Bleeding Color

17. Chances

A month of thinking about Logan non-stop would be enough to drive anyone crazy. I attempt to use this reasoning in order to justify my current actions. After a month of going stir crazy in my own mind, and not finding the escape or release I desperately need, I give in and decide I need to see Logan. I'm downtown when I make my decision, and have no car or ride thanks to being dropped off at the library earlier by my mother. I have no complaints, considering I still refuse to let her buy me a car.

Halfway through my walk to Logan's apartment, it begins to drizzle. The drizzle doesn't bother me until it evolves into a storm and suddenly begins pouring. Thankfully, I'm only three minutes from Logan's apartment once the weather becomes detrimental, but it still manages to drench me in water and effectively soak through all my clothes until they're clinging onto me.

I make my way to Logan's floor and am surprised and somewhat worried that I can't hear music coming from Logan's apartment. I take my chances and knock on Logan's door, and feel my heart settle while my stomach flips at the sound of footsteps approaching the large metal door. I inhale sharply as the sound of the deadbolt unlocking strikes me with a shot of anxiety. Logan's lips part out of shock when she sees me standing in her doorway and questions what she's seeing, "Cameron?" Maybe I should have called first.

"Hey," my arms fold across my chest, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm here to be honest. I should just go. I-"

"No," Logan reaches for my arm as I turn to leave. "There's actually something I want to show you." The corners of my lips pull into a small smile as I follow Logan into her apartment. She closes the door behind me, and leads me to the bottom of her loft where all her artwork is. She asks me to close my eyes and then gently guides me up the stairwell and sits me down on a stool. After a moment of shuffling, she tells me to open my eyes and what's sitting in front of me takes all the breath from my lungs.

Leaning against a wall is a ginormous, exquisite painting. The painting isn't like Logan's others that have an "unfinished" style inspired by Lou Ros. Every inch of the canvas is covered in paint. My eyes study the painting, following the image of Earth from space, to distant stars, to the main subject chasing after a comic book. The woman in the painting is wearing jeans and a button up shirt, with the button up undone to reveal a superhero-esque symbol on the center of an undershirt. My jaw drops slightly when it hits me that I'm the woman in the painting.

Logan lets me have a few moments to take in her masterpiece before stepping beside me and saying, "This is the largest piece I've ever done. I figured this was the only canvas big enough to accurately represent the size of your head."

I slap her stomach lightly with my hand, laughing "Shut up." We both laugh and I look at her, now studying the masterpiece that is Logan. "How did you even know I love superheroes?" I ask.

Logan shrugs, turning her head to meet my gaze, "One of the first times I ran into you was at The Negative Zone, and you were so lost in the comics that you didn't even notice I was there. Then when you followed me there last month, I could tell a part of you was being pulled to the comics. When you're around them, it's like you're instantly taken to another world." She pauses, and my efforts not to grin fail. "That's the you when you're alone - the real you. That was the challenge I was looking for. Not many people get to see the real you."

I break my stare with her and lower my head, my grin disappearing. "Alycia never did." I look back at Logan, "See the real me," I clarify. "We never had that comfortable silence my mom always talks about."

My mom often talks about how she knew she wanted to marry my step-dad. Jayson isn't like my father according to my mom, and she never thought she was going to remarry after losing my father. But as she was dating Jayson, she started to notice how happy he made her by just being nearby. They could sit in a room together, doing two completely different tasks, and she was just happy to be surrounded by his presence. Only after realizing that she had a comfortable, bliss-filled silence with Jayson did she know that she wanted to marry him. I used to look for that with Alycia, but we never got a large amount of time to be silent. The moments we did weren't comfortable, but awkward. I never based that alone on whether or not I could be with her, but looking back, it was something that I wish could have been there.