KWON JIYONG
"Bona moved out. I just sent her to my father's hotel this morning. I begged her to stay in her old room but she kept saying that she doesn't want to make me uncomfortable when I take girls staying over."
I squint at T.O.P hyung who leaning against the doorframe. "Good for you," I indifferently say, adjusting the pillow against the headboard to sit up properly while watching TV. Then one of the Care Bears falls on my head. Nice try. I'm going to throw them all away.
"Why is this time so easy after everything you've been through with her? Isn't it supposed to be more extension?" T.O.P hyung asks, sitting at the edge of my bed.
I ignore him and watch the movie that I don't even see the thing.
"C'mon. That kiss was just an accident. You know she fucking loves you."
I roll my eyes. "It's not about the kiss...well, it is. But the main reason why I stopped it because there's no future if we're still together, okay?" I spit out the truth, paying my attention back to the T.V.
"I admit that I'm the one who suggested you to encounter this love, even though I already knew you're gonna end up like this. But you know...before she came into your life, you were such a dumb ass...but after she comes"—he shakes his head, and I try to ignore even though I'm absolutely all ears— "you are the most happiest guy I ever seen. I bet I won't even see you happy like this ever again if there's no her...I just don't want to see this ending so soon."
"It better ends so soon like this, Hyung. This is what it should be. The more I keep letting this go on, the more we ruin our lives. It was what it was. End of story. Don't defend what it's good for me. Because it's good, that's why it will be hurt someday," I snap and then dial volume of the TV up until I make sure that there are no any voices can get into my head except the TV.
He watches me pitifully for a while before gets up slowly and heads straight to the door like I really want him to. Then he turns back and shouts, "Her room is 1018, just in case you want to know." And I act like I didn't hear him. He shakes his head as surrender and takes his leave eventually.
As soon as the door shuts, I roll myself on the bed towards the nightstand, gazing at a ring that she just left last night after she packed her entire stuff in five whole minutes.
My arm immediately goes on over my eyes to stop gazing at the ring, my hand tightly grips the Care Bear next to my neck. Pretending like this fucking teddy bear was her hugging me. It's the most fucking dilemma I've ever done. But you never know, it makes me keep breathing for a little while.
KIM BONA
I don't know how long I've been in this hotel. It seems like a lifetime. Every minute, every hour flies up so slow like we were in hell. There're just two trays of room-service which probably remind me that I've been here less than one day. I didn't order them, though. In fact, T.O.P did. He's really worried about me. He even suggested me to stay with him, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'm afraid of offending him for a long time. Besides, he's a guy. Needy is what guys are, you know? And getting back to my mom's isn't a good idea, either. So this is what I decided...well, not just me. Basically, my mom, too, the most plan was initiated by her and I couldn't even deny but (have to) agree.
She and I decided on the phone half an hour ago—me staying in this hotel just a few days, finishing all of my issues here, and then I'll go back to America. I do know I don't even have a home there. But do I have it here, too? The answer is NO. I am officially homeless. So I suppose to start a new life at where I was, and it's going to be America—my hometown. I still wonder about Mom letting me go so easily, as the matter of fact she so resisted in the first place. (She doesn't know yet about me selling the house in there, so she might be thinking I'll be better in there.) Maybe she just understood, too, about me being in this city isn't a good idea like she planned at the first place. And plus, it looks like she's already tired of being an actual mother for me after her whole lifetime hasn't done anything like this before. As I've been here, we haven't connected personally that much. But you know, since she was the one who forced me here, it's something called mother-duties that it keeps reminding her that I'm officially under her control. Although she hasn't quite done properly enough, but I can't deny that she's tried her best to look after me far away from her sight. Well, maybe it's because of what we've been through here together, that's why her behave slightly turns over new leaves from my point of view. And another factor that we decided to get me back where I was. It was the whole scandalous thing that I've done here, too. First, I was spotted with GD (whom my mom is basically boss him) kissing together in public. And I got rumors and haters at once blaming me that I'm a whore dating with superstar—G-DRAGON oppa. And well, as every news is still fresh and mentioned a lot, I was spotted kissing another guy again. And oh, oh, oh, looks who I just kissed, my ex-boyfriend. Ugh, how bitch I look. I admittedly can't surf the internet right now. I really can't. At first, I am still called a whore. Let's look at what I've got next. Brrr! This is why I think I don't belong here and I really should get myself out of this damn city. So, when my mom told me she will be arranging my airplane ticket, I said nothing and undeniably admitted. Nostalgically flashback to the me around five months ago, I would be over the moon and absolutely unable to agree more about Mom finally leaving me to go. But why do I right now want something to pull me staying here any bit longer? Anything right now that chains me not to go yet. To drops time frozen and lets me breathe in the same atmosphere like he is doing any longer.
But Daisies...isn't it good to get back where you were without any chains to hold you back? You can be free there like you were.
So, an hour later, Mom emails me an online information ticket of mine. I check it on hotel's AirMac and then sigh. I actually have just last three days to clear my issues here and then take my leave... My heart twists. I'm officially speechless. I'm not renting any home nor owning an actual stuff here. I could even pack my few suitcases and fly up today. But why do I think the last three days are too short for me to prepare myself? Not mean preparing things, but I mean...preparing my hollow heart. And how I prepare my heart is a distracting myself—not to think of him, my boys, him, Gaho, Ahjumma, him, Gaho, Ahjumma, my beloved boys and him...again. I can't stop thinking about them and being unable to see them again. How am I supposed to say goodbye when they're too good to be apart from me?
So, this is me writing them songs on the hotel's note papers. I write to distract myself and kill the time. Well, actually I'm avoiding social-media stuff. Also, I officially just gave up for suing mean people talking shit about me on the internet. If I want to sue, the lists of people I was going to sue would be like Harry Potter book one till book eight. Maybe it wouldn't be enough, anyway. So I just shut everything up for a while, also turning my phone off, too, to accurately separate the world away. I need a huge peace to clench myself.
Thomas's also been trying to call me. But I'm avoiding him, too. He knows I've been mad at him since he kissed me. Ugh. I shouldn't have even gone into him at first.
I am really not in the mood to communicate anyone right now...but him. I write everything that I want to say in his face if he was here in note paper of hotel property. I write and write and write until there's no blank space left. It's like I'm writing a non-stop apology letter that makes me feel less guilty. But just so you know, it's still not enough to clarify what I've badly behaved.
While I'm writing an apology into a song, suddenly the sound of Email notification rings on from iMac. I thought it was a confirmed ticket from the airport. Well, it's not.
There's an Email from Thomas.
I was going to reject him when I read the subject of his Email that says...we need to talk. I'm sorry about what happened. But it's not the whole subject he wrote for me. There's mid sentence makes me jump out of my skin and click to read the entire Email immediately.
'...my friend sent me some good news for u.'
His Email isn't that long. Actually, it's short. Mostly, he says he's sorry for kissing me, but the main information of his friend is just on the subject. I sigh annoyingly before turn on my phone and call him eventually. I can't see him in public anymore. I officially begin being haunted.
"Go upstairs. My room is 1018," I abruptly tell him on the phone after he explained how much he's sorry for me.
* * *
"Come on in," I unemotionally say when I open the door for Thomas. He awkwardly grins and steps inside. I shut the door behind and just notice he has a little bruise on his face...like GD. "...wh...what happened to your nose?"
He pulls himself sitting on the sofa. "I collapsed...why do you stay here, though?"
I study his face a little bit before shaking my hand. After he kissed me, I've still got all the madness for him. So I decide to ignore both of our questions and finish our issues.
"What's new from your friend?" I say jerkily. I can tell he's totally awkward from sensing my tone.
"Look, Kim. I'm so sorry about what happ—."
"What.is.new.from.your.friend?" I repeat cruelly.
He's stunned for a while and then nods along like he may understand how I am feeling. Then he puts a brown envelope from inside his jacket and raises it for me.
"It's an application. He sent me an Email last night. I just printed for you."
"You said he wanted me to send my demos first, didn't he?" I tear the envelope and skim the application. There's an actual one.
"He did. But you know...as I talked to him personally, you're already got in his lists," he says with a proud look. But then he immediately goes back awkward when I jerkily squint at him.
"Thanks," I unwillingly say, shoving an information back into the envelope. "I'm sending him this personally when I'm back there."
"So you chose one, huh?" His face lights up.
"I didn't choose. A choice was ripped."
"Oh." I can tell he's really nervous now. "So when do you come back to America? I'm flying soon, too. We could go together."
"I don't think it's necessary," I cut short. "Listen, Thomas. I really appreciate what you did for me. And if it surpassed as I expected, I'd make up for you later. But now I think we should never see again for a while."
As the matter of fact, he's physically stunned. "...Kim, I'm so sorry for a million times. But you should know one thing. If there's no one saw us tonight, you know...I never felt sorry that I kissed you." He gets up and walks to me, looking me in the eyes. "I know I made a mistake for letting you go. But since I met you again, I know that moment...I still love you."
We stare at each other for a while. If it was years ago, I'd be over the moon by now. But right now, even my heart never beats so fast like I constantly do when it comes to this kind of stuff. In the other hand, I'm feeling nothing. Am I a hollow heart person already?
"Sorry but it's not gonna happen." I step aside. "Plus, I'm still engaged with him."
He holds my hand. "Stop lying about this fake commitment, Kim. I know you didn't even engage with him. Besides, if you're still together with him, you wouldn't stay here by now."
I roll my eyes, mumbling. "If you already knew, can't you just go with the flow?"
"I want another chance, Kim. Trust me I could treat you better than he ever did." He pulls me to face him directly.
I tear his hand and walk him to the door. "I think you should go back to your room now, Thomas. Thank you so much. But I've been through a lot since yesterday. I'm not in the mood talking with anyone right now. I'll see you later."
"...Kim."
I know he's helped me a lot, but what he did to me also lets me down. So being a jerk to him right now would be able to call it even.
"See ya," I feebly say, twisting the door handle.
"Wait, wait!" He immediately grips my hand on the door handle. I pause and give him a death glare. "Sorry." He swiftly keeps his hand to himself.
"...well, before I go...let me help you one more thing."
"Help what?"
"...I..uh..." He scratches his head, thoughtfully. "...well, you fill out your application. I'll be stopping by his place next week. You know, I could do you a favor one last time—put you on his map."
As you know, I'm going back there a few days, anyway. But his offer doesn't sound that bad. On the other hand, it might be great, though.
"...fine." I exhale and then take the counter bar to occupy myself. Thomas doesn't say anything, but I glance that his face lights up a little while he's dropping himself on the sofa. I pull out the application again and fill out the blank with my qualifications as turning back to him.
It takes me for a couple minutes to write an application and a brief resume. There are a few blanks left that I'm not sure what I should write. So I turn around to Thomas to ask him. But as my eyes meet him sitting on the sofa, he's spitting some smoke out from his nose and mouth.
"What are you doing?" I thought he's just smoking some cigarettes. But when I walk closer to him and sense from smelling, I see it's literally not just cigarettes.
It's a weed.
He's enchanted with his weed for a second before looking at me. He gives me a dirty smile.
"Hey. I prefer no one smoking in my place, especially weed, okay?" I warn.
"Just a little ones. It's not that big a deal, Kim."
"Yes, it is," I insist and pull his arm up. "If you want to smoke, please do at your place."
He gets up as I'm pulling him. Then he swings his hand from me and locks me into his arms.
"What are you doing? Get off of me." I push his chest and it does not even seem helpful for me. He's so stronger and lustful. I immediately scream when he places hard kisses on my mouth and along round my face.
This is not Thomas whom I've known. If he is, he wouldn't be sexually harassing me like this.
"Get off of me!" I scream, shocked. The more I defy him, the more he kisses me harder.
"I haven't had sex for months since I was here, Kim. You should have known, I kept picturing you while I was touching myself. You made me cum a lot," he says and hardly pulls my hand touching around his pants—well, his groin. "Touch it for me. Touch it for me until I cum."
...I'm scared...
"No!" I keep pushing and pushing and kicking him away. Screaming like I've never thought I would ever do before. "Thomas...you're in such a delirium. This is not you...arrrgh!" I scream louder for this time when he strongly shoves my hand into his pants until I feel touching his penis. He keeps locking me and touching around my body, especially my things.
"I did your favor. You should do mine too as a reward," he mumbles while kissing around my breasts. If there weren't GD, no one could ever fool around my top.
I then pull out of my energy tweaking his penis as hard as I can until he moans from hurting and letting me go eventually.
"Aaaagh!!" He touches his groin, hurting. I unthinkably turn back and run towards the door.
But I'm not as fast as he is. Thomas grabs my waist and pulls me back into his arms again. "Get the fuck off of me!" I'm physically more shocked again when he so strongly yanks my shirt out of me until the buttons are bounced off from his strength.
"Suck my dick and we're even. I won't tell anyone," he shouts against my ears as tearing my shirt off of me.
"No! Son of a bitch." I kick his stomach. And when he's stepping backwards with my shirt in his hand. I'm stunned for a while and then immediately run towards the door again. And this time I almost pull myself out of here. But then he grabs my arm while I'm twisting the door handle, so I collapse myself on the floor as he's pulling me backward. My head hits the door handle so hard, and I think it broke my forehead.
I feel freaking hurt around my hip and head. It's something like being collapsed on a big stone. "Ugh..." I slightly roll my body and lean my shoulder against the door. I barely can move. If I could, I'd be running away by now.
Seems like Thomas knows I'm not capable to even fight him anymore. He slowly walks into me and then squats beside me. He stares at my face along the way to my breasts which's now just a bra covering them. I fold my arms against my chest tightly while we're exchanging gazing.
"Listen, Kim. I know you're shocked now. But I'm so needy by now. I never ask anything from you again if you do this for me again," he half-says, half-whispers as tracing the back of his index finger on my cheek.
I'm frozen all the way he's touching me. Teardrops falling around my cheeks and his palm.
"Have you lost your mind? I never slept with you."
Then he looks down and laughs. The sound of his laugher does sound so cruel and dirty for me. I hate it...and I'm scared.
"...yeah..you're right." He perks up again and grins—so horrible. "I kept picturing you sucking my dick for so long, so I did think you really slept with me. In fact that we never do anything like that. So sad, huh?"
I sob...so hard. Someone has to help me now. The way he smiles, says or even touches me. I'm so terrified.
"Who's ever still virgin as eighteen?" he asks as chuckling before answering himself, "Aah. I completely forgot. That eighteen nun was you. I'll tell you something, my baby Kim. There was no too legally blonde. There's no oh-oh-you're-too-good-for-me. I dumped you because you were such a nun—saving your stupid virginity for the true prince. Ugggh, what a creep."
I have nothing to say and cry for myself. There's no one to help, it's just you left, Daisies.
Thomas drags his index finger around my cheek again. "So, you're still a virgin?" and again with his answer for himself "oh, no. You're probably not anymore, aren't you? Is that Korean guy who took you virgini—-ouuuuuchh!"
This time is not me who screams anymore. It's him. He falls back as the strength of me punching him in the face. It's not that hard but since he's already got bruises around his nose, it would be so hard for him. I extremely pull my weight into my hands and help myself get up swiftly.
Where am I supposed to hide?
He holds his nose and begins to chase me again. But I quickly run into the counter bar and stay behind it.
"Stay closer to me, I'll really kill you." I grab a steak knife from the counter bar and raise it above my head.
He flinches a bit and holds his hands up as surrender. "Calm down, Kim. We can talk," he exclaims but keeps walking towards me.
I grip the knife as holds the edge of the counter bar tightly. "Didn't you hear what I just say? Step back!" But it seems like I tell myself, instead. He steps forwards and I step backwards. Fuck! This is such a nightmare.
"Put the knife down, Kim. You know we can talk." He holds one of his hand up, and another picks up an application from the counter bar.
"I'm not talking anything to you and I won't take any help from you ever again. I don't care if I can't get that," I firmly say, still stepping backwards, still tears dropping. And then there's no space for me to step back anymore, my back hits the refrigerator, reminding me I'm in dead end.
Thomas giggles cruelly a bit before approaching to grab my knife from me as I'm not even pulling myself together. We're fighting over the knife so wildly until he finally gets it. And now I'm officially empty-handed.
"Fuck you, Thomas."
"I'll take it as a compliment." He puts on a dirty smile, throwing the knife backwards, and then leans forwards to kiss me. I slide myself down against the refrigerator before he could ever kiss me.
"Nice move, Kim." He exhales irritatedly. Then he slides down, pushing me lying down the floor, and then bestrides me. "I just asked you to suck my dick but you kept rejecting me...and now I think I must to force you to do more than that," he says before unbuttoning my pants. I torturously scream, kicking, pushing him so hard to protect myself.
"Stop fidgeting," he shouts, hardly unbuttoning my pants.
There is just a refrigerator and counter bar with a long tablecloth around me. I have nothing to use as a weapon. What should I do? What the heck am I supposed to do? He's pulling my pants down!
As I'm thinking there's no more escape, I stop fidgeting like he just told me to. I turn myself towards the counter bar, tears pulling down. Perhaps this is what I deserved for risking to get a good career. Perhaps this is something constantly trying to stop me for pursuing my dream. Perhaps this is what God trying to tell me for not believing in him anymore.
I grip the seam of tablecloth beside my head tightly to help me less hurt, and it seems really help me. As I'm gripping it tightly—almost pulling, the tablecloth is slowly spilling down as my strength until a flower vase drops above my head. Luckily, it's a ceramic one. I unthinkably grab it and then smash it against Thomas's head hardly.
"Uggggggggh! What the fuck!" Thomas exclaims, crashing himself on the floor. I hardly get up, breathing frequently. As he sees me chasing him again, he grabs one of my ankles and pulls me back.
But I will not let him getting into me anymore. I smash the vase against his head again...and another one...and another one...and another one. "Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you..you a piece of shit!"
Thomas motionlessly lies down on the floor while I'm raising a vase backwards behind my head and about to smash him again. But I bog down, still holding a vase in the air. He's passed out...blood slipping down from his nose all the way to his red-purple cheek.
I exhale so deeply one last time before dropping the vase and get up. He's already passed out, but it's still up in the air about when he's going to wake up again. I'm terrified and fucking shocked. I need to get away from this, that's all I could ever think.
I pick the tablecloth that I just held and cover my body with it. And then...I run away out of this suite. My head is so fucking heavy. Maybe, just like my legs, too. But I have to run for my help, asking someone to help. Just anyone who shows up right away, I need one.
While I'm running and holding the wall down the hallway, there's someone grabs my wrist from behind. It's caught me off guard at first as I thought I was Thomas again.
"Hey, are you okay? Why are you running away like this?"
I turn to around, and I swear to any holy shitty thing on the world that I never ever expected that it's going to be...
CL looks me up and down, still holding my wrist. "Kim, are you okay?"
"CL, please help me. I just got abused." I hear myself says—well, whispers actually. My voice is obviously dry like my throat never gets water. I hold CL's shoulders and cry like a baby who meets parents after lost them for hours.
She looks confused for a while and then steps aside, still being cool as she always be. "Get into my room first. I'll call someone to help you," she says before leading me to the room which's hanging number 1024 on the door. She's my neighborhood? I walk along with her into her room as she told me, actually I run. I'm still scared of being close to the 1018 room. My hands and legs obviously can't stop shaking.
"What's going on?" CL asks as closing the door behind her. I drop myself on the edge of her bed, pulling the sheet without any permission from CL, and cover myself with it.
"Uhh...that's not my bed...well, never mind. Keep filling me in." She seems a little bit uncomfortable to let me use her stuff. But as I already took it, she swings her hand around as a gesture.
I wipe my wet cheeks with the tablecloth underneath the sheet and tell her briefly, "Thomas..he...he was trying to rape me," I stutter, unknowing unstoppable tears keep slipping down.
I could see a shocking amazing reaction from her at the very first second, but then she turns to be cool immediately. "Hang on. Thomas? Was the guy that some paparazzi capturing you kissed him yesterday?"
I nod and keep looking down. How can I stop shaking my legs and my entire body? Please stop, Daisies! It looks so pathetic.
CL looks at me thoughtfully for a moment before walking to the wardrobe and picks a tuxedo inside the plastic bag. "Wear this," she says, reaching it to me.
I take it and look at the name Dacre Montgomery on the laundry receipt which's hanging on the hanger.
"It's someone's that I know," CL says as if she knows I'm secretly curious. Then she adds, "this is not my place, though. You know, I...uh..have a little appointment with him," She significantly rubs her neck, occupying herself on the chair opposite me.
"Thanks," I whisper, hopefully wishing she would hear my genuine thanks. Then I wear the jacket. It's big—well, really bigger than me. It's sort of a dress for me. So I decide not to wear tuxedo pants. Actually, I can't even stretch out any damn much. My hands are like a tsunami too much. If I am holding or griping anything right now, I'd be dropping it less than second I got.
"Wipe your forehead. It's bleeding," CL says, reaching me a piece of tissue. I hardly try to reach it from her and almost drop it down when I took it from her.
CL sighs a bit annoyingly at first and then slips the tissue from me and gently wipes my forehead with it. I swear I'm not in the mood to fight with her right now. But when she begins to touch my skin, my whole body immediately jumps out from her. I instinctively slide backwards that makes CL surprised a little bit. I don't know why I flinch away from her...I'm just still scared of being touched. That's all my gut tells me.
"I can...do it."
I see she rolling her eyes and then throws a tissue for me.
"I don't want to say this, but you really should leave now. My...uh..friend is coming here," she cooly changes the subject since she looks being in a rush. "I'll call GD to pick you up."
"No..no." I try to say, looking at her in the eyes. "Don't...call him.....please."
She gazes at me thoughtfully. "So, who do you want me to call?"
Who?
"...T.O.P." I whisper before holding my face in my hand, sobbing. "Just call...T.O.P....not GD."
KWON JIYONG
"Well, well, well. Looks who just came."
I'm shockingly startled as entering the gate of the hotel. "T.O.P hyung?"
He pulls himself off behind the hotel scanner machine, smiling. "You're not gonna leave her alone, are you?"
I roll my eyes and lie, "sh...she forgot her stuff."
"What stuff?" he defiantly asks, folding arms against his chest.
".......her ring." I take out the ring from my pocket and raise it.
He laughs. "What a goddamn excuse."
Ugh!
"Fine! You got me. I don't even know why I'm here. Just aware myself when I already drove here," I defeat, shoving the ring back into my pocket.
"I knew that was gonna happen. That's why I drove along you."
I smirk. "What about you? Came here for what?"
He shrugs. "She's my sister. And you know, she's just dumped by some jerk. I have to check on her."
"Then..." —it's so awkward for me being here after I was the one who ended—"I better go home," I say and turn around. He puts his arm around my neck and pulls me back.
"I knew you're so crazy about her. Come with me." He giggles, dragging my neck to the elevator. I let him lead me without saying anything. I'm curious about what I am supposed to say when I meet her. 'Hey, I came to return your ring?' Yeah, it does sound fucking absurd. She decided to take off, and what the hell I return it to her for?
Less than a minute, we reach on 10th floor of the hotel. My heart is racing any step that I walk to her room. Will we be making up or screwing it up again? I keep looking down, thinking what dialogue I should say.
Then T.O.P hyung suddenly says, "Why Bona lets the door open like that?" A panic cracks in his voice.
I perk up, gazing at the opened door which's hanging 1018 number on it. T.O.P hyung turns to exchange me a curious look. I unenthusiastically shrug my shoulder. "Housekeepers?"
He looks at me as if my assumption is not even related to any ones he's got. Then he gets inside. I walk along until I stumble him. He ridiculously freezes as if he sees a ghost. I look away from his frozen body and sweep my eyes around the room before we immediately exclaim together, "What the fuck?"
We stunningly gaze at a tiny blue t-shirt which's abnormally lying on the floor. And well...a black short pants is also lying few feet apart from the t-shirt one. The mini kitchen zone is obviously messed than anywhere else in this hotel room. The flowers are spread from the vase so ridiculously. And a steak knife that's lying on the floor begins attacking my nerves.
We wouldn't have been shocked unless there aren't long legs reaching out between counter bar and refrigerator.
"What the hell is going on?" I exclaim and we all run into a passed-out body immediately. I fucking jump out of my skin as my eyes meet Fucking Thomas. He's still passed out on the floor with his nose and head are badly bruised...and they're bleeding.
"Holy mother of God," T.O.P hyung shockingly exclaims before putting his index finger against Fucking Thomas's nostrils. I swear to fucking God that I don't really want T.O.P hyung saying, "He's alive. Just passed out."
"Where the fuck is Dais?" I say, running across Fucking Thomas and enter every room to find my girl. But she's nowhere to be found. I begin to feel the walls closing to me.
T.O.P hyung runs into the bathroom and stops behind me. "Anything?"
I say nothing but walk past him to the kitchen zone again. Then I mercilessly pull up Fucking Thomas's head off the floor and shout, "Wake up, dickhead. Wake the fuck up and tell me what the hell you did."
He's still unconscious and looks like he shall not soon wake up. And I hope he won't actually get himself up and tell me exactly like what my negative thoughts have. I fucking want him to be breathless right now.
"I found Bona's phone on her bed." T.O.P hyung comes back with the phone in his hand.
"Fuck!" I throw Fucking Thomas's head to the floor hardly.
"Do you think he was hurtin—."
"I know what are you thinking, but don't you dare say that," I cut him off in panic.
He thoughtfully looks around the room, his hand touching his temples. "So what the hell we're gonna do?"
"I'm going downstairs to get the security. You stay with this dickhead. I'll be back in a sec."
"You got it."
I kick Fucking Thomas's stomach one last time before I turn around. And as I'm about to take off, my phone buzzes. It drives me nuts when I see the name of CL calling on the screen.
"Chaelin, I'm busy. Talk later," I cut short after answering her phone.
"I know you are, T.O.P oppa," she says. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't say English for me. Normally, we speak Korean to each other if there weren't foreigners around, especially Daisies. But I don't think it through, yet.
So I say, "I'm GD. Didn't you read the name before you pressed calling? Listen, Chaelin. I'm fucking busy right now. We'll talk lat—."
Then she interrupts me with Korean language, "She's here...T.O.P oppa."
I immediately jump out of my skin. "What?"
"Your girlfriend. She's here with me, T.O.P oppa," she adds.
"Bona's with you? What did you do to her?" I exclaim and T.O.P hyung immediately runs to me.
"I didn't do anything to her. God, I was saving her. What an annoying," she mumbles before continuing, "She ran into me...almost cloth-less. She said Thomas was trying to rape her. I want you pick her up at my place now. My friend is coming in a sec. I don't want him to see this. I'm sick of explaining....T.O.P oppa."
"Where are you now? Is she okay?" I ask while sharing T.O.P hyung a quick-concerned look.
"She's fine." Thank, God. "Well, not really. You'll see. She kept asking me to call T.O.P oppa. I didn't know what to do."
"Thank, God, you don't have T.O.P hyung's number."
"I have," she cooly says, and then her tone changes a little bit. "I just think...you know, she seems to want you more than what she says."
I can't believe Daisies ran into CL and got saved from her. "Thank you so much, Chaelin. Where're you now? I'm coming."
"T.O.P hyung's dad's hotel. Room 1024."
"What? You're here?" I exclaim in surprise.
She sighs through the phone. "I don't think it's important for you right now. Just come here very quickly. I have an appointment with my people."
"Sure. Sure," I gush without any hesitation. "I'll be there less than five sec."
"What's so fast..." She doesn't finish her sentence into the phone as it's dead since I hung up.
"What was it?" T.O.P hyung asks.
"It's Chaelin. Luckily, she appoints her boyfriend here. And Daisies ran into her after she was raped by Thomas."
"Fucking Thomas was raping her? Son of a bitch!" He begins to nickname the jerk like I do. I'm not blaming it but strongly agree. "Is she okay? Where's she?"
"Room 1024," I say before elaborating the plan, "here's the plan. You check the bill on this fucking dickhead. Make sure he's never breathing again. I'll go check on her."
"Got it." He nods. "Call me if she's okay."
"Okay." We agree and I immediately run to the next room.
* * *
I immediately rush towards Daisies as soon as CL opens the door for me. She's sitting on the edge of the bed, gripping a big jacket of tuxedo tightly. She's totally shocked when she sees me as if I am the last person that she ever expected me to be here right now.
"Dais, are you alright? Where did he do to you?" I kneel in front of her, touching around her body to check what she's got pain so that I'll make sure Fucking Thomas will be gotten right the exact where he did to her. However, Daisies instinctively-quickly slides backwards and swings my touching away from her. I'm stunned of her rejection at first. But less than a second, as I'm studying her eyes...
I know she isn't actually rejecting me. In fact, she's just scared. I look through the hazel eyes of hers, and that's what keeps telling me not to believe her gesture. She eyes me to come closer to her, even though she still keeps pushing me away.
"I'm GD, Dais. I'm your Oppa. You're Daisies. You're safe with me, babe, remember?" I say, pulling her into my arms. She punches and kicks me a few times at first. But then her rejection fades slowly and slowly as I'm giving her my warmest embrace that she's used to and loved to get. Then she starts to grip my arm and shoulder tightly, burying her face against my chest, sobbing pathetically.
"It's okay, Dais. You're safe with me now."
Her whole body is shaking and cold. It looks like she's cold, but it isn't. She's terrified of not being comforted. To be honest, I'm surprised myself a bit about how much I can figure out of her deepest expression. I pat her head and her back gently, skimming her skin to check what pains she might be got except her self-esteem. And I'm so excited, my heart instinctively twists when my eyes meet some bruises around her forehead. It's blue and a little bit freshly bleeding.
I immediately separate, pushing her shoulder backwards. "What did he do to you? How's your forehead broken like this?" I ask and then take off her jacket that she's wearing to check where else she got pain. She flinches at my touching at first. And it takes just one second for her to memorize herself that my touching is a part of her skin.
"It's me, Dais. It's me. Let me check your body," I say, kissing her head. Then she slowly nods and stop being scared of me, and keeps gripping my arms instead. Anyway, as I discover she's got nothing else pain except her forehead. But I'm totally caught off guard when I see there're just a bra and her panties that she's wearing underneath the jacket.
"How'd your forehead break, Dais?" I ask again.
"...I...I smashed by the door handle," she stutters, still shocked, and then starts to whisper a sentence, "How'd you come here?"
"I called him," CL, standing behind, answers for me. "Can you guys get going now?"
I button up every buttons of the jacket that Daisies's wearing for her. Then I hold her hand, looking at her bloodshot eyes. She's still terrified. I can see from her eyes. Suddenly, the door is cracked open behind and let T.O.P hyung coming inside.
"This is not a public room," CL sarcastically groans.
T.O.P hyung ignores her like everyone does and runs up to me and Daisies. "Bona, how you doing? I just let the security pull the jerk out," he says, kneeling in front of her.
"Is he dead?" she asks him with her broken voice, sounds so terrified if T.O.P hyung really tells her that Fucking Thomas is actually dead.
"No, he's still alive," he says with a small smile before touching her hand as a comfort. But she immediately jerks him away and grips my hand tightly instead. T.O.P hyung is stunned and then turns to me with his concerned look.
I nod for him. "I'm taking her to the hospital."
"No. No. No." I hear Daisies rejects. T.O.P hyung and I exchange a look.
"You have to check your body, Dais. You're breeding," I say.
"Yeah. He's right," T.O.P hyung strongly agrees. "You have to make sure where else he hurts to you so that you can tell the police properly."
I couldn't agree more with him. But Daisies, who is the victim, lowers her temples and puts them on her one palm, but her another hand is still gripping mine.
"No. No. No. No," she says through breaths, sobbing. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
I pat her back as share T.O.P hyung a look for a tenth time in this hour.
"Of course you do, Bona. You have to get him into the jail. What he did to you is unforgivable," he tells her.
Daisies's still holding her temples, not looking anyone. She takes a deep breath before perks her head up, showing us her red eye sockets. "He didn't actually do anything to me. I hit him with the vase. Please don't make me talk anything anymore. I want to leave...I want to go..home."
We, again, exchange the same look. T.O.P hyung sighs before arguing her again. "Bona, I know you're upset but it's—."
Suddenly, he stops as being interrupted by CL who stands arm crossed in silence behind us for a while, "Oppa, I know it's none of my business. But I'm telling you as a female like her," she begins to say Korean with her serious-cool tone. "Recapping this kind of stuff isn't easy as you think. Although trying to forget it would be taken time for years. Trust me, the more you force her to do the right thing like this, the less she could forget her pain. It's going to be haunting her every day as she has to keep recapping her crime, you know? I know it sounds unfair. But isn't it got to be her whom you have to care more than that horny guy?"
Then she drops herself on the chair, crossing her legs, and keeps acting slutty cool as she always does. I turn to look at Daisies, who putting her face onto her palms, before turning to T.O.P hyung. We stare thoughtfully in silence for a while. Then, he stands up and raises his thumb backwards to the door.
"I'll take care of the rest of it. You do your job—keeping an eye on her."
I nod. "Sure. I'll take her home."
He watches Daisies thoughtfully and pats her head before takes off the room.
"Alright, darling. I'm taking you home." I kneel down, cupping her cheeks. She's still shaking but not that much like she was in minutes ago anymore. Actually, she looks more tired. "You sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"
She slowly nods. "Just take me home."
That's all she could say.
"Okay. Let's get home." I take her hand and pull her up. She hardly walks but at least tries her best to take any longer step.
Before we reach the door, Daisies turns to CL and whispers to her, "Thank you."
CL doesn't say anything back but swings hand around cooly. I meaningfully nod for her, too, before taking my girl back home.
* * *
I take Daisies to our penthouse less than five minutes later. She is totally speechless all the way we're heading to home. I genuinely admit to whatever here, this is totally, extremely breaks my heart as fuck. Seeing her down like this is the last thing in the world I want.
I should have really punched Fucking Thomas in the face. Even though Daisies said he didn't actually do the thing to her, but at least he did tear her clothes away. The only one guy in the world who can touch my girl is just me. And if I had to repeat my word again since we kind of already broke up, I'd still say...it's got to be just me who gets into her pants. And it must to have her permission, too.
Damn and double damn! If I didn't have to take my girl take a rest at home, I would pull my car u-turning to the hotel and haunt him down to the ground. Son of a crappy bitch!
Then, I let her change herself into pajamas. She's caught off guard when she turns around after finishing dressing and just realizes that I was watching her changing behind her back for all the time. Well, I just want to make myself sure that she's not really had pains or even a bruise except her forehead.
Afterward, I put her sleep on our bed, covering her with our cozy blanket. She's still speechless despite of the fact she normally has a little chitchat pillow talk with me. I wonder that it's because we kind of broke up or she's still upset about what happened.
"Good night, Daisies. I love you so much," I mutter in Korean and kiss on her lips as her eyes are already closed. She's still in silence that sets me off a little bit. Then, as I twist the door, I heard she whispers back 'I love you, too.'.
I impressively smile as still holding the door. "I'll be back in bed with you, Dais," I promise and close the door behind quietly; in the meantime, the sound of large sobbing slowly comes through the wall. I'm not crying...yet.
It's her.
She is crying in there.
I deadly walk to the living room, flop down on the couch without any electrical lights except some illumination of the city night shining through the glass windows. Then, I do the thing I've been so holding it back and covering it with my manliness for a long time...lowering my head and holding it in my hands. Tears start streaming down onto my palms.
It takes me just a few seconds before I have to put my hands off since there's too many tears soaking my face. I believe I never ever cried that hard like this before. I hate crying. It makes me look ugly and miserable. I try to catch my breath but the less I try, the more I can't stop doing it. Perhaps this is why Daisies barely lets anyone see her cry at first. Perhaps this is the feeling that she is encountering...but she's more way worse than me.
How could you come through these fucking shitty things by your own self for your entire goddamned life, Dais? Why do the bad things always crawl into this little girl's life and keep dragging her down? Despite of fact she never drags never damn one down, not even me.
I know I just said this about her dragging me down into her face the next day. But that's the dumbest lie I ever said. I fucking want to take it back. I fucking want to skip the madness I had and never kick her out of my house.
Two times, Jiyong. Two times that you pushed her off and made her get into this kind of shitty stuff.
"Fuck." I put my elbows on my knees, resting my forehead on my palms so that tears can pointlessly drop down onto the rugs.
I'm sitting, large silently sobbing in the almost-darkness for a couple minutes, I guess. Then, I feel a familiar touch gently patting my hair, sobbing like I do in front of me. I begin to catch my breath before perk up to look at her.
"Why are you here, Dais. You're supposed to get back to sleep," I say through my breath, tears slipping down like her.
She's kneeling down, watching me through her tears without words. I hope there was the darkest room like our bedroom so that she doesn't have to see the secret version of me like this. We're speechlessly staring each other for a while before she opens her hand which I guess there's some white paper in it. I thoughtfully gaze at it through the dark, and then my heart twists again when she tears the paper plastics off and...sticks a plaster onto my chest.
"There's no you in there. I waited for you," she says, nodding towards our room. Dry chuckles fill my lung, killing the sadness suddenly. She holds my two hands against her collarbone and then says, "I sticked you a plastic..you're being healed..can you go back there with me then?"
Another soft chuckles slightly lift me up again. Daisies joins along with me. We're laughing as also still having tears together.
"Yeah, let's get back to sleep together," I say, forcing a small smile and squeeze her hands.
She watches me thoughtfully before mutters, "I'm so sorry for everything, Oppa. I'm sorry I've made you disappointed in me and cry. I feel terrible dragging you down."
"You're worth to see me cry," I say firmly. "And I'm sorry, too, for lying that you dragged me down, Dais. You never ever drag me down. You pull me up and up and prove me for a better person for you. Actually, you take me to a higher place."
"I hate separating with you," she says with tears, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and buries her face against my neck.
I embrace her and we cry together like we never did this together before. "Let's never break up again. I don't want to be apart with you."
* * *
A few hours later, Daisies has finally lost in her night dream in my arms after I put her sleep again. But I've still awake. Actually, I keep myself up for waiting T.O.P hyung to fill me in what's up next that he was handling.
And it finally came, my phone vibrates on a nightstand with a new message from T.O.P hyung at half past midnight. 'Meet me in the hallway now,' he texts.
I gently tear Daisies's arms off of me and sneakingly walk out from the bedroom to the hallway outside of my apartment. When I reach there, T.O.P. hyung is standing on the wall with two suitcases beside him.
"How's everything?" I ask, reaching for the suitcases as if we don't even have to ask whose they are. Of course they're Daisies's stuff that she left in the hotel.
"Dunno. I really can't nail him." He nonchalantly shrugs, showing a small upset look. "As Bona doesn't want to take prosecution, the police really can't do anything but get him a criminal record and probation."
"Shut up," I groan, irritatedly rolling my eyes.
"I know. Fucking piss me off, too. And you know what, I can't even believe that he was high with weeds when he was trying to rape her, too. Son of a bitch," he elaborates, so pissed off like I am.
"This is the absurd thing I ever heard. Why the police can't set him more the fuck off?"
T.O.P exhales and smirks. "Huh. You already knew. He did the thing that you did when you got handcuffed."
I roll my eyes again, throwing hands in the air frustratedly. Damn this capitalist city! "So what can we do else except letting him go like nothing has happened? She's the real victim in there. I need justice."
"Trust me, dude. I'm always with you. But there's nothing we really can do as long as we want her to get better. All that I can do is kick him out of my father's hotel and tell him never come near our girl again. If there's anything else I can do, you know I never even wait to do," he reassures. I'm so wrecked by wrath, feeling the grief arrives. Then, he changes the subject and tone, throwing his hand towards the door. "How's she doing now? Anything better?"
"Not really. She's asleep. But as I'm keeping an eye on her, you know. She's still upset and terrified, I reckon," I honestly tell.
"You'll tell Judy noona, her mom?"
"I'll do it later when I sure Daisies feels better. I don't know what her mom's gonna react and drive her nuts," I say and he nods as an agreement.
Then we pause and look over each other's shoulders thoughtfully. It's an again-reckless night of Daisies. And we get the feeling that there's not too much we can recover her to be the same as much as we certainly want.
I grasp as a surrender. "Guess we have to accept it."
"Yeah. We have to accept it," he repeats and we nod along. Then, he pats his hips. "So, I better get go upstairs to my place."
"Oh. Oh. Wait a second." I let him stand up in the hallway and run back to my apartment. I walk into my bedroom and it's caught me off guard a bit when there's no Daisies on the bed. I'm about to panic unreasonably. And then, the sound of pressing the toilet comes through the walls. I exhale as relief before heading to the closet and grab a jacket of tuxedo which it's basically CL's fling guy (I guess.). And before I get back to the hallway, I think I'm hearing Daisies is puking in the bathroom.
...my heart jumps out off my chest down to my feet.
I inarticulately stand up, holding a jacket for a couple seconds in the bedroom before walking back to the hallway and give Hyung the jacket.
"It's CL's. Please pass it for her to me," I tell him with a small grin and then pat his arm. "Anyway, thank you so much, Hyung, for taking care of her. You're such a great brother."
He cooly swings the jacket over his shoulder and gives me a little quick smirk back. "You're a great boyfriend, too. But don't dump her again. Let her dump you first and call me. I'll pick her up after then. Got it?" he says, chuckles.
I giggle. "I won't be breaking up with her again. That's all I reckon for now."
"Whatever. Just treat her like a princess. She really deserves to have a nice life," he commands, turning around.
"I already know. I already treat her like a queen," I honestly say as he's climbing into the elevator and waves cooly for me.
Then, I turn around, get back inside slowly and thoughtfully. I stare right back, not understanding too much what was happening but knowing something certainly is happening.
I did see something before that it's still ringing my bell, especially when it comes to Daisies is behaving right now.
Then I found Daisies still doesn't get back to the bed, yet. The sound in toilet is none anymore. I hang on in front of the bathroom for a moment before deciding to twist the door and—Bamp! I heard glasses breaking in there as I'm opening the door. And before I even fly myself into the bathroom...
Daisies is already passed out on the floor beside the toilet and pieces of the broken glass above her head.
* * *
I am waiting impatiently outside the emergency room.
My mind is traveling everywhere but resists to be in my head deliberately. Overwhelming, overreacting is all I am doing now. I cannot even focus precisely or yet pull myself together since I extremely pulled Daisies to the hospital alone. I know I should have waken up someone, especially Hyung or Ahjumma to be here with me. But you know, I was such a moron ever since I saw a completely passed out Daisies on the bathroom. I instinctively only knew that moment that I had to take her here as soon as possible. She couldn't wait, and neither did I.
Any minute, any second that I'm waiting feels like a day and a week combining. Why doesn't any doctor yet come out and tell me my girl is fine? I could die any minute with goddamn thoughts.
I am scared...
I am scared if there's anything unexpected happening to her.
"Mr. Kwon Jiyong, please?" Before I'm even becoming such an idiotic overthinker, there's an assistant calling me over to the doctor's office. I swiftly jump up and make my way to her.
"Yes, I am. What's the matter with her? Is she awake, yet?" I sort of rap, ignoring her personal reaction towards me. An assistant's cheeks turn pink almost red as her eyes meet me closely.
"Sh...she's okay now, starting an I.V. And she is up," she stutters, gripping her document paperboard against her chest tightly. "The doctor wants to have a word with you since the patient filled in the form you as an emergency contact."
Actually, I did fill it since we were in America hospital.
Then, she leads me into the doctor's office which's next to the emergency room. As I enter, the doctor is sitting behind her desk hanging a stethoscope around her neck.
I bend my head down to her a little bit as a polite greeting before sliding a chair and flopping me down to sit across her desk. "How's she, doctor?"
She gives me a small smile and reads down her transcription, a little looking cooler than her assistant who standing behind me. Of course this is the professional career. She might as well control her personal feelings.
I rub my hands onto my jean as they're too sweaty. Then, the doctor clears her throat, beginning the conversation.
"She has a little bruises around her sensitive skin and one of them is on her forehead as you see. I already asked her what she did to get them."
"Did she tell you?"
The doctor simply nods. "I'm sorry to hear that. But luckily there was nothing bad happen except her mind. She had too way high blood pressure." I bite my lip, nodding. She continues, "I just got her respirator and I.V tube. It will take half an hour till her blood pressure is down, then you can take her home."
Thank, God. She doesn't have to admit here. My heart lifts up from the bottom.
"Well," she begins. My heart starts to flip down again. "As the patient was waking up in there, she told me personally to check up her vaginal examination..."
"What? She was really got into her pants by that jer—well, him?" I interrupt. I yet don't know precisely about what Fucking Thomas did to her. But if she told the doctor to examine her exclusively like this, it's going to be like I quite assumed for sure.
"No, no, no. She wasn't being actually raped. You can mellow out," she breaks, a little chuckle inside her throat. "I just meant that she kind of already prepared,"
I blink...thoughtfully,
Before I begin to say what I've possibly guessed recently, she then speaks my mind,
"That she is pregnant." The doctor pauses, glancing down the document papers over the rim of her glasses. "For eight weeks, actually. It's very unbelievable after looking her health record. But you know, I'd like to say congratulations. You're going to be parents now," she says, smiling honestly.
Even though I prepared myself (a little bit), but I'm still shocked as I heard this directly. So my gut is always true since I saw it. The sealed box in Daisies's bucket.
It's surely going to be...a pregnancy test.
"How..how could she get pregnant, doctor? I mean...she got examined in America in November. It turned out that she can't be. How come she can, right now?" I stutter, shocked...well, not too much. It seems like my little voices were telling me for a while, but I kept ignoring them. Also, there was a lot going on at the moment in less than these two days. That's why I didn't try to figure it out, yet. Maybe Daisies was like me, too.
"It doesn't really mean she really cannot have child, even though her hormones are effected from her depression. I have to admit that it very impresses me for this rare case. But you know, there's a thin chance that she can get pregnant with a guy of high-level hormones—and that's you, am I right? Well, did I get it wrong? Are you the father? If I was wrong, I am terribly sorr—." The doctor begins to confuse herself.
And I immediately cut her off without even thinking, "Of course I am the father. It is sure my child."
"Oh, whoop. I'm sorry, though. I saw the news between you two and another guy. I thought I was missing guessing something wrong."
So, I quite was wrong about how professional this doctor is. I hope she will be taking her vow as a doctor to keep her mouth shut about me having a kid later.
I secretly roll my eyes and then clear my throat. She flinches a bit before adjusting her glasses awkwardly and continues,
"Well, since your wife is pregnant in unexpectable way of her weak body. I'd like to give you the important advice that even though she's so lucky together to become a pregnant woman, but she's gotta be very careful and gentle due to the whole carrying baby. There's a highly percent of miscarriage than usual one," she states with a little bit serious look. "That's why her blood pressure were too high than normal, and the baby also needs to get more oxygen from the mother, too."
I nod enthusiastically. "We'll accurately do our best, doctor."
She smiles, raising her hand towards me as a shaking. "I'm sorry for misunderstanding, though. Then I'd like to say it again. Congratulations. I hope you're going to be an excellent parent."
I take her hand and repeat her willingly, "We're going to be the excellent parents."
Then she eyes on my chest—the plaster over my shirt. "Is that your new fashion?" she asks, smiling.
"No, I'm healing," I answer.
* * *
I breathe deeply one last time before slightly flick the curtain beside and let myself into.
There's Daisies lying on an examination bed. She has a small gauze at the corner of her forehead which looks so injuries for me, even though it doesn't. She is up now, and looks at me over the rim of her respirator.
I give her a warm grin, pulling a chair beside a nightstand to sit next to her.
"How's your feeling...mommy," I stutter with a little chuckle, reaching her hands and hold them over her stomach.
She watches me and then nods slowly, squeezing my hand.
It's awkward, to be honest. It feels like we're beginning a new phase of us without the whole ready thing. Everything happens like a blink of an eye. I still remember when I was hitting her and it feels just like yesterday.
Long story short, now we are having a baby together.
I'm not sad or regret. Not at all.
I'm grateful, actually.
Daisies slightly begins to pull her respirator off. I stop her and she holds her hand up. "I'm good. I'm good," she says though her breath.
I help her take it off and hang it over her neck. Then we begin to hold hands again. I use my free hand rubbing her blonde hair gently, tuck some hairs behind her ear as she's staring at me thoughtfully.
"Are you okay with it?" she asks in worry, her voice is obviously dry.
"Hmm? Okay what?" I lay my hand onto her jawline, and another one still knitting with her. She reaches to touch my cheek, and I lean closer to help her touch me easier.
"About this." She eyes me downward at her stomach.
I cooly smirk to her, rubbing her stomach gently. "Of course I am okay with it. This is one of my goals, you know?" I know she's staring at me and I keep look away from her eyes. I can tell, I'm still awkward—sort of freaked out.
She chuckles softly. "Honestly, please."
I pause a little before confess, "Fine. I'm still panicking." She laughs. I continue, "But not too much. I sort of knew it was going to happen, though."
"You knew?" She raises one of her eyebrows unbelievably.
I simply nod. "I found your pregnancy testing box. Why didn't you tell me you knew?"
"I didn't really know, sort of wondering. I just knew the exact time like you did."
"You know, you should have a least told me that you felt something different." Can't help scold her a little bit, I'm still squeezing her hand.
"I wish I could but I can't. You know, there's a thin line between I could be pregnant or I could not. But I eventually wasn't brave enough to use it until I met the doctor. Honestly, I just got these whole different feelings just a few days ago," she says, her mid-sentence is completely gone in her dry voice. She starts to cough.
"But you did buy a pregnancy test."
She chuckles a bit, coughing, and clears her throat. I lean closer to her so that she doesn't have to dial her voice up for me, my nose touching her cheek.
"I don't know. It's like some guts called, you know? Like an instinct."
I reassure. "A maternal instinct."
She grins before repeats, "Yeah, a maternal instinct." Then, she kisses me softly onto my lips.
And I got a paternity instinct, too.
"Are you really okay with that? We're young and you know about your career thing. I'm telling you, Oppa. I totally understand if you'll want to keep it secret from your fans," she worriedly asks with a bit serious look.
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" I dare ask. "I freaked out and I admit it. But I don't regret, Dais. When I first saw your pregnancy test, I quite didn't show what it is until I asked myself if it really is. I asked myself if you're gonna have a baby with me or not. And I secretly wished you really were more than you weren't." I pause, swallowing. "And you really are going to. That's what matters. I wanted to have kids in the future with you so badly when we grew old. You know, I was secretly paranoid when you first told me that you're going to be childless. Having family is what I've dreamt, especially with you. And I'm not lying to you that it drove me nuts at first. But if I'd do it again, I still want to let this happen. I wanna have a pack of family with you, Daisies."
She smiles from ear to ear. I know I'm good at words but this is what I really mean, though.
I continue, "And about my fans. I have to tell you, it doesn't only depend on me. I'm a singer with a band. I have to figure out with my team whether I really can announce the world about us. But if I were a solo one who doesn't have much commitment, I'd surely open about us. I would be so excited to tell everyone that I'm becoming a father. And for God's sake, everyone will be jealous of me, you know what I'm saying, right? G-DRAGON who has everything he wants—expecting a little pretty kid to raise at his first young age and has such a fucking gorgeous wife. And you...you're going have a fucking handsome, talented, cool husband. Who wouldn't be jealous, huh?"
We burst out laughing. Our laughter becomes filling the room through the curtain around two of us. I kiss her two cheeks and her lips.
"Thank you...so so so so so much," she whispers, tears gathering around the corner of her eyes.
"Don't go anywhere. I don't want to be a single father." I half-joke, half-mean.
She giggles, tears slipping down to her ear. "I won't go anywhere. I don't want to be a single mother, too."
I wipe her tears with my thumb. Then I gather her two hands into one and look at her a bit serious. "You gotta be very careful, okay, Dais? We have to let her or him into the world."
She nods and I gently lay her hand down onto her stomach—well, our yet unborn baby. And then I dig into my pocket and pull the ring up.
"So now, which's side I should wear for you?" I dare ask, smiling.
She giggles before replies with tears, "Of course left hand."