Part-timing as a Thief

Chapter 7

I went back to the classroom. I made it in time. I need this lesson to end. And fast. Really, really fast. I can only look at the desk. I have the history book and my notebook out. I hope they won't make me read some passage. I can't now. My notebook... wait. Where did I put the letter? Everything inside me suddenly dropped. The letter, where? Shhh, stop it. Remember slowly. Think rationally. What. Did. I. Do with it? I reached to my pocket. Not here. It's not in the other since I had it in my right hand. Locker? Did I close it? Yes. Yes, of course. I put it back there. I didn't want to look at it so I threw it back and shut the door. Right. Oh, god. No. No, no. Don't think now. I have to be alone to panic. Can't do that here. Not here. Just a little more.

Some time passed and I waited slowly in agony. This despair was unbearable. I needed to get away from here as soon as I could. As soon as the lesson ended and the bell rang, I stood up, trying to still appear unwavered. I don't know if I succeeded. I know Saku... Watanabe wanted something from me but I excused myself, saying I have somewhere to go.

I moved slowly but with a target. I went to the closest bathroom. The closest stall. Someone there. The next to it was free. I got in and shut the door. I crawled up on the seat and let the panic take me over - but quietly.

What now? Oh gods, what now?! I can't believe it... I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! This can't be happening. What am I to do now?! What can I do? There's nothing. Simply nothing. I'm done for. And so is Kazue. I - WHAT HAVE I DONE!??!?! Kazue! Tears started flowing from my eyes, down my face and on my uniform. Oh no, I can't dirty it. I took off my glasses and sat so that the tears wouldn't fall on my uniform. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?! I couldn't scream so I clenched my teeth. I had a hard time breathing. I started gasping for air. FUCK. Goddamnit. What the hell is this, this shit, nooo... .

I cuddled on the seat. What should I do now? Should I... Should I tell Kazue? No, I... can't tell her that. That I messed up? No, never. I need to do it by myself. They might not know about Kazue. Actually. It may not even be the police. But who? The person probably wants to blackmail me. Bring it on fucker. I hope you enjoyed your time in school because I'll take away all the fucking time you have left.

...

It didn't take as long as I thought it would. You could say I have gotten used to coping with this feeling. I was sitting curled up on the toilet seat in the bathroom with a wet and crumbled toilet paper in my hand and a possibly red face. I stood up and straightened my uniform; dried my face, flushed down the paper. Cleaned my glasses and put them back on. I came out and checked if there was anyone else. Washed my hands, checked to see if I look fine in the mirror. I think it's all right. It may be because I had to endure it during the lesson. It lessened this little attack of mine, I think. I made up my mind. I'm a criminal anyway. I might have been a bit too desperate earlier, but I think I should be ready for the worst outcome.

I left the bathroom and as I have planned earlier aimed for the more secluded places to lose myself in. I'll try to live the rest of this school day as normally as possible. I'll bury this disastrous, depressing demon deep within me for the time being.

After looking around the school for a bit there was still no sign of the yankee. Alas, someone else found me first.

"There you are, Sacchan!" said the happy idiot. I was ready to get irritated. "Did you read it?"

"Eh?" I think something in me has just suddenly sank, yet again.

"The letter?" he asked, acting all innocent.

"You mean... That was... you?"

"Eh, what is it, what is it? Judging by the reaction.... Was it a love letter?" This fucking piece of pig shit.