We were getting everything around for Daphne’s party. You would think that there wouldn’t be much of a turnout for a Sunday night but Daphne’s parties always get a great turnout. She usually invites everyone from the club and whoever isn’t on that night comes. She pretty much invites everybody else she knows so it’s always interesting who shows up.
I was on the floor pulling Daphne’s immense liquor collection out of her cabinets, one by one. I was placing them in two piles. One pile had the full bottles and the second pile was for the bottles that were almost empty. The latter was the bigger pile, which meant we were going to need to hit the liquor store. When I was done I sat back and looked at all the almost empty bottles. “How are we going to carry all those bottles back?”
Daphne stopped what she was doing and stood behind me, deep in thought. “Steve has a car. We could call him.”
“I thought he couldn’t make it to the party?” I wasn’t sure if Daphne was going to be on her best behavior without Steve around.
Daphne shook her head. “No he can’t make it. His family does some hunting, sporty, outdoor thing every year.”
“And you didn’t want to meet them?” I was lifting the full bottles onto the counter.
Daphne was writing down all the liquor we needed to pick up. “I have met them. Several times. Have you ever known me to be outdoorsy and sporty?”
“Well I have seen you go outdoors before.” I gave Daph a devilish grin. “And dancing is kind of a sport.”
“Oh please. I am not a dancer I am a stripper. Do you see me doing any grand jetes on stage?” Daphne put her hand on her hip. “Who is the queen of the booty drop?”
I gave an exaggerated bow. “You are your majesty.”
“That’s right. My weapon is shaking my ass not shooting a gun.” To prove her point she dropped down low.
“So you actually met his family?” I was surprised that Daphne had met the family. She hated meeting the family. She knows that her being a stripper is usually a deal breaker and she would never lie about it. “And they know you are a stripper?”
Daphne shrugged. “Steve told them. I don’t think it was a selling point. They are pretty well off but they made me feel welcome and nobody mentioned it.”
“Did they not invite you on the trip?” I was getting very defensive of Daphne. I really liked Steve but I didn’t want anyone treating Daphne as anything other than the amazing person she was.
“I was invited but I declined the offer. I think they figure that if Steve and I get serious I will become a little house wife.” Daphne rolled her eyes. “Fat chance of that. I’ve been working since I was 13 I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have a job.”
Daphne had always helped support her mother and her sisters growing up. We had that in common. Although I had a great family life before my parents had died, after that I had been on my own. “There are other jobs.”
Daphne looked over at me as if I had betrayed her. “Lennie I know there are other jobs, but I like my job and if Steve doesn’t have a problem with it then I don’t care what his family has to say about it.” She said matter of factly. “Besides I am so damn loveable they’ll get over it and realize how awesome I am eventually. But that won’t be while I’m spending the whole day complaining about being outside and sweaty, killing Bambi’s mommy.”
I was a little surprised about Daph’s comment about Steve not caring about her being a stripper. “So does Steve say he doesn’t care or does he actually not care?” I wasn’t sure if that made him an amazingly supportive boyfriend or a chump. I guess as a stripper I shouldn’t think down on someone who accepts my lifestyle choice. I guess I never really gave it much thought. Would I want to date someone who was fine with me stripping? I know I wouldn’t quite just because somebody told me to but I wasn’t sure if I could respect somebody who was okay with it either. I don’t think that this was an argument that had a winner.
“I told him in the beginning that I wasn’t going to quit stripping. I agreed to stop doing tricks. I always stop when I’m in a relationship but I told him he would have to start paying me for sex to help supplement the loss of income.” Daphne looked over at me to see if I was going to give her a judgmental look.
As soon as it registered what she was saying I totally reacted. “What? Daphne you can’t be serious.”
She burst out laughing. “Yes Lennie. It was a joke. I am a stripper not a whore.”
I looked at her thoughtfully. “Well by definition technically when you are selling favors you are.”
Daphne waved her hand and dismissed me. “Lennie sometimes you think too much.”
She said it as if that was the biggest insult there was. “Yes Daph. Guilty as charged.”
“Speaking of lawyers, do you think Vinnie is going to come tonight?” Daphne looked over at me as if using the word guilty was a direct correlation to being a lawyer. As if nobody else in the world has a right to use that word.
“I don’t think so. They went to D.C. to visit Julia’s sister; they probably won’t come back until tomorrow.” We finished up making the list for the liquor store and Steve came to pick Daphne up to take her. I started moving everything glass out of Daphne’s apartment and storing it in her bedroom. When you are dealing with drunken people you practically need to child proof the apartment. By the time I was done Daphne and Steve came back with boxes full of liquor bottles.
Steve looked at all the bottles with uncertainty. “Are you sure you two are going to be alright?”
Daphne leaned over and kissed him. “I promise we will be fine. I can definitely handle myself.”
He kissed her back. “I know you can handle yourself it’s your acquaintances I am concerned about.”
“Don’t worry about it. Lennie has a cop on speed dial.” She looked over at me grinning.
Steve shook his head. “Ah yes Noah.”
I stood there in astonishment. “I just told Daphne about him last night. How do you know about him already?” Damn, news travels fast.
“It was a long trip to the liquor store.” Steve smirked. “Besides my vote is still for Vinnie.”
“You haven’t even met Noah yet.” I could feel myself blushing because I was defending him.
Steve stood there looking thoughtful. “How about we double date? One for each guy. Then I can give you my honest opinion.”
I sighed. “Vinnie isn’t even interested in me. Not for real anyway.”
Steve had an answer ready. “Well then it will be a non-date and then I can see it for myself. I’ll be objective.”
It wasn’t going to happen so there wasn’t any reason for arguing. “Fine you set it up, I’ll show up.”
Daphne folded her arms across her chest glaring at me. “I don’t believe you. That was too easy.” She looked over at Steve. “She is never this easy. It sounds like a trap.”
I scoffed. “What kind of trap could I possibly be setting Daphne? I just know that when it comes down to it Vinnie won’t go for it. So instead of arguing I am just going to agree to it because it’s not going to happen.”
Steve put out his hand. “It’s a deal. We will set it up and then you have to show up.” I went to reach my hand out to shake his when Daphne smacked my hand away.
“One stipulation.” Daphne’s eyes were gleaming. That’s how I knew I needed to listen to it before agreeing to it.
I didn’t cave. “What?”
Daphne had a wicked grin. “I get to pick your outfits.”
I rolled my eyes. “You can pick six outfits that I choose from.”
“Three.” She counter offered.
Luckily that had been my plan. “Fine but they have to be from my closet.”
“Fine.” Daphne looked as if she had just won the lottery. I grabbed her hand and shook it before she had time to realize that in the end she had actually lost. I was the queen of negotiations.
“Finally a double date that won’t make me want to poke my eyes out.” Steve looked excited. I hadn’t seen him this excited.
Daphne looked over at him. “We double with your friends all the time.”
Steve looked over at her awkwardly. “My friends are boring.” Daphne looked over at me and subtly nodded her head in agreement. Without even looking at her Steve responded. “I saw that.”
When he turned to look at her she had an angelic expression on her face. “What? I didn’t do anything.”
Steve’s expression softened and he pulled Daphne in for a kiss. “Whatever you say Blue.” I know it’s rude to stare but I couldn’t help it they were too cute. “Well I better get going. I have to get to my parents before dark.” He again turned to Daphne and kissed her. “You be good. I’ll see you Lennie. I can’t wait to see Vinnie’s face when you come out in your super slutty outfit.”
I laughed. “That’s where Daphne is wrong. I don’t have any slutty clothes. And she has to pick from my closet.”
Steve shook his head at me as if to pity my naiveté. “You do know that Daphne can turn practically any shirt and belt into a mini dress right?” As he said this Daphne looked over at me triumphant.
“She can’t do that.” I protested. “A shirt and belt does not an outfit make. There has to be bottoms.” I could tell by their faces that I was going to lose this one.
Daphne placed her finger on her chin as if deep in thought. “Hmm. I am pretty sure there wasn’t any guidelines set with in our verbal agreement.”
“Daphne. Bottoms are implied when you say outfit.” I was already seeing myself painted into the corner.
“I don’t know if implications hold up in a court of law. An agreement is an agreement.” Why is it every time I under estimate Daphne she always makes it count?
Steve jumped in again. “Well Vinnie’s a lawyer we can just ask him what the legal guidelines of implications are. Problem solved.” With that he was to the door. “Bye girls have fun. Call the cop if you have to. Call me later Daph.”
Finally satisfied with our furniture arrangement for the party, we took turns showering and stealing the mirror. After I dressed I started sorting out all the snacks. Daphne came into the kitchen wearing a tight, black, mini dress. “Please tell me you aren’t wearing that.”
I looked down at my jean capris and tye dyed Dylan t-shirt. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
She looked at me with disgust. “What isn’t wrong with what you’re wearing?”
I cut to the chase. “Is there anything that I can say that will get me to win this argument?”
“Yes. You can say you’re going to change into the outfit I laid out on the bed for you.” Daphne smirked.
I rolled my eyes. It was easier to give in than it was to fight with her. “Fine. It’s your party and you can stripperify if you want to.” I knew whatever articles of Daphne’s closet were waiting for me were super slutty. I shoved the chip bags I had been holding into her hands and walked off to change. I made it to her room and checked out the outfit. It actually wasn’t too bad. Just a short jean skirt and white off the shoulder top.
The party started and the apartment was packed. I noticed Craig in the kitchen and I was surprised. I have rarely ever seen him outside of the bar. By the time I make it over to him he is making himself a drink. “It’s a good thing you are pouring alcohol or I wouldn’t recognize you.”
His face lights up when he realizes it is me. “Hey you. I’m just doing what I do best.” He is wearing an old Bulls t-shirt and jeans. He notices that I am checking him out and raises his eyebrow.
I responded. “Who knew you were so buff behind that bar?” I reached out to touch his bicep and pretended I was impressed.
He blushed deeply. “So what can I get you to drink?” He pulled a plastic cup from the stack.
“It’s your night off. Besides I think I can handle getting a beer.” I grabbed a bottle out of the fridge. I attempt to twist off the top with no luck.
Craig starts laughing at me and I give him a quizzical look. “Here, that isn’t a twist top.” He takes it out of my hand and uses his lighter to pop off the top.
“Oh.” I laughed in spite of myself. “I guess that’s why you pour drinks for a living and I get paid to take off my clothes.”
“And you are great at taking off your clothes I might add.” He picks the empty cup back up off the counter and he asks, “how about some shots?”
I make a face. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” I can see across Daphne’s apartment and my heart stops when I see that Mark is standing over there talking with Gloria and Kiera. I don’t know when he got here but he was looking at me. I quickly look to Daphne and I can tell what she is thinking. I shrug my shoulders letting her know to let it go for now. I would just have to try to avoid him.
Craig gave me a puppy dog face bringing me back to the task at hand. “Come on Lennie. You guys always get to drink and have fun at the bar. Now that I can actually join you aren’t going to turn me down.”
I gave out an exaggerated sigh. “Alright, let’s do a shot.”
With in seconds Gloria is by my side. “No freaking way. If Ginger is doing shots I’m doing shots. Pour them bartender.” She pointed over to Craig.
He looked over at me and laughed. “I guess I don’t have the night off after all.”
I smiled back. “Well if it makes you feel any better Bliss Divine over here never takes the night off either.” Gloria stood there grinning. “So when she doesn’t take the night off it means she will be taking some clothes off.”
Gloria put her hands on her hips. “I do take my job very seriously. Now shut up and take a shot.” Craig just looked between us looking as if he won the lottery, because regardless of where the night is going to take him he knows he is going to get to see some boobs.
I took the shot and it burned all the way down, I am definitely out of practice. Gloria pours and hands both Craig and I another one. “I don’t know Di if I can handle another one.”
Gloria and Craig yelled in unison. “Shut up and take the shot.”
“No peer pressure here.” I took the second shot again and coughed. Watching the two gearing up to go again I grabbed the bottle. “I will pour this one.” Hoping they were drunk I took over pouring, giving myself barely half a shot to their whole shot. So at least if I was getting drunk I was going to get proportionately less drunk than them. As long as I was taking the shots it didn’t seem like they cared that I wasn’t filling mine all the way. Or maybe they were just too drunk to notice.
Regardless of my baby shots I was still getting hammered. I knew Gloria was feeling it because she kept kissing Craig and me. I had never seen Craig drunk before and I was having a great time. I missed having fun. With Mark we had to hide and there was always something going on. I almost felt more alone when I was with him than when I was alone. I was always defending something that he didn’t understand. I just wanted simple. I just wanted fun. Although when I’m drunk I always tend to over analyze.
Several shots later Daphne came into the kitchen and was organizing a group for drinking games. Craig was so excited to play that even though I was having trouble standing I couldn’t say no. Danny and Denise were sitting around the table waiting to play. If I hadn’t known about the no dating policy I would think they were dating. They definitely looked like they were at least going to be hooking up later. Once everyone got situated around the table and we started playing Asshole. After I got rid of all my cards I was hot. The apartment was packed and I needed some air. I pushed through the crowd to Daphne’s window. I made my way out onto the fire escape. As soon as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I noticed I wasn’t out there alone. I could see on the far side there was a couple making out. I quickly recognized Kiera’s hot pink tube top and butterfly tattoo on her back.
My mouth immediately went dry. The last person that I saw Kiera talking to was Mark. I know I broke up with him and I hadn’t expected him to cry over me but I also hadn’t expected him to move so quickly onto her. Especially in my best friend’s apartment practically in from of me. I couldn’t help but wonder again if he had been messing around with her behind my back the whole time. I was hurt and pissed. I didn’t want to care but I did. I couldn’t help but blame it on the alcohol. Not even an hour ago I had felt so liberated not being with him and now I was feeling hurt. I know I don’t want to be with him but this was the first time I saw him since our fight and I couldn’t deny the feelings I had with him.
I turned to go back in through the window when there was a body on the other side blocking me from getting back into the apartment. I was face to face with Mark. I took a step away from the window back onto the fire escape. As soon as he made it out onto the fire escape Kiera and the mystery man turned around.
“Uh, we are kind of busy here.” Kiera looked over at us disgusted. Garrett, a club regular looked over at us uncomfortably.
Mark looked over at the couple. “Hey guys, can you give us a minute.”
Kiera didn’t budge looking between Mark and me. Garrett nodded his head and pulled an annoyed looking Kiera back into the apartment.
Mark stood there blocking me from the window. “Will you please talk to me?”
I stood there debating what to do. I could give him a chance to explain but I figured what’s the point. There wasn’t any excuse he could give me that would make what happened okay. Although I couldn’t deny that there was a part of me that wanted to hear what he had to say. I wondered, did I miss the signs. Was he always a jerk but I just didn’t realize it? Was I so hurt by Vinnie rejecting me after our first kiss that I just took whatever came along to help alleviate the pain? I knew though that I hadn’t and that he hadn’t. Mark had been a nice guy. I was used to being alone so I doubted that I would just accept anything to avoid it. I knew I had nothing to say but I wanted to hear his excuse. I wanted to know what excuse he thinks I would accept. “I will listen to what you have to say. That’s all I am committing to.”
Mark looked relieved. He spoke. “That wasn’t me. The other day that’s not how I behave. I was just having fun with my friends but what happened shouldn’t have happened. I don’t usually get nasty. It was a bad reaction.” He took a step closer. “I don’t even know what Kiera gave me but it wasn’t the usual shit. I’m sorry. I can’t say that enough. I didn’t mean the things I said. It was some bad coke.” And there it was. All this speculating all this time and he just said it in passing. As if it was the most normal explanation. I don’t know what disturbed me more, that he said it as if it were as acceptable as him having a bad day or if all this time he had known me he actually believed I was okay with the drug use. His eyes were pleading with me to understand. He is definitely high if he thinks that not only is that answer acceptable but also that I would understand.
“You are really going to stand here and blame the drugs. You shouldn’t be on drugs. That’s not who I thought you were.” I stood there eyeing the window.
“Come on Len grow up. Everybody does it.” I wasn’t sure what was more disturbing that he thought everybody does it or that he thought his juvenile reasoning was convincing.
That was when I knew he wasn’t sorry, not in the way that he should be. “No Mark not everybody does it. I don’t do it. Vinnie doesn’t do it.” I wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted to be left alone. If this is what the world had to offer I didn’t want any of it.
Mark’s face contorted into anger. “You and your precious Vinnie. Of course he doesn’t do it he is perfect. He is perfect in every possible way. Tell me Lennie if he is so perfect then why aren’t you with him?” He paused as if he wanted an answer but it wasn’t long enough for me to respond. “I see the way you look at him. If I can see it he can see it. And guess what Lennie, he isn’t here. He doesn’t want you. You aren’t good enough for him. You are a God damned stripper. So stop acting like you are better than this.” He motioned towards the party. I could see my coworkers in various stages of undress, there was table full of my friends playing strip poker, and shirtless guys taking body shots off of every exposed female body part, which there wasn’t any shortage of. I didn’t think I was better than this. These were my friends and I would take the good with the bad, but I will not accept illegal drug use. I will not accept Mark bringing dangerous people into my club.
I didn’t bother addressing any of it. That wasn’t the point. The point was he and I were over and there wasn’t anything that was coming out of his mouth that was convincing me otherwise. “Well then you are at the bottom of the food chain then asshole. Because even if Vinnie doesn’t want me I still don’t want you. You can go to hell.” He remained standing in front of the window blocking my exit. I pushed him to get him out of my way. He barely budged.
He reached out and held onto my waist pulling me into himself. “You are a liar, you do want me. You want to be with me.” He dipped his head down and crashed his lips into mine.
I was surprised but quickly recovered pushing his chest. He was stronger than me. There was no doubt about that but he allowed me to push him away. There was a moment where I looked at him, standing there in front of me. He looked like Mark, like the Mark I knew. But it only lasted a moment. That Mark was an illusion and I was too old for fairytales. “Mark I’m sorry but it is over.” I don’t know why I was apologizing. Maybe a part of me knew that I never really had wanted to be with him. Maybe I had failed him, maybe if I was a better girlfriend I would want to help him, but he hadn’t even asked for help so I knew that he didn’t have any intentions of changing and I didn’t have any intentions of becoming accustomed to his drug use. He let me go and as I made my way back into the party I could hear him say something. I didn’t turn around to hear it though because no matter what he was saying it was already too, little too late.
I went back into the party and continued to drink. I just wanted to have fun. Several body shots off of Craig and Gloria later my phone was going off. I looked and it was Noah. I flipped the phone open and I made my way to the bathroom, the only place that was partially quiet. “Hello.”
“Hello. I’m just calling to check on you.” Wherever he was happened to be just as noisy as it was here. “How’s your party?”
I was concentrating on not slurring my speech. “Good. How’s your pig work, arresting kids who are just out having innocent fun?”
“Ah I miss you too.” He was acting hurt but I know he loves it. “Besides they aren’t having innocent fun, they are breaking the law.”
“Come on Noah. Live a little. Breaking the rules is fun. You know fun. You should try it sometime.” I know I was talking nonsense but I couldn’t stop myself from talking.
“Are you drunk Lennie?” Noah laughed. “I thought you weren’t a big drinker.”
“I’m not. It’s a party. I am having fun.” I couldn’t help but stare at myself in the mirror. “Besides I’m trying to avoid Mark.” As soon as I said I knew I shouldn’t have but I was too drunk to remember why I shouldn’t mention it.
“Mark’s there?” I could hear the concern. “You didn’t tell me Mark was going to be there.” I suddenly remembered why I shouldn’t have mentioned it.
“Well we didn’t know he was coming.” That was the truth.
“Did he hurt you? Did he try to talk to you?” Noah was firing off the questions.
“No he is avoiding me.” That was not the truth. But the truth wouldn’t do anybody any good.
Noah wasn’t buying it. “Just like that he is ignoring you?”
“Yep.” I said convincingly.
“After all that psychotic behavior he is now avoiding you?” He still didn’t believe it. I could tell it didn’t make sense to him, probably because it didn’t make sense lies never really do.
“When he isn’t high he is a rational person.” I said it flatly. I didn’t want Noah to think I was sticking up for Mark because I wasn’t. I just didn’t want him to worry anymore. If he hadn’t tried to hurt me when we were alone on the fire escape he isn’t going to.
“Do you need me to come by and walk you home?” Somebody was knocking on the bathroom door.
“Hmmm. I will have to let you know. The party usually goes until dawn.” I was picturing Noah in my apartment. Would he try to kiss me? Would he try to do more than kiss me? “I gotta go somebody needs the bathroom.”
“You are calling me from a bathroom?” I wasn’t sure if it was an actual question.
I was totally wasted. “Yes?” I answered it with my own question.
“Well if you get all partied out before dawn let me know when you make it home safely.” Noah was laughing again.
“I have one question for you.” I waited for his reply.
“Shoot sweetheart.” The words made my stomach flutter.
“Are you going to pick up any girls at the bar tonight?” I asked it fast before I lost my nerve.
Noah didn’t even hesitate. “I do not have any intentions of picking up any girls at a bar tonight.”
“Good.” I could now hear pounding on the door.
I could hear his smile in his voice. “Don’t forget to let me know when you make it home. Don’t make me come check up on you.”
“When you threaten someone you aren’t supposed to make the threat appealing to the threatened.” I didn’t wait for his response. “Gotta go.” And I flipped the phone closed.
I woke up. My head felt like it was being squeezed. Memories of the night before came rushing back. I was getting nauseas thinking of all the shots I took with Craig and Gloria in the kitchen. I remembered how good it felt flirting with Craig and how good he looked. The conversation with Mark on the fire escape, where he finally admitted what I had known all along and the kiss. The phone call in the bathroom with Noah and him telling me he wasn’t bringing any girls home. I suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that I was naked. I almost immediately after became aware that I wasn’t in my bed alone.
I rolled over in bed and saw a head of hair peeking out from under the sheet. And for the life of me I couldn’t remember who I had gone home with last night. Had I called Noah to walk me home and protect me from Mark? Or worse did I get so drunk that I let Mark take me home? Before I had too much time to think about it, the mystery man had started to stir.
My heart was pounding and it felt like I couldn’t swallow. I didn’t want to know who it was. If it was Mark I don’t know if I could live with the shame. How could I ever take myself seriously again? He is never going to forget me after that. How could I be so stupid? Then I thought of Noah and I had a sinking feeling. This isn’t how I wanted to start a relationship. If I even wanted a relationship. It was bad enough that the last time we were together we were drunk but to actually have sex was on a whole new level. I know Noah wasn’t drinking last night because he was working. There would’ve been no way that he couldn’t tell I was completely smashed. There was a part of me that knew Noah wouldn’t do that to me. He knew how I felt about sex and he knew last time we were together that I didn’t want to go that far. There was a part of me that just knew it couldn’t be Noah.
That left only one other option. And even though I convinced Noah otherwise last night, I know if Mark was in fact in my bed and we had in fact had sex his psychosis was only going to be that much worse. I couldn’t help but not feel safe in my own apartment. I had in fact let the enemy in. I know that I am an adult but I felt disappointed that Daphne would let this happen. How could she allow me to leave with him?
And before I could further debate the pros and cons he sat up in bed. “Oh my fucking head.”