These next two days have gone by pretty peacefully. I've been spending all of the time with my family. Harry and I have been texting back and forth as much as I can since I don't have much service, and he has been working with his team to write some songs. He told me that he is struggling to get inspiration, and it is taking a longer time to come up with things to write about.
Today, my parents planned a hike to a secluded beach, which is supposed to be one of the prettiest places in the world. I am eating breakfast with my family right now, and then we will be going exploring after.
"I'm going to be packing a picnic for us for lunch while we are out there." my mom informs the rest of us. We all nod back in response, and continue the simple small talk.
"So Oakland," my dad starts. Here we go... "who is this boy I keep hearing about?" he asks. I hate talking to my dad about really anything too personal, so this is going to be a highly uncomfortable conversation.
"His name is Harry and he's a singer." my sister butts in, after noticing my uneasiness. She pats my leg under the table, signaling that she will help guide the conversation.
"A singer?" my father eggs on, "so you're falling for bad boys now?" he asks, referring to my ex. I am slowly getting irritated with how this conversation has taken a turn. My jaw clenches to hold back what all is running through my mind.
"Jay..." my mom tried to interject.
"No mom, it's fine. Yes, Harry's a singer but he isn't a bad boy," I defend. "But I doubt you would approve, considering you've only ever liked Lucca." I snap.
He raises his eyebrows at my quick response. "Lucca was a sweet boy Oakland. You know this." he says, "Too bad it ended too soon." he is trying to guilt trip me.
"You know what, I don't want to have this conversation." I snap back. He lifts his arms in defence.
"No, no I understand, I get it." he says with a cocky tone, trying to get under my skin. "I just miss seeing him around, that's all." My father loved Lucca, and saw him as the son he never had. Well, too bad he didn't see how I was treated behind closed doors.
I stood up abruptly, not even caring about how I didn't finish my food. I was done with this conversation, and how my father always gaslights me in every way he can. I roll my eyes as I leave the kitchen in a rush. I head straight down the hall and slam my door shut on purpose to let everyone know that I don't want to be talked to. I layed down on the bed in defeat. I know my father feels that he won the argument, and is probably on his achievement high. I let out a sigh, knowing that I will have to spend all of my time with him today.
I feel a single tear slip down my cheek, and I instantly sit up and whip it off. I don't have any reason to cry right now, and letting even a single tear out shows a sign of weakness.
I'm not weak. I'm not weak.
I decide to distract myself, and start to get ready for the day. I turn on some music, one of my upbeat playlists to lift my mood. Free Time by Ruel started playing, and I climbed off of my bed and headed into the bathroom. I splashed my face with some cold water, and brushed my hair and teeth. As I went back into the room, a soft knock on the door caught my attention. My mom peeked her head in with a sympathetic look drawn across her face.
"Hey bug," my mom says softly. She knows that calling me by my nickname somehow calms me down a bit, so she started only doing it when I was upset. It warms my heart to know that she is trying to make me feel better. She walks fully into the room after realising that I wasn't still fully mad. "I just wanted to come check on you." she says with a sweet smile.
"I'm fine mom, you know it's hard when dad brings him up." I only ever told her the top layer of Lucca and I's relationship, but she could always sense that something was up. She walks to go sit down on the edge of the bed, while I crouch down, mindlessly look through my bathing suits.
"I know bug, don't take what he says to heart. He is only trying to get you to open up to him." She tried to play devil's advocate like always, but that just made me upset. I look up at her with no emotion showing behind my eyes. I don't want her to see what I am feeling, which is complete sadness, and some betrayal. Open up to him?? There are plenty of other ways to get me to open up to him without bringing up the one person I didn't want invading my thoughts on this trip.
"I know mom," I agree, only because it will make the situation go away sooner. "I'm just going to get ready so we can leave." I give her a forced smile.
She nods, and stands up with a sympathetic soft smile. She left the room after giving me a pat on the back, and my face falls from the fake emotion portrayed, and I go back to looking through my clothes. I picked out a yellow bathing suit, which will make me look tanner.
I threw on one of my coverups, and started to pack my bag. I put my sunglasses, book, a small camera, and some sunscreen in it, and slid on my shoes. I went across the hall to see my sister wearing a blue swimsuit with white stars on it.
"Hey Oak," she says in the same tone as my mother. I guess she could tell my mood by the what she said next. "Fuck dad, he's a piece of shit for bringing him up earlier." she tells me. My sister is more upfront with things, and won't soften anything like my mother does.
My sister is my best friend, and I tell her everything. She is so supportive and a great listener, so I trust her with it all. She is the only person who knows what really happened with Lucca. She knows how he would put up a front for my parents, so they never got to see who he really was.
I shrug my shoulders as a response, trying to brush it all off. "It's whatever." I say.
She picks up on how I don't want to talk about it anymore, so she changes the subject quickly.
"Well, do you like this one, or this one?" B asked me, holding up another suit.
"The one you are wearing is cute, just wear that one." I tell her. I know if I went with the other one, she would have taken 100 years to actually get ready, because she would have kept changing her mind over and over again. She nods and throws on her cover up along with her shoes.
We both head out of her room, and she walks into the kitchen while I go back into my room.
I wanted to let Harry know that I wouldn't be on my phone today. I don't want him to think I'm ignoring him. I stared at my phone for a few seconds, and then typed a second text without thinking.
'Could I see you tonight?'
I hit send and threw my phone back on my bed and left my room without looking back. I went out into the kitchen where I found my sister and mother making the picnic meals. My father was outside, which I was grateful for. He's always had too high of expectations for me, and whenever I fail him, he makes it very apparent.
Once they were done making food, my dad walked back into the room. He walked towards the island where I was sitting and tried to hug me. I squished into him, not hugging him back.
"Wow, no hug back?" he said with a sassy tone.
"No." I deadpanned.
"Hmm, seems like Oakland is getting too big for her britches." He states. I rolled my eyes at his southern slang, and stood up to divert the conversation away from me. My mother packed up the food, while my sister pulled me outside onto the patio. I was getting riled up, and she could tell.
"Just get some air, try not to feed into his words, Oak." she says, calming me down. I nodded, looking down at my sandals. I just hate that my father could never see me as human instead of perfect. It stresses me out, and makes me feel like shit.
Soon after, I went back inside where they were all ready. We headed out to the beach, and It was a little drive, where I stayed silent the whole way.
there was a bit of a hike once we got there, but it was all worth it for the view. Plus, there were native goats that we got to see while on the walk.
We sat up on a rock ledge, and I read my book for most of the time, distancing myself. I decided after a bit that I would take pictures on this small camera that my grandparents gifted me for one of my birthdays. I always forget about it, but when I remember, the pictures come out amazing. I took pictures of the landscape, my sister, the goats, and everything around me. I smiled while flipping through them, wanting to show everyone how stunning this place is.
After I took pictures, we ate lunch. It was uneventful, because I stayed silent the whole time. The rest of my family had small conversations, while I sat there and observed. I didn't want to ruin anyone else's moods with mine, so I stayed quiet and reserved. Soon after, we decided to head back to the airbnb, since my father got too sunburned.
Karma's a bitch.
We got home, and the girls of the family hung out in the living room. We were watching some movie on Netflix that my sister wanted to watch, but I wasn't paying much attention, so I decided to go take a shower.
I went into my bedroom, and grabbed my phone to play some music like always. I turned on my phone, forgetting that I texted Harry this morning, and was shocked to see a response.
'Sure, I need a distraction from work today' he sent. I was relieved to know that he needed something to take his mind off of things just like I do.
I sent back, 'I need one too:)' and played some music for my shower. Talia by King Princess played and I went into the bathroom.
I took an extra long shower, since I feel like that is the only place that can clear my mind. standing under the scalding hot water relaxes my muscles along with my thoughts.
My father bringing up Lucca like he did today really put a damper on my mood. He is in no place to be bringing up my ex, when he and my mother's relationship is anything but perfect. thinking about Lucca has been putting suppressed memories back into my head, which is making me feel terrible. everything that went down between the two of us really took a toll on my mental health, and I was finally growing from everything.
you can't go back there Oakland. too dark.
I shook my head to rid it of the toxic thoughts, and I got out of the shower. I wrapped myself in a towel, and brushed my hair out. By the time that I got dressed, the sun was setting through the sliding glass doors. I went to lay down, and I stared at the beautiful view. A buzz coming from my phone snapped me out of the daze I was in, and I checked the notification, which brought a smile onto my lips.
'Can I come get you soon? The sunset is beautiful, and I know the perfect place to clear our heads.' he sent. I couldn't wipe this goofy smile off of my face.
'Sure! Sounds perfect' I responded, along with my address. I hopped up, throwing on my green two piece set, along with a cropped black hoodie over it. Casual but still put together.
Soon after, he texted me that he was here, so I ran out of my room while hopping, struggling to put on my airforce sneakers. It was around 6:30 so my mother was in the kitchen cooking, while my dad was sitting at the island with his computer, probably working. I subtly went over to my mother and hugged her, whispering in her ear.
"Can I go see Harry? I won't be out long," I said quietly.
"What is she asking for this time, Teresa?" my father chirps up. I looked at him with a dead look in my eyes.
"I was wondering if I could go see Harry? Is that a problem?" I said with a passive aggressive tone.
"Oh come on, Oakland. No need to still hold a grudge against me for wanting what is best for you." he says. "Plus, I don't think that leaving with a boy you just met is such a good idea." he adds.
"I'm done talking to you about what you think is 'best for me' and I'm going. I'm 18, I can take care of myself." I put my hands up in air quotes. I'm so tired of being treated like a child. I walked out of the kitchen, and then out of the house. I sighed as soon as my body hit the warm air, and I walked down to Harry's car. A grey Jeep Wrangler. Hot.
"Hey," I greeted softly with a sweet smile. He responded with a hey, and started to pull away. He started driving but I had no clue where we were headed, so I started making conversation.
"How's writing been?" I asked. He let out a quiet sigh, but I still heard it.
"It's been harder than expected. Everything that I put down, I end up trashing because it doesn't feel personal enough." he spills. I nod taking in what he said. We continue small talk, and soon we end up on top of some mountain. It was very secluded and small.
"Where are we?" I asked as he put the car in park. I looked around, and the view was incredible. You could see so far over the horizon that you could see the setting sun meet the ocean. His lips curved up into a small smile, giving me a side eye.
"Cmon," he waves as he gets out of the car, "I found this place a few nights ago, when I needed some fresh air" I follow him by getting out of the car, and he walks to the trunk. He opened it, where he found two blankets. He grabbed them and walked back to the edge of the cliff. He laid them out, and we both sat side by side, looking out to the horizon.
We sat there for what felt like forever, soaking in each other's silence. It wasn't awkward at all, since we both accepted that we needed a break from reality. After some time, without talking, Harry got up and walked back to his car. I furrowed my eyebrows and followed him with my eyes. He disappeared from behind his car, and emerged a few seconds later with an acoustic guitar. I smiled at the thought that he may play something.
He sat back down and looked at me, "who's your favorite artist?" he asked.
"Well, that's a loaded question since there are so many different styles, Harry." I say back with a cheeky tone. "I like music based on my mood, I simply can't say that I have a favorite artist." I tell him more seriously.
"Just name one that you like to listen to then." he says back with a smile drawn across his face. His eyes meet mine while I search my brain for the perfect singer.
"The 1975." I say after some thought. He looked down at his guitar with a smile on his face.
He started strumming, and I instantly recognized the song.
*Play Be My Mistake by The 1975*
Be my mistake,
Then turn out the light,
She bought me those jeans,
The ones you like,
The lyrics flow so beautifully off of his tongue, and I'm completely enthralled with the music. His voice fits perfectly with this style of music, and I can't seem to take my eyes off of him.
Save all the jokes you're gonna make,
While I see how much drink I can take,
Then be my mistake,
Sometime throughout him playing, I laid down and shut my eyes. His voice is so peaceful, and calmed every crashing wave of thoughts in my mind. Knowing that he started playing my favorite song by them, without even knowing, blew my mind. Once the song was over, he sat the guitar down and laid down next to me. I kept my eyes closed, but I could feel his presence.
"That's my favorite song by them," I tell him.
"It's mine too." he tells me. I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him, but he already had his eyes on me. We both smiled at each other, letting the waves from down below fill the silence. The sun was completely set by now, and the moon illuminated his features so perfectly. He kept his eyes on mine, and started to lean in. I leaned in as well, starting to smell his intoxicating scent.
I quickly sat up after realizing what was going to happen. He sat up with me, trying to play it off. I looked down at my phone, trying to come up with something to say.
"It's getting late." I say, even though it's only about 8pm. I don't want to leave, but there was tension created between us, caused by my nervous reaction to his actions.
"We don't have to leave yet," he says, persuading me to stay. It doesn't take much and I was already starting to lean back on my hands again.
"So," I said, trying to add warmth to the mood.
"What happened that led you to want a distraction today?" He asked, switching the subject. I looked down at my legs that were stretched in front of me, my right foot twitching with stress from the question.
"Nothing really, my father is just a prick who likes to get under my skin." I told him the broad statement of the argument from this morning. He nods, not trying any harder to get the answers out of me. "He is just a southern man with the mindset that I should be with a man who will provide for me, but I just can't see myself being that shallow of a person to surrender my freedom to the feet of a man." I continue, spilling out what I've been keeping in. my father always saw Lucca as the perfect man who would keep me safe and happy, which was the complete opposite of who he truly was.
"I'd like a girl who could stand up for herself, that shows that you are much stronger than what is expected of you." he tells me, feeding into how I spewed out my feelings. "Did you say southern?" he asked, referring to how I described my dad.
"Um, yea. I'm from South Carolina." I tell him. He nods and smiles while looking down at his lap.
"A Carolina girl..." He says, but it is more to himself than said to be heard by me. I kept my eyes on him, until he finally looked back up from thinking. His eyes met mine, and they looked a perfect shade of green, shining under the moonlight. For some reason that I can't explain, I just feel completely comfortable with the man in front of me. I know that I only met him a few times, but I have a feeling that I was supposed to have him in my life.
I can tell that he has something on his mind, "What are you thinking about?" I ask.
"Oh, nothing. I'm just glad that I'm here... with you." he says, warming my heart. I look down to my lap in an attempt to shield the smile growing on my face. I look back up to him, a smile still prominent.
"Thank you for bringing me here, it really helped clear my head." I tell him quietly.
We both turn our heads to look out over the edge of the cliff, and bathe in the warmth of each other's presence. We don't have to talk to acknowledge what is going on between the two of us. There is some sort of connection that I can't quite place my finger on, but I know that he was supposed to come into my life for all the right reasons. After a while of enjoying the peacefulness from being far from society, I said that I should probably head home. He nodded, and we got back into his car. We drove back to my house, 70's music playing low out of the speakers.
Once we pulled up, I turned to him to say my goodbyes, but my breath was taken away instantly as he crashed his lips to mine. I froze for a second, but soon melted into him. It's like a light switch was flipped on in my head, and this is exactly the connection I felt with him. His hand found its way to my cheek while I put one of my hands on his shoulder. The kiss was like a thousand fireworks going off all at once. It felt like it lasted for hours, but it was only a few short seconds until we pulled away. Heavy in breath, he kept his forehead to mine, looking into my eyes.
"You make me feel at home." I whisper, keeping it between the two of us. He looked deeply into my eyes for a second before responding.
"You make me feel at home" he repeats. I smile softly, leaning back to start to get out of the car.
I step out and turn back around to take one last look at his face. "Thank you Harry... Goodnight." I say before turning back around and heading into the house.
He is everything I need right now.
---------------
I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!
Let me know your thoughts and ideas:)
Sending all of my love<3<3<3