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When its right in front of you.

When its right in front of you.

610 Reads 22 Votes 2 Part Story
Ramona and Beezus By bookismyreality Updated Jan 10, 2011

Mandy and Hayley have been best friends since first grade. They have always been together and really close. As they hit sophomore year, Hayley started dating a guy from the Basketball team which makes her more popular. Mandy started to wonder what was happening. She felt like she was being ditched. Mason, Mandy's best guy friend, is always ready to help Mandy. Mandy started to feel better because of Mason's help. Mandy started to focus about her love life and is slowly making a change about her life. Is it a good change, or bad?

wattycriticism wattycriticism Jan 17, 2011
This was very good. 
                              It kept me interesting and I got into it alot.
                              Yiou have a few errors but it's not something that can't be fixed with another look and it definetely won't affect your story.
                              Great job.
RAWR198 RAWR198 Jan 09, 2011
There's a few grammatical mistakes, but it's interesting! =]
Madame_Immortal Madame_Immortal Jan 09, 2011
This is a definitly interesting read! A few mistakes here and there but nothing that takes your mind off of the storyline. Keep Writing! :D
bookismyreality bookismyreality Jan 09, 2011
@thisisbekah / Lol, i know. I always mix up past and present tense. That's what my teacher told me when we were writing a short story. :) Thanks though, i'll try my best to make the second chapter better. :D
                              @findingmyescape / Thanks anyways. :)
findingmyescape findingmyescape Jan 09, 2011
I would critique, but it seems like all the things I want to say, have already been said by other people haha. But I like it other wise
starstruck94 starstruck94 Jan 09, 2011
The story is great, although you have to watch out for grammar mistakes. And as someone below said, try descrbing the characters and their relationship before developing the story (: Can't wait to read more! :)