Requested by @Kenedy_taejin
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Maybe the others thought they were being subtle, but Namjoon noticed. He always noticed these things. Back when he was in school, he had never been the type to have many friends. He was used to being invisible. He was used to not having anybody cheer for him when he went up to do a presentation. Namjoon had accepted that.
But now, now it was different. Call him selfish, but he longed for the amount of love that the others got from the fans. He wanted that too. Namjoon did get it. But not as much as the others.
He was used to that. But, really, he did not expect that to come from the members themselves. They were ignoring him. Not in a rude way, but in a way that made Namjoon feel hurt. They always had someone else who they wanted to talk to, someone else who they preferred to hang out with, or something like that. Namjoon wasn't the first choice for anybody.
When Jin (or any of the members) said something, the others would cheer him on or actually react to what he said. When Namjoon said something, one of them would nod, they would all be quiet for a moment, then Jungkook would break the silence with his stories about how he loved Cheetos. Namjoon's remark would go unnoticed.
It was a stupid thing to be upset over, he knew. It was just that... Namjoon had had to deal with this his entire life, and he was sick of it. He hated being the outlier. He hated being treated differently. He hated being excluded.
People sometimes asked him what superpower he wanted. Namjoon wanted to tell them that he already was a superhero. The power of invisibility had been given to him and he had perfected it to the max.
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Slowly, he got more and more upset. One domino fell over, making another one fall, and another, until Namjoon was utterly miserable and falling apart. He kept to himself, staying at his studio doing absolutely nothing. He felt self-conscious rapping or dancing solo in front of the others. He wondered if they gossiped about him behind his back. He wouldn't be surprised if they did. Maybe they all laughed at him. Maybe they all made fun of him.
Namjoon honestly didn't want to believe that his members would do that. They were nice people, even if they were a tad bit annoying at times. He had snapped at them sometimes. Maybe that was the issue? Maybe Namjoon wasn't supposed to have tried to discipline them? Maybe he did a bad job as a leader? But no, that couldn't be true. They all got along well as a group... well, if you didn't count Namjoon. They were all close, but they weren't clingy. They had their own friends as well. No, if Namjoon had to make sense out of it, he would say that it wasn't because he was a bad leader. He had done a pretty good job. They didn't have too many verbal fights (or physical ones for that matter).
No, they had always got along well. They had always been nice. Namjoon didn't want to believe that they would start being rude to him now. They had spent years together. Surely, all these years weren't an act? Or were they? Maybe they were just pretending to like him? Maybe Yoongi was the better leader? Maybe they were all secretly fluent in English and just liked to embarrass him at the interviews?
Namjoon couldn't tell. He couldn't understand. He didn't want to ask them either. That would be too awkward. They would probably try to deny it or throw some money for some fancy gifts as an "apology". Namjoon didn't want that. Namjoon didn't need that.
He just wanted to feel like he belonged. It was embarrassing sitting alone at a meeting while the others talked about their plans for the evening. Sometimes, one of them would holler something out to Namjoon, but it was always something irrelevant. Namjoon wasn't invited to their gatherings, to their outings, to their parties, to anything they were involved in. He wished he could go somewhere with Jackson, but GOT7 was busy and filled with schedules. His other friends were busy with their jobs and relationships too. Nobody really had time for him.
He had no friends.
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"Huh... something is up with him," Jin commented.
Jungkook sighed. "What? Who?"
"Namjoon?" Yoongi asked. "He seems upset about something...?"
"Yeah," Hoseok said. "That's why I have been leaving him alone for a bit. You know, he doesn't like it when we all crowd around him at times like this."
"Don't you think that we should ask him what's bothering him though?" Jin asked. "He always does, when we're upset."
"You're right," Yoongi said.
"Yeah," Taehyung said.
Jungkook agreed.
"I can do it," Taehyung said. "I'm good at talking."
"Yeah," Yoongi said. "Make sure he knows that we're all willing to help him out if anything is up."
"Of course!"
Jungkook flopped backwards onto the couch. He smacked his head on the armrest, prompting Yoongi to let out a gasp.
"Be careful!"
"Yeah, yeah," Jungkook said. He sat up, trying his best to hide the expression of discomfort on his face.
"Look at his face!" Jin laughed. "This is why I tell everyone to be careful!"
Nobody had the chance to reply because, right then, the front door opened. Namjoon shuffled in. He had a big jacket hanging on his shoulders, covering his frame completely.
"Namjoon hyung?" Taehyung asked.
"Hmm?"
"Can we talk about something?"
"Sure."
"In your room."
"Okay," Namjoon said. He sighed. His shoes slid neatly off his feet. He took a hanger out and put his jacket on it. Through it all, he was aware of the others staring at him.
"Are you alright?" Jin asked.
"Of course."
Jin nodded. "You can talk to me at any time."
"I know."
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"Namjoon hyung, what's going on?"
Taehyung's question to him threw him off-kilter. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He was just getting hurt from how the others were acting, right...?
"Nothing."
"You're so quiet nowadays."
Namjoon smiled. "I'm fine."
Taehyung glanced at him, as if trying to look inside him. "You sure?"
"Yeah, of course!"
Gosh, Namjoon felt so awkward. He didn't remember being so awkward around Taehyung in a long time. Their relationship had deteriorated to that point.
"Okay," Taehyung said. He shrugged, flashing Namjoon a smile. He turned and left the room abruptly, leaving Namjoon confused.
He didn't understand what was going on. Ah well. He was thirsty, he should go get some water.
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"He's so weird now," Taehyung said. "I'm so confused."
Jungkook shook his head. "I'm confused too."
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Namjoon wasn't one to eavesdrop, but he did manage to hear that Jungkook and Taehyung were discussing him. Things like "he's so weird now" would stay in his mind for a while. Maybe Namjoon was overly sensitive, but he started to tear up when he heard it.
He got his water and went back inside to his room. The others gossiped about him regularly. He was sure of it. Namjoon could tell. They probably made fun of him behind his back.
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A few nights later was when it all crashed down. They had spent the entire day working hard and the others had made plans to have a movie night together. Namjoon had heard them, but had concluded that he probably wasn't included.
So after the day, he dragged himself to his room and locked the door. The others were in the living room. He could hear them talking and laughing loudly. Namjoon wished he could be a part of it too. But... they probably didn't want him there.
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"Jungkook, go get me a glass of water," Jin said.
"Jungkook, please, adjust my pillow," Hoseok said.
"I'm sorry to ask, but Jungkook please move out of the way. I can't see the screen," Jimin said.
Jungkook sighed. He sat down on the end of the couch, shaking his head.
"Get me my water!"
"Get it yourself!"
"I raised you, drove you to school, ironed your clothes for you and yet-"
"Okay, fine!" Jungkook huffed. He got to his feet and went to the kitchen to get the water.
"You forgot to mention that I washed his clothes," Hoseok said. "Maybe then he would have adjusted my pillow as well."
"You can do that yourself," Jin said.
"What?"
Yoongi sighed. "You guys..."
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Namjoon heard them all right. He felt more and more awful every minute. They were probably going to gossip about him. They wouldn't even notice that he wasn't there.
He started to cry, resting his head on his knees. All he wanted to do was just belong somewhere. Just feel like he was a valuable part of a group or community, not some extra component that wasn't required. It was bad enough that he was one of the least popular members. The members didn't even like him.
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"Where's Namjoon?" Yoongi asked.
"Huh?" Jungkook looked around. "You're right."
"Someone please get him!" Jin said. "I'm too tired to get up."
"You always are, your age is catching up to you," Jungkook said.
Jin sighed. Jimin laughed.
Hoseok got up, not caring about his pillow anymore. He headed to Namjoon's room. He was a bit worried. Namjoon wasn't usually the type to stay in his room all by himself, unless he was sad, sick, or busy.
"Joon?"
The door creaked open. Namjoon was sitting on the floor, hunched over. His shoulders were shaking.
"Joon, are you okay-" Hoseok shook his head, Namjoon was clearly crying. "What's going on?"
Hoseok marched forward and wrapped his arms around Namjoon's trembling frame.
What was going on?
"What's going on?" Hoseok asked.
Namjoon didn't utter a coherent reply. He gripped onto Hoseok's shirt with his fingertips and buried his face into his chest. He mumbled something that Hoseok couldn't quite understand. The dancer didn't say anything else, realizing that Namjoon was not in the state of mind to talk properly.
Hoseok kept patting Namjoon's back, trying to soothe him. Whatever was bothering Namjoon must've been bothering him a lot because he kept crying for a long while. Hoseok noticed that there were no loud voices from the living room anymore. Maybe they were all worried.
When at last Namjoon had settled down and his sobs had reduced to sniffles, Hoseok pulled back.
"Care to tell me what's going on?"
Namjoon shook his head. He wiped his red face. Hoseok held onto his shoulders.
"You can talk to me."
"I-I... know that."
"Then...?"
Namjoon carefully avoided Hoseok's concerned gaze. Fuck, why did he have to have a sob fest right now... ugh...
"You guys are.... hmmm... ignoring me... I don't know...?"
"Huh?"
Namjoon didn't know how to respond. Hoseok didn't sound too happy.
"You feel like we're ignoring you?"
"... yeah? Like...-"
"Aww Namjoonie, you should've told me before that you were feeling this way!"
Hoseok snatched a tissue out of a box on a nearby shelf and started wiping Namjoon's face.
"You should've told me so we could've comforted you sooner."
"Huh?"
"Yeah!" Hoseok flashed a smile at him. "We thought that you were dealing with something private so we didn't want to bother you. A shitty explanation, I know, but to be absolutely clear, we weren't trying to ignore or exclude you. Me, at least."
Namjoon nodded. He felt out of place, but he was getting a bit of comfort.
"It's going to be okay, really," Hoseok said. He leaned forward to plant a small kiss on Namjoon's forehead. "Don't cry."
"Mmmhm..."
"What's taking you so long?" Jin asked from the doorway. He stepped closer to Namjoon and Hoseok, and seemed to understand. "Oh."
"He's been feeling a bit left out, that's why he was sad," Hoseok said.
"Oh," Jin said again. He seemed to freeze for a bit, as if trying to process the information, then he... exploded. "What? Namjoon? Left out? No, I won't have that! Come along, let me let you sit where I was resting my feet a moment earlier, come on." Jin grabbed Namjoon's hand and pulled him up, dragging him towards the living room.
Namjoon managed to turn backwards and mouth, "Is he okay?" to Hoseok. The dancer could only shrug. Jin was probably on something. Sugar probably. Jungkook's weird comments maybe. Maybe a bit of Yoongi's snarky words too.
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"Sleep," Yoongi mumbled. He wrapped his arms around Namjoon's waist. He had insisted on staying with Namjoon for the night. "It's late."
"I know."
"Just making sure that you know."
"What?"
"I'm just making sure that you know that you're a valuable member of this group. It's also pretty late."
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