~this story is going to just be a little quick one because i think it's a good idea. i have a really good idea for another javier story but i really want to write an arthur one first and maybe a lenny. i also want to do some wlw ones as well!! plus i thought of a really good idea for my charles story which i would love if you were to check it out!~
(this story is written in the perspective of a cis female who uses she/her pronouns)
Also I don't speak Spanish very well i just know a small bit and i really apologise if it's not correct
POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING - slurs
ALSO THERE IS ARTHUR X MARY BETH IN HERE DONT ASK ME WHY I JUST WANTED TO DO IT :D
summary- you notice the gang is falling apart slowly but surely. after tilly, karen, mr pearson and uncle all leave you decide it's your turn. there's only one slight problem. you're in love with javier escuella
{THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS XXX}
You glance around the camp before sliding into dirty canvas of your tent at Beaver Hollow. The fact that the gang decided to stay at the same place where the Murfree Brood had killed so many people disgusted you. But it hardly mattered anymore. Soon, you would be able to leave it all behind. There was just one tiny little problem. Him.
All week you hadn't been as talkative to anyone, especially Javier. Despite you loving him immensely, you just couldn't bring yourself to tell him that you were going. You didn't want to kick up too much of a fuss.
The first one to notice you acting strange was Arthur.
You were standing at the edge of camp, looking off into the distant. This was when you were just starting to decide that it was the right thing to do to leave it all behind, even though it would mean sacrificing Javier. The only man you had ever loved
"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry to bother you but are-are you ok? You ain't been acting like yourself, just been seeming kind of distant. Now, I ain't trying to be rude or intervene on your personal life, but is everything going alright with Javier?" Arthur asked quietly, placing a hand on your shoulder.
"No there ain't nothing going on between me and Javi....though I guess that we wont exactly work out if I go through with this... oh Arthur, I don't mean to trouble you with my pointless worrying but I'm leaving. I would have told you sooner. I'm going to leave in about a week or so. I'm sure you've noticed that things ain't been right around here this past few months. Dutch been acting real funny and he doesn't trust you anymore. Then John went and disappeared and I'm sure he's alive, Arthur, I swear he is. Dutch says he's dead but I can feel it in my bones. And after Tilly and Karen left that was the last straw. I'm going to talk to Mary Beth, see what she thinks of it and if she'll come with me. But...it's all just so rushed and I'm such a fool-" you rambled, started to raise your voice.
"Shhh, shhh, it's alright, Y/N," Arthur says, holding you by the shoulders and looking you in the eyes. "Now there ain't nothing wrong with anything you're doing, and you're the least foolish person I know. And please, if you're going, get Mary Beth outta here. She should of left with Tilly and Karen ages ago. But I just have one question. You gonna tell Javier..?" his voice turned to a whisper, as he said the words that had been fluttering around in your head out loud.
"I-" you started and then shook you're head.
"Ok then...he gon' be real disappointed though. Ain't tryna make you feel bad, just telling the honest truth," he said, giving you a pat on the shoulder and waking away slowly.
—————————
The next person you told was Mary Beth, which had been part of your plan all along anyway. Surprisingly, she actually approached you first.
"Y/N?" she asked quietly one day, pulling back your tent door. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah sure, Mary Beth, is everything alright?" you say, looking at her with a worried expression.
"Yes, yes, I was just wondering....you gonna leave?" She sighed.
You sighed as well and patted the cot where you were sitting to get here to sit down with you. "I- yes, I am," you smiled at her but it was a mouth smile, not a smile where your eyes lit up.
"I hope you and Javier do ok when you guys do leave. I wish you both the best of luck," Mary Beth smiled back but her smile was genuine. Shit, Mary Beth thought you were leaving with Javier.
"Uh, Mary Beth....I ain't going with Javi. Just me..." you whisper so only she can hear and you're clear E/C eyes fill with tears.
"Oh lord, I'm sorry, Y/N." she says as you sob into your hands.
"Will you join me, Mary Beth? It ain't safe here anymore," you say, in between sobs.
Mary Beth hesitated for a second, like she was about to agree. "I can't leave, Y/N," she said quietly. "Arthur told me to leave but I can't. I'm-I'm pregnant."
You looked at Mary Beth with shock. You had guessed something had been going on with Arthur and her but not enough so that she was having a baby. "Does Arthur know?" you said, stroking her hair.
She shook her head and got up and left.
How could you even consider yourself important when Mary Beth was hurting like that? You wiped away your tears, put on a fake smile and walked out. As you left you tent you felt someone approach you and spin you around.
"Hola, mi amor," Javier whispered into your hair, before picking you up so he could look at you. He noticed your eyes were filled with tears and that your cheeks were red. "Y/N?" he asked anxiously, kissing your forehead about fifteen times. "Don't cry, hermosa."
"I ain't crying," you said wiping your nose with the end of your sleeve.
"Come on, mi amor, you can tell me what's on your mind." he said, his brow furrowed.
"Ain't anything on my mind, Javier, just leave it, ok?" you snapped, turning on your heel to walk away. You look back for just a second. Javier's face was full of shock and horror. You had never spoken to him like that before.
You started walking faster and faster until it turned into a run. You knew you had to leave the next day. You found yourself sitting at the edge of a stream nearby, skimming stones into the murky water. You were never any good at skimming stones until Javier taught you.
You shook your head, like as if the memories would fall out. Instead of thinking about the pat, you had to focus on the future. Maybe you would find yourself in a real nice place, with good folks. Maybe you would meet someone,
settle down, have a family.
No.
You decided to block out these thoughts too. The only time you had ever thought about easing a family was when you were with Javier.
You waited as the burning sun drifted down behind the mountings, leaving you to trek back to the camp in the dark. You wished that you could just run away now but you had to be prepared.
——————————
You woke surprisingly early for somebody that had been out walking in the dead of night. You headed out of the tent, acting like it was a normal morning. You say on a chair, furthest away from anyone. While it looked like you were just relaxing with a morning cup of coffee, your brain was actually buzzing with thoughts. As soon as you see Javier emerge from his tent, you quickly get up and start preparing.
You glance around the camp before sliding into dirty canvas of your tent at Beaver Hollow. The fact that the gang decided to stay at the same place where the Murfree Brood had killed so many people disgusted you. But it hardly mattered anymore.
You quickly start to pack your things when you look at the crate you've been using as a makeshift little table to put your important things on. A framed photo you and Javier got taken in Saint Denis. A silver locket with a photo of Javier inside. A drawing Arthur did of you and Javier. A love letter from Javier. How come all your important things had to do with him? You decided to just leave it all, along with a letter addressed to Dutch explaining where you were going and not to try to contact you.
You grab your bag, making eye contact with Mary Beth as you walk towards where your horse, H/N, was hitched. "Goodbye," you whisper as you walk past. She reached out and squeezed your arm.
"I told Arthur about," she looked around the make sure no one was listening. "The baby," she mumbled. "And he's happy," she finally smiled.
"I'm so glad for you, Mary Beth," you say, a proper grin spreading across your face, "goodbye."
As you unhitch your horse, you suddenly freeze. Patrolling the front of camp and the only way to get out...was Javier. You quickly got onto H/N and started riding at full speed.
"Y/N?" Javier called as you rode past him, taking in the fact you were wearing holding a full bag of things. His face dropped and he immediately whistled for his horse. "Y/N!" He yelled as loud as he could but you were already out of sight as he jumped on his horse and started galloping in your direction.
You heard Javier but you really couldn't care less. Your heart was breaking in your chest. You were fully being torn apart. You rode to Annesburg where you found accommodation for a night. You would leave the next day and travel far away. But you were much to emotionally drained to do that now.
Javier was in shock. He knew something was up with you but he was too hurt to talk to you about it. And now he may have lost you forever. He marched into camp, where he was ready to tear apart the first person he saw.
Unfortunately, this happened to be Mary Beth. He grabbed her by the arm. "Where the fuck has she gone? I know you know. Please," suddenly his voice cracked and a tear rolled slowly down his scarred cheek. "Please tell me."
"Hey, get your hands off of her, you hear me?" Arthur said, coming immediately to Mary Beths side.
"I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry but I need to know where Y/N is," Javier hissed. Javier was a flirt, and he always seemed to be able to get whoever he wanted. But you were different. He needed you.
"I'm sorry, Javier...she's leaving," Mary Beth sighed. "And I don't think she's coming back. I truly hope you're ok." Mary Beth nibbles on her bottom lip nervously.
"I'm going to find her," Javier said, pacing towards the table where Dutch made all his plans.
Micah and Dutch were speaking in low voices about something or other.
"Dutch, we need to go and find Y/N. Soy un puto idiota," Javier shouted as he approached them.
"Well, ain't that the sweetest thing I ever did see?" Micah said as he looked Javier up and down. "The charmer lost his plaything. She left for a reason, greaser." Micah said slyly, a smirk forming on his lips.
"Me da igual lo que digas, pedazo de mierda. Tengo que encontrarla. I need to find her. Dutch?" Javier said in a shout, before lowering his voice to ask the last part. "Please tell me that we can find her." he begged. "La quiero." javier said in a whisper.
"Mr Escuella. We have a lot going on right now. We need to stick to the plan and you need to do as I say. Miss Y/N knows how to take care of herself and-"
But before Dutch could carry on, Javier was already on his horse, riding towards Annesburg. It was the nearest town and he couldn't just leave you. He loved you so much.
———————————
You finally relax in your bed and place down your bag on the musty floor of your Annesburg accommodation. Javiers voice was still ringing in your ears. Him shouting out your name, the obvious pain in his voice. There was nothing you had wanted to do more than walk into his arms and break down crying. You had to be stronger than that.
You stood by the grubby window and look out onto the quiet evening streets of Annesburg. You weren't concentrating on anything in particular until you saw him. Javier riding on his horse, Boaz, faster than you had ever seen him ride.
You had to get out of there.
You grabbed your bag and pulled on your coat and hat. You rushed out the door, only to see him. He had come looking for you.
"Have you seen a woman around here, H/C hair, E/C eyes, wearing a green skirt and a white shirt?" Javier asked the taken aback man who ran the accommodation. "Yes, why, she's staying here. The door behind me.
You had to think fast. The back door was locked up. The front door was the only way out. You darted towards the front door, you arm literally brushing against Javiers.
He turns and stares at you. "Y/N..." he gasps. "Come on, come with me," he's saying as you rush out the door. Tears flood down you face. All you want to do is fall into his arms and tell him you're sorry, you love him and you'll come back. But you can't go back there. Never again.
You whistle for your horse and climb on, pushing your horse to go as fast as they can. "Come on, H/C," you say quietly tears rolling down your cheeks. You can sense Javier following you on Boaz. He's right on your tail.
"Y/N, please just talk to me. We can work it out. Come on." he yelled. "Please. Te quiero."
Your heart broke into a million pieces. You loved him. There has never been a time where he had said he loved you and you hadn't said it back. You decided to do the only thing you knew how to do without making a mistake. Stop.
You pulled your horses reins so they came to a halt, almost causing Javier to crash into you. You got down off your horse with a sigh. No more hiding. No more pretending.
"Y/N? What are you doing?" Javier asked. He was surprised. He never thought you were going to stop running.
All the emotions, all the heartbreak, everything you felt towards Javier, everything you felt towards life in the gang came rushing out of you in one big sob, as you plonked down at the edge of the huge lake that made the edge of Annesburg.
Javier slowed his horse and came and stood by you. He was obviously nervous, something that Javier hardly ever was.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to leave, Y/N?" he asked quietly. "I would have come you know."
Hearing these words that you never thought you would hear hurt your heart even more. "I thought you were too loyal to Dutch. I thought you would rather just stay. I didn't want to be a burden. I'm so sorry. I can understand if you'd never want to speak to me again."
Javier cautiously sat down beside you. "Y/N, you are a lot of things but a burden is not one of them. And you don't need to apologise, I need to apologise. I made you think that if you left I wouldn't come with you. Yes, I want to be loyal to the gang. But...." he held you face in his warm hands "I would rather be loyal to you, mi amor."
You both slowly leaned forward and pressed your lips into one another. Soft and tender, Javier wrapped his arms around you. "Oh, Javier..." you whispered. "I love you."
"I love you too, hermosa." Javier face broke out in a smile.
"Do you want to still come with me?" You asked quietly, looking into his dark eyes. "I can understand if you wouldn't want to, but....it would be amazing if you did."
He held onto you even more tightly than before. "Of course I want to come with you, Y/N. There is nothing on this earth I would rather do than to simply be with you."
hiii i didn't really know how to end this off so i'm just going to end this here ! i would love if you had any requests!!