''Have you ever thought about how we only get to choose from just two people for the Presidential election, but fifty for Miss America?'' I tirade on. That's fucking weird.
''Doesn't matter. They're a bunch of brainless brats anyway.'' He gripes.
''That's fucking rude,'' I giggle. High Kayden is kind of assertive. It's amusing as hell.
And apparently, being high makes me state out dumb, random facts. That's what we've been doing for the past hour and a half. We found this adorable deserted car park- where they used to project films in one of those outdoors cinemas- after driving around the city while blasting and jamming along to music. I almost had to fucking fight him for the aux cord, but he let me have it after I let out a little pout. He ended up saying I have great taste in music, so I guess it culminated up being okay.
Now we're just talking about all sorts of stupid shit, passing the blunt back and forth. He offered me my own, like last time. But I refused- again, like last time.
''If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he considered homeless?'' he questions in his still unadorned tone of voice, I can't help but to burst out laughing.
''What are you laughing at? You're the one who fucking asked if vegetarians could eat animal crackers five minutes ago.'' he seems genuinely slighted, but I don't miss the twitch to his lips as he watches my laughter surge.
After my laughter dies down, it falls quiet for the first time since we've gotten here. And of-fucking-course, my stomach chooses that seamless moment to grumble. I straighten myself from the bench we're sitting on and hand him back the blunt- after taking just a little drag this time- hoping that'll distract him from commenting on it.
He tosses what little was left of the smoke on the concrete and stomps on it with the heel of his shoe, putting it out. Then he pulls himself off the base of the bench. ''Let's go.''
But I don't want to go home yet...
I force myself off the seat and follow him to the car, once I've jumped myself in with a little push from Kayden, and we're both seated, I speak up. ''Am I giving directions or should I type the address on your navigators system?'' he's already rumbled the engine.
''I'm not taking you home yet.'' He starches his arm and puts his one hand on the back of my pew, then looks behind us over his arm while steering the wheel with the other.
Why is that so hot?
Focus! ''Uh, is this the part where you tell me I'm being kidnapped? Because a little heads up would be appreciated.'' I nervously chuckle.
''No, this is the part where we're gonna get some food.'' He doesn't look at me as he answers, still steering us out of the empty lot.
''Food? We came straight from a barbeque. Why would we go get something to eat?''
''You mean the barbeque where you didn't even touch your plate?'' our eyes meet. A clasping look spinning through his, daring me to call him in the wrong, because he knows he isn't. ''Plus, I get really fucking hungry when I'm high.''
Well, then that makes two of us, pretty boy. ''What are you thinking?'' I can't go inside somewhere looking like this; an oversized, dark bomber jacket that belongs to Kayden, which he made me wear after I realized I still hadn't put on a damn shirt when I stepped in his car, it's so large on me, you can't even see my shorts underneath. I took my bandana out so my hairs a wild mess. And I stole one of Jenn's sneakers, which are a little too big on my feet.
''I don't know, I'll see what we drive by first. I'm not really a picky eater so just tell me what you like.''
''I'm not picky either, as long as it's a drive thru- I'm good.'' I shrug.
He nods amenable to that. ''For sure. We're dodging all paps tonight.''
Oh my fucking God. Tell me why I literally forgot this guy is frickin' famous. Shit. He's just so... normal. Most unpretentious man I've ever been around, if I'm being quite honest. I didn't even think about the fact that I'm out with a fucking celebrity.
''How do you do it?'' Fuck. I just had to ask, didn't I?
''What?'' he keeps his gaze on the road.
''Being in the public eye like that. I'm sure it gets hard at times.'' I add on. God, weed turns me into such a fucking schmoozer.
Silence falls after my query, only sound we're getting are the speeding cars on the road around us. Streetlights illuminating trough the car making me able to see him clearly, yet I don't turn to him. He seems entrenched it thoughts. I can practically hear the wheels turning from here.
I cringe at my absurdity. ''I'm sorry, you don't have to answer tha-''
He cuts me off, shaking his head. ''No, it's okay. I was just trying to figure out a proper way to response to that question. It's a hard one to answer without sounding like an ungrateful dick.'' He affirms.
''You can just be honest. Only if you're sure.'' I murmur. I don't want to push this on him. Although we've been talking for hours tonight, he should never talk about something he's not ready to- or doesn't want to- discuss.
''Okay, so people- or I should say society- has painted this general image of celebrities being the happiest and luckiest people on earth. However, I also blame the artists themselves for putting that exact vision out on social media- making it seem like their lives couldn't get any more perfect and everything's good. When I reality, nine of out ten of them are fucking miserable, battling severe depression and major anxiety issues.'' He declares.
''What about you?'' woah, I am on a roll today. Who the fuck is this? Suddenly worried about a man's mental health.
He hesitates and stammers over his words before he speaks. ''It doesn't get easier but you learn to live with it. It's just hard to shake off feeling like a fish in a bowl when you're being shadowed by paparazzi. It infuriates the fuck out of me because I'm not even the celebrity with all the people I'm around. I just represent them. It's challenging to live your daily life like a normal person when you're not even being considered or treated like a normal person by the outside world, you know?'' I nod. ''I don't take everything as hard now as I did when we first started off years ago- like I said, you learn to live with it- but you definitely develop major trust issues when everyone suddenly wants to be your friend once they see you starting to make good money.''
''I can't say I completely understand but I can see how watching out for the real and the fakes amongst you every single day can be exhausting. I sure as fuck wouldn't be able to do it- knowing myself, I'd just shut everyone out. People are fucking disgusting these days.'' I concede.
He chuckles at my shot of empathy. ''Yeah, you're definitely lucky with your group of girls.''
Couldn't agree more. ''I thank God everyday for them. I know it may not even seem like we like each other with the way we're always on each other's ass, but that's just how we've always been. We're not very affectionate people so we might show it in the oddest ways. But we know that we got each other's backs like rocks. Always.''
He turns his head to me and smiles a warm, teethless smile. ''I'm glad you have those kinds of people close to you.''
''I know,'' I acquiesce. ''Your circle must be huge.'' I presume. He doesn't seem like the most recluse person.
''You would be surprised.'' He notes with a light chuckle. ''I actually consider Joshua my only real friend.'' He confesses.
Save to say I didn't expect him to say that. I gape at him in incredulity.
''What? You don't believe me?''
I shake my head. ''I do. Its just hard to believe.''
''I get it,'' He nods while slowly braking the car to halt at the red light. ''Why wouldn't you take advantage of the regime and lifestyle you're already living, right?'' he turns to me. I nod frankly. ''Trust me. I have. I was a dumb as fuck teenager, took plenty of the advantages I was given. Made mistakes and paid the price for them. But then I realized I was being used by the people closest to me, day in day out. So I chose growth over company and kept it that way through the years.'' He shrugs.
''Doesn't it get lonely?'' I can't help but ask.
''You gotta pick and choose your battles, babe. I'm fortunate enough to have so much shit going for me that people can only dream of. I don't allow or give myself the juncture to complain.'' He shrugs one again. I just stare at him in awe as he starts the car again.
It's all I can do.
This guy is... even more amazing than I gave him credit for. I fucking love the way he expresses himself and isn't afraid to admit he is human and made mistakes. I could just sit here, listen to him talk all night and not get tired of it. Listening to him giving me insight on the industry and their way of living made me recognize it may not be all the glitter and glamour that Los Angeles makes it out to be. Quite sad, actually.
I love intellectual people like him that show me a new perspective of the topping we're discussing. Makes me feel like I'm actually learning something and it's not just some useless chatter.
I open my mouth to tell him something but a big yellow-lit M insignia at the end of the street catches my eye. ''Oh my God, let's do McDonald's.''
''In 'n Out is just around the corner, I thought...''
No fucking way.
''Alright,'' I sigh trounced, starting off my play-act. ''Its just been so long since I had a big mac...'' I turn my visage to the window so he doesn't notice me biting my lip to keep myself from erupting out in laughter.
I feel his gaze burn holes in the back of my head before he strings out in whispered mutters of what I recognize to be Spanish swearwords. When he takes a left turn and pulls up to the McDonalds drive-thru, I place a fist over my mouth.
''You're too good at that.'' He grumbles as he drives up behind the two cars in lane, also waiting to have their orders taken. I finally look over to him and expose the shit eating grin I couldn't keep in, his face softens in a heartbeat and his lips jerk up before he presses them together in a poor attempt to abstain himself from smiling.
I feel the car move ahead, but I can't be sure. Maybe it's my head that's spinning out of inner chaos.
The paucity of striking lighting assembling around us is only highlighting his darker features even more. His stubble is gloomy and seems fuller around his cheeks, his usually honey-looking eyes are murky and sparkling with jabs of silver from the illuminations coming from outside, piercing, shadowy spheres gazing straight at me through his full natural lashes.
It feels like a perpetuity of gaping ensued before I open my mouth. ''What?'' it comes out breathless. I knew it would. I'm not in domination of anything that I do when he's watching me with those intense, vigorous eyes.
''You're fucking pretty, that's what.'' Is his audacious retort.
It feels like all air just got knocked out of my lungs to make place for his words to settle there and form a whirlwind of tumultuous butterflies over my entire insides. I open my mouth but immediately close it like a fish, nothing apparent good enough to tell him at this moment.
All I can think about is how fucking great of a guy this man right here is. How easy he would make it to fall for him and how he wouldn't deserve a pinch of the baggage I would bring him.
''Good evening, thank you for choosing McDonalds. You can order whenever you're ready.''
Oh, thank God.
Kayden is the first to move his gaze to his left, he rolls his window down and turns his attention to the intercom.
He clears his throat. ''Big mac meal, right?'' I know he's asking me, but his head is still turned. He's acting like he's reading the damn menu board outside.
Why the fuck is he dodging my eyes now?
''Yeah, a small one, please.''
''Two big mac meals, please. Both large.'' He snubs my request.
''What would you like to drink with that?''
He finally turns to meet my eyes. His questionable. Mine too, for an entirely different rationale, though.
''Just water.'' Although the high feels faded out by now and my brain isn't as foggy as it was at the park, my throat is still dry as fuck and my stomach is in knots from hunger.
He whips his head back to the machine. ''One water and a sweet tea.''
''You got it. Anything else?''
''Let's do twenty pieces of nuggets, with...'' He falters, then turns to me again. ''Barbeque or Sweet and Sour?''
''Both.'' I grin. How can you choose from those. You can't eat chicken nuggets without them.
''Barbeque and Sweet 'n Sour sauce with that, please.'' He adds. ''Also, two Oreo Mcflurry's.''
''Kayden!'' I shriek dismayed. Does this guy think it's the end of the world or something?
Finally, he chuckles. I was afraid I wouldn't hear the beautiful sound again tonight, or see the equally as beautiful sight. ''Who doesn't like Oreo Flurry's?''
''It's not that I don't, but we can't eat all that.''
He scoffs. ''Speak for yourself. I'm a growing boy, babe.''
I know it shouldn't- because everyone calls each other babe in this fucking city, but the nickname makes my stomach jittery in flaps.
''Aren't you nearing thirty?'' I tease.
He inhales a loud gasp, horrified. ''I am twenty-five!''
I drag out a whistle . ''Oldie.'' I taunt further.
He narrows his eyes. ''Take that back,''
I quint mine for dramatic effect. ''Is that a grey hair?''
His mouth drops open and I know he's about to scold me.
''Anything else?''
He almost jumps at the sudden voice. ''Oh shit,'' he spins and sticks his head out his window. ''That would be all.''
''All right. That makes a total of $18,54. It will be ready shortly, you can just roll up to the next window to pay.''
''Thank you!'' he squeals, then drops his voice lower while driving up to the other window. ''So I'm old, huh?''
''Pretty much,'' I shrug.
Slighted even farther, he yaps. ''Oh, and what are you? Seventeen?''
''I just turned twenty-two in June,'' I stick my tongue out at him. I guess I haven't aged after seventeen, though.
''Thank fuck for that.'' He mumbles. Its soft, but audible.
He halts the car when we're by the next window. I start to crest through my pouches for my phone, once I find it in the jackets pocket, I pull my credit card out from behind the case.
''What do you think you're doing?''
I hold up the piece of plastic. ''Paying. That's what you usually do with a credit card...''
''Okay, smartass.'' He rolls his eyes. ''You're not paying.''
''Kayden, I don't need you paying for me. You-''
''I know you don't need me to pay for you, querida.'' He concedes. ''But you're gonna have to get used to the fact that you'll never be spending a dime while you're out with me.''
I huff. ''That's fucking ridiculous. I can't just-''
''You can and you will.'' He states.
''Stop cutting me off!'' I fucking hate that shit.
He doesn't get the prospect to respond as a middle aged lady spears her head out the pane with a terminal. Kayden has swiped his card and thanked her before I can even blink.
''I seriously don't like you,'' I puff, irritated beyond belief.
''Keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day you'll actually believe it.'' He nearly croons.
When we've gathered our two bags of food and another one with the drinks, he changes gears and drives us up to some elevated, higher parking lot, further to the very edge. It has a view of a little part of the city. We're mainly overlooking the highway, so cars are practically flying beneath us. But the lot is unoccupied, it's just us here- and I don't know if I love or hate it.
''Carajo, I'm hungry.'' He grumbles as he trawls through one of the bags. He pulls out a pack out nuggets and hums approvingly.
''Fucking hell, so am I.'' I fish through my own paper bag for a moment and hand him his fries. Once we've pulled everything out and set it in front of us, we bounce in like the two ravenous, stoned people we are.
After a few minutes of wordless delight and satisfaction, he speaks up, while stuffing in two nuggets at the same time. ''I feel like we've been talking about me all night. Tell me something about yourself, Bella.''
I pause on the last bite of my burger and look up to meet his eyes. ''What would you like to know?'' I swipe a napkin over my lips.
''I don't know. What would you like to tell me?'' he teasingly retorts.
''Kayden...'' I don't have the fucking energy for this. This guy is a fucking tool while high.
''Okay, okay, I'll start easy. Why are you studying law?''
''To become a lawyer.'' I state wryly. He peers his eyes, incensed. ''Both of my grandparents are attorneys. Watching them work growing up... it fascinated me. The courtrooms, the interacting with your clients and going out of your way to aid them. There's so much trust they place onto your hands, it's the most terrifying yet liberating thing. So much fucked up shit happens in this world every single day and if I can even help out a small percentage... I don't know. I guess I just want to feel like I've meant something to this world in some years. Like I lived out my purpose and didn't just live to be alive, you know?''
God, that sounds so dumb. Why the fuck did I just rant again? I should just let him do the talking when we're together from now on.
He- shockingly- doesn't cringe at my uttering like I do. Instead he takes a sip of his tea and keeps his eyes at the stricken notion ahead of us. ''I understand.'' He nods his head. ''Have you decided what you're going to specialize in?''
If only. ''Still very much on the fence about that. I know I don't want to go corporate or on defend. I'm pretty much stuck between immigration and criminal.''
''Why immigration?''
I dawdle on giving him the truthful, protracted version or just shortening it up casually. ''My mom. She always tells me horror stories on how much of a hassle it was to get herself the legal papers to become an American citizen. Even after getting married here. She was very lucky to have parents in law that heled her to the best lawyers in the issue. I want to be that one day. I want to try and make the process rapider and leisurelier for them. Those people have left their entire lives behind to come here and create a new one. My mother barely spoke any English when she met my dad. Everybody should get the chance for a better life.''
His warm smile behind the straw would make my knees buckle if I would be standing up right now. ''How'd your parents meet?''
I put my burger down. ''My grandmother- mama's mom- was his family house's maid. The two of them settled here after my mother turned seventeen. She helped grandma out around the house frequently. So one day, they ran into each other in some kind of hall. My mom said she dropped all the wine glasses she was carrying at the sight of the young eighteen year old at the time.'' I snicker warningly, remembering when I used to be able to sit down and have these types of conversations with her. ''Dad apparently covered for her, saying he accidently kicked them over. He swears it was love at first sight- which is bullshit. Anyways, that's how it started. His parents weren't okay with their relationship at first, so they went and eloped as soon as she turned eighteen. Their affiliations got much better after I was born a year later- and after my dad threatened to never let them meet their grandchild if they don't care and treat the mother of his daughter with respect.''
Only for him to turn around and disintegrate her into the ground like rubbish, years later.
He blinks at me. ''That doesn't even sound real. Its like you're summarizing a movie or something.''
I chuckle. ''I know,'' he should be glad I'm not talking about them through my teen years. I would be recapping a fucking horror movie then.
Precipitously, he frowns. As if something just hit him in the nerves.
''What?'' I tensely waver. What is this sudden change of atmosphere? Its stifling and I don't like it.
''You don't believe in love at first sight?''
What the fuck? ''Where did you get that from?''
''You said its bullshit...'' he whims a brow.
Right... ''I don't know if I believe in love at first sight. Not saying it's a myth or anything. I just feel like you have to know a person all through to take that leap of faith.'' Looks only say so much about a person. Call me sapiosexual, but it's the way the right men speak their minds in a wise manner that will have me pulling towards them. Like this man right here. He opens his mouth and I'm in a daze. ''I do, however, believe in soulmates.'' I swear, your soul is connected to someone wandering someplace on earth right now. I hope Kayden's is as equally amazing as his. He deserves the best he can get.
He's reading me with those deep, dark eyes of his, fucking again. ''Do you believe in love at first sight?''
''I'm s- actually, I don't know.'' He lurches over his words.
This conversation is getting too damn weird. We've managed to keep it light throughout the night and I want to keep it that way. Its better that way. He shouldn't take me serious. I mean he should, but not like t-
I think I'm higher that I thought I was.
''I can't finish this McFlurry.'' I blurt out. Yup, definitely high as a kite.
''That's fine. I'll just give it to Cassie if you don't want it. She's coming over to sleep at mine tonight.'' He nations.
''Cassie! Tell her I said hi. Oh, and to text me. I didn't give out my number for her to stare at.''
''I was supposed to pick her up at nine...'' he wavers.
I squeal leaves me after I tick on my phones screen. ''Oh my God, its almost eleven!''
He scratches the back of his neck. ''I know,''
Is he always this fucking calm? ''Then what are you still stuffing your face with fries for? She's probably waiting. Get driving!''
He scowls, fry in his hand halting halfway into the air. ''But-''
''Go! It'll probably take over an hour before you drop me off and picked her up. The sooner you get moving, the better.''
''My parents' house is twenty minutes away. Do you mind if we pick her up first?'' he questions as he starts to collect the bags of food.
''Of course not. Like I said; the sooner the better.'' I grab the bags from his hands and put all trash in one of them and all the unfinished foods in the other, I hear the roar of the cars engine build as I do so.
Guess we're picking up Cassie...
I freeze when I realize where we're headed.
His parents' house.
Fuck.
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