The scowl present on the other man's face as he was furiously typing at his computer did nothing but increase Gulf's attention towards him. Wasn't five years enough for all the attraction to go away? Wasn't it enough to forget even a little part of that man? It should've been enough. Hell, he wished that it was. He wished that his heart will still beat a little less loudly when he see that man. How he wishes he wouldn't have o see that face anymore. But just like the sun, you can't ignore it. Even if you do, your eyes will fell on it anyway.
And that man shines more than anything he ever saw in his life.
Gulf forcefully shut the window binds to not see him anymore. Cause seeing him but not being able to be near him, not being able to touch him, not being able to be the reason behind that blinding smile anymore was more than torturous enough.
"Sometimes I feel like you're a masochist ,kanawut."
He looked at Gun who was looking at him with pity in his eyes. Was that what he has been degraded into? A man who someone pity?
"If staying close to that man hurt so much then why are you doing it?"
He looked back at the papers on his table waiting to be signed. "I'm a realist Atthapahan." He took the first one trying to give his attention towards it. "He had talent. I'm only using it. That's all."
"Who are you trying to fool?" Gun's voice was not angry. Rather he was feeling pain for that man who refused to even acknowledge it. "Me? or yourself?"
He paid his friend's words no attention or at least he tried to. But he knew, in this charade, there was only one fool and that was him. "Don't you've work to do? The Board meeting has been moved to tomorrow. Is everything prepared for it?"
Gun stood up abruptly finally understanding that this man won't listen to him. "Somethings should be cut down fully before they took deep roots, Gulf. Cause the more stronger the roots are, the more hard it is to let go."
Gun took the meeting file from the table. "If you want to quit it, if you want to quit him, then do it completely."
WIth that he was gone not noticing the other man who wasn't looking at him anymore. His eyes were fixated on the window outside.
Quit? Isn't that what he has been trying to do for the past five years. Still, he found himself going back again and again to that man. Just like he followed him like a shadow for the past five years. Just like he was always there when he started to walk again after the accident. Just like he was there to see his graduation. Just like a shadow. a freaking shadow that doesn't have any destination.
A smile appeared on his lips. But the pain in his eyes was screaming in silent agony.
I wish...how much I wish I knew how to quit him
................ .............................. .......................
"But I just got his schedule today?" Mew explained finally not being able to hold his frustration anymore. Why was this man such a headstrong Jerk? It took him three days just to get that man's time.
"Cancel it, Suppasit."
He was seeing red. All of his effort gone with the wind again. This man. He should start researching about that book called how to kill your boss 101.
"And top trying to kill me in your imagination."
He was surprised as he looked at his asshole boss who wasn't even glancing at him. It was really weird though. It has been two weeks since he started working alongside Mr. Kanawut aka the devil as others in the office says, but never for once did that man looked at him or give him any attention that lasted more than five seconds.
"I'm not trying to kill you." He tried to laugh which came out more like a forced smile.
"Could've fooled me."
Again. He was doing it again. Dismissing him without even looking at him.
"Sir, with all due respect, it took me three freaking days to even just get that man on the phone." He was trying his best to control his anger. He was never like this. Even to others, he is always known as the calm headed one. But this man knows how to push all of his buttons...this jerk asshole, rude, man with eyes that captivates him....No what are you thinking. Forget that captivated part.
Gulf finally looked up at him and for a second he forgot how to breathe. He doesn't know if it was the coldness in those eyes or the absence of emotion in them...but he found himself captivated again.
"Mr. Becker is an old man with nothing but time on his hand to watch r rated movies. I'm sure he can find time again. Gulf stood up looking away from him while taking his coat. And Mew suddenly felt empty again. As if the warmness that was holding him together finally decided to leave him again. Why? Why does he feel like this every time?
Why does he find himself wanting to be closer to that man? Why his heart beat so loudly whenever those cold eyes looks at him? Exactly why?
"Also, if that guy can't find time for even one call.." Those dark eyes fall on him again before exiting the office room. "Then we shouldn't give our time to him either Mew."
Mew can feel the beating of his heart. It was the first time that man called him by his name..and it felt..it felt familiar. It felt right. As if that's how he should always be called by this man.
Gulf looks at him again before exiting. "Now, stop standing like an idiot and get back to work. I don't pay you to just stand there."
The door shut down loudly as the man was gone from his view leaving him in anger again.
"Ughhhhh." He screamed in anger holding his hair with frustration. He really should search google for that book. Surely he can find one if he searched more. Cause by the looks of it, it seems like either he will kill that jerk or that asshole will kill him.
"AT LEAST TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE GOING. AS YOUR SECRETARY I NEED TO KNOW THIS." He screamed while opening the door but there was no sight of that man only Sandra who looked at him as if he has gone mad. And truthfully he has.
He smiled at Sandra kindly while going towards his desk. Then started typing furiously his resignation letter.
"Another one?" Sandara looked at him with sympathy.
"I'll hand in this one." He started typing furiously again what was his 53rd resignation letter.
Sandara laughed at this going back to her work. It only made Mew more determined as he finally finished the letter then print it out and took it from the printer. Then with every determination in the world, he walked to the door of his jerk of a boss.
That's it, Mew. Open the door keep it on that's jerk's table and leave this place. You'll never have to face him again. After this you never have to see him again... his hands couldn't open the door suddenly.
Never see him again?
A pain suddenly grabbed at his heart and refused to let go. He will never see how those cold eyes sometimes turn warm when instructing him something? He will never see how that otherwise unemotional face sometimes unknowingly shows every kind of emotion when he thought nobody is noticing. He will never get scolded by that man in that annoying tone of his. He won't be able to witness how he always arched a brow when judging someone. He will never see him throwing an investor out just because he thought that man was insulting Mew. he will never see....him.
Mew retreated his hand back. And did what he did with his other 52 resignation letters. He tore it to pieces and threw it in the bin. Only then can he feel like the uneasiness leaving his heart little by little.
"Shall we get back to the work in hand then, Mr. Suppasit." A knowing smile gracing Sandra's lips. Mew can't help but smile sheepishly and went back to work.
His eyes absentmindedly going towards the now empty room. He can't leave. Not because of work. Not because of the money..no, it was because of something or rather someone. And he wasn't ready to admit it. Not to anyone. Not to even himself.
................. ............... .................
He was still the same. Gulf couldn't help but look in amazement at the man sitting before him. He still remembers the disapproving looks this man always used to give. A smile tug at his lips at the memory then the smile went away remembering what happened afterward.
He called the waiter to give their orders or more like prolonging the conversation he knew was coming. "You know why we are here, Don't you Stuttinut?" No point in beating around the bush anymore.
He can already feel Mild's anger towards him. Even though a table was separating them but it feels as if that man was ready to strangle him if it's needed.
"What do you want me to say, Kanawut?"
Gulf put the drink in his hand down finally looking a little angry. "You should've stopped him."
"You think I knew?" Mild was looking offended now. " He didn't tell me. If he did then....no, I still wouldn't stop him even then."
His eyes got hard as he looks at Mild with pursed lips. Out of everyone he expected, Mild was the last one he thought will say this. Especially when he knows what happened.
"Did you forget your promise, Suttinut?" He couldn't hide the anger in his tone anymore.
"No, I didn't." Mild took the drink finishing it in one gulp. "But no promised is bigger than my friend's happiness, Gulf Kanawut."
He snickered at hearing this. The word leaving the other man's mouth were leaving a bitter taste already. "Happiness..Did you forget who ruined that happiness in the first place, Suttinut? should I remind you again?"
"Will you just stop it? " Mild's screaming held something. As if he was already at his breaking point. "For God's sake stop blaming yourself for something that you didn't do."
He stared at him for a second trying to tell what he already tell himself every day. It was his fault. If he wasn't in Mew's life then he would still be happy. Doing whatever he wanted. But he took that chance away from him. "That's not how I remember it, Mild." He looked outside trying to hide the pain he knew was flashing through his eyes. Every moment for the past five years he had tried hard to forget that man screaming his name. If only he stopped that day. If only..
"Gulf..."
His eyes immediately went towards Mild again hearing the desperation in the other man's voice. And for a moment he was stunned. In all the time he was with Mew, this man only glared at him disapprovingly. Never has he seen this man on the edge of crying.
"Gulf...Mew..He..he is not ok." Mild looked down trying to hide his tears. "He hasn't been ok for a very long time."
He was trying. He was trying really hard to understand exactly what that man was telling him. But his mind was stuck on his sentence. What does this man mean by not ok? Mew seems ok to him. He was a bit thinner than before but..no there is no but he refused to go to that point.
"I'm not here to hear it Mild. I just wan to.."
"No." The other man stopped him mid sentence. "You've to listen to me cause I am tired. I am really tired now."
"I've seen him...he is fine."
The hysterical laugh leving that man's moth stopped him again.
"Fine? He seems fine to you? Did you actualy looked at him closely. Even for once?"
He has no reply to give this time. Cause the truth was that he didn't. He was avoiding looking at him all day.
"Alright then Kanawut. Define fine to me."
The joke and sarcasm weere not lost in him as he glared at him. "I've had enough of youu for one day." He was beginning to stand up when the other man's voice stopped him.
"Does fine means seeing him dying every day? Does fine means waking up at night screaming for someone he doesn't even remember. Does fine means suffering frompanic attacks untill I've to sedate him every time. Tell me again, Kanawut? Is that what fine means to you?"
He wasn't ready to admit it to himself of the effect those words were having on him. This can't be true. This is not how he pictured it. No..there must be something wrong. "You're lying to me aren't you?"
"Lying?" A sad smile appear on Mike's face making him even more confused.
"The only person I've been lying to is that man. My friend. Do you know what I do when he asks me if he was forgetting someone? Do you know what I do when I find himself crying most of the night when he thinks nobody's going to notice it? Do you know what I do when I come home to find him lying unconscious but still taking your name. I lie. I freaking lie, Kanawut." Mild completely broke down. His face looking at Gulf with defeat.
"I can't do it anymore. I can't see him suffering anymore. I've had enough."
Mild stood up looking at the still frozen Gulf who wasn't even looking at him now.
"The choice is yours now, Kanawut. If you really care about him then you know what to do." With that he left that place leaving a stunned man behind.
Mild's every word were playing again and again in his mind making him question every decision he took until then.
In the end only one question remains. Was it really for the best? When he decided to leave that man alone, was it really for the best??
................... ................. ..............
He is confused at his decisions. But through all this turmoil, will this devil let go of his restraint again and go after his man? Or something more worse is awaiting ahead?
Only time can tell but till then byeeee.
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