Mixed Messages

Mixed Messages

7.4K Reads 434 Votes 4 Part Story
Chloe By teenagebookworm_ Updated Apr 03

There are many stages of grief, and Alice faced them all when Lucas died. Their journey together was left unfinished, it had come crashing apart, too soon. A piece of Alice's heart shatters every time she thinks of the dreams they had for their future. 

She texts Lucas's phone every day, to tell him what kind of a day she's had and to remind him of how much she misses him. 

What if one day he texts her back...

{{Highest Rank in Mystery: #112}}

  • carcrash
  • lovestory
  • mixedmessages
  • pregnancyjourney
  • textmessages
MrSanguine MrSanguine Apr 12
Instead of telling us that it's old, perhaps say that it creaked or somethin
MrSanguine MrSanguine Apr 12
These 2 sentences are very similar regarding structure. Perhaps alter 1 of them?
MrSanguine MrSanguine Apr 12
After "home", there should be a period, followed by a new paragraph.
I remember reading this before the edits and it was great then, but the revised version is fabulous! You can really feel Alice's reaction and pain when she get's told about Lucas. It's amazing!
I finished. I thought this was a splendid way to start. Good way to start a story, with a bang and all. Just run over for punctuation stuff and you'll be groovy. :)
In the first sentence, you don't need the 'had' in "A few minutes had passed"
                              Had is one of those pesky words that can easily become a filler word.