July 13, 2017
It's been a couple months so I'll catch you guys up. We're having a boy! Ben and I are really excited about having a little boy. I know absolutely nothing about boys but I also know nothing about parenting so...yay? Oh and of course Corey and Meg had their little boy Elliott! Who is absolutely adorable. They also made us his godparents.
Today Ben and I were going to another doctors appointment.
-when they're at the doctors appointment-
The doctor had a concerned look on her face. "What? What's wrong?" I asked her. "um this isn't my specialty so I'm going to go find someone who can read these scans." she said before getting up.
I looked over to Ben. "That was a little weird." I said. He chuckled and said "Yeah it was weird." The doctor was gone for a while and of course my anxiety wasn't helping. "Do you think somethings wrong with the baby and that's why she left?" I asked Ben. "That's probably not what's happening. Just don't worry babe. We'll be fine." he said, holding my hand. Ben was always so good at this whole comforting thing. I'm so lucky to be married to him- hell I'm so lucky to even have him in my life at all.
Our doctor walked back in with another doctor. "Is there something wrong?" I asked, slight smile. "We found something on your ultrasound that could be something major. We just want to run some tests. Is that okay with you guys?" our new doctor asked.
My heart dropped down to my stomach. "Yeah- yeah of course it's fine." I said, reaching for Bens hand. Ben looked distraught. The doctors left the room.
Tears started falling from my eyes. "Do you think somethings seriously wrong?" I whispered to Ben. Bens eyes were also teary-eyed. "I don't know Ally." he whispered back to me. He pulled me close to his chest and kissed my head. I felt his tears fall on my shoulder.
A couple minutes later the doctors came back in with the test. The test they had was basically sticking an 10 inch kneedle in my stomach. I was nervous about this test, not about the actual kneedle part but because of what the results could be.
"So what do you think it could be?" I asked them. "Excuse me?" "What do you think could be wrong with the baby?" I asked again. "We think it could be Osteogenesis Imperfecta." Dr. Herrman said. "What is that?" Ben asked. "It's this thing where the babys bones could break easily. Right?" I asked.
"Yes." She confirmed. "Okay we've run all the tests and we'll get the results in about two days. We'll see you then." Dr Robbins said. "Okay thank you." I said while getting off the examining table. The doctors left the room to give me time to change back into my street clothes.
Bens face looked so innocent, he looked distraught, and sad. I cupped his face in my hand, "We're going to be fine Ben. We don't even know if he has O.I. yet. If he does there are four different types of O.I. type three and four are the riskiest as long as he doesn't have those we'll be fine. O.I. is very hard to deal with but we can take it. Okay?"
Our foreheads were pressed against each others. "Okay?" he said. I kissed his forehead softly and whispered "We'll be fine."
July 15, 2017
Today was the day Ben and I were going to find out if our baby boy has O.I. or not. Ben and I were extremely nervous for the results. Last night Ben didn't sleep at all so I stayed up with him the whole night.
Ben and I were in the car waiting to go inside. "Are you ready yet babe?" I asked him. "No what about you?" he asked. "No but I'll go in if you go in." I said as he grabbed my hand. He kissed my hand and said "Let's go in." We got out of the car and walked in.
"We're Allison and Ben Fankhauser. We're waiting on test results...for osteogenesis imperfecta." I said to the lady at the front desk. "Dr. Herrman and Dr. Robbins are already in there. You're in room 7." she said.
"okay thank you." Ben said. Ben took my hand as we walked in room seven.
-a couple minutes later-
Bens pov
"You're baby has osteogenesis imperfecta."
My heart dropped. "What type?" Ally asked her voice breaking. "Type two...the most-"
"Riskiest type. I know." she said, her voice trembling. Dr. Herrman cleared her throat and said "Your baby is at risk for low birth weight, respitory problems, swallowing problems, underdeveloped lungs, and intrauterine fracturing."
"Wait intrauterine fracturing?" Ally asked. "Yes." Dr. Robbins confirmed. Ally and I had tears slowly running down our faces. "So you mean my babys bones are breaking inside of me?" she asked. "Yes." "Does he- can he feel it?" I asked.
She looked down at her hands and said "Yes he can feel it." "So he's in pain?" Ally continued. "Yes."
"Type two infants usually die within a few hours, sometimes days." Dr. Herrman said. "We'll give you some time to process this." Dr. Robbins said before the two of them left the room.
The second the doctors left the room Ally broke into a sob. I held Ally in my arms and started crying myself.
-back at the apartment-
Ally stopped crying and didn't say anything the entire ride home. "We should call people now right?" she said to me. We sat down on the couch together. "Yeah yeah we should."
"Can you call Kara? I just don't want to deal with that right now." she said. "Of course Ally." I said to her. I kissed her head and she softly smiled.
Kara: Hey so do I have a niece or a nephew?
Ally and I still haven't told anyone about the gender
Ben: Kara...
Kara: Ooh is it a girl!
Ben: There's something wrong with the baby. I blurted
Kara: What? What's wrong with the baby?
Ben: He has osteogenesis imperfecta. The type that he has is...It's fatal.
Kara: Is Ally okay? Are you okay?
Ben: No. We're not okay
Kara: Do you guys need anything? Anything at all?
Ben: July 18th
Kara: Excuse me?
Ben: That's the day Ally and I are going to the hospital to...to deliver the baby until he- until he dies...
Kara: Oh my god Ben. I'm so sorry.
Ben: It's fine Kara.. I have to go now Allys waiting for me.
Kara: Yeah okay. I'm so sorry bye
Ben: Bye Kara
Ally seemed to be a little better now. She's really good at recovering, me? Not so much. "Hey." she said. "Hi. You okay?" I asked. I knew she wasn't okay but I still asked.
"No but I will be. We'll be okay." she said, no smile. I missed her smile. She hadn't smiled in two days. "Yeah we'll be okay." I reassured her. "So July 18th for sure?" she asked. "Yeah yeah I already told Kara about it." I said to her. "Thank you for telling her by the way." she said to me. I kissed her head and said "You're welcome." She leaned her head on my shoulder, "We should pick out a name right? Before we go to the hospital." she said. "Yeah we should babe."
We sat down on the couch together, her head still on my shoulder. "What about Alex?" I said to her. "Maybe." she said, yawning. Ally also hasn't slept in 48 hours. "You should go to sleep babe." I said, rubbing her shoulders. "Not until we pick a name." she said. "Okay but after we pick you're going to bed."
"Fine, but so are you. You haven't slept either." she said, placing a hand on her kind of round stomach. I kissed her head and said "Okay. Hey what about Sam?" Her eyes lit up "What about Samuel?"
"Samuel Fankhauser? Sounds perfect honey." I said to her. She smiled for the first time in days which made me smile. "So now we go to bed right?" she said. "Yeah let's go."
We walked to our room together and got on our bed. She fell asleep quickly, her head on my chest. I stayed up a little longer making sure she was okay.
July 18, 2017
Allys pov
Ben and I got to the hospital. It was only 1:30 right now. They gave me some medicine to get me induced. Ben and I were silent most of the time. "Okay it's time to start." Dr, Herrman said as she walked in the room. "okay" I said softly.
-three hours later-
Dr. Herrman handed me my little boy who was wrapped in a blanket that was way too big for him. He was so small, so so small, but he was perfect in every way. Ben and I were full on crying. We would only have about 6 hours before he- before he dies.
"hi buddy." I whispered. "he's so small." Ben whispered. "He's perfect." I said wiping my tears. I kissed Ben softly.
We didn't take any pictures with him, we just wanted to spend all of our time with him.
"He squeezed my finger. He squeezed my finger and then he let go..." I said, trying not to cry.
Three hours later it was time. We let our little boy go... The sound of the flatline ringing in my ears. I memorized every little detail of his face.
Five minutes later he was gone. Our little boy was gone.
I definitely made myself almost cry with this one. I'm so sorry for making you guys think this was gonna be a happy chapter.