have to be. Do not get back into that drunk cycle, because i'm telling you they don't have the patience for your bullshit that i do. You're not alone. And Lizzie will not let you near your daughter if you get into that position. Don't hide yourself away, you've got some freedom now. Hopefully you have your contract, so don't fuck that up. Good boy.

Okay, now my mini rant is over, i'll get back to saying how much i'm going to miss you, you strange, strange man. You're a prick. Beware i'm going to be using a lot of insults because if i don't, i'll never be able to get this written. So if im rude, its intentional, but i don't mean it. (Most the time, you can be a cunt)

I love you Tommy, through the ups and downs, of which we've had plenty, i have always loved you, and our family. I needed to write these though, it was a gut feeling that obviously must've happened if you're reading this.

But Thomas Shelby, i am so fucking thankful that i had you as a brother, because of you this family has been presented with things beyond our wildest dreams, thats you. You've done all of this. I am thankful because in this society if it wasn't this family, who knows what i would've been. I'm happy with who i am. I'm happy with who my family is. I died a happy woman. I died doing what i could for my family to have a good life.

Please take care of your wife, your kids, our siblings, our family, open up slightly, let them know you care. Hug them a bit longer, its these little things that i miss about John. Help Isaiah too, two kids is going to be hard alone, and if he finds happiness with another woman, let them be. I want him happy, i'll meet him in the future.

Here's to you, the one that always pulls us through, who knows what to do, and does what he has to. You're unique, and i thank whatever form of life up there, that i was on your side.

Goodbye Tom.

I love you. Never forget that. And i'm always here.

Lottie Shelby

aka Charlotte Jesus

-

Dear Ada,

I'm so thankful our parents had a girl before me, I could not imagine being the oldest girl, let alone the only girl. I'd like to apologise for being an utter prat whilst the boys were away, it was selfish and I never really understood before. Everything you said and did was right for me. I thought of you as an enemy, my opposition, I thought you weren't giving me enough freedom. Always finding me in places you'd told me specifically not to go. I always pushed your patience, crossed the line to see how much I could get away with. I never thought you'd ever be more than a guardian. But you are. You're so much more.

Back then I misunderstood, but all you were trying to do was care for me and love me. You never got a chance to have your teenage years because you had to become a carer for a pair of shitheads who never listened. Ada, I'm sorry and I know it won't change much but you deserve an apology, and so much more.

I've had time to think back to how I used to be, you were right, I never had any sense of responsibility. I thought I did, but I was a kid. You were right.

Please never change, keep doing what you love, your opinions - some I may not agree on - but you stuck by them, you're strong willed and didn't let others faze your view, I adore you for that.

Take care of our family, and please help Ziah with the kids, they'll need some womanly love.

I love you Ada, I always have.

Cha Cha

P.S. I'll tell Freddie you miss him if this after life thing exists.