THIRTY-EIGHT
hatred
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When the warm rays of the November sun hits my face, I squint my eyes open and let out a groan. It has been almost a month that I haven't slept soundly. My sleep and food schedule was not just messed up, it was totally wrecked. But last night, I remember falling asleep to the scent of lavender candles and thoughts of Ian rushing all over my mind.
I smile, for the first time in a really long while. Maybe he was right yesterday when he said that we both needed a distraction. But inside, we knew it wasn't just distractions --- it was way more than that.
Putting on a loose T-shirt and grey sweatpants and walk downstairs to satisfy my growling stomach.
"You're up early today, good morning!" Gabriella greets me as I enter the kitchen.
"Morning, Gaby! Where's my granola?" I ask, fishing through the fully stocked up refrigerator.
"Ah, Vanessa! I keep it in the cupboards, not in the freezer!" She chuckles and fills up a bowl of granola and almond milk for me.
"Thanks, um, Connor's still asleep?" I ask, taking a spoonful into my mouth.
"No, the boy woke up at six this morning! Can you believe? He's so excited he's going back to school on Monday. Besides, he told me he's got a notification from the school that he'll be allowed to play again!" Gabriella explains, rubbing her palms together cheerfully.
"Hey, hey, wait! When did that happen? He didn't tell me about joining the soccer team when we talked last night." I frown.
"Oh, no! He didn't know before this morning. He said he's gonna tell you as soon as he comes home after practice."
"He's out for practice? Did the doctor even give an approval on this? Oh Jesus, this boy stresses me out!" I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Relax baby! I made sure to speak to the doctor before allowing him." Gabriella gives a gentle pat on my shoulder and I nod, letting out a sigh of relief.
I pull out a chair at the dining table, lazily munching on the granola - milk. On usual days, I made sure to make toast or an avocado sandwich for breakfast but the stress was taking a toll on me so I resorted to cereal ( inspite of it being my least favorite ).
There were two text messages from Jae-Hwa, one from Stefan and the other from Ian. I was about to tap on the conversation when my eyes drifted off to the bottom of my screen.
The last text message from Ezekiel. It was about three weeks ago, him replying to me saying that : let's meet for dinner. I blink back tears, I'm definitely not losing my calm right at 8:30 in the morning.
So I read the other messages -- Ian wishing me good morning, Jae-Hwa asking if I was coming to school and Stefan asking if I would talk to him for a while after lunch today. And I could nearly guess the topic he wanted to talk about.
"Don't you have school?" My father asks as he walks in to the dining space.
"Since when do you care?" I snap.
"Why don't you just answer questions in a simple way? These days you're being just extra edgy!" This comes from my mother, who is pouring herself a huge mug of black coffee.
"Ah, Beatrice! She has just lost a friend. It's natural." My father argues.
"That doesn't give her an excuse to speak like that." She rolls her eyes.
"Can y'all just lemme eat in peace? I'm leaving for school in some minutes. So just stop this." I declare, flaring my nostrils.
Beatrice Davenport aka my mother sits down across the table, sipping on her coffee and keeps a close watch on me --- as if she was observing my actions and it irritated me all the more.
"Is there anything on my face?" I raise my eyebrows and she puts down her mug, eyes a little softened.
"Just wanted to inform you something. Your grandparents are visiting us today. So be there by 6 o'clock in the evening." She says while tying up her chestnut brown hair (very identical to mine) into a neat bun.
"Why are they coming here all of a sudden? I mean they almost never do that! Like, I haven't seen them in almost --- ten years?" I let out a hollow laugh.
"I don't know, they just wanted to see you maybe." She shrugs.
"Mother, the last time they came here was just to cause a chaos, telling me how improper I was in my postures, how I was messy while eating etc! And all of this to a eight and a half year old child. Did I deserve to be judged that way? No! So obviously I don't find reasons for them to suddenly come see me." I declare.
"Like I said, just be there. They wanted to see you. Plus they are coming all the way from America." She sighs and I let out a groan one last time before dashing out for school.
Stefan was pacing back and forth inside the tiny Greenhouse of Winston Preparatory when I find him after lunch. I had no class right now and I usually would have gone to the library but talking to Stefan was a better option.
"Why are you here? We could've talked in the gym or elsewhere but this place?" I look up at him, expecting an answer.
"It's her favorite." He chuckles.
"Her? What's going on, Cahill?"
"That's what I called you here for. I think I am falling for this certain girl in Junior Year but I don't know what to do about it. I mean, it's definitely not the perfect time to ask her out." He sighs.
"Why don't you just come straight to the point? It's Iris, right?" I poke his arm.
"How the hell do you know?" He asks, eyes widened and cheeks flushed.
"Well...we will come to that later. Just know that she doesn't hate you."
"She's pregnant. And Ezekiel is dead. Maybe she doesn't hate me now but she will, once I ask her out." He runs his fingers through his dark, curly mop of hair.
"No Stefan! When I'm telling you that she doesn't, it also means she will not --- if that makes any sense." I shrug.
"So you think I should tell her?"
"Not immediately. But...try spending more time with her, be there for her. She needs someone...someone like you." I give him an assuring smile.
"Thanks, V. I knew you would give the best advice."
✵
My maternal grandparents were already gracing the living room when I return from a long day at school. A part of me screamed --- telling me to run into my room as fast as I could and lock myself so that they couldn't start their interrogation but the civilized part of me tells that I should greet them. And I do.
"Oh, Vanessa is finally here!" My grandmother flashes a grin. Even at this age, I admit that she looks beautiful.
"Hey, grandma." I feign a smile.
"Come, sit with us. There are things we need to discuss with you." She says, patting the space between her and my mother.
"She has grown up so much. Remember the last time we saw her? She was such a naughty kid!" My grandfather laughs.
I wanted to say : growth is a natural to living beings and that all they remembered was me being naughty when what they did was judge me for unnecessary reasons. But I keep my mouth shut, just for the sake of peace.
"What is it?" I ask, sipping on my water bottle.
"We want to transfer our property in your name. We figured that it's better to give it to someone blood related than to an adopted child." My grandmother emphasises each word and glances from the corner of her eyes at Connor, who was in the distance --- out of earshot.
I feel a familiar pang in my chest. Why did she have to mention so bluntly that Connor was adopted? I mean he was no less than an actual brother.
"Why me? And what's the point of giving me your property when y'all hate me so much?" I retort, unable to control my emotions.
My father looks down at the floor and my mother let's out an exasperated sigh.
"We don't hate you anymore. Times have changed." My grandfather states.
"So you did? Why did y'all even have any hatred towards me in the first place? I mean is it because I speak up for myself a lot or is it because I'm secretly illegitimate and I don't know about it?" I get up on my feet, the blood boiling in my veins.
"Neither. But do you really want to know why?" Grandmother looks up at me, still maintaining her cool composure.
My parents had visibly tensed and I knew where this was going. Maybe this was the topic they fought over a zillion times. Maybe this was what I had eavesdropped on a month ago and was unable to comprehend.
But now, the answers were right before me, waiting to be revealed.
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A/N : This would have become way too long if I continued. So the scene will be completed in the next chapter. Also, I can't believe there are two more chapters left (+ an epilogue).
Chapter dedicated to Pae_and_Fables . :)
- Mia.