Isabelle
My heart sunk.
"Izz,"
"Get off me, Luke,"
"Isabelle,"
"You've basically just said I'm dying,"
"No I haven't. You need to stop thinking about death, it's not a good perspective,"
"It's the only perspective. Leave me alone now, I am going to sleep,"
"No you are not. Me and you are going to watch tv together,"
"God no,"
"Absolutely,"
I began to unhook myself from the machines, and he slapped his hand over my picc line, pushing my hands away from it.
A bunch of people rushed in, including Sierra, stopping in their tracks when they saw me sat up.
"Izz, deep breaths,"
"Let me out of here!"
"Izz," Sierra said, "It'll be okay sunshine,"
"No!" I screamed, "I don't wanna die,"
Sierra restrained me, Luke gently rubbing my cheek with his finger as I sobbed and sobbed.
"Page Irwin,"
"I want Michael,"
"Michael?"
"I want Michael,"
"Scrap that, page Clifford-no, both,"
"Let go," I said through gritted teeth, "Sierra,"
"No,"
"Please,"
"No. You need to calm down,"
"Little Blaisdell, what is going on ay?" Michael said, "Give her space,"
"She ripped her wires off,"
"At least let me hold the restraint,"
He swapped with Sierra, barely holding me at all, but giving me a look that made me know I had to calm down.
"That's not the smartest thing to do,"
"I need to get out of here. I need to get home,"
"Can you take deep breaths for me?"
"I need a hug,"
"You can have a hug," he said, sitting on my bed, "You can always have a hug,"
I pressed my face into his scrubs and he rubbed my back, Ashton running into the room heavy-footed.
"Why are we all here?"
"We had to restrain her,"
"Isabelle, it's okay darling. It's okay,"
"I can't do this,"
"You can," he said, taking me into his own arms, "What's bugging you?"
"Everyone,"
"What did you say to her?"
"Nothing,"
"He got mad at Kaykay for promising I would be okay, and then she abandoned me like everyone else,"
"You will be okay if you follow everyone's instructions, which you haven't been doing, hence you feeling stressed and sick. I need you to lay down and watch some tv while we get you on some painkillers and figure out something you can eat," he said, gently lowering me until I was laying again.
"I wanna go home,"
"You can probably go home tomorrow evening. I know it's tough,"
"Michael,"
"Mhm?"
"When I graduate, you're gonna teach me here to be a brain surgeon, right?"
"Yeah, but right now, I am your friend. I'm not your doctor, or your teacher, I am a friend,"
"Okay," I sniffed, "Pinky promise you will see me again,"
"I'll visit as much as I can,"
"Can you all find Kaykay and make sure she is okay?"
"Yeah. Can I grab you anything at the canteen?" Sierra said, Luke heading off when his pager went off.
"No thankyou,"
"Not even a panini or something?"
"No,"
"This is the second day you have barely eaten," Ashton, "Well, no, it's probably been a while,"
"I'm trying,"
"I know you are, but you are having a big, big surgery in just a few weeks. I am considering a feeding tube,"
"No,"
"We need you strong," he said, "And right now, you aren't,"
"I will eat. I will have a panini,"
"I'll be right back,"
Sierra left the room and then it was just Michael and Ashton left, both of them looking at me in pity.
"Did they say anything that upset you?"
"No. This whole thing is freaking me out,"
"Do you think speaking to a counsellor might help?"
I shrugged and curled up in my blanket, picking at the plaster over my picc line. Gently, Ashton took my hand away and I looked at him, slowly blinking.
"I think Kaykay would benefit too. I will see if someone can come and speak to you tomorrow during chemo,"
"Okay,"
"I will sort that out,"
Michael's page went off and he gave us a weak smile before heading off to answer it, leaving just Ashton.
He held my hand and looked at my monitors, giving me a smile. When he smiled, I felt safe, and comforted. I trusted him, even though I hated that.
"I got sick very quickly,"
"You did, so we are going to treat you very quickly,"
I nodded and bit my lip, looking round the room. It was standard. A clock, a tv, some crappy art for kids. There was a computer and some drawers, and then lots of annoying, beeping machines.
"Sorry for saying you aren't my family,"
"Had a change of heart?"
"You've been there for me more than my dad ever was. You're not my dad though,"
"I know," he said quietly, "I am glad I can be there for you,"
"I didn't mean it all those times,"
"Coming into our home must've been hard, and I respect that. Ontop of all the change, you had your secret, and your pain. Go easy on yourself,"
"I think I met all your friends today,"
"Well everyone but Cal and Crystal were in your room earlier,"
"And I met them too,"
"You did meet everyone! That's good,"
Sierra came back in the room with a panini, then had to rush back out and left us alone again. I looked at it, feeling my stomach churn, before picking it up and taking a small bite.
As if my body was rejecting it before it even went down, I gagged and spat it into the napkin, feeling my lip tremble.
"Do you not like it?"
"I do it just... happened,"
"Try again ay?"
Obliging, I took another bite and the same thing happened, making my slam the panini down and cover my face.
"Slow breaths. Try one more time,"
"I can't. I'm gonna be sick,"
He put a sick bowl down and shushed me, rubbing my shoulder.
"I can't eat,"
"I am going to make the executive decision to give you a feeding tube," he said slowly, "We can put it in once Kaykay is found and calm enough to be with you,"
"I will eat the panini,"
"You cannot, and that is okay. However, you do need strength for surgery, so we need to get the nutrients in you somehow. Could you step on the scale for me sweetheart?"
"No,"
"Please, angel. I just want your weight and height to figure out the food to give,"
I climbed out of bed, lightheaded, and stood on the scales for him, then he tucked me back into the bed and paged Kaykay.
"Don't you have other patients?"
"You're my last one of the day,"
"Lewis said he would see me at the end,"
"He is scrubbing into a surgery with someone else, he isn't on my service today. Well, he wasn't supposed to be, but he has spent a fair bit of time with you,"
"That was my fault,"
"Do you like him?"
"Yeah,"
"He's quite good with little kids but prefers my service over Kaykay's. I guess it's because we see both kids and adults,"
"I will have steady hands after this, won't I?"
"There is no reason why not. They're probably shaking right now from exhaustion and lack of nourishment,"
There was a quiet, nervous knock on the door, and Ashton opened it to reveal Kaykay. Immediately, he hugged her, and kissed her, then she came over to me and held me in her arms.
While Ashton explained everything that had happened, she sat next to me supportively. And unfortunately, she believed a feeding tube was a good idea.
Ashton put a pair of gloves on and then called Juliet to come down to my room with one. When she came, he had her measure it, then he did it again just to be sure.
"Her bloodwork looks good,"
"I agree," he said.
"You're not gonna enjoy this, but it won't hurt. When I say, start to drink,"
"Okay," I said, taking the water with a straw, "My throat is getting no rest,"
"Sorry,"
"What if I can't breathe again?"
"You will be okay,"
"Okay,"
"This numbs your throat," Juliet says, "Open wide,"
She sprayed it and I grimaced, clasping Kaykay's hand.
"Alright, this is gonna feel strange, but don't freak out,"
He began to put the tube up my nose and I shut my eyes, clutching Kaykay's arm.
"Start swallowing,"
I did, my eyes watering from my nose, until he said stop and taped the tube to my cheek.
"I need to do an ultrasound to make sure its in place," he said, carefully wiping gel over my stomach . Juliet passed him a portable one and he used it, Kaykay sat by my head, humming.
He wiped my stomach dry and pulled my gown down, then sat with us.
"This is for your own good,"
"I know,"
"Hopefully it will make you feel a little bit better,"
"Okay,"
"Juliet, please could you work out what she needs to have and give it to her?"
She looked at the chart and they spoke about it, then she went off to collect my 'food'.
"I'm not a fan of today," I giggled slightly, wiping my running nose with a tissue.
"I can't think why,"
"This probably cost you so much,"
"Whatever the bill is, we will pay it,"
"I can sleep soon, right?"
"Maybe,"
"Good. This is exhausting,"