I was standing alone at the side with my arms crossed while I had a small smile on my lips. I was looking at the people who were busy taking pictures and the others that were talking to each other.
Today is the opening of my café. I was happy because I finally got to open my own café, the one I've been dreaming of, but there was this space inside of me that felt empty. I already knew what it was and I can't help but feel sad every time I think about it.
It's been a few weeks since Jericho and I broke up. I was trying not to think about what happened. It's not like I'm trying to move on, it's just that whenever I think about it, I feel down and I feel like I'm about to cry, kaya pinipili kong 'wag isipin.
"Esme!" I turn around when I heard someone called my name, si Sasy pala. She stood beside me and imitated what I was doing, observing the people in front of me.
"Oh, why are you here lang?" she asked. "Doon tayo, oh!" She pointed at the front near the table filled with different flavored cupcakes.
"Nothing. I'm appreciating the view from here," I said. "Sarap sa feeling na ang daming pumunta."
"Sure ako mas madami pa 'to sa sunod! I love the chocolate cake, by the way. Ang soft and super chocolatey talaga!" she said dreamingly. "Bobo, chocolate cake nga," she roasted herself.
Tinawanan ko naman siya at inangkla ang kamay sa isang braso niya. I smiled at her and she smiled back. We were just standing there in silence, all we could hear was the music being played from the speakers and the soft murmurs of the people.
"Ay," biglang sabi niya na parang may naalala. "How did you thought of the name? And literal ba siya? Mahina," she asked out of curiosity.
"To be honest, I'm not quite sure too," I said and laughed. "I think it was when I was driving on my way home when suddenly I saw the moon. It was big, full moon pala no'n," pagpapaliwanag ko. "Wala lang na appreciate ko 'yon and I also really love the moon," I added.
Sabi ko nga dati, akala ko sinusundan ako ng buwan tuwing naglalakad ako, pero hindi pala. Nakikita ko lang siya pero sa iba pala ang punta niya. At hindi ko iyon maaabot. Masyadong malayo.
"Eh, bakit Mahina?"
"Oh, it's the hawaiian term of moon. Mahina," the words rolled down my tongue smoothly. "And it can mean a lot of things. Moon represents a lot."
I smiled at her kaya napabuntong-hininga siya. We talked about the food instead because we felt quite bummed out with that simple conversation. She loved the dessert very much, mahilig kasi talaga siya ng mga cake kaya maappreciate niya talaga 'to.
"And, the—" She stopped talking and her eyes widened in surprise. I looked at where she was looking at natawa naman ako agad.
Cali was panicking, like legit, as she apologized to the waiter that was holding a tray with a few drinks in it. Muntik na niya kasi itong mabangga because he passed by in front of her. She didn't noticed it because she was too occupied with her camera. And of course, Cali is a really clumsy person.
"Let's go," aya ko at hinila si Sasy papunta sa kinaroroonan ni Cali.
It was around afternoon when I gave my speech and thank everyone who came to the opening of my small café. Doon na rin kami kumain ng lunch nila Cali and Sasy. Raya was busy today, I think she had a photoshoot. Marco was busy with med school.
And just like that the days passed by smoothly. The next thing I know is that we were planning for Christmas. I went to the mall to check out presents for my friends and family. I went home after that and I decided to take a rest. I finished wrapping all the gifts so I didn't have anything to do anymore.
That's probably what goes on in my life. I go to the café to work, chill with my friends when they have time, go home. Gano'n lang. 'Yon na ang buhay ko...
I spent christmas with my parents here in the city since couldn't go home to the island because of a lot of work. My parents even asked me if I wanted to manage the company, I declined. Being the C.E.O is just not what I want.
We decided to have a mini christmas celebration at Raya's condo since she has the biggest condo. It was just going to be us, magkakaibigan. I don't even know if Marco was going to come but I hope he would because I hadn't seen seen him in a long time. Sobrang busy naman kasi niya.
"Ang tagal mo talaga kahit kailan!" nakabusangot na salubong ni Raya kay Sasy.
Sasy rolled her eyes and went inside before closing the door behind her. She handed Raya the paper bag. Nilabas ni Raya ang laman at nakita ko na dalawang the bar pink gin 'yon.
"'Di ko talaga gets ba't 'yang pink ang gusto n'yo. Kadiri." Sasy acted disgusted as she imagine the taste of gin.
I'm not sure kung kami lang, pero ang tawag namin doom ay pink. Hindi pink gin or the bar, as what others usually calls it. I kind of liked the taste of it, though. They hated it for some reason, lalo na si Cali.
Hindi ko napigilan ang tawa ko nang naalala ang nangyari. Napatingin sila sa 'kin. Napatakip naman ako sa bibig ko para pigilan ang tawa pero hindi ko talaga kaya.
"Oh, saya ka?" sabi ni Sasy na nakataas ang kilay.
"Sorry!" Tinuro ko naman 'yong bote habang tumatawa. "Cali!"
Her face lit up and started laughing with me. "Putik," mura niya habang tumatawa. "Ba't mo pa pinaalala!" sabi niya at tumingin kay Cali.
"Iinom inom naman kasi niyan, hindi naman pala kaya. Lakas tama niyan, uy!" natatawang sabi ni Raya. "Lasang tangina, bakit iniwan mo ako, binigay ko naman ang lahat!" she teased and laughed loudly.
"I know what you mean but I won't laugh because it's not funny," nakasimangot na sabi ni Cali.
"Yes, it is," angal ko naman at tumawa ulit.
Cali sighed. "Never again," sabi niya at umupo na sa harap ng dining table. "Hindi ako iinom niyan." She pointed at the bottle and even moved it to the side.
"Drunk chat pa nga," asar ni Sasy.
"It's Raya's fault. She gave me the phone," Cali defended.
"Gaga ka. Kinuha mo sa bag ko pagkatalikod ko! Likot ng kamay!" Tawang-tawa si Raya. "Kalat mo, Calista!"
"Good thing I brought this." Sasy placed the other paper bag on the table. When she pulled the bottle out of the bag, agad akong napangiwi.
"No way, I'm not going to drink that!" reklamo ko naman. "Ilang shot lang niyan bagsak na ako!"
Paano ba naman, Red Label laman noon. 'Yong pinaka-malaki pa. And five lang naman kami tonight.
"Eh, 'di 'wag." Umupo na rin siya sa harap ng dining table at tiningnan ang mga pagkain na niluto namin ni Cali. We ordered pizza rin. "Sarap. Can we eat na?"
"We're stilling waiting for Marco," sabi ko habang kumukuha ng mga plato. I placed it on the table, pati na rin ang spoon, fork at glasses.
"Walang hiya naman, pa-special amp-"
The bell rang kaya napahinto siya. Agad naman binuksan iyon ni Raya at binungad nito si Marco na may hawak na bottle ng Jose Cuervo.
"Hey, I'm here! Merry Christmas!" masayang bati ni Maki.
"Walang merry sa christmas kung ikaw ang bungad," iritadong sabi ni Sasy.
"Galit na galit," sarkastikong sabi ni Maki kay Sasy. Sasy faked a smile before rolling her eyes. "Aba, attitude, ah. Problema niyan?" tanong niya kay Raya.
"Mukha ba akong tanungan nang problema ng tao?" sarkastikong sabi ni Raya bago naglakad papunta sa kusina para maghugas ng kamay.
"Kain na nga tayo," aya ni Cali at naupo na rin. Raya sat at the center chair, habang magkatabi kami ni Cali. Si Marco naman tumabi kay Sasy.
Tinaasan naman siya ng kilay ni Sasy. Hindi naman nagpatalo si Marco at tinaasan din ng kilay si Sasy. Umiwas na lang ng tingin si Sasy kaya naguluhan si Maki. He looked at me pero nag kibit-balikat lang ako.
Why would he ask me? I was the most clueless when it comes to people's lives.
"Oh, wait a minute." Kinuha agad ni Cali ang phone niya at may pinindot doon. Si Sasy at Raya naman nagsimula nang kumuha ng pagkain. Habang ako naman, nagsimulang maglagay ng soft drinks sa mga baso. "Hello!"
"Hoy, kulot! Merry Christmas!" bati ni Raya habang naglalagay ng kanin sa plato niya.
"Hey! What's up? Merry Christmas!" I froze when I heard the voice coming from Cali's phone. Natulala ako kaya hindi ko napansin na napuno ko na pala ang baso.
"Oh, shit!" Nagmamadali ako kaya natabig ko ang baso. Hindi naman iyon nahulog sa sahig pero nagkalat sa lamesa. Tumunog iyon kaya napatingin sila sa 'kin. Nagmamadali naman akong kumuha ng tissue sa kusina at bumalik para punasan ang table.
"Ano iyon?" narinig kong tanong ni Echo sa phone.
Sumulyap ako at nakita ko na nakaharap iyong phone kila Raya kaya nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Tumayo naman si Marco at tinulungan ako na linisin 'yong natapon na coke sa lamesa.
"Wala. Bida-bida kasi 'tong si Marco, 'yon natapon niya ''yong coke," pangloloko ni Sirene at ngumisi kay Marco.
"Ha? Hatdog," iritadong sabi ni Maki.
"What the hell, Marco! Man, nakakahiya ka!" Tumawa si Echo.
I can't help but smile when I heard his laugh. Hindi ko na siya nakita or nakausap pagtapos noon...
"Kaya ka siguro 'di pinatulan niyang si Sasy kasi coke nga 'di mo maayos, relasyon niyo pa kaya?!"
Tumawa sila, well pati ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Raya glanced at me and smiled. Umiling naman ako at tinapik sa likod si Marco.
"Aba gago ka, ah!" natatawang sagot ni Marco.
I knew it was just Cali's reflexes when she immediately turned the camera towards our direction. Agad naman akong lumayo kay Marco para hindi ako makita sa camera.
I gave Cali a 'what the hell' look. She mouthed a 'sorry' and made a peace sign with her hand. Tumawa nalang ako at umiling.
"Fuck you, man!" mura ni Marco. "Okay lang. Hindi ko rin matatagalan 'tong babaeng 'to, eh. Buti hindi naging kami. Hindi na nga maganda, pangit pa ugali," asar ni Marco at nginisian si Sasy. Sasy looked at him in disbelief.
"Payag ka noon?" tanong ni Raya at tinawanan si Sasy.
"Bago mong sabihin na buti hindi naging tayo, isipin mo muna kung papatulan ba kita, ah," ganti naman ni Sasy. "Napakakapal."
"Uwi na, Echo. We miss you!" sigaw ni Raya at kinuha ang phone kay Cali. "Gago ka. Tagal ka na naming 'di nakita. Daming alak nag hihintay dito, bro!"
Pumunta naman ako sa kusina para itapon ang tissue na ginamit namin. Narinig ko naman na nagtawanan sila. Kinalma ko muna ang sarili ko. Even his voice was affecting me so much. Nagbuga muna ako ng hangin bago naglakad pabalik doon.
"Where's Esme?" I heard Jericho asked. Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko... Bakit niya ako hinahanap?!
"Nasa kusin—Ay, 'to na pala," Raya said when she saw me. She smiled at me encouragingly.
I silently sat beside Cali and shook my head. Ano bang pag-uusapan namin? "No. 'Wag," I whispered, waving my hand in front of me para sabihin na huwag.
Raya looked at me for a few seconds pero hindi naman pinilit. Pero tanga 'tong si Cali at biglang hinarap sa 'kin ang phone!
"Oh, there you are! Merry Christmas!" Echo greeted, smiling. He was wearing a black hoodie and a matching beanie on his head. Nakaupo siya sa kama at hawak ang phone.
I sighed and took the phone from Cali. "Hey. Merry Christmas," bati ko pabalik at ngumiti. It probably looked awkward kasi narinig kong tumawa ang mga kaibigan ko.
Sinulyapan ko sila at sinamaan ng tingin. Kinurot ko sa legs si Cali dahil kasalanan niya ito! Narinig ko namang um-aray siya dahil doon. Nginisian ko siya kaya naman nginusuan niya ako bago nagsimulang kumuha ng pagkain.
"How are you?" he casually asked me. He was reaching for something on the side kaya dibdib na lang niya ang nakikita ko.
"I'm fine... You?" tanong ko pabalik at tumikhim.
"Goods lang!" Suddenly, his face is back on the screen. "Oh, by the way. Congratulations on your café. Ang ganda..." he added.
"Uhh... thanks." I didn't know what to say. "Are you coming home?"
"Still have no plans. Bakit miss mo na ako?" he joked.
Napakurap-kurap ako para iprocess sa isip ko ang sinabi niya. Nagtitigan lang kami sa screen. Kahit na malabo, kitang-kita ko ang ngisi sa labi niya. What the... hell?!
"Muling ibalik ang tamis ng pag-ibig," narinig kong kanta ni Sasy. "Pag-ibig. Pag-ibig fund kasi," palusot niya, tumatawa.
"Comeback, comeback," asar na bulong ni Raya, nasa magkabilang gilid pa ng bibig ang kamay. Ngumisi siya nang sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Bilis-bilis. I love you na agad," dagdag pa niya, bumubulong pa rin.
"Bro, may favoritism?" natatawang sabi ni Marco at kinuha ang cellphone sa 'kin. Binigay niya ito kay Cali kaya siya na ang nakipag-usap kay Echo.
I looked at Marco and he might have noticed it. He turned his head to my direction and winked at me. "I got you," he mouthed.
"Thank you," I mouthed back.
The night went by smoothly. Hindi namin naubos ang alak. We decided na chillnuman lang muna. Sa new year na kami mag wawalwal. At iyon nga ang nangyari. Sabay kaming sumalubong sa panibagong taon.
"Deputa. Shot na!" sabi ni Raya kay Sasy.
"Wait, kinakabahan ako diyan sa shot mo," Sasy said, pointing at the glass. Punong-puno iyon ng Red Label.
Raya turned to me. "Oh, Esme, ikaw na nga lang."
"Sure." Hindi na ako umangal at kinuha ang shot glass sa kamay niya. I needed this. I don't know why I have this hollow feeling inside me... The empty feeling was coming back again.
I sighed before I downed the shot and gave the shot glass back to Raya. "See? Be like Esme. 'Di umaayaw sa shot!" Umirap siya.
"Aba, sorry naman. Ayaw kong malasing," nakasimangot na sabi ni Sasy.
"That's new. Kailan ka pa nag bagong buhay? Scam 'yan?" natatawang tanong ni Cali. Medyo 'di na maintindihan ang sinasabi niya. Lasing na siya kasi ang pula na ng pisngi niya. Madali lang talagang malasing 'to.
"Since today!"
"Lol. Scammer," angal ni Marco.
"Lol. Pakialamero," ganti naman ni Sasy.
"Haynako. Ang buhay parang life," iling na sabi ni Raya. "Red Label. Inumin nang mga walang label!" biro niya. "Uy... ano iyon? Ha... paasa? Sino... Nagsisimula raw sa letrang M?" pang-aasar ni Raya.
"Marco pwedeng umilag," Sasy joked and laughed.
"Nakakatawa talaga kayo. Ang sarap niyong hampasin ng kaldero," sarkastikong sabi naman ni Marco.
"Was it the model?" natatawang tanong ni Cali.
"Ay, mga tirador ng model pala," asar ni Sasy. Sabay na umismid si Maki at Raya.
"Which one?" I asked Marco. I knew he had a model fling. I think there was around three? Not quite sure. Maybe I was just making up. Tinatamaan na ba ako ng alak?
"Anong 'which one' ka diyan?" Maki sounded offended.
"Iyong kalandian niyang modelo na kaibigan ko, si Lauren. Pinaasa niya. Pogi kasi nito, eh," sabi ni Raya at pumalakpak ng mahina, may kasamang iling pa. "Tsk, Marco. Paasa, paasa, paasa!"
"Hindi ako paasa, siya iyong umasa," natatawang sabi ni Marco at inagaw ang shot glass kay Raya. Ininom niya ito at nagsalin ng bago at ininom ulit. Binalik niya ang baso kay Raya pagkatapos.
"Linyahan po ng fuckboy. Marco Saldova, everybody!" Sasy tapped Maki's shoulder, laughing.
"Fuckboy... Umay," bulong ni Cali sa tabi ko at bigla na lang siyang natawa. Nagulat kaming lahat.
"Leche, lasing na 'to," naiiling na sabi ni Raya.
"Hindi ko naman talaga pinaasa," depensa ni Maki. "Fling is fling. Tapos. Ang tagal na rin noon."
Nagpatuloy kami sa shots. Nag catch-up din kami sa mga ganap ng buhay ng isa't isa. Doon ko lang din na-realize na may sari-sarili na talaga kaming buhay kasi hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari sa buhay nila.
"5... 4... 3... 2...1... Happy new year!" sabay na sigaw namin habang nakatingin sa fireworks sa langit.
Lumabas kami rito sa balcony at talagang inabangan iyon. Ang dami ring sasakyan sa baba at kitang-kita ang mga ilaw galing sa ibang mga building. Everybody was still awake. Syempre, new year... Everybody should be happy, right?
"Picture tayo!" aya ni Cali at nilabas ang phone niya. Kinabahan naman ako kasi hindi na maayos ang hawak niya sa cellphone. We looked at her because she kept on typing the wrong password.
"Ako na nga!" nababagot na sabi ni Raya at inagaw ang phone kay Cali. Pinabulong niya kay Cali ang password kaya nabuksan na niya. "Game!" She stretched her hand out para magkasya kaming lahat sa screen.
I looked at the photo. Raya had a hand on her cheek while smiling prettily at the camera. Cali was hugging me sideways while her other hand was holding a can of beer. I had an arm around her shoulder, my other hand in a peace sign, and I stucked my tongue out. Si Marco naman, nakapatong ang isang braso sa ulo ni Sasy habang nakangiti sa camera. Sasy wore a closed-lipped smile with her one eye closed, her hand was in a peace sign too.
"Ano ba naman 'yan! Maki, ang pangit ko tuloy!" naiinis na reklamo ni Sasy. "Pasalamat ka nagpi-picture tayo kanina kaya 'di ko tinanggal 'yang mabigat mong kamay!"
"Ay, kailan ka ba gumanda?" pang-aasar ni Marco sa kaniya.
"Alam mo ikaw. Gigil mo na ako, ha!" Sasy pinched Marco's waist.
"'Di raw maka-VC si Echo, busy raw," sabi ni Raya habang nakatingin sa phone niya, walang pakialam.
Bumalik na kami ulit sa loob at nagpatuloy na sa inuman. It was around 3 AM when Raya felt sleepy and decided to go up to her room. Binuhat naman ni Marco si Sasy papunta sa kwarto. Nalasing siya kasi hindi niya napansin na dinadaya na siya ni Raya.
Inaya ko naman si Cali na sa balcony na tumambay. Medyo nahimasmasan na siya kasi nakatulog siya kanina sa sofa habang kami nagpatuloy kami sa inuman.
Nakabalik na si Marco at may hawak siyang ilang can ng beer. "Thanks," sabi ko nang abutan niya ako ng isa.
"No, thanks," tanggi ni Cali at umiling pa bago sumandal sa railing.
Marco shrugged as he placed the other cans of beer on the small coffee table here in the balcony. May iilang monoblock chair din.
Pumwesto si Marco sa gitna namin ni Cali at ginaya ang porma namin. We were just silent while watching the cars pass by downstairs. The breeze was cold, but because of the alcohol in my system, I wasn't shivering.
I looked up at the sky and saw the stars twinkling as they surrounded the moon that was shining so bright above us too. It's a perfect way to start a new year... I guess.
"Kumusta?" tanong ni Marco. Hindi ko alam kung kanino niya 'yon tinatanong. "I'm asking the both of you," he added when he noticed our confusion.
"Good," I simply answered.
"Okay na lang," sagot naman ni Calista.
Tumango naman si Marco habang may tipid na ngiti sa labi. He sighed before brushing his hair back using his fingers. He took a sip from his can before letting out another deep sigh.
"I hate love," biglang sambit ni Cali. I turned my head in her direction. She still looked flushed from all the alcohol and her eyes looked sleepy. "If our mind just set its focus and not listen to the heart, maybe we're happy, right? Bakit kasi ganoon? You don't get to pick who you'll love. It just... happens. The next thing you know, you're getting hurt big time."
"Yeah," I quietly agreed. "You get to do things that you don't want to do. Gagawin mo kung anong tingin mong dapat gawin... even though it'll hurt you both..." I said but I wasn't sure if they heard it, it sounded like a whisper to me. "You know, mahal mo iyong tao pero... tangina kailangan mong iwan?"
Iniwas ko ang tingin at pinunasan ko agad ang luha na tumulo sa mata ko. I felt the both of them staring at me as I tried to calm myself down. I think I am drunk already. I am starting to cry easily.
And... I just really can't get over that decision I made. At that time, it felt like the right thing to do, but I always end up thinking about the 'what ifs'.
What if I just talked things through once again with his mom and maybe... maybe she'd understand me. What if I just told Echo the truth? What if I stayed by his side and helped him get through it? What if I fought for him... for us?
I suddenly remembered my talk with Jericho before about the 'what ifs'. He was pertaining to the things that I wanted to achieve... I wanted to do it, but ended up being a coward and letting that opportunity pass. Just like what happened to me. And now I'm stuck and bothered.
He was right, the 'what ifs' would always be in your mind and you couldn't do anything about it because it's all in the past. The time has passed already. It's done. You will never get the answer anymore. That 'what ifs' will just forever be that way... What ifs...
He was also right about one thing... Regret is the scariest thing in life...
"I'm sorry," Marco apologized kaya naman natawa ako.
"Come on. It's not your fault. It was my decision."
"All I know is that you broke up with him, telling him that you're tired and all," he explained carefully. "But I know you better, lil sis. I know you wouldn't break up with him just because of that. So, bakit nga ba?"
"He doesn't know?" Cali asked, a bit shocked. I shook my head.
Silang tatlo lang naman sinabihan ko. Well, I was going to tell Marco about it pero ngayon pa lang kami nagka-usap ng ganito.
"Oh, man. That's fucked up," that was his reaction when I told him everything. Umiling siya. "I'll probably do the same. Pero bakit daw ba?" tanong niya, tila naguguluhan pa rin.
"Dying wish daw," mahinang sabi ni Cali at kumuha ng can ng beer. Binuksan niya ito at uminom doon.
"Echo doesn't have a clue. He looked so lost and confused when he told me about it. I feel sorry for him. Best friend ko 'yong gagong 'yon, eh." He sighed. "But I won't tell him a thing. Hindi ko kwento, eh," he assured me.
I smiled at him. "Thank you."
"Pinagsisihan mo ba?" Maki asked.
"I don't know... I just felt that it was the right decision at that time... To let him go," I answered quietly.
"Why can't we just be happy? Ba't kailangan talagang masaktan?" malungkot na tanong ni Cali.
That has always been my question too, whenever I'm stuck in a situation that would always end up with me gaining nothing but pain. It's just always there, in the small things and the big ones. And I guess we really need to be strong and be ready for it because it will just run over you like a truck, unexpectedly.
"That's life, baby girl," Marco stated sadly. "Unfair but it's meant to be that way," dagdag niya at bumuntong-hininga.
"Life is... shit," Cali said.
"No. Fate is," I corrected and sighed.
"Wala talaga tayong magagawa kundi tanggapin na minsan, hindi talaga mapapa sa 'tin kahit gaano natin kagusto," tahimik na sabi ni Maki.
"Cheers to letting go," mahinang sabi ko at inangat ang can ko sa harap nila.
"Cheers to being stuck," sambit naman ni Cali.
"Cheers to loving the wrong one." Marco's tone was almost a whisper. Nagkatinginan kami bago pinagtama ang mga can namin.
After the new year, I become super hands on sa café ko. I wanted to keep myself busy and distracted that I keep on doing a lot of things I needed to. It was somehow effective. Hindi na rin ako nakibalita tungkol sa kanya and my friends do not talk about him in front of me anymore. They were respecting me and I'm very thankful for that. They know how hard it was.
Bakit kasi ako pumatol sa barkada ko, 'di ba?
My friends are busy as well because they have their own lives and we call each other from time to time to keep each other updated. We still hang out when they're not busy.
It was around September when Raya informed us that she would be flying to France. We were all shocked about what happened... it was so sudden. But we supported her decision. That's the least we could do for her...
I was happy to say that my café was successful. I was never expecting it to be this big. I was even featured in a magazine because eventually a lot of people recommended my café to others and it bumped into social media as well.
Out of nowhere, Chase suddenly came to the café and apologized to me. Ever since that day, naging malapit kami ulit. The bond we had before came back. I was happy of course because he was once part of my life.
We were friends before we became a couple. He was one of the friends that I treasured that's why even after what he did to me, I was still talking to him because I didn't want to plant anger dahil lang doon. I could forgive but I'll never forget. It will just always stick to me.
I was happy. Little by little I was getting there.
"Come on. Stop laughing," Chase said and looked at me, annoyed.
"Okay... okay!" pilit kong sabi at tumikhim para mapigilan ang tawa. Pero hindi ko talaga kaya. "I'm sorry, I just can't! You were just so harsh on her!"
"What? I wasn't!" he disagreed. "I just told her the truth, na kulang siya sa hygiene! Na mabaho siya! 'Di niya 'yon tanggap, e 'di hiniwalayan ko!"
"You know you could tell her that in a nice way, right?" I said. We were talking about his recent ex, Lily, a model, who he broke up with.
Chase entered the modeling industry the past year. He was easily discovered because he had the looks and he was really good and natural too. Nalaman ko rin na parehas pala sila ng agency ni Raya.
"That was the nicest one possible, okay?" he argued, defending himself before he shook his head.
"Ano nga ulit sagot niya?" natatawa kong tanong nang maalala ang sagot.
"You don't really love me because if you do, tanggap mo ang amoy ko and you'll love my armpit!" he said in an exaggerated way, tila gingaya ang pagkakasabi noon. He leaned on the back of his car and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"Damn!" I laughed so hard. "But you were really harsh on her, Chase."
"I was not!" He groaned. "I could love her flaws if it's a flaw that is hard to change," he stated and smirked. "But, damn, hygiene? Magsabon lang, 'di magawa? Come on, she could do better."
"Model pa naman," sabi ko at tumawa ulit. "Sayang. Ang ganda pa naman ni Lily."
"I know right." He shook his head and we fell silent again.
We were here stargazing at the top of a hill. Pag hindi siya busy, dito kami tumatambay. We brought a few drinks and snacks din. Hindi ko rin alam kung ilang oras na kami dito. I was just enjoying the silence. It was all I was looking for these past few months... silence. Because my thoughts were all over the place.
"Eh, kayo?" Chase asked. I looked at him. "Ba't kayo nag break?"
"Long story," tipid kong sagot bago sumubo ng fries.
"Hindi naman tayo nagmamadali," sabi niya at ngumiti. "But it's fine if you don't want to tell me. 'Di kita pipilitin."
"Wow. Parang 'di ikaw 'yan, ah!" gulat kong sabi. I remember the days he used to force me to talk to him, to go back to him. He was a certified asshole but I was blind. Bobo ko pala dati.
"I told you. I've changed," mayabang na sabi niya. Napailing naman ako sa kayabangan nito.
"For the better?"
"For the better," he agreed and smiled at me again. "Sana ikaw rin," biro niya.
"Annoying mo!" I hit his arm with the back of my hand. Sabay kaming natawa pero dahan-dahan iyon humupa.
"Did he break up with you?" he silently asked.
"No. I did."
"At least he wasn't stupid enough to let you go the way I did." Chase smiled sadly. "I'm really sorry, Esme."
"Ano ka ba. It's okay, Chase. We were in high school. What do we know about love and relationships, right? Because if you hadn't done that, I wouldn't found my way to Jericho and experienced a love like his..." mahinang sabi ko.
"I want you to know..." Chase spoke. I looked at him. "That you did nothing wrong. Do not doubt yourself, okay? You are worth it." He gave me a small smile before looking up at the sky. I did the same.
I really apppreciate how the stars never left the moon. It was there, not leaving the moon to be alone, never leaving its side. Always surrounding it so that the moon won't be lonely. Palagi silang may karamay, may takbuhan, may kakampi...
How I wish life was like that.