I'll be honest this chapter is a drag but it's a major one when it comes to the general plot (lol yes this book has a plot, I'm surprised too.)
She smirks as both Jake and I immediately take a step back from each other.
"Oh please don't stop on my account." She says,"I was just starting to have fun."
I have to bite my cheek hard and clench my fists to keep myself from leaping at her. I stop as I see what she's holding in her hand, her phone probably recording the whole thing.
Jake's expression is blank and gives nothing away as he stares at Natalie, impassive.
"You know what despite everything I still thought that you were better than this." Natalie says shutting her phone promptly and keeping it in.
"Better than what?" My voice is strangely high pitched and she laughs.
"Better than fucking him behind Alec's back." She points,"And you have the nerve to call me a whore."
"She's not sleeping with me." Jake's tone is low, but his eyes are dark,"And I-"
"Jake don't." I say my voice tight,"She's my problem."
Jake stares at me for a moment, shocked and then a small glint of pride reflects in his green eyes before he and nods and leaves without another glance.
"What is it about you?" Natalie asks,"That makes everyone fall so head over heels for you in a matter of seconds?"
I narrow my eyes and I stare at her my lips in a straight line as she continues,"I don't see what they see in you."
I look at her and then sigh,"Neither do I."
She's about to open her mouth but when she hears my response her eyes widen and she promptly shuts her mouth.
"What are you waiting for go and tell him."I say,"Go get Alec back, isn't that what you want?"
"I don't love Alec." Natalie says her voice even,"I did, but then again I don't think I can compete against the version of you he holds in his eyes. The perfect little angel who can do no wrong."
I look at her unsurely,"You don't love Alec? Then why do want him back?"
"I don't." She says,"I want to get even. Whatever said and done Clara you had absolutely no right to take him from me."
"It was his choice." I say evenly,"I didn't make him break up with you. If I had that kind of effect don't you think I'd have done it when he first started dating you?"
"And do you actually think that all your spunk and charming personality would have mattered if you hadn't started dating Jake?" She says pocketing her phone,"Alec may have liked you Clara but have you never ever put thought into why he actually did anything about it only after you went after his step brother let's face it Clara before Jake you had no personality and when you finally did Alec-"
"He was scared." I say defensively,"I-"
"Honestly Clara I can't care less." She says,"To be honest hell with you and Alec. As long as you keep your butt out of my business, my friends and my popularity I can't give two shits."
"And yet you're blackmailing me with a video." I say.
"Well, that's different." She says smiling a bit,"I promise to delete the video as soon as you do a little something for me. Alec will never see his dear little angel fall, I promise."
"And what makes you think I'll believe what you say?" I ask.
"You can't." She says,"But if you don't then I'm going I make sure everyone sees it."
"I don't care if everyone sees it." I say,"I only care if-"
"Alec sees it." She finishes,"But you know eyes the best part about this video? It has Jake involved in it and let me remind you that he's now the head of one of the biggest multinational co-operations so more than you it will damage his precious little reputation."
"How will it-"
"I thought you would eating up the tabloids by now." She says,"All they can talk about is him and his new girlfriend."
I grow completely still.
"Oh he's not told you yet?" She asks her smile growing bigger,"This is much better than I thought it would be."
I actually have to clench my fists behind my back to stop them from shaking.
"He's dating Leah Dassen." She says,"The pretty brunette you saw him going up with him?"
"Yup, her dad's big in oil." She says,"She's studying an hour away at Stanford. Most people speculate the reason he's back here is so that he's closer to her."
"What you thought that he's back for you?" She snorts,"They started dating two weeks before he came-"
"Enough" My voice is steadier than I had expected it to be but it still shook.
"My my it must be a shock for you to almost lose both your boy toys in one go." She says smirking.
"What do you want Natalie?" I ask.
"Well, it's simple really." She says,"To your very sad, desperate relationship with Alec alive and you just have to do one little thing and I swear no media nor Alec is going to see Jake Henderson more or less declaring his love for you."
"What do I have to do?"
"That's easy, Jeremy and Rebecca, you have to break them up."
I stand there in silence for a few minutes in muted shock, my mouth wide open.
"What?"
My voice finally comes out unbelievably and strangled.
Her eyes harden,"You say you knew me Clara then you know exactly why I'm asking you to do this."
"Are you still in love with Jeremy?" I ask and for a second she looks almost vulnerable and scared but it vanishes the next second as she says,"Does it matter?"
"I-I can't break them up Natalie." I say,"They are in love and what could I possibly do to split-"
"Anything. Everything." She interrupts.
"But he's-"
"He still loves me." Natalie says,"He's kissed me, he even slept-"
"That can't be true." I say,"He wouldn't do that-"
"It's Jeremy." She says,"You've known how it's been with us-"
"He's changed." I say forcibly,"You go tell her this yourself and when Rebecca bitch slaps you I'll be sure to record it."
"It's Jeremy, do you honestly think that he's happy with her?" Natalie asks.
"I am not breaking them up. You-"
Before I can finish she places her phone in front of me which is displaying a hazy video but it's still not hard to figure out who was in the video and what they were doing.
Oh, Rebecca I'm so sorry.
"Why are you doing this?" I ask even though I know the answer to the question,"Why not just tell her on her face, why are you making me do it?"
"She's not going to believe me Clara." Natalie says,"Besides I'd think it's a win win situation. If I go and tell her Jeremy will never forgive me but of you do it then she'll never have to see the video and neither-"
"Natalie leave her out of this." I say,"This war path you're on, I'm the victim don't get her into this."
She rolls her eyes and smirks,"But that's the thing Clara the only way to get through to you is through the measly amount of people who actually give to fucks about you."
"Your parents despise you so much so that they abandoned you without a second thought. Then there is your sister whose pretty much made it her life's mission to make yours a hell."
"Then there are those boys you care so much about. Well, considering how it's going that situation is going to implode on it's own."
"That red head with an attitude. She doesn't talk to you much now days, does she? Maybe you should ask that precious golden boy of yours as to why."
"And finally we come to your loyal lackey Rebecca whatever her name is, you're definitely going to be her favourite person after you tell her that her precious little boyfriend is sleeping with me."
"What have I ever done to you?" I ask.
Her eyes narrow as she says,"You've done enough and now I'm going to get even. You've got a choice Clara. It's up to you as to which video I'm going to release. You don't break them up, the whole schools going to know what a slut you really are but worst of all you're going to lose Alec."
"So it's simple really." She says,"Rebecca or Alec?"
She walks ahead and whispers,"You have till Friday but we both know who you're going to choose."
And then she leaves.
______________________
"You seem preoccupied." I look up and smile a little bit as Alec looks over his coffee cup concerned.
I give him a small smile,"I'm f-fine. It's just that I n-need to...."
I tear my gaze away because I can't get myself to complete my sentence. How do I tell him the truth? How do I tell him how selfish I've been?
How do I watch him walk out of my life?
"Clara." His hand reaches out and he takes my hands in his carefully weaving his fingers through mine,"Im sorry I know I get carried away during parties, I left you alone-"
"You don't have to explain." I say,"I don't expect to be the centre of attention all the time Alec. I know you have other friends and I'm okay with that."
"But you shouldn't have to be." He says,"I shouldn't be the dickhead who gets drunk and ditches his girlfriend."
That's the thing about Alec. Put a cup of coffee in front of him and he got sober just as fast as he got drunk. He would become responsible again, he would become thoughtful, caring and just perfect.
"You're over dramatizing it." I say still looking anywhere but at him,"I had Rebecca for company and besides you were the star of today's party."
He keeps quiet for sometime before answering quietly,"I don't deserve you."
Oh, the irony.
"You've done nothing wrong, Alec."
"Then why won't you look at me?" His voice is filled with hurt and I force myself to look up at him. I almost have to immediately look away and I get a glimpse at the hurt that flashes through his eyes.
"Clara, please tell me whats wrong." He pleads and rubs his thumb against my hand gently,"You know I'll always be there for you."
"Clara what's wrong?"
I hastily wipe my tears while hiding my face. I'm overcome with horror as I realise just how pathetic I must be look crying.
"I'm fine, it's nothing." I say trying to put up the biggest smile on my face,"How was your date with Michella?"
At the back of my mind I want to sound vicious and taunting but I know I can never do that to him.
"It was good." He says slowly clearly not buying my enthusiasm.
"Well, good you like her, don't you?" I say quickly before he can change the topic. We hadn't talked in a while even though he came to my house almost every alternate day for dinner. But going down meant seeing Michella flaunt him in front of me which is why I always came up with an excuse.
"I-"
"Good great." I say quickly,"I need to go. I heard she's planning a huge day with you. I'm sure you'll have fun. I nee-"
"Clara." His voice is more serious this time,"Tell me whats wrong."
I stare at my feet which dangle from my window sill,"My birthday gift from my parents just arrived, its a fabulous new red car."
He keeps quiet and I shake my head as I continue,"They said I was sixteen so they bought a car for me without even giving one-second to think who would be there to teach me to drive it."
He doesn't respond so I just shake my head and smile,"See? Being silly. I'll just opt for drivers ed-"
"It's not silly." He says,"Not in the least. I'll teach you to drive."
"But your date-"
"She'll wait."He says firmly.
"I can't ask you-"
"I made a promise to you once that I'd be there for you." He says,"And I meant it. I know I'm a crappy friend so at least let me make it up to you. So basically you're going to be doing me a favour."
And that's how he ended up blowing off Michella to teach me how to drive.
"Clara?' His voice brings me back as his grip on my hand tightens.
Alec or Rebecca?
"You said you would always be there for me." I say,"Please tell me you meant it."
He looks at me shocked but almost immediately he nods regaining his composure,"I meant it. No matter what."
"I-I-"
I'm a coward.
I'm selfish.
"I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I'm terrified of losing you."
No wonder why everyone leaves me, I deserve it.
_________________________________________________________________
"Clara, I'm worried." Rebecca says,"You've barely said two words since last nights party."
"'I'm just feeling a bit under the weather." I say,"It's nothing."
She looks at me worriedly and she nods,"Are you sure-"
"I'm fine Rebecca." My voice is harsher than I expect it to be but she doesn't show it.
Instead she says,"At least let me give you a ride."
I nod absent mindedly grabbing my things. Her parents had come back just a few hours back which meant that it was time for me to go back home.
They obviously graciously offered for me to stay but I immediately objected. I know there was a break down coming and I didn't want to be anywhere near anyone when it happened.
I wanted to be alone.
I had to get used to being alone.
Somewhere at the back of my mind I knew I was probably over reacting to the whole situation but to tell the truth I was terrified.
I was flat out terrified.
Everyone has their fears, snakes, darkness and what not but mine was letting go.
Particularly letting go of the people as Natalie stated have two fucks about me.
Because there weren't enough people who did.
Rebecca had the right to know what Jeremy was doing but at the same time I didn't want to be the person who told her.
Because she would hate me.
Just like Alec would.
Just like almost everyone already had. Natalie was right, she maybe stupid but she was right. My parents hate me, my sister would literally rather have me dead and have to honours to do the stabbing herself.
We've almost reached my house when I ask,"Rebecca do you love Jeremy?"
She looks at me surprised and nods,"I do, why?"
"And if he cheated on you like I did, what would you do?" I ask slowly.
She shrugs,"I would feel terrible but I would forgive him if I understand why he did it."
"And what if he slept with an ex?"
Her mouth drops open and she asks,"You slept with Jake?"
"No. No." I say,"It's just hypothetical."
"Oh. I thought it was a metaphor for you and Alec." She says,"But if Jeremy did that which he never would, I know people think that he's a player but he really isn't because he would never do that to me."
"But if he did?"
"I'd get my heart broken." She says as she stops the car,"Hypothetically of course."
_____________________
I spent the entirety of my Saturday and Sunday cooped up in my room doing math.
I told Alec that I didn't want him to get sick so I told him to come nowhere near me in fear that he will catch it but that didn't stop him.
He seemed completely convinced that my sudden withdrawal was because he left me alone in the party and spent he weekend making it up to me.
He sat on his window sill and forced me to adjust my desk in a way that I sat facing him.
He did his best to distract from my sums by throwing notes my way as he sat impatiently, swinging his legs.
I love you.
You're so cute when you study.
You should leave your hair down more often.
You're distractingly beautiful.
I swear once you're feeling better we are going to have a cartoon marathon.
Lots of popcorn.
And Kit Kats.
We are going to watch Spongebob Square pants, Kay? And you're going to tell me where he does his laundry. That much salt in ones pant can't be good for any one.
I laughed at each of his notes and threw them back at him. He laughed and when I told him that he could just talk with the mouth god had gifted him to which he rolled his eyes wrote a note saying,
Sorry but I'm reserving this mouth for only when you're better again so that I can kiss you with it.
I tried to look happy after that but it hurt to put to the smile on my face because what I had done.
He loved me so much and all I did was betray him.
Over and over again.
Rebecca thought that I kept trying to convince myself that I loved him but I did, I really did and if I lost him then it would send me over the tipping point.
I hated feeling like that overly dependant, overly attached and clingy girlfriend. Most girls in my place would have done the right thing. They would have told the truth and moved on. They were independent and strong.
But I wasn't like that.
I couldn't afford to be like that.
Because I had realised that if I didn't fight for those few people I had and really clung unto them then I would lose them.
The days of the week passed by in the blur. My mistakes one by one piled on and every time anyone even smiled at me I felt like bursting.
But I held it together.
I took all of Alec's kind remarks and smiled back at him giving a kiss or two.
I saw Jake here and there but he stayed away and at times I just felt like going up and screaming at him, that this was his fault that he shouldn't be here, he should go off with his new girlfriend. He shouldn't have stayed, after all when did he ever listen to me.
He had no right to come that night, he had no right to say those things and he had no right to make me feel the way I do.
He had no right to make me care again.
But it wasn't his fault. My fear of losing people had brought him closer and he would have left of I hadn't told him to stay.
It was my fault. It was always my fault.
And in a way maybe just may be I was breaking his heart too.
Rebecca and Jeremy were in love. I knew that every time I saw them. Rebecca was always smiling when she was with him and I had never noticed that before.
I was so immersed in myself that I never thought to help my best friend or even ask her about him.
If it was up to me I would probably smack Jeremy to the far corner of the solar system so that he could freeze his butt off on Pluto but every time Rebecca left the guilt in his eyes was almost too much not to notice.
He regretted it, I could tell clearly, then why did he do it?
Natalie ignored me grandly and Jeremy did just about the same with her.
And Samantha could barely look me in the eye anymore and I had no idea why. What Natalie had said tugged at the back of my mind but I ignored that, I had made stupid decisions but trusting Natalie would not be one of them.
My grandmother had also come back and she had noticed something was wrong but coupled with her jet lag and what she called old people problems she was too tired to do anything.
She was always tired these days.
And sometimes I resented her for it. All her travels and everything, leaving me but I almost immediately push that thought out of my head.My grandmother had done the best she could especially when I wasn't her responsibility anyway.
I was proud to say I held it together till Wednesday. I still hadn't made a decision but I didn't think it was even a choice.
They both needed to know the truth.
But I just couldn't do it.
I was fine that day, whenever Alec held my hand I clutched onto I that a little bit tighter in thinking that I may never be able to do it again.
And I was positive that I could put up the act. But then when we were going to class after lunch Alec simple turned around and gave me a smile right before he disappeared in to his class.
And I turn and ran.
It was even such a big deal it was smile for god sake I should have gotten myself together but instead I ran.
It had been a while since I had had done that. Usually it was my solution to everything.
Natalie was being a bitch?
Go run to the bathroom, away from her and hide.
Michella was being an even bigger bitch?
Get out of her sights, run away to your room, don't you dare show her that you're crying.
But Jake had changed that, with him my first instinct was to fight to stand my ground. Something that made me want to blindly fight no matter how stupid it was. It made me recklessly brave and free but at the same time rash.
And Alec, he never thought me as weak. He'd never send me run because Natalie had made the mistake of losing it front of him once and then Alec lost it. The relationship that they were in for over a year was over in a micro second because of that one slip up.
But I wasn't the girl I was with Jake and Alec couldn't protect me from my own mistakes.
So I just drove out of school blindly without any clear aim in mind and I just drove. I had borrowed my grandmothers car and I had no idea where I was going I just drove almost mechanically until I came to a stop.
In front of a park.
At first I stare at the trees confused as to why I would come there of all places but when it hits me I'm out of the car in an instant. I stumble a few times on thick roots and branches but I find it almost immediately.
The dock still looks the same, scenic and breathtaking and unmoved. Almost nothing had changed there, the lake stills stood glittering and the trees were still swaying in the gentle breeze. I collapsed to my knees on the dock.
I don't know how long it must have been, a minute, an hour or even a day but I just sat there crying and crying and crying even more. The very fact that I was crying like some broken mess made me mad, which for some reason made me cry even more.
I cried over my parents, I cried over Alec, I cried over Jake but mainly I cried for myself. I cried because of how weak I was and how I had let Natalie get to me. I cried because at that moment I could think of nothing ahead.
"This is exactly why lip gloss is the best kind of make up."
For some reason I'm not shocked or even surprised that he's here and almost immediately I stop crying and somehow manage to smile a little,"When the hell did lip gloss become make up?"
I know he's smiling to as he sits beside me quietly. I wipe my tears discreetly even though I know that he's already probably seen just how much of a mess I was.
"I've never seen you cry before." He says after some time,"It's terrifying."
I purse my lips,"I'm sorry. I'm goin-"
'Its terrifingly heartbreaking." He completes,"I almost, I almost forgot for a second that I couldn't....."
He lets the sentence hang in the silence and for the first time I understand it. The pull, the push and that vague hard look in his eyes which he uses to hide all his emotions from me.
Guilt.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." I reply,"Maybe. Yes? I don't know."
He doesn't say anything and stares ahead, he doesn't press me for details and that's when I realise why I had almost instinctively come to the park and hadn't been even the least bit shocked when he had come. It was because I almost knew it that he would be the one to find me.
So I tell him.
I tell him everything Natalie had said, everything she had planned to do. I don't mean to but I manage to add the part of what she had said about him and leave a slight taunt at him.
At the end of it he simply says,"You should have just let me stay in the room huh?"
"I should have." I agree,"I thought I was some kind of brave- forget it I don't even know what I was thinking."
He keeps quiet for some time so I impulsively ask,"You and Leah-"
"She's a friend," he interrupts.
"A friend." I say quietly.
"If she was anything more would it matter?"
Yes.
Yes!
YES!
"No, I suppose not."
"There is nothing romantic going on between us."
"Thats certainly what the tabloids have been saying." I mutter quietly.
"I didn't come here for her." He says and lets it hang," Besides the tabloids are crap anyway. They called you forgettable so I'm pretty sure we can safely say that they hold no value."
And my heart lifts considerably after hearing that even though I know it shouldn't.
He doesn't say anything much and he just sits there for a while letting the silence blanket us.
"Why are you afraid to tell the Rebecca the truth?" He asks,"He cheated on her, don't you think she should know it? I highly doubt that she should be kept in the dark."
"I know."I sigh,"But if I tell her the way Natalie wants me too, I'll almost make sure that the break up just so that he can go back to Natalie. It will break Rebecca and I'll never be able to face her knowing that I broke them up just because I couldn't tell Alec the truth."
"If you love him so much then you're going to have to trust him to forgive you." His voice is distant and faint even though he's siting right next to me,"It was a mistake, tell him that and it sure as hell will never happen again."
My heart twists sharply and I actually wince slightly at his words.
"But he'll leave me." I say quietly and then start to panic shaking slightly,"I can't do this, I can't fight anymore.I'm just so sick of fighting to fix things that I screw up."
Jake extends his hand to comfort me I suppose before quickly withdrawing as he realises what he's doing.
"Then don't fight it Clara."
"I have too." I say frantically,"If I don't then I'll have no one. I'll lose everyone."
"I can't let go." I say,"Don't you get it? I can't. It terrifies me that they'll walk out on me or something will happen."
"My parents did that, Michella did that, Natalie did that." I say,"And Samantha barely talks to me."
His face doesn't give anything away but I know that he knows what will come next.
"You did that." I say finally closing my eyes,"And I don't know how to keep it up. Pretend that I'm fine, that I'm not scared. I can't pretend not being a coward anymore."
"All I do is drive people away. I drove you aw-"
"You did not drive me away." He says fiercely,"Do not ever think that it's your fault. Because it wasn't not one bit, do you hear me?"
I'm taken aback by his fierceness but I don't back down.
"Then why?" I ask,"Why won't you tell me? Why won't you explain why you left me?"
"Because I don't deserve-"
"Don't you dare say you don't deserve a chance." I say,"I don't care if you do or don't I'm giving it to you, just please tell me why."
He stays silent and then finally says,"You shouldn't."
"Shouldn't what?" I ask.
"Give me a chance."
"Haven't you been listening?" I say,"I'm terrified of letting go Jake. You want to know why I asked you to stay fine, I asked you because I'm terrified of losing you, again. Even though I already have lost you."
"You haven't lost me." He says,"Although I'm sure I've lost you."
Why can't he just tell me?
"Why won't you tell me?"
"What do you want me to tell you? There is nothing to tell." He yells, his knuckles white from how tightly his hands were clutched into fists,"That I have an explanation for being a total asshole? Because I don't Clara. It's who I am and I can't justify it."
Jake Henderson had a tell. Everyone had a tell and if you looked closely enough you could figure just about anybodies and I knew that every time Jake lied his hand would automatically curl into a fist.
He was lying.
Why was he lying?
What was he lying about?
"I should have just told you to leave." I say finally.
His green eyes flicker towards me and I can see it's filled with hurt but it's quickly masked.
"I should have." I say after sometime,"I should have made the right decision. I should have let you go-"
"Then you wouldn't be in this mess right now." He completes and then gives a small smile,"Told you that I could be linked to everything that's gone wrong."
"I'm just one bad decision." He completes.
"I've made a lot of good choices in my life Jake, doesn't mean I've never regretted then." I say quietly finishing.
"Are you telling me that you wouldn't go back in time and change everything about us?"
"I wouldn't." I say,"Would you?"
"I don't know." He answers truthfully,"It's a scary feeling falling so hard when gravity has absolutely nothing to do with it."
I shut my eyes tightly hoping that I would forget how much it hurt to hear him say that.
"Why wouldn't you want to forget?" He asks.
"Because you found her Jake. You found the girl who wasn't scared. The one who was free, happy and brave.You found that girl, you had that girl and then you lost her."
"I lost that girl when you left." I say,"If she was here wouldn't be here cowering away. She would do the right thing, she wouldn't be so terrified all the time."
"Sometimes I think it was all a dream." I continue,"The two of us, the girl I was."
He doesn't say anything and just looks ahead his green eyes focused on the glittering lake.
"She would tell them the truth." I say,"Both of them have the right to know. Rebecca needs to know about Jeremy and Alec needs to know what I've done. But he's never going to forgive me-"
"Take it from me." He sighs,"It's tougher to give you up than it looks."
"If that was only true." I say softly.
"If you think it was that easy don't you think I would have walked away by now?"
"You already have once, why is it harder this time?" My voice is sharper than I mean it to be but Jake has put on his impassive face again, letting absolutely no emotions peek through the mask. He doesn't answer and for some reason I don't even expect him too.
I keep quiet for sometime before saying,"If I hadn't told you to stay would have gone?"
He doesn't respond at firsts but finally he nods,"Yes."
I shut my eyes,"Good."
"What do you mean?"
"I've made the biggest mess by asking you to stay." I say,"Knowing that you would left without it, makes me think in a small way this was worth it."
Even though my eyes are shut I know that he's smiling just a bit.
It was so easy with him.
It was so easy to forget, forgive and let go.
It was just so easy.
"Blame it on me." He says.
"What?"
"You love Alec and you're terrified that you're going to lose him." He says,"So blame me because I'm the one who kissed you, I'm the one who got you into this mess."
"Wha-"
"Tell Alec the truth, Clara." He says,"Tell him how I forcefully kissed you, how I-"
"I-I can't."
"You can and you will." He says, "Because that's the truth and I'm pretty sure the video shows that too."
"You and I both know that it was not forc-"
I break off.
Wasn't this his fault?
He was the one who kissed me, he was the one who left me, he was the one who had come back.
And I-I had asked him to stay. I had told him that I still cared, I had told him the truth because I was too selfish to tell him to leave.
"You are that girl, Clara." He says getting up,"Somewhere beneath all those lies you're telling yourself and others you're still that girl."
"The girl who stands up on a table just to stoop down to Natalie's level is not you." He says,"You're the one who is brave, strong and you're still the girl who stood up in front of my father-"
"I'm not girl any-"
"Yes, yes you are." He says,"I can see it, Alec can see it why can't you?"
What do they see in you? Natalie's voice flitters through my head.
"Then why?" I ask,"Why am I so afraid? Why can't I let go? Why can't I stand to a girl who has made my life hell? If I was brave, if I wasn't selfish why couldn't let you go?"
"If I was so damn smart why have I already forgiven you? Why have I still not given hope?" I say,"I'll tell you why it's because, Im a coward, I'm an idiot and worst of all I'm selfish and all I've been doing is lying to myself and everyone that I was something more that I could be someone except poor old Clara Wilson whose parents abandoned her, whose sister hates her and the person who everyone leaves."
"That is not true." He says exasperated,"Why are you doing this to yourself? You're trying to hide yourself behind this lie you keep on repeating that nob-"
"Could you blame me for lying?" I ask,"The last time I was honest I got my heart broken."
He didn't say a word after that as we watched the sun set.
__________________
I know some of it is disjointed but I need to sleep so I will edit it ASAP.
Author: so I want to explain all the flashback scenes. So like basically I've been reading the selection series by Kiera Cass (confused because I hate the girl so bloody much) and I kinda lost it during. This was basically me during the books.
The guy everyone likes who just by the way is the freaking PRINCE: I love I'll choose you over the other gorgeous girl I can pick as a wife and make you my princess
The stupid as f girl who needs a life: I need time*whines*
*does something stupid*
*the guy forgives her*
I still need time
*does something even stupider*
I can't be with you cause I'm an annoying little piece of shit and I'm going to choose the nobody guard who dumped me, over you.
ME: *screams and throws books* ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME ARE TOU KIDDING? IS SHE DUMB? PRINCE AND SOME NOBODY. NO!
*The prince once again forgives her*
I still need more time.
ME: THE. GUY. IS. PERFECT. WHAT. DO. YOU. MEAN. YOU. MEAN. YOU. NEED. TIME.
*prince makes a mistake that he was totally justified to do*
* Stupid main character who should be killed freaks out and leaves him*
ME: NO. *throws book and starts planning creative ways to kill the chick* THAT WHINY LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT BECAUSE OF YOUR TOTALLY IDIOTIC MISTAKE HE STOOD UP AGAINST HIS FATHER-
I'm not going to continue cause I will go on forever but anyway so of course a few of my friends pointed out the *ahem* *ahem* apparent irony in this.
And that's when I kind of read back and realised how I've in no way explained why Clara is so attached to Alec. May be like sometimes it's been mentioned but basically by examples I just wanted to show you how dependant she's been on him and the fact that the way Jake left her made her go back into her shell. To be totally honest if I had someone like Maxon A.K.A the really hot prince, I would be riding off into the sunset with him, forget Clara.
Samantha: So basically you've made one a total ignorant and the other a total asshole just so you don't steal either of them from Clara?
Author: Pretty damn much. No way am I letting her have someone who I want. Pssht please. Now Samantha be good and go away you have to get ready for the next chapter.
*everyone raises eyebrow*
Author: oops.
Natalie:Are you done? I'm dying to comment on your bad grammar in this chapter.
Author: I swear to god if anyone compares Alec to Aspen(the needy little other shit of a guy. He wasn't that bad but he was totally shitting on my ship) I will kill off Jake.
Jake: Hey! How is that fair?
Author:*shrugs* they kinda love you. In fact I was planning on putting you up on EBAE to make some money. There are a lot of people who want you.
Jake: *flicks hair and wiggles eyebrows* Oh I know.
Author: I don't know why anyone is going to bid for you.
Clara:I'm still richer than all of you so don't even try.
Author:*snaps fingers and piles of money appear everywhere and starts fanning herself with a bundle of hundred dollar bills*
Jake: Well well ladies does this mean a half naked jello fight?
*Everyone groans in disgust.*
Author: And I'm never going to have jello again, thanks.
Clara: It's all your fault anyway you could have made him shut up, so then may be I can finally get to say the vote line.
Author: Are you telling me to kill off Jake?
*ALL 1.6 million readers(insane right?) line up with pitchforks*
Jake: Ladies, ladies we both know you're not going to kill me.
Author: *turns to Clara* So fiery explosion or a pit of snakes?
Jake: Fine! Be that way. *eye twitches* Clara can say the line
Clara: *pumps the air and does some very weird dance moves* Oh yeah.
Jake:*raises eyebrow and turns to author* Are you not regretting this?
Author: uuuh....
Clara: *straightens up and smooths hair* So guys don't forget to comment and vote and tell us what you think *Turns to author* It was awesome right?
Jake: I do it much better
Author: He does it much better
Clara: FIne, that's it I quit. Best of luck having this on without the main character *stomps off*
Jake:*mutters* Damn no jello fight
Author:*gives up* So again thank you guys for all your support on my other book as well as this. If you guys read fantasy/romance books I hope you guys check out my book Just In Time?
Now for the most important thing. I need new music. So bad so bad. Please I'm slowly dying. So please suggest some new songs. The person who suggests the song I like best gets a dedication in the next chapter!
Yes I am that desperate and any questions about the book fire away.
*Not even trying a next time because the last time was such a fail*