CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Let Me Go
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AVENGERS COMPOUND
Natasha studied Ana through the reflection in wall length mirror in front of her. She didn't try very hard to stop the delighted smirk from gracing her lips when Ana flailed once again in the background, a mess of pale limbs and loose braids. Michaels cursed down at her own feet. The silk ballet slippers in royal blue had seemingly hexed her balance as soon as she put them on. She could hear Steve chuckle under his breath all the way from across the gymnasium as he sized up a fresh punching bag. Just as Captain America sent a swift right jab at the bag, his hand went clean through, the sand inside the sack melting with goo-like consistency down his forearm. He sighed, lowering his head before looking over his shoulder at Ana, who saluted him mockingly, a trail of ruby mystic runes following her fingers.
"Ana, focus up here." Natasha's voice made Ana turn back around to face her. It was the Russian language that had Ana bowing her head almost instantly. She cringed then. Muscle memory. Lately it had been ticking away. A life she thought long gone had come back to her in small ways. It was concerning the others. Natasha told them it was the stress that was getting to her, and that no one should doubt Ana's ability to keep herself level. Romanoff even proposed a few routine changes. Like ballet Mondays.
"See? Happened again." Ana mumbled, running her clammy hands down her training gear. Tony had designed it special. As with the rest of the team's gear. He liked personalising things for them.
Natasha raised a brow in response. "Oh, so you weren't just being respectful?"
Ana's expression closed up. "Don't, Nat. I'm freaking out enough as is. I don't need Hydra Ana coming out to play."
Natasha took a moment to reply. All she could do was analyse Ana's every move. Over the past few weeks, she had to admit to seeing a difference in subtle mannerism, expressions and postures. When Ana would enter the kitchen in the mornings, instead of an unguarded shuffle inside, she'd pause at the doorway making herself aware of anyone inside. When the rhythmic sound of heavily beaten punching bags filled the air in the gym, Ana would stiffen and face the source of the noise. Natasha noticed it again as Steve started his training routine only an hour earlier that day.
"Relax, that's not happening. Not when I'm around." Natasha promised.
Ana nodded, letting out a breath. "Right."
Natasha stepped back so she was shoulder to shoulder with Ana. "Remember the warm up?" She questioned, giving her a side glance.
Ana adjusted her stance so it mirrored Natasha's. Nat nudged Ana's torso so it was straighter. Ana lifted her chin and looked at Natahsa through the mirror. "I think so."
"Let's get started."
The Infinity Stones were kept locked and secured inside a reinforced glass chamber. While the rest of the team went off to get some rest, Ana found herself roaming the laboratory, unable to settle down for the night. Her eyes were begging to close and her aching head craved the touch of a soft pillow. She couldn't sleep. Nothing could stop her thoughts from racing. Natasha, who had only been right next to her less than four hours ago, had just up and vanished from her life completely. Ana couldn't get over how quick it happened. Clint had painstakingly shared with Ana his final moments with Romanoff. She knew everything. Natasha had sacrificed herself for the Soul Stone as the only way to obtain it from Vormir was by giving up someone you loved wholly and unconditionally. A soul for a soul. Clint and Natasha had fought each other for the fall. Barton was ready and willing to make the sacrifice after all the atrocities he had committed as Ronin. He saw it as a way to make up for his mistakes. Natasha didn't share his perspective. She believed he had a chance to make it right. And that if their plan was successful, he would be reunited with his wife and kids.
Ana knew Tony trusted her not to do anything rash with the Stones, and yet, when she trailed her eyes along the corners of the ceiling, she found that the surveillance cameras were on, pointing at her and the chamber. Ana was sat on one of the workshop tables opposite the Stones, hands on either sides of her thighs, gripping the edge of the surface. Her shoulders were hunched and her head low, eyes forward. She watched the Infinity Stones as they softly glowed inside the dark chamber. The light inside the box had turned off a while ago, allowing Ana to catch a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the glass. She had changed into black sweat pants and a grey sleep shirt. Her hair was loose, falling over her shoulders. The brown strands were still in stiff waves from the braid Natasha had done for her before the mission.
Something so small, like having her hair braided so neatly and beautifully by Natasha, caused another wave of fresh tears to spill down her face. She hadn't allowed herself to cry too long. She had to believe there was a way to bring her back along with all the others.
"But the others didn't die. They just... disappeared from existence. Natasha's dead body is still in Vormir. In 2014."
Ana's head snapped up. She inhaled sharply when she heard a voice. It sounded familiar. Close by. As if the person was standing right in front of her. She looked at her reflection, at the Mind and Soul Stones that seemed to shine a little brighter than the rest.
"Well, now that I think about it... Natasha's body would probably be decayed. Nothing but bones in a Kevlar suit being eaten away by God knows what."
To her horror, Ana watched on as her reflection's mouth moved and her own voice filled the air. Though it sounded distant, far away. Like an echo. Ana looked around the room for anyone else. She turned back to the reflection. She knew it was the Stones. It had to be. "Shut up."
Her reflection sighed. That's when Ana noticed the yellow in her reflection's irises. "I'm just trying to manage expectations. You know all about necromancy from Kamar-Taj. You can't bring back the dead. Not without consequences. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. They die. Usually it's for the greater good. Or at least that's what we like to believe."
"You don't know that." Ana breathed out, voice shaky.
"Don't I? I know what you're thinking. This chamber isn't gonna hold you back. Not even those cameras. Grab a few of the gems. See if you can use Time and Soul to your advantage. You wanna bring back somebody from the past? You're gonna need those. Oh, and maybe throw in Space, y'know, just so you could hop over to Vormir and collect your sestra."
Ana's eyes darted to the ground. "I could do it." She whispered.
"You could." Her reflection said. Full confidence. Then her eyes softened to the colour of daybreak orange and her frown deepened. "But what will the universe take as payment? Your soul? The life of someone you love? You take energy, something needs to fill that void. It's all gotta balance out. You were there in that alternate future timeline. You heard what Tony said. Don't mess with time or it'll mess with you right back." When Ana stayed silent, her reflection clicked her tongue, eyes sparking back to yellow. "You're scared. That's fine. That's human. Maybe it's time you start embracing that half of you a little more. You're thinking too big. Thinking like an Eternal. Things don't always go as planned for Eternals. Just think of your father. For his entire life, he'd been pulled in different directions. He believed it was all part of a plan. That he was an important piece on Eternity's board game. You know deep down it's all a lie. He thought too big. It gave him blind faith. Don't go down that path. You know what happens when you do."
Ana remained silent as she mauled over the words. It was almost as if the Infinity Stones were talking to her through... her. There was a little glimmer of hope that it might've been Natasha too. That died down quickly when the Soul Stone's glow dimmed. The warning didn't go away. She knew if she followed in her father's footsteps, that it could lead her to big things. Perhaps too big. Did she have the strength to handle it? Could she take control of a moment, or would she let it pass her by? Knowing something was meant to happen, would she try to change that outcome or make sure nothing comes in between it?
Ana was drawn to the Time Stone. She had studied it enough for the past five years to know exactly what to do. Her hands gripped the edge of the table harder, the sound of metal bending underneath her grasp echoing in the room. She could change everything, here and now. She could bring Natasha back. And yet, she still hesitated. She knew what could happen. She heard all about it.
Was it bad that she still considered it anyway?
A sound from behind her reeled Ana back into the present. She breathed out deeply and looked over her shoulder. Found Clint standing at the doorway. How long had he been there? She pursed her lips, eyes tearing up, and turned forward once again.
"What are you doing?"
Ana wiped her eyes. "Couldn't sleep."
"You forgot about Tasha's sleeping hack?"
"I tried it." Ana said bluntly. "Still too wired. I can practically hear these things all the way from my room."
"Oh. They give off a sound?" Clint asked, moving closer. The space under his eyes were hollowed out, dark circles making his skin seem pale and grey.
Ana spared him a glance. She knew he didn't give a damn about the sounds of the Stones. "It's very faint. All six, they sound different."
"You shouldn't be in here." Clint said, standing beside her. "You'll get ideas."
"Already got 'em." Ana said, clicking her tongue.
Clint gave her a look. Don't.
Ana matched it. I won't.
"Once Stark finishes the gauntlet, this whole thing will be over. We'll get everyone back and this will all feel like some bad dream." Clint said. To Ana, he sounded as if he was trying to convince himself a lot more than trying to convince her.
"I wish it was that simple."
Clint lifted himself up to take a seat next to her on the table. He noted the palm print on the edge of the surface and sighed. "I know what you're thinking right now. It's the same thing I thought the moment I learned I'd never see my family again. Back then, I was on 'house arrest', on my own. So it was easy to just listen to the voice in my head telling me what to do. I didn't have to fight it. It seemed like the right move. I didn't think about what it would do to anyone who still gave a damn about me. I was selfish."
Ana paid closer attention to the Infinity Stones. She couldn't bring herself to face Clint. His hand rested on her shoulder after a moment of silence. "Right now, you've got me. I'm telling you to ignore that voice that wants you to shut the world out. Kick at it. Scream at it. Throw whatever you've got at it. It's doesn't deserve you. Don't let it take you apart. You're supposed to be one of the strongest Avengers. Prove it."
Ana scoffed lightly. "I can't just forget about the pain."
Clint frowned at her glassy eyes. "I'm not asking you to. Let it fuel you in the right way. Use it for the thing you always do. Use it to fight. You're worried about what this'll do to the whole time-space continuum. I'm sure we'll get some pushback just like with everything else. For people like us, nothing ever works out the way we want it to." His chuckle was dull and dry, a poor attempt at getting Ana to lighten up.
"No matter how hard we try." Ana mumbled.
Clint patted her shoulder before hopping off the table. "Get some sleep, kid. Big day tomorrow. We all need to be on our A game."
Just before Clint left, Ana called after him. "Hey, Clint?"
He stopped at the doorway, all ears. "Yeah?"
Clint saw the idea of a smile on her face, and wished it would take a firmer shape.
"Thank you."
Ana gave a small nod of her head, eyes fluttering shut as she turned her head back to the Infinity Stones.
Clint paid attention to the way she studied her reflection on the chamber glass. He let out a sigh,
"You got it."
Ana was embarrassed at herself for not being better prepared. She felt Natasha's sharp stare on her as she tried, and failed, to do a simple grand adage. Her leg muscles were burning. Sweat was fresh on her red and puffy face as she tried to maintain balance on her left leg while she lifted her right leg behind her. Her hair, now loose from her braids, stuck to the sides of her face and neck, making her feel all that more uncomfortable. She had thrown her shirt and sweatpants to the floor, now in a matching white sports bra and bike shorts. But even then she felt warmer moving underneath the overhead beams in the gymnasium.
"You're doing that thing again." Natasha commented.
Ana's face scrunched up in confusion. "What thing?"
"You need to relax your arms. Your upper body is tense. It'll make standing up harder with a sore back." Natasha explained. Ana had to keep her eyes from widening at the accuracy of those words.
"I would do that, but I'm worried if I let go, I'll hurt us both." Ana replied, an uneasy chuckle leaving her mouth. When Natasha turned her attention down to Ana's shaking fists, Ana smirked when she saw the reflection of her plasma energy in her eyes. "You couldn't see that, Nat?"
"You said you were learning to control it." Natasha stated.
Ana shrugged. "Still am."
Natasha stepped forward. Ana knew what she planned to do just by the look in her eyes. She shoved her own hands behind her back, jaw clenching. "Don't."
Natasha tilted her head, blonde tipped ends of her hair falling over her shoulders. "I just wanna see something."
Ana shook her head. Her heart pumped harder with the possibility of what might happen next. "No, Nat. Stop." She turned away, closing her eyes. Her hands trembled with every strained breath she took.
"Just let go." Natasha said in a hushed whisper, only this time, when Ana looked back at her, they weren't in the gymnasium anymore.
"Let me go."
Ana's heart dropped.
Her hands seemed to burn hotter. It was the sensation of it that woke her up. The moment her eyes opened, she turned to lie on her front and pressed her pulsing arms into her chest, pinning them between her body and the mattress. She didn't realise how much she had been crying in her sleep. Her pillow was drenched. Her face heated and wet with tears. Her eyes burned so much that she wailed into her pillow. She couldn't get ahold of her powers. The point of taking back control had passed. She was terrified. Shaking with perspiration. She didn't want to let go.
She couldn't.
Ana didn't hear her door flying open. Not even the sound of a metal helmet hitting the floor. Only when she felt arms around her, pulling her into their chest did she thrash around in their embrace, adamant at distancing herself from whoever it was. They weren't letting her go. Their grip on her tightened to a point where she realised it must've been someone enhanced. Ana focused all of her strength into her hands, into holding onto the power that threatened to leave and burn everything around her. Her friends were under the same roof. It caused a sob to leave her mouth. Everything was heightened. Her senses. Her hearing. Her touch. She felt the cool material of a suit against her back. Still chilled from space travel. Ana only know one person dumb enough to try this with her in such a state. That was when she finally tuned into him shouting at her.
"Ana, hey! Ana!"
"Get away from me, Rich." Ana bit out, thrashing against his hold.
"You're not gonna be able to hold this one in!" Richard exclaimed, pushing them up off the bed. He had seen this happen with Ana before. Started out five years ago, after they killed Thanos and realised they couldn't use the Infinity Stones to bring their loved ones back. Marcus always said his emotions could trigger a flare in his powers. Only fair it would pass down to his emotionally challenged daughter.
"I can try!" Ana cried out. Tears blurred her vision, so she shut her eyes and lowered her head, trying to concentrate on her strength.
"You really gonna make me do this?" Richard lifted her with ease and walked backwards, out of her room and towards the bathroom. The lights automatically turned on as he practically dragged Ana to the nearest shower.
Ana's bare feet brushed the floor of tiles and she curled into herself. "Richard, please." She begged. "Find my Sling Ring. I'll go somewhere where it's just me."
Richard released his hold on her. Ana thought he had some sense in him after all, and turned around, only for his arms to weave themselves around her back. Ana grunted when she was pulled into his chest, her hands pressed in the middle of their bodies. She opened her eyes, and she looked at him for the first time since she got back from their mission in space. Richard could only frown at her. She looked like hell. Skin was pale and clammy. Her eyes red and teary. Her shirt was damp with sweat, sticking to her skin. And the veins running down her arms were glowing with the azure of her father's cosmic power to a point where he could make out the outline of the bones in her hands. She was trembling. She didn't have long. Holding this much power in was causing her internal damage. He could recognise the pain in her gaze.
"I'm not leaving you." Richard said lowly, eyeing her.
Before Ana could reply, she was forced underneath the shower head. Ana gasped at the temperature. The ice water chilled her skin and froze her spine, making her shiver all the more.
"There's no time to fly you out of here. So, do it now. Let go." Richard commanded. His tone was sharp and strict. If Ana had been paying attention to his voice, she would've heard it waver at the end. He was just as scared as she was, but he wasn't about to show it on his face. Part of him wished he hadn't removed his helmet. It would've been a lot easier to hide behind it.
Ana shook her head before even thinking about his words. "No." She bit out, jaw clenched tightly. She had to take this back. Reel in the power she lost sight of. She needed to treat it as her own, not as the remnants her father gave her. Only then, could she master it.
Richard huffed, eyes widening slightly when there was a sudden burst of light between their chests. It tickled the hair over his eyes and warmed his jawline. Ana's body twitched with a grunt. She was losing it. "You'll hurt yourself more if you keep holding on."
Ana wasn't so sure what she was trying to hold onto anymore. Natasha's face was clear in her mind. She sobbed harder this time. "I can't..."
Richard closed the space between them, embracing her with enough strength to pull a thousand year old oak tree from the ground. "Do it now." He whispered, pressing their heads together.
Let me go.
With a final strangled cry, Ana closed her eyes and released her hold on her father's power. It rushed out of her. Richard was ready. He siphoned every ounce of the cosmic energy using the Nova Force. The space between their bodies was a series of pulsing lights and shock waves reduced to a minuscule power storm, failing to surge large enough to break their connection. The moment only lasted a few seconds. Richard didn't realise he had shut his eyes until it stopped. He slowly opened them, blinking away the streaks of light burned into his retinas. He saw Ana, still with her forehead against his chest armour. She was breathing a little easier. Her hands were folded on top of the other, placed flat over the space between her collarbones. It was quiet other than the rushing of water coming from the shower head above them. Richard pulled his arms away from her, easing out of their embrace. It prompted Ana to do the same. She peered up at him, eyes clearer, tears washed away. She noticed the lightness in his blue eyes. Her father's power that he absorbed with the Nova Force gave him a little more... glow. The circles in his uniform shone brighter. His skin felt tingly. His heartbeat was strong. Muscles were tighter. It rejuvenated him.
Meanwhile, Richard frowned at the dark spots and redness along Ana's hands. Her fingertips were pink and puffy, hot to the touch. He went to take her left hand in his, only for her to wince at the slight pressure on her skin. She cradled her hands to her chest, "Ow." She sighed. She stepped back, slid down the tiled wall to the floor of the shower, and sat cross-legged. Richard mirrored her.
"Thank you, Rich."
Richard nodded. "Don't mention it."
"I'm sorry for—"
"Like I said..." Richard smiled at her. She tried to return it. Yawned instead.
"You've gotta use that up." Ana pointed to his chest. "Otherwise you won't sleep till next year."
Richard half shrugged. "I'm sure I'll have an excuse for a big display of that later on."
Ana felt her limbs get heavier, her balance slowly shifting. She leaned back into the wall, resting her head against the cool tiles while Richard shut the water off. Ana lifted a hand, preparing to spell them dry. Richard stopped her with a shake of his head. "We'll do that the mundane way. Save your strength."
"Everything okay in here?"
They both looked to the entrance of the bathroom to see Rocket standing at the door. "I'm sorry, Rocket. Did I wake you?" Ana croaked out.
Rocket could only snicker at her words. He sat down in front of her and placed a hand on her knee. He felt her clothing was wet and sighed, wiping his hand down his dry vest. "No, darlin', I was already up. Got lots of work to do with this gauntlet." He recognised the red patches of skin on her hands and frowned. He knew what it meant. He was surprised to find that nothing... explosive came of it. "Feeling better?"
Ana nodded in response. "Little bit."
"Go on and get dry." Rocket nudged Ana towards the towels. He placed one in the crook of her elbow and glanced up at Richard. "Bucket head, make sure she don't fall on her face on her way back to bed."
Ana frowned. "I'm not gonna—" She lost her footing as soon as she stood, and Richard grabbed her around her waist to keep her steady. She and Rocket shared a look, the latter with a growing smirk on his mouth. "Yeah, okay, gotcha." She whispered, holding in a groan.
While Richard guided them out into the hallway, Ana was fighting to stay awake long enough to make it to her room and change into dry clothes. The pain in her arms and hands began to numb away into a dull throb. Her body was reading to start the healing process that always came after the sudden plasma surge. They walked through her open bedroom door, with Richard assisting Ana anywhere she wanted to go. She moved towel she had around her elbow to the top of her head to dry her hair. She was dripping water everywhere and Tony was not gonna like it spotting into the expensive rugs he purchased for the rooms.
Richard dropped his hands from Ana's waist and stood by the door, watching her intently as she shuffled around for some clothes. "Steve gave me the debrief. I'm sorry about—"
"We'll get them all back... It'll be okay." Ana replied.
"Yeah." Richard breathed out through his nose. He noticed her struggle to remove her sweater. "Do you, uh, want help? I could go get... uh..." He pointed his thumb behind him over his shoulder, unable to finish his sentence all of a sudden.
Ana knew he was thinking of saying Natasha. Richard then stopped talking and pursed his lips, looking down. Ana swallowed thickly, holding down the lump in her throat. "Just turn around, Rich."
Richard did as told. A collection of photo frames on the tall dresser by the door caught his eye. He shuffled forward to get a closer look while Ana got dressed. He saw a few with the whole Avengers team, though they didn't look all too recognisable. In one of the photos, they had ditched their super-suits for some matching training gear, standing in front of what looked like to be the compound back when it first opened. He saw unfamiliar faces, most likely the ones that had disappeared five years ago. Richard let his eyes roam the others, smiling slightly. His eyes softened when he spotted himself in a polaroid Danvers had taken of them both in one of the S.W.O.R.D. space stations to commemorate Ana's first day as Richard's mission partner. Although their time together as a team didn't last very long, he appreciated Ana having his back every step of the way.
Richard was snapped out of memory lane when Ana's phone vibrated on the dresser. He saw the contact name flash on the screen and frowned. "Does Murdock know what happened?"
Ana sat on the edge of her bed and pulled on a shirt. "I don't know what to say. Natasha was his friend too. He'll read me in the way that he does and I won't be able to keep a lid on my..." She hissed when the slight bend in her wrist sent a shooting pain up her arm. "My emotions."
"You went through a lot. You're still processing. This takes time." Richard said. He looked over his shoulder at her, seeing she was fully dressed. He moved to stand next to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You need rest." He said quietly, and motioned for her to move up the bed, "Lay down."
Richard picked up the ends of her blanket and draped it over her while she settled onto her pillow. He knelt beside her, at eye level, and sent her a smile. She reached out to place her palm flat against his chest, over the glowing Centurion symbols in his suit. "I'm grateful you're back, Richard."
"Well, I couldn't exactly let you turn this place into a crater."
"We don't want that now, do we?" Ana's grin was fleeting. "Make sure to wake me up in the morning. Do whatever it takes. Zap me. Throw cold water on my face. Get Bruce to roar into my ear. I don't want to be in a coma for a week. I need to be here when it happens."
"You'll be a wreck." Richard frowned. "It'll be like one hell of a hangover."
"I don't care. I don't want to miss it."
When Richard stood up, he noticed how fast she fell asleep. From what he could see on her hands, a soft glow ran down her fingertips, signalling the healing process had already begun. He could only hope that it worked faster this time. Ana was adamant at being present. She didn't want to miss a single moment.
"You won't."
. · 。. · ゜✭ · . · ✫ · ゜· 。.
Hey everyone, so so sorry about the delay in an update. I've been caught up with things happening in my life, and I've had some time here and there to revisit the things I enjoy, which is writing. This is a short chapter, a little something to get me back into it. Let me know what you thought :)
Q- What's your view on Marvel projects lately? I know a lot has hit below the bar, it's disheartening seeing all this potential in shows and movies being done in a way that's just doesn't hit the same.