ELLIOT'S POV
Music has always been the one thing I could count on. Yet, even at times like this, the harmonies and melodies of even the best songs seem to fail at improving my mood.
It's funny, isn't it? Just when you finally need something that's usually available, it disappears. It goes, leaving you to bear the sometimes impossible question of what could possibly work as a replacement. When that thing you yearn for seems to be the only answer, you lose yourself in a thread of questions you're not even sure have answers.
Or not. It depends on what kind of person you are. What kind of person you've become.
I'm not sure I like what I've become. I've turned to a worrisome soul, scared of exploration when I used to want nothing more but an adventure. But, if I'm being honest, it's my own fault. For letting the littlest things get the best of me.
Bad relationships, dumb jokes, things that didn't deserve my attention or time. It makes me feel like a fool when I think back on how many nights I spent, wide-eyed, bawling my eyes out over a girl that called me a boring asshole when I hadn't even been in a relationship with her.
But in the back of my head, in my dreams, we had a relationship. And maybe that's what made it hurt more than it would've if we were to have been seeing each other.
When writing in my journals,
"I saw her in my dreams again, it's like she jinxes it."
I should have made my dream a reality. I shouldn't have been dwelling on how I should've leaned into that kiss when I had an undeniably apparent opportunity. I had no business wanting to be loved by someone who hated my guts.
But, she was undeniably the only person that made me feel like... I don't know, happy?
She had this way with words, she could reel you in with a single, meaningless word that was nothing but a tease to her. The thought of her tasted like a sweet summer, if that makes any sense. I'm sure it doesn't.
I kind of wish I'd met Grace before her. That way, I'd really know what a sweet summer tasted like, that way, I wouldn't have mistaken an obstacle course for a simple challenge.