"So..." Derek walked beside Patrick, close enough to reach out and take his hand. He refrained. "What kind of booth do you have set up?"
The anxiety returned. "It's... it's a, um... a youth group thing... with our church."
Derek blinked. "Church..." He smirked. "Don't churches usually come to these things to protest our abominable lifestyle?"
Patrick frowned. "What?" He shook his head. "No... no, it's a gay Christian church."
"Oh." Derek was confused. "So... you're a Christian?"
Pursing his lips anxiously, Patrick nodded.
"I didn't think gays were allowed to be Christians."
"Some don't think you can be," Patrick murmured. "But it isn't their decision—it's God's."
"And you think God is cool with it?"
"Yes."
Derek chuckled. "I think my boss would like you a lot."
"Is he a gay Christian?"
"Uh... well, he's definitely gay. I don't know if he actually wears the label of Christian, but he believes in God and prays and has faith and all that stuff."
Patrick smiled. "Sounds like a Christian to me."
"Maybe so, then."
Patrick lowered his eyes. "If you want to change your mind, I'll understand."
"Change my mind about what?"
"About going out with me." He looked up. "I mean, you didn't know I was a Christian when you asked me for a date."
A sudden twinge of uncertainty wriggled through Derek's gut. He was looking for fun sex... what was Patrick the Christian looking for?
Gazing into Patrick's warm honey eyes, he didn't have the strength of will to break the date, though it was surely in both their best interests. "I have no issues with Christians... as long as they don't have a problem with me."
Patrick swallowed and smiled small. "I don't have a problem with you."
A quiver rippled through Derek's loins.
Oh, hell...
The two men arrived to find a vacated booth. Patrick frowned. "Brian should be here."
Derek made a quick sweep of the booth, which sported a variety of t-shirts and hats, buttons, stickers, bookmarks, and a bunch of pamphlets and books, Bibles. The wearable merchandise was stamped with Bible verses or inspirational quotes. Derek strolled along the foldout table and fingered the pamphlets, many of which addressed the Gay versus Christianity debate. Derek plucked one of the pamphlets from a neatly stacked pile.
"What's this?" He opened the pamphlet. "What does it mean by Side A and Side B Christians?"
Patrick fidgeted again. "Uh..." He chewed his lower lip, torturing Derek. "Side A Christians affirm their LGBTQ identity as well as... as same gender sex. Side B Christians affirm their LGBTQ identity but refrain from same gender sex." He swallowed and averted his eyes. "They choose to remain celibate."
"Celibate?" Seriously? Why would anyone claim their gayness—and not enjoy it to the fullest? "Like... forever?"
Patrick nodded.
Holy shit.
"So, they're like priests? They don't get married or have sex?"
"They can get married," Patrick murmured. "They aren't against relationships. But if they marry, it's with the understanding that there will be no sex."
"Um." Derek laughed short. "Forgive my ignorance, but who in their right mind would agree to that? Sex is a vital part of marriage."
Patrick pressed his lips tight and messed with the stacked literature. "Typically, Side B Christians marry other Side B Christians, so they're on the same page. And sometimes..." He shrugged. "Sometimes emotional love is enough to sustain a couple, without the physical aspect, even if one of them isn't against sex. True love surpasses sex."
Did I enter the Twilight Zone? Derek couldn't wrap his mind around this thought process. "I can't imagine not making love to my husband. It seems so..." He smiled. "... unnatural. But, hey, to each his own." He cleared his throat. "But can I ask why they choose to be celibate?"
Patrick moved away, his back to Derek. "Because, though they believe it's okay to identify as gay... it's still wrong to engage in a sexual relationship. God doesn't condemn or judge us for who we are, but how we conduct ourselves."
Reality set in. He's Side B.
Derek didn't ask for confirmation. Maybe he didn't want to know. Something had clicked between him and Patrick—he was sure of it. But if Patrick was Side B... they had nowhere to go.
Fuck. Derek was out of his element. His world revolved around sex. Without sex, his world wouldn't even exist. It was his turn to suffer nervous anxiety. He shifted in place, at a loss for words.
Patrick immediately picked up on his unease—and reflected the same. He absently messed with a stack of buttons. "I-I don't know where Brian is," he mumbled. "He should be here."
Derek cleared his throat. "Maybe he had to use the restroom," he murmured as his eyes darted out into the crowded street. Now he was the one eager to flee. "You know, I... I should probably get back, too." Please don't ask me about my exhibit.
"Oh. Yeah. Of course." Patrick kept his eyes turned away from Derek.
"It... it was nice meeting you." Derek fumbled with his words.
"You, too." Patrick stood with his back partially toward Derek, his shoulders tense.
Was he waiting to see if Derek would mention their upcoming date? Should he mention it? He was suddenly confused about going out with Patrick. If they wouldn't have sex—ever—then Derek didn't see the point. He was honest enough with himself to admit that he needed a sexual relationship—even if it wasn't only about sex. Why had Patrick even agreed to go out with him?
Breathing deep, Patrick turned around. "You should probably get back." He forced himself to meet Derek's eyes.
We could've had so much fun together. The disappointment was nearly crushing and it troubled Derek that it was so powerful this soon. Patrick was just another cute gay boy—there were plenty of them on the streets today.
"Yeah," Derek mumbled. "I guess I should."
His departure felt awkward and... depressing.
Walking away, he forced himself to look straight ahead and not back as he felt Patrick's eyes on him. It wasn't easy—to not look back. To not go back and confirm their date. But there would be no date. He knew it. Patrick knew it.
Did I just wound a kind soul?
. . .
"Hey, you're back. What took you so long?" Brian lightly smacked Patrick on the back. "Get lost? Or did someone try to steal you?" He grinned. "I knew it probably wasn't a good idea to bring your cute self to an event like this."
He was joking, as always. Though Patrick wondered if it wasn't, in part, true; maybe he shouldn't have come. He'd had his reservations but, in the end, figured it would be fine because he wouldn't be here alone.
Brian swept a hand through his dark strands. His bangs were always falling in his face, but he refused to cut them. "So?" he prodded playfully. "Where were you?"
Licking his lips anxiously, Patrick held up his drink. "I told you. I went to get a soda." He completely forgot about his soiled clothes until Brian eyed him.
"What happened here?" He plucked at Patrick's shirt.
"Oh. Um..." Patrick shrugged. "Someone accidentally bumped into me and spilled my drink."
Brian studied him, seeming to sense more to the story. Patrick looked away—which brought a coy smile to Brian's face. "What? Tell me."
"Tell you what?"
"Whatever it is you're not telling me."
"I don't know what you mean." Patrick walked into the booth and began organizing merchandise that wasn't out of order.
Brian followed. "I've known you too long, Patrick. You can't hide stuff from me."
"I'm not hiding anything."
"Swear."
"What?" Patrick turned around to find Brian holding out a Bible, a grin on his face. "I'm not swearing on the Bible."
"So, there is something."
"No."
"Tell me," he whined.
Patrick chuckled. "Good Lord, you're annoying."
Brian smiled at him sweetly. He wasn't drop-dead gorgeous, but Patrick found him uniquely cute. He often wondered why God hadn't orchestrated a romance between them. They were perfect for one another. Both devoted to God and living a "godly" life.
Unlike Derek.
Maybe it wasn't fair to make a judgment call on Derek, as he just met him, but Patrick was almost certain he knew exactly what Derek wanted from him—knew it from the moment he looked in his eyes.
So, why did you agree to go out with him?
Patrick had no answer. Or maybe he did, and just didn't want to admit it. Temptation. It was so sneaky. A person could be going along strong, walking the straight and narrow with confidence, unwavering—and suddenly get blindsided. No warning. One minute on your feet and the next lying face down in the dirt with no idea how you got there.
So, hurry and get up, dust off—and turn down the date when he calls.
When he calls? He wouldn't. Patrick had seen the look on his face. If he knew there would be no sex between him and Patrick—he would cancel the date. Hadn't he already—by leaving without so much as mentioning it again?
It's better if he doesn't call. Pray that he doesn't.
"Earth to Patrick." Brian snapped his fingers in his face.
Patrick blinked. "Huh?"
"You were about to tell me something."
"I was?"
"Yes." Brian smiled.
He wouldn't give up until Patrick gave him something. Patrick didn't make a habit of lying to Brian—or anyone—so he told him the truth. "The guy who ran into me and spilled my soda... we hung out for a few minutes and talked. That's all. Nothing exciting."
Brian squinted, studying his face. "Hm. Are you sure that's all? 'Cause you kind of got this glow about you." He pressed his lips together. "How cute was he?"
Patrick groaned and rolled his eyes. "I don't know. Average cute." That wasn't the truth. Derek was drop-dead gorgeous.
"You going to see him again?"
"What?" Patrick laughed but it sounded hollow to his own ears. "I talked to him for like a second." For an instant, Patrick was back there, walking and talking with Derek. Why had this guy made him feel so good? He was a total stranger—out cruising for sex. If he'd run into some other cute boy, he would've reacted the same, come on to him the same. Patrick wasn't special, he was just there.
So, why are you smiling? He quickly pulled back the smile, but it was too late.
"You little devil." Brian grinned. "You like him. Did he ask you out?" This was all good-natured ribbing—Brian didn't actually believe there was a date, with good reason.
Patrick didn't answer.
"He did?" Brian suddenly sobered as all humor died away.
Patrick nodded.
"Are you... going out with him?" Brian asked doubtfully.
"I..." Patrick sighed. "I don't know. I kind of said I would, but... but I don't think he's actually going to call, so..."
"Why did you agree to go?"
"I don't know." Patrick rubbed the back of his neck hard. "It just... he caught me off guard."
"Is he a Christian?"
"I don't think so."
"Does he know where you stand on relationships and such?"
I think he got the memo. "He looked at some of our literature," Patrick mumbled. "I explained the differences between Side A and Side B."
"And did you tell him which side you were on?"
"Not in so many words."
"Why?" Brain asked. "That should be the first thing you tell a potential date. And while we're on the subject... I thought you weren't interested in dating. Why would you agree to go out with some random guy you met at a Pride event? No offense to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters out there, but a lot of people come to these events for sexual purposes. I mean, who is this guy?"
"His name is Derek," Patrick whispered.
"And?"
"And what?"
"Is that all you know about him—his name? Did he even give a last name?"
"No. But... I didn't ask."
Brian rubbed his eyes and sank down on one of the stools. "I'm not trying to dictate your choices," he murmured. "But you have to be careful. Most people date with the intention of things turning sexual. You know that as well as I do." He reached out and grasped Patrick's hand. "We have to stay the course, Patrick. We can't allow ourselves to be led astray. I know our Side A Christian brothers and sisters believe it's acceptable to engage in physical relationships... but I just don't think it is. And I know you don't, either. And I, for one, am not willing to bet my immortal soul on it." He squeezed Patrick's hand. "Are you?"
Patrick stared at him as Derek's face lingered in his mind. Why had he agreed to go out with him? It made no sense. He sighed. "No... I'm not."
Doesn't matter anyway—Derek is long gone, and you'll never hear from him again.
. . .
"So, when's your fuck-fest with the little hottie?" Lucas inquired the second Derek was in earshot. "Or did you already do him?"
Derek glanced at the other guys standing around—all grinning and eager for his reply. Garrett shrugged and sighed. He did that a lot around Lucas. Derek cleared his throat. "Sorry to disappoint you, but there isn't going to be a fuck-fest. I struck out."
Every eye drilled him skeptically and he understood; when was the last time he struck out with a guy? Derek couldn't even remember. He wasn't sure he ever had.
"You struck out?" Jack chuffed. "You?"
"Yeah. Not proud of it, but... what can I say, it happens."
"Not to you," Garrett said. "And we saw him—you totally had him hooked."
"Apparently, appearances can be deceiving. He wasn't hooked." Not true—at all. But now that he was away from Patrick Weber, the horny haze was clearing, and he was thinking with the right head again. He might be a slut like most of the other guys, but he wasn't entirely without integrity. Just because Patrick Weber was a walking, talking wet dream—didn't mean he was free for the taking. The boy was a Christian—with sexual morality. Of which, Derek had none. And to be honest—wasn't looking to develop any.
Lucas snorted. "You're so full of shit."
"Why would I lie?"
"Good question."
"Fuck." Derek chuckled. "We just didn't hit it off, all right? Turns out, we're not really each other's type."
"He's not your type? He was hot, young, and gay—what else do you need for someone to be your type?" Lucas gestured at the other guys. "You all buying this?"
"I'm not," Jack said.
"Some people just don't click," Garrett offered.
"You shut up." Lucas pointed at him. "You don't get a voice."
Garrett smiled. "Why not?"
"You're a cock blocker. It's fucking annoying."
"How am I blocking cock now?"
Lucas waved him off and turned on Derek again. "I saw the way he looked at you. He was ready to take you balls-deep in the orifice of your choice."
"As I said," Derek murmured, "appearances can be deceiving. He's a no-go, so drop it, all right?"
"Fuck, whatever." Lucas threw up his hands. "I'm about to go out for another stroll, though." He grinned slyly. "If I happen to run into him, maybe I'll ask him what went down. Then maybe he'll go down."
He brushed past and Derek grabbed his shirt, jerking him around. "I said drop it. Leave him alone. He isn't one of us."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
Derek stared at him, then released his shirt. "Nothing. Just... forget about him."
"Fine." Lucas held up his hands and backed away, grinning. "There's plenty of other hot gay boys roaming the streets today, just begging to be violated. I'll accommodate them."
"You do that," Derek mumbled, not feeling the humor as he normally would have. He left the others and walked over to the temporary "stage" where Nicky and another of Daniel's dancers were showing off their stuff, drawing a decent crowd.
Garrett caught up to him and clapped him on the back. "You all right? Don't tell me you're actually letting Lucas get to you. I thought you were immune by now. He's just being himself."
"Lucas is fine." Derek smiled small and watched the show as his mind wandered until he no longer saw the two strippers—but Patrick Weber.
"Look," Garrett murmured, "if something happened with that guy and you want to talk about it, I'm here."
"Thanks, but... I'm good."
"All right." Garrett pursed his lips and nodded as his eyes drifted to the strippers. "It's just that... you seemed kind of off when you came back."
"No," Derek mumbled. "Just... ready to go home."
"So soon? You usually ride these events into the wee hours—like most of us."
Derek shrugged, not understanding his sudden disinterest. He lived for these Pride events. "Guess I'm just not feeling it this time." He was starting to scare himself. Why the fuck would his brief encounter with Patrick Weber have this effect on him? If only he could turn time back just a tiny bit, zig instead of zag, and avoid the collision altogether... he wouldn't even know Patrick Weber existed—and he'd still be having the fucking time of his life.