The Godmother || Sirius Black

━ 4. Burning hatred & a letter

"I'm telling you, Moony, we have to tell Harry sooner or later." Sirius shouted angrily but Remus sat calmly at the kitchen table. "He has a right to know. We cannot hide who his godmother really is from him forever!" He was fuming.

Remus rubbed his temples exhaustively. "Look, Padfoot. I agree with you that Harry deserves to know the truth but given the time and situation, I don't believe that it will be wise to divulge everything to him just yet."

"And what would be the right time to reveal everything in your wise judgement?" Snarled Sirius.

"After Diana gets caught." Remus said grimly. "We will tell him everything. From beginning to end but now is not the right time. I'm scared if we reveal everything to Harry, he might become blinded by rage and go after Diana."

Sirius opened his mouth to retort back but thought again and became silent. It disgusted him to call that murderer's name. He hated that Remus might be right; knowing Harry he would definitely go looking for his parent's murderer on his own once he knew everything.

Remus noticed how Sirius looked away and his gaze became distant. He was very well aware of how much saying that name pained him but Remus wanted his best friend to forget the past- forget their past.

They were sitting at the kitchen of the Grimmauld Place, Sirius's residence. The house elf Kreacher served them food while mumbling something to himself- they didn't pay attention to him.

"Do you think we should tell Dumbledore?" Remus suddenly asked tensely.

Sirius looked at him.

"You know, that Diana being an ani--" Remus stopped when he saw his best friend closing his eyes and taking a sharp breath.

"We don't need to." Sirius opened his dark grey eyes and looked straight into Remus's eyes. "I know, Moony, that you still in a way blame yourself for that but it was our choice. You had no say in that whatsoever, so shut up now!"

Remus sighed. He was expecting Sirius to say something like that.

"You know, you should move on, Padfoot."

"What did you say?"

"I said, you should move on now." Remus said again. "What she did is unforgivable but you think of her all the time, as if you're practically living--"

"I. Do. Not. Think. Of. That. Filthy. Murderer." Sirius gritted out, his voice was dangerously low and his glaring eyes pinned on Remus.

"The fact that even the slightest mention of her name makes you burst out in anger proves everything I've just said." Remus said calmly ignoring his dark haired friend's cold glare. "You have to forget everything you've shared once- feelings, memories, everything. You cannot live on by feeding on your hatred for her--"

"After everything she did, you're telling me to forget?!" Sirius's voice was getting louder and angrier. "She betrayed us, Remus! She betrayed Lily, she betrayed James! She killed Peter!... She betrayed me!! And now you're telling me to forget?! Tell me, is it even possible for me or for anyone to forget? I'm telling you, if I ever find her, I would kill her with my own hands rather than handing her to the dementors!"

"Exactly what I'm talking about." Said Remus. "Since that day, you're living on by feeding on that desire for revenge of yours, as if you're only alive just because of your hatred. And why would I tell you to forgive her?! She doesn't deserve that but you've got Harry now. You're the only family he has left. If you go on doing something stupid blinded by your rage, Harry--"

"Going after that woman to kill her is not stupid, if anything that's the right thing to do." Sirius's voice was calm.

"No, it's not!" Now Remus raised his voice. "You cannot do that-- wait, did you-- is-- is that why you told Harry that you were out of town?" He asked skeptically.