I'm procrastinating writing this stupid Macbeth essay for school, it's 2:00 am and I want to rip my eyeballs out of their sockets xo
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How THE FUCK did I end up here?
You remember Jessica right? Malibu Barbie? Amy?
One of those has to be her name.
Tell me how I'm sat in an empty booth at the restaurant she works at which happens to be the first me and Dom ever went to together?
I simply just drove and drove until my arms began to feel like jelly and somehow I ended up here.
It wasn't a coincidence that's for sure, out of all the areas in this prestigious city, there has to be a reason why fate drew me here.
I guess I'm trying to bring it back to where it all started.
And this was the first place that held significance too me.
"Can I take your order?" A polite women asks me and I shift my gaze declining her offer.
Plugging in my earphones, I block out the noise and allow my music to invade with my very extraordinary playlist that I pride myself in.
Though today, it didn't seem too help. It's like every song has a sentimental meaning to me and all of them involved Dom.
I must be one strong bitch because I'm this close to screaming fuck it and loosing my mind.
My tragic life was beginning to take a good turn, now I can't tell the outcome. Maybe something amazing will come out of this yet it could also be the worst time period of my life.
I'm scared of what decision to make, I'm stuck between whether to let life play out but I'm curious as too what he is hiding from me and my curiosity always gets the better of me.
Can I just kidnap him? It will only be one extra person in my basement.
It's lovely down there, Diego seems to enjoy it.
3:00am is what I read amongst my phone.
Have I really been out for three hours yet I'm still clueless on how I'm supposed to feel.
Maybe if something happened to me he would stay?
Ok Sienna I know your depressed but now you're reaching.
I felt a figure tower over me, okay motherfucker, who is trying to kidnap me this time?
I raise my gaze up and leap back at the sight I front of me.
Oh my FUCKING god!
"Diarlo?" I gasp blinking furiously trying to figure out whether my mind is betraying me or not.
"Sienna." He smiles at my shocked face.
"I see my plan worked then...you're safe." He looks so pleased with himself and here I am, jaw hanging low in shock.
"What? Who? HOW?!" I waffle out.
"I thought you were dead, how the fuck are you alive?!"
Sitting himself opposite me, "you'd be surprised how corrupt the Russian mafia is, it doesn't require a lot to save myself."
I'm speechless and full with emotion, a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that he was ok.
"Thank you so much, I would be dead without you. You saved me and I owe you my life." I praise him.
"I owe your father my life, I was just returning the favour." Diarlo explains.
"Why? What did my dad do for you?" I question, more intrigued.
"He gave me a home." He vaguely explains, almost like he's scared to reveal something.
Changing the subject, "So what business do you have being out this late?" He questions me.
Hi, can he like give me a second to process this and not be so nonchalant about it? Thank you.
I was hesitant to pour my truths out to a stranger, well he's not a stranger but I barely know him.
I ended up giving him a spoonful of the truth,
"You know my father, so you must know Dominico right?" I ask.
"Oh him. Wait let me guess, he was a one night stand and now you have caught feelings and he doesn't want to hear about it." Diarlo wrongly reads me.
"Actually we're in a relationship...I think." I tell him.
"We're talking about the same Dominico right?" He throws his head to the side confused.
"Well, he's moving and I don't know what to do about that, he won't let me go with him." I sigh.
"Why would you want to go with him?" He questions startling me.
"If you had experienced what we have together then you wouldn't want to be apart either." I explain.
"Somehow I don't believe that, have you ever wandered why he wouldn't let you go with him?" He challenges me.
"No I haven't had time too, how do you mean?" I push.
"What life is it for you to just follow him? Maybe he want you to stay and make something of yourself, I've only known you for a short period of time and even I know that there's something special about you. You could change a lot in this world. Once thing I know about Dominico is that he reads people like crazy and he must see you like that." Some how his little speech hit a part of me.
I don't know, maybe he's right.
"When is he leaving anyway?" He asks once again.
I pull up my phone to check the time...oh,
"In about 45 minutes-" I groan noticing the hundreds of missed calls and voicemails I have gotten.
One from Dom.
"Excuse me." I tell Diarlo and walk out the restaurant to listen to it.
"Sienna...fuck- I know you must despise me right now and all I can do is apologise, you have every right to be angry but you must know that if I had the choice then I wouldn't leave your side. Please let's sort this out before I go, I need to see your face, fuck this is so messed up.
come home and I'll know you still want this, if you don't, then I respect your decision.
I- I love you."
He stutters the last part breaking my heart.
I wipe the tears in my eyes and re-enter the restaurant sitting opposite Diarlo.
"Want some advice you didn't ask for?" He questions me.
"Sure." I tell him fiddling with my thumbs.
"Don't leave it on bad terms, go and find him, sort it out or you will regret it." He warns me and I believed him.
One thing I have learnt is that you never know when the last time you are going to see someone is and I would never forgive myself if I left it like this.
"You're right- I- I have to go, I'll see you soon, drop me a call or a kite or drugs, I don't know bye!" I scramble for my items and dash out the door.
Ok I have 30 minutes to make it to the air strip, the sun was rising and the air was tense.
To say I was over the speed limit was an understatement.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say when I see him, to be truthful, I'm still not sure how I feel about him leaving. All I know is that whatever happens, he needs to leave here knowing that I love him and always loved him. Yes I know...corny right? Bad bitches are not meant to fall in love.
That's tuff, I seem to break all the rules don't I?
"DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR YOU SLOW FUCK!" I yell at the person in front of me and he flicks me off.
How incredibly rude.
25 minutes left and I'm 23 minutes away.
Fuck it I'm running the asshole off the road.
...
I jumped out ferociously and sprinted, my adrenaline must have kicked in and I guess I became a D1 athlete because speed would be an understatement.
My breathes were beginning to become incomplete and pain began to shoot inside my previously broken leg, I fought through the pain at the need to feel his touch just one last time.
But it broke my heart to see an empty field, the sun rose in the distance which I was disgusted at. Ironic huh? Most would be lucky to see a sight so beautiful but I just wanted to see him.
He's gone and I can't do anything about it.
He left thinking I hated him when all I did was love him.
But I was too stubborn and caught up in my own emotions to let him know that.
"I'm sorry." I whisper to the open field and break down on the concrete ground.
It was a silent breakdown, I felt like I just lost a part of me, I don't know if I ever believed in soulmates but I think he was the closest thing possible.
And now I was empty. I had been stripped of that part of me that he filled, now it was like I was back in that crummy apartment, alone.
And that feeling could drive the strongest people into the depths of depression.
Maybe you're just dramatic Sienna?
Let me be sad you whore.
Tears still dripping down my face, I picked up my phone and dialled the one person I trusted with my life. Who other than Natalia?
"Can you pick me up?" I asked her not wanting to drive home due to the fear of subconsciously doing something stupid.
"Of course." She sounded annoyed, I couldn't tell if it was with me or Adriano withholding information from her, or maybe it's the fact you are calling her at 5am SIENNA.
I sat on the ground and emptily started at the view in-front of me.
The one that had previously been in his presence. It was his last view here and he saw it thinking that I had given up on him.
...
I didn't say much on the ride home, Natalia put on the radio and just let me cry.
From James Arthur to Harry styles to J-Cole.
Everything hurt.
She pulled up to the mansion, it was around 6:30 and by this time everyone would be up and ready to start another day.
Instead of walking through the front door, I climbed up to my window not wanting to face the pity and sympathetic looks from everyone.
Sad thing, I don't have my own room. It was our room, mine and his so I had to walk in to our sanctuary. His scent lingered and the room was tarnished from the previous day.
His clothes were gone...empty like he had never been here but what he did leave was his favourite sweater. Which happened to be mine too. I couldn't bring myself to touch it, the pain would have been too much.
On my vanity, I noticed a letter and immediately knew who it was from, my fingers trembled picking it up and I built up the courage to Alas open it.
Dear Sienna,
Fuck I don't know what to say or how to start this. What the fuck is there for me to say? I guess the universe just doesn't want us in each other's presence. But when have we been ones to follow rules?
I'm not going to fight my emotions, you deserve the sincerity I hold, so please hold onto this. I have faith in us, which is ironic because faith is something I lack entirely. But I think my love for you defeats the odds of my dark soul. This didn't end up how I had hoped, I wanted you to come home so you could realise that we will be ok, I won't and never will give up on us, distance may be a bitch but we could have survived it, we've both survived much worse.
I don't want to let this go, it's kept me together through a lot of bullshit but I know that I had to let you make your choice.
Me not letting you come to London was me trying to be selfless, Sienna I want you to live and don't fucking hold back. You're special I've seen that since the fist time I laid my eyes on you.
You were the first girl I ever loved and I hope to god that you will be the last. But for now that's only a dream amore.
This isn't the last you have seen of me and if you desire to, then hold onto that. If not then know that the strength you hold is so much more than you are aware of. I see in you what I never thought was possible in a person.
You have been through every fucked up thing possible and I can't wait to see you happy and I promise that I will be there when you are.
With all my love and black soul,
Dominico Vance
My emotions jittered whilst reading that, he's gone and I don't know how I'm supposed to take that.
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Hi okay so let's talk about character development.
We are going to start seeing a more independent Sienna who has control over herself and her decisions.
I mean, she's already a bad bitch but she's about to get badder.
And I'm ready for it
Ok until next time,
Enjoy xx