Barely talking to Logan for a month hurt enough, but not speaking to her at all for three days after she left undeniably tears me apart from the inside out. At least when we were pretending we were okay, I still got to see her. She hasn't answered my texts or calls for the last three days, and after calling her one last time, I finally take the hint and don't reach out to her again. I don't know what to do, and all I want is to hear from her again. Even if nothing happens between us, I need to know there's no longer a chance anything will happen.
Chloe and Athena agree to meet me for lunch. They don't know I have ulterior motives for this meal, but I do want to see them regardless. I don't find the courage to bring up Logan until halfway through our meal when I shyly ask if either Athena or Chloe has heard from Logan since graduation. Athena has had no contact from Logan and Chloe says her contact has been minimum.
Chloe shrugs, taking another bite of her food. "Maybe it has something to do with the Emily situation." Athena sends Chloe a look that could kill to reprimand Chloe after making her comment.
"The Emily situation?" I question. Athena attempts to change the subject and not explain this "situation" any further, but it hits me who Emily may be and I don't let it go. "That's the girl in the paintings, isn't it? The redhead."
Chloe quickly shovels food in her mouth to impair her from being able to respond, and Athena excuses herself to use the bathroom. Their lack of response is confirmation enough. If Logan is upset over someone, it's most likely Emily. I'm not surprised that she could have been using the excuse of believing I deserve better than her to get me to leave her alone. I don't ask any more questions after Athena comes back to the table. Chloe and Athena won't give me answers even if I do ask. They'll attempt to change the subject again. I respect their confidentiality. They're most likely respecting boundaries set by Logan.
I do take the rest of the day to spend time with Chloe and Athena, but Logan manages to sneak her way into every other thought I have. Enjoying the company of Chloe and Athena isn't hard, but everything seems to remind me of Logan. The girls can tell there's something on my mind and attempt to distract me from it all. Their distractions aren't perfect in preventing my Logan thoughts, but they do help. Any distractions are more than welcome at this point.
Not hearing from Logan, and looking back on senior year, I begin to overthink like I do best. I knew from the start that Logan only ever wanted one night with me. I'm the one that rejected her. I distracted myself with someone I thought could make me happy. Everything that has gone wrong between Logan and me is my fault – it always has been.
That can't be right though. Why would Logan let me in? Why would she let me past walls she has built up if she just wanted one night? Why paint that portrait of me? She did say she wanted a challenge. I suppose that's all I ever was to her, and she was satisfied to know that I fell for her. I want to believe all the negative thoughts and possibilities that run through my brain. It would make everything so much easier to know that Logan is the jerk I want to believe she is. It kills me to know she's not.
➳ ➳ ➳
Christina doesn't want to believe my assumptions about Emily and Logan. Despite Christina's denial, it's obvious that Logan is hung up on some other girl. That's probably where she went after graduation. That's probably where she is right now – with Emily. Christina has her own attempts at cheering me up, but I refuse them more than Athena and Chloe's distractions.
Christina scoffs, irritated with my behavior. She gets off my bed to leave my room, but stops once she's by my side. "You can sit here and wallow in all your misery or you can get your ass out of bed and do something about it," she says sternly. "Happiness isn't always a choice that can be made, but people that impact that happiness are a choice. If you don't choose to go after her, at least have the decency to move on."
أنت تقرأ
Bleeding Color
قصص المراهقينCameron "Cammie" Bailey is used to moving every few years, so spending her senior year in a new place starting over once again doesn't seem to faze her. The completely boring and mundane last year before college that Cammie expects to spend under th...
