Song of the chapter: Watch- Billie Eilish
A small pause in the doorway of the transfiguration classroom became necessary so that I could fully understand what I'd seen. Draco and Pansy. Pansy and Draco. Together.
My feet began to move again but very slowly and unsteadily. His lips had been against hers, her hand in his hair. I was forced back to the night in the rose garden when I'd been the one holding him.
Millicent must have seen them too because when she and Daphne walked into the great hall for lunch that day she had a pitying look on her face.
"They shouldn't have been so open and up-front about it," Daphne muttered, throwing a few angry glances at Draco and Pansy.
"It's fine. Honestly I knew they were going to be together eventually. I don't need him to live," I laughed, sounding stronger than I felt. It was the truth- what I had said. I didn't need him or anyone else, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
"How are you okay with this?" Millicent asked, completely scooped up in her own rage for Draco.
I took a deep breath. "Think of it from my point of view. I was eleven when my parents disowned me. I wasn't ever sorted into one house for a long enough time for me to make any real friends like you guys. Everybody in my life ends up leaving. Even Dumbledore won't talk to me anymore so Draco ignoring me and kissing some other girl after he kissed me doesn't surprise me! People don't stay. If I've only learned one thing my whole life it's that people do not ever stay for very long. If they do then things get messy and generally people don't like messy."
I shrugged my shoulders and continued eating.
My friends eyes grew wide and Daphne began to cry.
"What is it?" I asked sympathetically, putting a hand on Daphne's shoulder to comfort her.
"How are you so- so- normal? You've been to hell and back and you're still the nicest Slytherin in wizard history," she cried.
"Daphne- it's fine! I'm okay! The point of that story wasn't to make you feel sorry for me I swear! I'm just fine!"
Daphne nodded and wiped her cheeks. Millicent brushed away a single tear and I immediately wished I'd just told them I was fine, nothing more. Pity was not something I was used to. I rubbed my eyes feeling very dramatic and undeserving of their attention.
Just then Draco stormed out of the Great Hall, tears in his eyes. I couldn't help but wonder if he was crying because of Pansy.
"Hey- uh- I'll be right back okay?" I told my friends. They nodded and I followed Draco out the door.
He led me, unknowingly, to a boys lavatory and I quietly followed him in. He leaned closer to the mirror and began to sob. I could hear the sound of his tears splattering against the metal of the drain and the porcelain sink.
"Draco?" I whispered. He didn't hear me and before I could make a move towards him Harry Potter came strutting through the bathroom door.
"I know what you did Malfoy," Harry snarled.
I looked from one to the other in a confused daze. Neither of them saw me. My forehead began to feel very hot and my breaths came faster.
"You hexed her didn't you?" Harry asked in an accusatory tone.
Draco threw the first spell without saying any enchantment. It hit the wall behind Harry just as he threw one back. Harry's spell broke the sink Draco had been crying over and soon they were both running through the water on the floor.
Neither of them were hit yet, they used the stall doors as a kind of shield each time one of them tried to curse the other. I wanted to scream, or run to help them but my feet wouldn't move.
"Sectumsempra!" Harry yelled, jumping out from behind the stalls and hitting Draco square in the chest with a flash of yellowish light.
I gasped but covered my mouth with my hand, hoping they hadn't heard me.
I took a few steps, staying hidden but trying to see Draco. I finally found him, laying in the main part of the lavatory covered in blood.
Harry walked around and stood over Draco. His breathing was fast and he seemed shocked at what he'd done. Snape hurried in looking very confused and angry. He stood and looked disgustedly at Harry before it all became too much for the boy. He left, stepping backwards, never letting his eyes leave Snape and Draco. I had never been more glad to see Snape in my life.
I turned my attention back to Draco who was now in a pool of red blood mixed with sink water. Blossoms of blood leaked through his white button down shirt. He writhed in pain and my eyes teared up.
"Vulnera Sanentur," Snape drawled. "Vulnera Sanentur."
Draco's blood was slowly but surely returning to his body. He now lay unconscious in a pool of clear water.
Snape left, surely to find Madam Pomfrey who would give Draco something for the soreness I'm sure consumed him even in delirium.
"Draco," I gasped, coming out of my hiding spot finally.
He didn't open his eyes or make any kind of movement that showed he was alive. The only way I knew he hadn't gone into the light was from the uneven breaths he took.
I dragged my pointer finger along his cheek and let a few tears fall onto the floor.
When I heard footsteps approaching again I quickly stood up, used a spell to dry my clothing, and hurried out of the lavatory unseen. The teachers would take care of him, this I knew well.
I spent the rest of the day curled up in the common room. I couldn't eat anything and by nighttime I was violently ill, throwing up over the toilets.
Millicent held my hair back while I repeatedly emptied my stomach in the girls lavatory.
"What happened after lunch today?" Daphne asked when I was back in my bed with a glass of water in my hands.
"Nothing. I must just be stressed for exams is all," I lied.
"Maybe we should get you to Madam Pomfrey. She'll know how to calm your nerves," Millicent suggested.
I was about to deny their offer when I remembered Draco would be in the hospital wing too. I nodded and despite the aching in my legs and head, got up to walk.
I felt weaker by the minute and by the time I reached the hospital wing I was too exhausted to speak.
"Exams. There's always one student who can't handle them!" Madam Pomfrey muttered frustratedly. If only she knew.
She gave me a sleeping draught which settled down my nerves and walked into her office at the back of the long room, first demanding I fall asleep immediately so I was well enough to go to class again tomorrow.
"Draco?" I whispered through the dark. His bed was close enough to mine that I knew he'd be able to hear me if he was awake.
"Why are you here Grey?" he whispered back furiously.
"I saw what happened in the bathroom. I need to talk to you," I told him.
"I don't want to talk to you. You should just leave me alone."
"I don't give one single fuck what you think I should do. You think it's fun for me to watch you kiss Pansy? You think I enjoyed watching Harry hex the crap out of you? I want to be there for you Draco, if you let me maybe you'd be better off," I said sharply.
"Oh believe me- I heard your sob story in the Great Hall today. You're a pain in the ass Grey. Why would I want you around?"
I went silent. You could have heard a pin drop in the room. I felt the urge to scream or throw something but kept my dignity.
"Grey?" he whispered.
"What do you want Malfoy?" I snarled.
"Is it true?" he asked.
"Is what true?"
"What you told Millicent and Daphne in the Great Hall today?"
I didn't reply. The silence drew on for at least five minutes and finally a few words were able to come out of my mouth.
"Yeah. It's true. People always leave," I whispered.
"Like me right?" he asked.
"Yeah. Like you," I whispered. A stray tear slipped down my cheek, startling me. Why was is that I never cry except for around him? I felt weak, like if he touched me too roughly I'd snap into tiny pieces that nobody would clean up. It was a terrifyingly hopeless feeling.
Neither of us spoke again for a long time. I was angry but somehow it was buried under a huge amount of sorrow and sympathy for the broken boy who lay in the bed next to me.