What would you do if I told you I'm trying to finish this book by the end of 2020 👀
...
Amelia
"Are you nervous?" I ask Harry in a whisper.
The two of us sit in his dressing room before his New York show, me on his lap with my arms around his neck and his hands on my waist. He smiles at me lovingly, causing one of his dimples to pop out.
"Yes," he answers, honestly. "I always get nervous before my shows but...as soon as I get on stage, it all just...disappears,"
I move one of my hands to cup Harry's cheek. His slight stubble scratches my skin, but I kind of like it. Harry tends to go for a clean shaven look but I've been trying to convince him to grow out his facial hair. I think it would suit him well.
"You're incredible, you know that?" I tell him, softly.
Sometimes I sit in awe just thinking about this man that I fell in love with. He's so incredibly talented and brilliant, and I'm lucky that I get to witness his genius firsthand. I don't know what I was expecting when we first met. I was in a trance since I never expected crossing paths with the Harry Styles, but I suppose I assumed he'd stick to One Direction's typical sound. However, Harry strayed from that path and created this almost 70's soft rock album. It's absolutely beautiful and it takes my breath away, just like watching him completely own the stage.
I don't tell Harry enough how gifted he actually is. In the beginning, I tried not to even bring his musicianship up because I worried that he would think I was only with him because of his celebrity status. That was far from the truth, but it was a worry I had nonetheless. But now that we're together and in a relatively serious relationship, I have no problem complimenting him. Sometimes I just don't because Harry has a tendency to get really shy or embarrassed. It's as if he's never had a compliment before, which I know is false.
Like always, Harry blushes once the words come out of my mouth and he briefly averts his eyes. I can't help but smile at how endearing it is when he's bashful like this.
"Thank you," he says, quietly. I remove the hand from his cheek as he looks back at me, his green eyes wide and his pupils dilated. "You're sitting up high tonight, right? On the bridge?"
I nod. I had a choice with where I could sit but I opted to hang out with Harry's personal assistant, Ryan, in the chase bridges. It's significantly more private with special security to make sure fans don't encroach on us. I don't mind seeing them and interacting with them, but I would just prefer to be a bit more secluded while I watch the remainder of Harry's tour. I've been overwhelmed with the attention lately.
"Yes. I believe I'm on the righthand side, so your left," I tell him.
"Okay, good. That's what I thought," Harry says. "I'll be looking for you,"
Just as I lean in to press my lips to Harry's, a knock sounds on the door. I groan just as we make contact and I feel Harry smile against me.
"Harry," a voice says, pushing the door open. I awkwardly turn my body around, meeting a wide-eyed Mitch. "Sorry - uh, did I interrupt?"
I love Mitch, but he has this truly spectacular gift of walking in on Harry and I during intimate moments.
"I was just getting ready to leave," I announce.
I stand up, removing myself off of Harry's lap. He frowns at the sudden loss of contact but I try to ignore it, not to be rude but because I know I'll run back into his arms. All I want to do is sit and cuddle with him, but neither of us can do that right now. He has to perform in less than an hour.
"Right," Mitch awkwardly says. He scratches the back of his neck and directs his attention to Harry. "We - uh - need to get ready. Kacey is going on in 10,"
"Okay. I'll be out in a second," Harry dryly replies.
Mitch nods and shoots me a smile before exiting the room. I sigh once he leaves, suddenly feeling anxious about having to leave Harry. I don't know why I have this rock settling at the bottom of my stomach, but I don't like it. Maybe Maggie is right. Maybe I am becoming too dependent on him. There's no real reason for me to feel this way since we'll be reconnected in only a couple of hours.
"Are you okay, love?" Harry asks me. He stands up and comes over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders while mine find his waist through the thick of his suit fabric.
"I'm okay. I'm excited to see you perform," I tell him. It's not a lie, at least. I'm just overly sad to leave his side for the first time in a couple days. I've turned into a rather clingy human recently.
I force a smile but Harry doesn't look like he's buying it. He just raises an eyebrow.
"Amelia..." he warns.
"I'm fine, Harry. Really," I tell him unconvincingly. I don't like keeping secrets but this just seems too stupid to divulge to him. I'm just overreacting.
He stares into my eyes, practically reading my entire soul. I feel unnerved, but I don't look away. I can't. His hold is too powerful on me and sucks me into his magnetic field.
"Are you sure?" He presses.
I nod.
"I am," I say followed by another sigh. I squeeze his waist. "I should go," I regretfully whisper.
Harry hesitantly nods. I can tell he still doesn't believe that I'm fine but he doesn't press it, which I'm grateful for. Slowly, he leans down and presses his lips to mine in a gentle kiss.
"I love you," he tells me, softly, his lips grazing mine.
"I love you, too, sweetheart," I respond after pecking his cheek. "Good luck tonight, although I know you don't need it because you're going to be amazing,"
Harry shyly smiles.
"Thank you, bubs. I hope you enjoy the show. And then you'll get your very own personal show later," he adds the last part with a wink, his voice dropping to a lower and huskier tone that sends shivers down my spine. Just a minute ago I was feeling unnecessarily anxious and now I'm slightly turned on.
Okay, maybe a lot turned on. I've been sex deprived for months and the last couple days haven't quite relieved me yet.
"You can't just say that right before we part ways," I complain, throwing my head back slightly with a groan.
Harry giggles and then forcefully grasps my face in his hands and kisses me rough on the lips.
"I'd offer to have a quickie right now but this suit is a bit hard to remove," he says once I'm released completely from his hold.
I roll my eyes.
"I couldn't commit to a quickie anyways. I want to take my time with you," I tell him, honestly.
I run my hands down his waist, barely scraping his pants before I back away towards the door. Harry stares at me longingly, his eyes slightly darker than they were moments ago.
I put my hand on the doorknob, ready to open it, when I pause and say, "Oh and Harry? Can you wear that suit home tonight? I'd like to be the one taking it off of you,"
I see him swallow and weakly nod. I don't know what compelled me to say that last part but it excites me for some reason to know that I'll get to undress Harry at the end of the night. Everyone gets to see him in these absolutely beautiful suits and I'm the only one who gets to see him completely bare. I think the intimacy of me stripping him out of his public persona and down to the private Harry I know and love is appealing.
I give Harry an innocent smile before finally exiting his dressing room and making my way to my seat. The chase bridges of Madison Square Garden are actually very nice. They're directly above the stage so even though I'm higher up than the third section, I'm technically closer to Harry. The seating is also different. Instead of the typical arena seating, it's barstools against a high top table. I kind of like it, if I'm honest. It's unique.
"There you are!" Ryan exclaims when he sees me.
I grin at him and give him a half-hug upon arrival. I rather like Ryan. He's upbeat and perky, and matches Harry's positivity well. I can tell the two get along well. He's also very adamant on keeping me updated with anything Harry related. He'll let me know if Harry's schedule changes for whatever reason or if they're in a different area other than what is stated on the itinerary I have. He's also texted me on the occasion, just telling me cute things Harry does. One day he found Harry staring at a picture of me while smiling. Another day he found him taking a photo of that plush llama I had given Harry a while back. Ryan says he has some sort of secret Instagram account for it but I keep forgetting to search it up. I haven't been on social media lately.
"Hey Ryan!" I cheerily exclaim. "How are you?"
I take a seat beside him at the table. Besides the two security guards lingering around us, Ryan and I are the only ones in this section. Some other fans have seats near us, but for the most part we're in a relatively private location.
"I'm good! Definitely exhausted from traveling but it's been exciting, nonetheless. I'm ecstatic to have you come with us, though. I know Harry is as well. It'll be busy but definitely worth it," Ryan replies.
"I'm excited, too. I've travelled with Harry briefly while he toured before but I think this'll be different. I don't know why. I think he just seems more...comfortable, I guess. Plus I know he has a couple new songs he added to the setlist, like 'Medicine' and 'Anna' and a couple from One Direction,"
Ryan grins.
"Oh yeah. I almost forgot he didn't do all that in the first half of the tour," he comments. "Sometimes he does other covers, too. Recently he's been into 'Girl Crush',"
I smile. He told me he was doing covers of it while performing but I almost didn't believe him. I used to catch him singing it in the shower or around the house on the occasion and every time he found me listening, he stopped. He said he was too 'shy' so I never knew if he would commit to singing it on stage. I guess he's just sheepish in front of me because of how intimate it is.
"I love that song and I know Harry sings it beautifully as well," I tell Ryan.
"He's got the voice of an angel. If I lived with him, I'd ask him to sing to me all the time," he says with a dreamy sigh.
I laugh.
"He's quite shy, actually," I say, causing Ryan to give me this absurd look. "It's true! I wouldn't believe it either after seeing him so confident and out there on stage but he's a true softy in private,"
My heart flutters just talking about him. Harry Styles really is a mysterious man, in the best way possible. He is the exact definition of an extroverted introvert and it's fascinating to watch in real life.
Ryan and I engage in small talk, straying from Harry, until Kacey Musgraves ultimately comes on stage to open for Harry. She's talented and stunning and I find myself enjoying the opening act much more than I thought I would. Sometimes it's hit or miss, but Kacey is definitely someone I would listen to again. I make a mental note to compliment her after the show. I haven't gotten to formally meet her yet.
By the time Harry comes on stage, I'm grinning from ear to ear. He radiates confidence and 'big dick energy', as Ryan puts it. It's almost impossible to believe that the man on stage right now is the same man who loves cuddles in the morning and blushes when I compliment him.
When 'Sweet Creature' rolls around, I get emotional. He's hinted before about me having an influence on some lyrics he's written, but this is the only song thus far that I have confirmation of it being about me. I remember very vividly when he sang it to me for the first time in the studio. I was a complete and utter sap and I almost professed my love for him the first time then.
I wipe a tear away from my eye as Harry finishes the song. The audience cheers loudly for him causing him to grin and bow slightly. Then his eyes begin to drift upwards, scanning the arena until they land on me. He squints slightly but then waves, my heart flipping when he does. I wave back, my face an intense shade of red and my lips permanently turned upwards.
"My girlfriend's up there," Harry announces in the microphone, his eyes still on me.
The roar of the audience only increases and I vaguely make out most of the fans whipping around to try an catch a glimpse of me. I can't see all too well, but I think I make out some of them waving or jumping up an down to get my attention. Others take pictures from the flash that goes off from their phones. Normally I would mind the attention but right now I just can't bring myself to care.
"We had a talk a while ago," Harry continues, his eyes leaving mine briefly to look at the fans around him but they always circle back to me. "back when we first met. It was about her favorite One Direction songs. She listed off a few of them, but one of them in particular caught my ear because it was one that I wrote, and selfishly one of my favorites. I thought I'd share it with you all tonight,"
My heart hammers in my chest as Harry's eyes find mine again. He smiles and then turns back to his microphone, kisses his promise ring, and then begins to strum a very familiar tune on his guitar.
'If I could Fly'.
If I could fly, I'd levitate down on stage and throw myself at Harry. That conversation we had seems like it was ages ago. In a way I guess it was, going on two years now. I never expected Harry to remember what I said, especially because we weren't even dating at the time. It was when we were just getting to know each other.
I hold my hands to my heart during the entirety of Harry's performance. It's utterly breathtaking. For some reason I like the song more now than I did when it first came out. Not necessarily because it's Harry's version, but because there's more meaning to it. It seems very correspondent to mine and Harry's situation now. Desperate lovers, frequently not together physically but still madly in love. It's very deep and dismally beautiful.
"That was fucking amazing," Ryan says once Harry's finished the song.
I blush and blow a kiss to Harry, whose eyes have found mine yet again. He grins up at me and for a brief moment, we're the only two in the arena. It's as if the world is void of all people except for us. All of my worries and fears temporarily vanish and in it's place comes just pure love for the man on stage. It's overwhelming, but it also brings me such a strong sense of happiness that I've never felt before.
"Yeah," I say in response to Ryan, my eyes never leaving Harry's. "It was,"
...
A couple of things:
1) What's your favorite Harry cover??? Mine is Ultralight Beam and I WISH HE WOULD RECORD IT LIKE HE DID WITH GIRL CRUSH (that's a good one too though lol). From the Fine Line era, I think I'd choose Big Yellow Taxi
2) thank you for the nice comments on my last chapter :) I'm sorry for ranting but I'm doing okay right now. I've been off social media for a couple days so I'm chilling. I'm just focusing on my writing and school right now
3) For anyone that re-reads this series: I'm going to start the painful process of editing Let's Hurt Tonight/Let's Love Tonight again so you might see minor changes. Nothing major at all, but just so you know lol