"I..." Your words fail you when you see the pained expression on Kozume's face. The very thought crossed your mind earlier today. But hearing him say it aloud hits much differently. You forget Kozume's hand that rests on your shoulder until he squeezes it.
His brows knit together and now he wears a scowl. Seeing Kozume angry happens less often the older he got and you brace yourself for his next word.
"Can you imagine how upset and thrown off I was when you erased yourself entirely out of my life without any explanation? The feeling I went through when Kuroo simply stated that the two of you are no longer together. The emptiness I felt when I didn't have answers to my questions to what happened between you two." Kozume spits out word after word in a fluid tone.
"The uneasiness I carried after years of being kept in the dark. Until one day I received a letter from you out of the blue. I was in a state of shock when I saw your handwriting and only more stunned when I read the contents in it." His rough speech softens up and you watch him pull his hand back to his side. He lowers his head, his hair falling over his face.
"After ten years, our reunion was at a funeral home. Reunited by an emotional and vulnerable event." Kozume speaks slowly and you feel your chest tighten.
You were too wrapped up on how hurt you were because of Kuroo and it never crossed your mind what Kozume must've went through.
For you, Kuroo is painted as the villain but you're just as bad of a villain for Kozume. Apologizes wouldn't mend the pain that you put Kozume through. Time for the two of you were also lost.
"Sorry. You were talking about your troubles and I just went on a tangent about myself." Kozume raises his head to look at you. His eyes widen and his breath hitches when Y/N leans over to wrap her arms around his neck, hugging him. Her breath tickles his neck when she speaks.
"I was too self focused about my sadness and was blinded to my actions I created. I know apologies are useless to the amount of pain I caused you Kenma. But I genuinely want you to know that I'm sorry."
Kozume tries to process everything Y/N is saying but his mind grows blank. He's unable to focus on anything but the smell of her floral perfume and the warmth she wraps him in. His shaky hands slowly stretch out to return her hug.
Closing his eyes, Kozume turns his head slightly to speak by her ear in a hushed whisper. "Just don't do that again. If Kuroo upsets you, tell me. There's no other person besides you and I who could set him in his place."
"Can you tell him to stop forcing his way back into my life then? It's starting to look pathetic." You lightheartedly giggle as you pull yourself away from Kozume. Kozume unwillingly pulls away and nods silently to your words. His phone then vibrates in his pocket and you buckle your seatbelt while he answers the phone.
"Speak of the devil." Kozume mutters, eyeing the caller ID. He raises the phone by his ear, "Kuroo."
"Hey Kenma! Are you free tonight? I need to destress. I was thinking maybe a few shot glasses of soju and barbeque?" You hear Kuroo's loud voice from Kozume's phone. He does indeed sound stressed and you wonder if it has something to do with his work.
The thought makes you wonder what Kuroo actually does for a living to live in such a high-roller building. You never bothered to ask or look him up on social media.
Kozume sneaks a glance at your distracted face. "Um...I'm out right now actually."
"With who? Are they more important than me? Your best friend who needs a shoulder to lean on?" Kuroo playfully speaks, a chuckle erupting from his throat. Kozume rolls his eyes with a small smile. He notices Y/N shake her head, the corner of her lips forming into a smile.
"He's an idiot." She whispers, holding back her laughter.
"Yeah. She's important." Kozume answers bluntly. You turn to look at Kozume with widen eyes. Kuroo sounds just as surprised on the phone.
"WOAH?! SHE?! Since when have you gone out with a girl? I literally spoke to you yesterday and there was never a conversation about a girl." Kuroo's words are a slur and it nearly sounds as if he's rapping.
Kozume scoffs. "How many girls do you think I know?"
"Well, is it a coworker? A supporter from your stream? Uh." Kuroo's thought process cuts short when he slows his car down at a traffic light. "No...it has to be someone close if they're letting you talk to me this long. At least I know it's not a date." Kuroo goes off on a tangent and both Kozume and you exhale.
"There's no way you're with Y/N, right?"
"Yeah."
Kuroo quietly sulks to himself. His shoulders droop and he grows quiet. "How is she? Does she look like she's gotten plenty of rest? I hope she hasn't skipped her meals because of work."
You hear Kuroo speak in a much softer tone. Hearing him ask these questions easily pulls your heartstrings. You purse your lips in response, casting your eyes out towards the driver window. Kozume carefully gazes at Y/N. He notices her face fall slightly from Kuroo's concern.
"You can ask her personally if you want. Tell me the address of the restaurant and we'll meet you there." Kozume ends the call before he can hear either of you retort. Your eyes flick over to Kozume.
"We're going to meet up with Tetsurō? But..." You want to protest but Kozume's already punching in the address on his GPS that Kuroo's texted over.
"We've been looking at wedding dresses all day without a break. You can't tell me you're not hungry Y/N. You wouldn't turn down a free meal, would you?" Kozume raises his eyes away from his phone with a playful smirk.
You clench your teeth, flaring your nostrils out and casting your eyes elsewhere. "No." You curtly respond and begin to drive.
Kozume quietly chuckles to himself from Y/N's response.
🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.
After parking your car and walking into the barbeque restaurant, you follow behind Kozume. The two of you find Kuroo sitting on the left side of the restaurant, downing a shot glass of soju alone.
"Already drinking?" Kozume speaks up when he reaches closer to the table. Kuroo weakly laughs and nods his head. He points to the seats in front of him, ushering for the two to sit down. Kozume quietly suggests you to sit in the seat that's by the wall. The seat directly sits across from Kuroo. You notice his nervous behavior when you sit down.
"So...what have you two been up to today?" Kuroo attempts small talk while you take off your coat to rest it on the back of your chair. Kozume looks over the menu, parting his lips to answer Kuroo. "We went into a few wedding dress shops to help Y/N find inspiration."
"Oh?" Kuroo casts his eyes over to you. "Did you find any?"
Hesitant to meet his eyes, you nod. "Kenma picked out a dress at the last shop." You return his small talk with an answer. He's not as pushy with his approach to talk to you today. You wonder if Kuroo got the hint that his approach wasn't the right way to go. He never kept his word when he exclaimed to you the night you were at his place that he would show up on a daily basis.
Kozume extends his phone over to Kuroo to show him the pictures of Y/N in the wedding dress. You anticipate Kuroo's reaction. Your anxiety at it's high and you hated the feeling. It didn't matter what Kuroo thinks of you in the dress. But your emotions say otherwise.
"Oh wow." Kuroo's voice is barely a whisper. His eyes light up and a smile etches on his face. He pinches the screen to zoom up on Y/N's face, a chuckle escaping from him. "You look so cute blushing like this." His words are sweet and familiar.
You try to not let them affect you too much but your heart reacts to his words.
Kuroo returns Kozume's phone back to him when a server returns to ask what the table would like to order. After discussing which cut of meat you'd all like to share, Kozume asks Kuroo about his day. "So, what's gotten you depressed?"
Kuroo pours a shot glass of soju for both you and Kozume. The three of you clink your glasses together, taking the shot in unison. You cringe from the alcohol that burns down your throat, warming up your body.
"The finances for next years volleyball championship isn't being agreed on and the money being divided isn't being evenly split up. The older associates are hoarding the money towards other unnecessary funding." You listen to Kuroo speak seriously about his work. You've never heard him sound more responsible than now. The serious expression on his face pulls out a masculinity charm that you never saw before.
You've only seen him look slightly like this when he sees a challenge during volleyball matches back in the earlier years. He loved challenges that would make him think out of the box or test his skill. Despite his laid-back personality, he's extremely smart and observant.
Seeing this side of him makes you see the difference of him now and back then. You've tuned out of the conversation as the two speak to one another. You quietly sip on the glass of water the server brought out after putting in your orders.
The two discuss about business while you're lost in your own thoughts. Today's been one hell of a day for you.
From being depressed over Azumane, to feeling guilty and unaware of your actions you've caused on Kenma, to casually spending dinner with the two people you cut ties off with years ago.
"Sorry, I don't mean to exclude you from the conversation Y/N." Kuroo speaks up when he notices you staring blankly at your glass of water. You snap out of your thoughts to look at him.
"No, it's okay. You originally called to hang out with Kenma anyway." The two of you make eye contact. His apologetic expression turns into a small smile. "It's a nice surprise to see you join us though. I don't feel as depressed as I was moments earlier. So, thank you for coming along."
"She wouldn't decline free food anyway." Kozume comments. You're quick to glare at Kozume who wears a smile, a chuckle slipping past him.
"Kenma!" Your brows furrow together and you shove him slightly. Kuroo eyes the two, joining Kozume in laughter. You roll your eyes at the two who laugh at you. "No ones going to decline free food." You mutter under your breath.
The two subside their laughter when the server returns with thin slices of steak for the table to cook. They turn on the fire underneath the table and give the three of you instructions on how to cook the meat before leaving.
Kuroo grabs the prongs the servers left on an empty plate and starts to lay the meat on the grill after Kozume's lathered it with oil. The beautiful sound of a sizzle sings in your ears.
"Did you want to invite Asahi? I know he's a good friend of yours, right?" Kuroo speaks casually and Kozume visibly tenses up beside you. Kuroo slowly raises his eyes away from the meat on the grill to look at you.
You shake your head. "He's busy with projects with Kimiko. I'm sure the two are still at the office right now."
"Kimiko?" Kuroo raises an eyebrow.
"She's an intern of mine. My boss thrusted my current projects over to her after Kenma offered his project." Your eyes slowly cast over to Kozume who avoids your gaze. He silently takes another shot to avoid discussion. "Asahi kindly offered to help her with the projects. So, they've grown close because of it." You feel yourself grow sad again. A frown itching to plaster on your face.
Kuroo notices Y/N's expression fall when she talks about Azumane. Realizing that the mention of Azumane is a touchy subject, Kuroo steers the conversation away. "How do you like your meat cooked?"
Thrown off from the random question, you stare at the meat on the grill. "Medium-rare is perfect."
Kuroo smiles when Y/N answers him without hesitation. He nods and flips the meat over to grill on the other side. "One medium rare steak for the cutie. What about you pudding head?" Kozume sits up straight when he's being spoken to. "I'd like the same."
"Alright. So three medium rare steaks coming right up."
The reasoning the three of you are here is because Kuroo felt stressed out and had to vent. Yet, he's here cheering you up. Today is an eyeopener for you and you learn to not focus on yourself but be aware of others you've hurt. You also learn that you need to be honest with your emotions and that people can change.
"Tetsurō." You break the silence with a timid voice. Kuroo looks away from the meat to pay attention to you. Kozume quietly grabs the prongs away from Kuroo, not wanting the meat to rest too long on the grill.
"Yeah?" Kuroo stares at you with gentle eyes, his head tilting slightly. Gulping and pursing your lips, you break eye contact for a split second. You clench your hands into fists under the table. "I...want to apologize for the way I've treated you since the start of us reuniting."
You pause before inhaling sharply. "I just had so much pent up anger for your actions in the past. Seeing you again infuriated me and I chose to act coldly instead of confronting you with how much you've hurt me. We could've had a serious conversation and sort out our emotions in a mature way. But I decided to react childishly."
Kuroo listens to Y/N intently, not interjecting until he knows she's completely finished.
"It's alright. I don't blame you for reacting like that. I also want to apologize for being so straight forward and aggressive with my approach in us rekindling our lost time. I shouldn't force you to open up if you don't want to." The two stare at one another in understanding. You feel the weight lift off of your chest. "We can always have that conversation whenever you want. I'm not going to yell and run away this time."
Your eyes begin to waver from his words. His serious gaze doesn't have a trace of a lie behind them. Kozume clears his throat to get your attention. He blows on a small piece of steak he's cut up before pressing it to your lips.
"Since we're all being honest and opening up...there's something I want to say too."
You part your lips slightly to eat the steak being pushed against your lips.
"I partially did use the project as an excuse for you and Kuroo to see each other often. Sorry for lying to you when you asked me so straightforwardly if I had those intentions." Kozume lowers his head to apologize. He couldn't tell these two his other secret. The secret about his feelings for Y/N. Kozume wasn't brave enough to declare them.
"I figured that out already Kenma. But I'm glad you're being honest with me about it now." You smile at Kozume when he raises his head up to look at you. Kuroo releases a dragged out exhale.
"Is there anything else we all want to get off our chest tonight?" Kuroo divvies up the steak on everyone's plate before eating a piece.
You stare at the two, shaking your head. Kozume also shakes his head slowly.
The night ends on a lighter note as the three converse about anything and everything. Most of the conversations pertaining about the lost time among the three.
You're full of warmth from the food, alcohol, and the time you're spending with your friends.
Spending a night like this with these two sparks back the happier days of your youth and it makes you hopeful to know that this will be a moment you can create more of if you allow yourself to drop your defenses.
You've told yourself several times you would give Kuroo a chance. But you chickened out because of fear.
But this time, you're serious.
What's the point in pushing him away if you find yourself walking in the same path.