TW// self harm, suicidal thoughts, abuse, depression, eating disorders
more of a lilo chapter:)
——————
LOUIS' POV:
"for fuck sakes mate, whats your problem?" zayn quizzed as liam shut his locker door. "you have been like this for a week now"
he didnt respond. "liam please, whats going on?" i asked as we went to our next lesson. "i hate seeing you like this" he still didnt respond.
as zayn left us to go his science lesson, i pulled liam into the toilets "get the hell off me" he shoved me into the wall. "what is your problem!"
"no what in the fuck is your problem" i shoved him back "you have been acting like a fucking dick the entire week and ive had quite enough of it"
"im not the one with the problem" he muttered
"then who the fuck is?" i exclaimed "cause i really need to know"
"i just-" the bell rang. "i have to get to class" he said walking out of the bathroom. for fuck sakes what happened?
maybe he killed someone
no he didnt you insane?
its a thought...
i shook my thoughts out of my head and went to english. "detention tomlinson" my teacher called as i walked into the class.
"im not even that late" i back panned "the bell just rang"
"still late, i will see you after school" she said, i rolled my eyes as she turned to the rest of the class.
***
the day passed by like summer, short and quick. "want some?" harry asked me as he placed a bottle of lemonade down in front of me. i simply shook my head no as he sat down next to me.
"you okay?" he whispered to me, which i could barely here over all the talking in the cafeteria. my head was throbbing from all the noise. "liam" was all i replied. he nodded in return and still pushed the bottle of lemonade towards me since he could tell i had a headache.
"im fucking fine niall, piss off will you?" i heard liam shout across the crowded room. i looked to find niall scared shitless. it was still a shock from all of us to find liam so mad at everyone.
"who is he talking too?" zayn questioned, we all watched as liam made his way over to a girl with short brown hair and what looked like greyish-blue eyes? i couldnt tell since we were pretty far away.
"i think her name is maya henry" harry replied "she is in our sciences" niall shook his head yes. i watched as she handed him what looked like a tampon?
liam doesnt get his period!!!!
he stared at the tampon for a good minute before shaking his head. they talked for another 3 minutes until it turned into a fight, then walked out the cafeteria "was that a tampon?" niall asked
"i was thinking the same thing" i responded. "he has been annoying the shit out of me though" i scoffed, i felt someone slap my arm. "oi!"
"i get it your pissed at your best mat-" zayn started
"harry is my best mate but go on" i said looking at harry
"okay, well regardless there is something wrong and h-" he was cut off again by liam yelling at me.
"tomlinson you fucker get your ass over here" his voice filled the room. everyone stopped talking and stared right at me. "now" he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the caf.
"what the hell liam" i pinned him against the lockers "what the fuck do you want" i spat
"woah i wasnt going to beat you up" he said pushing me back. "jesus christ calm down" i let go of him in confusion
"then what?" i asked. we walked in silence until we reached the footie field outside. "you okay?" i asked when i noticed how tense he was.
"um i- i guess mate, look im sorry for being such a dick the passed week. i took my anger out on you and the lads. none of you deserved it, its just' he stopped for a moment and started pacing around.
"li? what hell is going on?"
"i did something bad louis- i fucked up" he pulled a white stick out of his pocket, handed it to me and went back to pacing around the feild.
as i examined the stick i realized what it was. "liam holy shit mate" i exclaimed
a pregnancy test...
better yet positive pregnancy test...
"who? what? how? when? why?" was all that came out of my mouth.
"a few weeks ago. maya henry, we were piss drunk at luke hemming's party and we fucked." he blurted out, he looked like he had seen a ghost.
"you didnt think to use a condom?" i asked
"we did! you know i would never without one mate even piss drunk. it just broke" he sat down on one of the bench unsure of everything he had ever done in his life.
"have you talked to her? do you know what you want?" i sat down next to him handed the positive test back to him. "have you given it any thought?"
"i dont know! she told me last week she thought she was and that she would get a test as soon as she could" i could see tears start to pool in his eyes
"she could always get an abortion" i said "you could talk her into one if she doesnt already want one" while saying that he smacked me across the head
"you insane you twat? its her body louis, she gets to decide if she wants an abortion which she has already said she doesnt want one" he started pulling on his hair
"there is always adoption" i suggested
"she wants to keep it, which is fine its just i dont know what to do! do i stay in the childs life or not?" this time to tears started to stream down his face. i had never seen him cry before.
"mate, just remember what we used to do in stressful situations. pros and cons. i can help you" he nodded at my idea. "pros and cons for not staying, go"
"pros. i would be able to live my life, no baby to help raise" he listed a few more pros and started with the cons. "i would feel guilty. like so guilty, i dont want that kid growing up not knowing or barely knowing their father" he finished wiping the tears from his cheeks
"good thats good, cons for staying in the childs life. go"
"cons. i dont want to grow up too fast, i would have to work double shifts or maybe get a whole new job to support us, i dont think im mentally ready"
"good, what about pros?" i asked
"pros. i would have a son or daughter, i would get to see this small bundle of joy everyday who will most likely make me as happy as ever, i would get to watch the kid grow up to be whoever or whatever they wanna be" he started laughing a bit. "i would support them through anything louis and i mean anything"
"i know you would, i know" i patted him on the back "im alway here for you man, you know that right?" i got up from the bench and so did he "feel a bit better?"
"i guess so, thanks man" he said, i pulled him in for a hug. his hugs were different from harry's hugs. harry made you feel safe and warm. he also put butterflies in my stomach. dont get me wrong liam makes me feel safe but no in the way harry does.
***
after work i needed to help the girls with their homework.
"girls are you done your maths?" harry called from the kitchen
"almost!" i called out from their bedroom. "right last question. phoebe want to answer this one?"
"its ten. five plus five is ten" she spoke
"there you go!" i picked her up "you did it!" she started laughing as i tickled her.
"boobear whats for dinner?" daisy asked "im hungry" she pouted.
"im not sure lets go find out shall we?" the girls nodded in unison, as we walked into the kitchen a familiar smell filled the air. i was taken back to when i was little. around the twins' age. then it hit me "harry you didnt" i said as a put phoebe and daisy down.
"but i did" he said softly wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me close "thank you" i whispered to him. anytime he mouthed kissing the top of my head.
"girls your favourite" i called, the girls came rushing into the kitchen from the living room. "mummys?" daisy asked as i handed her a small bowl of pasta.
"yeah, what do you say to harry?" i whispered to them "thank you sir harold" they practically said in unison. we all sat down to eat when harry stopped me.
"you gonna try and eat?" he asked since i didnt have a bowl in front of me.
"just a little bit, i guess" i replied soft. he nodded grabbing me a bowl. "not a lot" i said when i saw the amount he had on the spoon. he nodded again and gave me less.
we sat down next to the girls and i felt my stomach churn just by looking at the food. for her i thought to myself. i took a deep breath and picked up a fork. i felt someone take hold of my hand. i looked up to find that someone would be harry.
he gave me a gentle smile that read you got this. and to be fair maybe i do. i looked at my food one more time and those voices came back
fat
disgusting
ugly
deserve nothing
die
i got up and rushed to the bathroom and threw everything up. "louis?" i heard harry's voice say from outside the door. "you okay" i didnt respond i just started at the object i had in my hand.
without any thought my skin became covered in my blood. the old scars now became fresh cuts. "louis im coming in" i couldnt even reply to what harry before he walked into the bathroom and saw the state i was in.
"im s-sorry" i choked out in tears "i cant do-"
"lou shh come here" he said pulling me into his arms and placing me on the bathroom counter.
"this is gonna sting okay" he said calmly after getting the first aid supplies out. i nodded as he placed the damp cotton swob on my wrists.
all the memories from two months ago came flooding back. "we need to get you help" he stated softly finishing wrapping my left wrist and began the right one. "but i dont know if you want help babes"
"i-i do.. i know i n-eed it" i felt tears fall down my face again. "fuck im such a mess" i laughed out.
"you arent a mess, you just need a little extra help" harry picked me up again, carried me to our bedroom and put me in one of his hoodies since he knew i never wanted to the girls to see my wrists.
"right you should rest" harry said placing me onto our bed.
"i cant" i replied "liam coming over"
"forgot, why not the rest of the boys?"
"him and i havent hung put properly in a while"
"alright, well at least nap. i can let you know when he arrives" harry kissed the top of my head again which made my cheeks look like a fucking panic button.
***
i woke up to the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. indicated that liam was finally here.
"oh youre up" harry said walking out of the girls' room. "yeah i heard his car"
"alright well have fun" he pulled me into a very well needed hug and kissed my cheek. i slipped on my shoes and closed the front door quietly.
"hey mate" i said getting into liams car. "how was you-"
"imma stay, you know in the kids life. i know i wont be able to afford it and i will most likely get kicked out of my house but i cant let that kid grow up without a dad. louis i just cant" he blurted out. the words just fell from his mouth.
"woah, slow down there payno." i said "im glad you decided to stay, and even if you get kicked out im sure zayn can keep you at his place you know how trish is"
"not zayn-" he stopped himself before he could speak further and instead pulled out of the driveway
"um alright, then niall" i continued without question "i would put you up here but it is way to packed and i dont think harry has more room."
"not its alright thanks though" he replied. "can you search up the directions?" he handed be his phone to type in the address of the pub we were headed to.
***
"two guiness' please" liam said to the bartender.
"so do you like maya?" i asked as i took a sip of my drink. "do you want to date her?"
"i mean yeah she is a sweet girl but i dont see myself dating her that's the problem" he replied looking a little sad at the thought. "but its not gonna stop me from helping her with the baby" i smiled at his response
"you will make a great dad payno" i nodded finishing my drink and ordering another. he continued chatting the entire night drinking. but not the amount that would get us piss drunk or drunk at all.
"im sorry what?" i exclaimed choking on my last beer.
"i said when are you going to ask him out?"
"i dont know! i dont even think he likes me" i looked down at my phone to see a text from harry which made me smile
remember i cant drive yet, so dont drink too much love xx
"you are blind tommo you really are, if anything that kid loves you" he said without a care, well maybe a care "even in that text i can see it" he laughed
"whatever, i just wouldnt know how to if he did like me"
"this is where niall comes in" he beamed and dialed up the UNDERAGED child.
"liam the fuck you twat" i slapped his head "he is underaged" liam let out a loud laugh that sounded like nialls
'im already here you twat" i turned around to find niall waving his fake ID in my face. fuck sakes that was way to quick "now you want to ask harry out"
this is going to be a long night
__________
A/N:
ah okay this took me some time but i hope you enjoyed
liams life gonna be turned upside down in a matter of 9 months:)
also the way harry dragged candace owens oh my god a king
alright have a good day/night xx