Abir (Amir but with a B) and Giselle in the MM.
Giselle YoungBlood, 18
(3 years before)
"But mama, I can't just leave. I have a life here, family here.." I trailed off, watching as my mama and my daddy packed all of our stuff up into various different suitcases.
We were leaving our hometown and everybody in it after living here my entire life. All because of their stupid ass jobs.
"Listen, baby. I know it's hard but I don't want you living here with your grand mom and cousins so you'll have to come with us."
"But why?" I begged, knowing that that's what I really wanted. That's what I'd been hoping for since the move was brought to my attention.
"Mama, why? Why can't I stay with them?"
"I could stay here and work at mom mom's store."
"I really don't want to leave. Please." I begged, watching as she continued packing the suitcases as if my feelings meant nothing to her.
"Baby, what your mother said is final. There's no debate." My daddy spoke sternly while I stood there with tears in my eyes now, feeling completely hopeless.
I had just graduated, thinking I was going to spend the summer living it up with my friends and loved ones but here I was abruptly being snatched away from it all.
At 18 years old.
"Don't cry, honey." My mama looked up at me, seeing how hurt I was. I actually couldn't believe this was happening right now.
"Mama, I can't just leave Abir." I admitted, telling her exactly why I couldn't do this.
Not only would she be snatching me away from my friends and family but she was taking me away from the boy I'd loved for five going on six years.
I couldn't just walk away from him.
"Baby.." She trailed off, sighing deeply.
"I know you love Abir." She stood to her feet to stop packing for a moment and pulled me into her.
"But there will be other boys. Right now you have to do what's best for you and that's coming with your daddy and I to give you a better life."
"Better life for who? You?!" I became angry at her choice of words.
As if my feelings were robotic and I could just turn them off and on for any and everybody.
"My feelings just don't matter to y'all at all, huh?" I cried harder than before now.
"Speak to your mother with some respect, Giselle." My father spat and I shook my head, watching as they stood there looking at me like some dumb teenager.
This wasn't puppy love for me. I didn't spend 5 years building something, just to walk away from it for their dreams.
I couldn't do it.
"Mama, if I asked you to walk away from daddy to come with me somewhere, would you do it?" I asked her, testing her love as well.
"Excuse me?" She furrowed her eyebrows.
"If I asked you to walk away from daddy to go with me somewhere, would you do it?"
"And before you answer that, know that there are other men out there that you could be with. He isn't the only one." I spat smartly, just so she could understand how her words were coming off to me but when I did, she put her finger up, silencing me all together.
"Listen here, Giselle." She spoke sternly to me, calling me by my full name.
"I know you're upset but there is no debate or challenge. I'm a grown ass woman-"
"And I'm not?!" I screamed, making me father quickly stand to his feet and I shut my mouth completely.
"That's enough of the back talk, Giselle. Go and get your things packed, our flight leaves in the morning.
Feeling completely helpless now, I turned on my heels and quickly made my way out of the door instead. There was no way they were going to do this to me.
I just couldn't let it happen.
Getting out of the front door and slamming it closed behind me, I quickly walked away from my house as I grabbed my phone to call Abir.
"GG." I heard Mila calling me from a few houses down, at my grandma's house, but I ignored her at the moment, I really needed to talk to my boyfriend.
The phone rang a few times before he finally answered.
"What's up, baby?" He answered with sleep evident in his voice, when he did, I cried hard, realizing I was about to have to break his heart.
"Yo, what's gon' on?" He spoke with urgency now, sleep clear from his voice completely.
"Baby, talk to me." He spoke seriously as I continued to cry, not knowing what to say to him.
"Can you come and get me, Abir?" Was all I had the courage to say and I soon heard shuffling in his background.
"Aight, G. I'm on my way." He told me as a FaceTime from him rang out and I answered, looking down into his face.
"What's wrong? What happened?" He asked, looking at me with stern eyes while I cried real tears.
I can't do this to him. I thought to myself.
"Baby, we can talk when you get here. Just please hurry." I told him and I watched as he pulled a hoodie over his head.
"Aight. I'a be there in like 5 minutes, babygirl."
"Just stay where you at." He spoke sternly and I nodded doing as told before the call ended. Waiting for him, I sat on a random house's steps while I gathered my words for what I was about to say.
I was crushed in this moment, knowing that I was about to have to crush him. There was no debating with my parents, I didn't have any money, I didn't own anything and they were my only sources of house and home outside of my grandmother.
I'd even begged my grandmother to let me stay with her and I knew she would've if she could but of course she had to listen to my mother. I was her daughter's child, not hers.
Sighing in defeat, I put my head into my lap as tears cascaded down my face with no chance of stopping anytime soon.
I'd be crying for the rest of my life after doing this.
Breaking the both of us for nothing.
-
Moments later, I heard tires screech as Abir's car came speeding down the block. I looked up from my lap, watching him roughly stop in the middle of the street before he got out of his car and slammed his door closed.
He said nothing as he made his way over to me and I slowly stood to my feet.
"What's wrong?" He spat as I pulled him in for a tight hug, crying harder than before now.
"Yo, Giselle. What the fuck gon' on?" He asked, calling me by my full name which he never does so I knew that he really wanted to know what was going on with me but the thing is, I didn't have the heart to break his heart.
Pulling away from me, his brown eyes pierced down into mine while I looked up at his tall figure hovering over me.
I loved him so much.
"Talk to me, G." He spoke softer now once he saw how hurt I really was.
"Tell me what's gon' on and I'm gon' fix it."
"Whatever it is, baby." He spoke surely but I knew there was nothing he could do to fix this.
"Baby-" I started but stopped, sniffling a bit as he grabbed my hand, trying to keep me calm.
"Talk to me, G." He rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles and it broke me so much more than I already was.
"Baby, they're trying to make me leave. They want me to leave tomorrow." I blurted it in sobs, watching as he furrowed his eyebrows.
"What?" He spat, turning his lip up and I nodded frantically.
"My mama and my dad, they're making me leave."
"We're about to get on a flight tomorrow." I admitted to him, feeling my phone buzzing in my pocket.
"So yo' mama really tryna make you leave Jersey?" He asked and I nodded, watching as he went through 100 different emotions.
I couldn't believe this. All so suddenly, I was hurting the love of my life for something that I didn't even want to do.
"Nah.." He trailed off.
"Nah, you trippin'. Fuck all that." He spat angrily, roughly letting my hands go.
"You ain't gon'." He spoke sternly while I looked up into his eyes sadly.
"Come on, you gon' stay with me." He nodded his head toward his car while my phone continued buzzing in my pocket and I already knew that it was my parents calling.
"Baby." I called out while he began walking but stopped in his tracks to look at me.
"Abir, I can't." I admitted to him, knowing my parents would never allow it plus his mom would never allow me to stay in her house, especially if my mama wasn't okay with it.
They were close.
"Why not?" He looked down into my eyes, almost scaring me with the look he was giving me.
"Baby, I have to go. I really really really don't want to because I love you so much but my mama will never let this go and your mom will never let me stay in her house, knowing my mama doesn't want that."
"I don't give a fuck about none of that shit, bra." He spat to me and I backed up a little, watching as he got angry.
"Yo, G. You ain't leavin' me, bra." He went on, looking at me with a serious face.
"This five years, almost six. Fuck you think this shit was a game for me? Fuck you think my feelings ain't mean shit?"
"No, Abir. Do you think it was a game for me?" I asked, confused why his anger was directed toward me right now.
I didn't want this. This was my parents doing.
"I ain't sayin' it was baby but the ball is in your court right now. You can just stay with me and we can work some shit out." He went on saying but I knew it wouldn't work.
Neither of us had any money or real jobs that could help up live, our parents wouldn't allow it and we were only 18 years old.
There were so many factors here.
"Abir.." I trailed off, looking at the ground.
"Bro." He shook his head as if he knew what I was about to say.
"G, you ain't fuckin' leaving. I ain't even about to sit here and act like I'm gon' let you on some calm shit." He went on, watching as I cried, covering my face.
"You playing games with a nigga heart right now and you know before I got with you I wasn't just giving this shit out to just anybody."
"I know, baby-"
"I fucking trusted you!" He spat, making me jump a little when he did and I bit my lip hard, crying so hard that I was being to get a headache.
"I asked you when this shit first came up, when yo' mama hinted at moving after graduation, I asked you."
"I said G, if she really try to make you move, is you gon' with her or you gon' stay with me and what did you say?" He asked as I stood there, looking down.
"What did you say, ma?" He asked, calmer now as he lifted my chin with his index finger and I looked up into his brown eyes as they now held tears as well.
"Abir." I sobbed, trying to cup his face but he shook his head, shrugging me off
"Nah, G. What did you tell me?" He asked seriously and I sniffed hard, watching as the both of us cried.
"I said that I wouldn't go Abir and that I would make it work and I did baby. I tried." I admitted to him.
"I asked if I could stay with my grandma babe but she won't let me. She just wants me to leave, she doesn't want me here anymore."
"Fuck that shit, bra! I ain't tryna hear that dumb ass shit!"
"What the fuck do you want, G?!" He yelled, breaking my heart while I watched his heart break.
"I just want you Abir." I pleaded, pulling him in for a hug and gently kissing his lips.
"I don't want to go."
"Then stay." He asked as my phone began buzzing again and I knew that it was my parents continuously calling.
I needed to get back.
"Stay with me, G. Make it work like you said you was, ma." He pleaded as I pulled my phone out, seeing angry text from both my father and my mama.
Get your ass house now! Don't make me come looking for you. I read one of the text and that was enough for me to understand that I needed to go.
No matter how much this hurt.
I just hoped that one day he could forgive me.
"Baby, I love you." I admitted, sliding my phone back into my pocket.
"And I love the way you loved me-"
"G." He cut me off but I shook my head.
"I have to go because I know staying right now won't be smart in the long run but I promise you, Abir.." I trailed off, watching him shake his head in denial.
"Baby, I promise. I'll come back and we can make it work, okay?" I begged him.
"Nah, I ain't tryna hear none of that shit." He angrily wiped his face clear of his tears.
"If you walk away from me, bro."
"If you leave, G.." He trailed off.
"This shit over with. Ain't no coming back." He spoke sternly and I cried harder, watching as I broke him.
His words were deadly and I could tell he meant them. I just hoped that one day I could change his mind.
"Ain't no fuckin' coming back and making shit right because you can make shit right, right now but you ain't trying to."
"Baby-" I started but stopped as he slanted his lips, shaking his head.
"If you leave G, this shit over with for good. I promise you."
"You don't mean it, baby." I shook my head, slowly walking away as I cried, watching him look at me angrily.
I knew he was just angry right now but when I came back, which I always would for him, I knew he would love me the same because I would love him the same.
"G." He called as I slowly turned around to walk away.
"G!" He yelled as I cried harder, doing the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.
And that was turning my back on the person I loved.
"G!" I heard him continued yelling to me and I cried hard as I walked fast now.
I sniffled and cried as the wind blew rapidly, making things even worst.
We were really over and I was moving away and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Nothing at all.
*