Later that Day~
"They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. That's what happens to heroes, Tommy. The greeks knew the score," Technoblade recited his speech. He was about to continue when his door was flung open.
"Dude! You're in here talking about Greeks instead of answering your phone?!"
Alice stood in the doorway, holding a pineapple like a football under her arm. Her hair was frizzy from having the car windows down and Techno could swear he saw the irritation in her eyes.
"...I'm kinda in a war right now, destroying the government and all..."
They blinked at each other.
"Oh..well I brought the pineapple." Alice regained her composure, praying to every deity she had no faith in that the stream didn't hear that.
"The pineapple can wait, I'm causing anarchy." He turned back to his computer. "Stop laughing, there was no girl, no pineapple. Tommy, you want to be a hero? Do you really? If you want to be the hero, then you can die like one!"
Alice watched from the door as he spawned withers. This was Dream's server she assumed. So, that's why he wanted her out of the house.
She decided to stay and went to sit in a chair directly across the room. It was deemed the Stalking Chair because it was in a perfect place to watch the monitor. It was just Techno's old gaming chair that he rolled aside and somehow it ended up in the right place.
She listened to Techno talk to his friends for a bit before the stream calmed down. There were less players on the screen and he wasn't speaking as much.
Techno glanced back and smiled to himself when he saw his friend slouched on the Stalking Chair. She had her legs slung over one arm rest and she was leaning on the other. The pineapple was in her lap. She had a sharpie in her hand, scribbling something on the fruit.
She look up from her work to see Techno looking at her. She narrowed her eyes and tried to hide her drawing more.
Tim needed a face after all, and Techno didn't deserve to see her masterpiece.
He rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer.
"Techno?" Phil asked as if he'd been repeating himself for a while. He must've missed something.
"Sorry, I got distracted," He sent Alice a look, in which she stuck her tongue out.
"With the girl?" Tommy snickered suggestively.
"Oh yeah, Techno you've still got to explain that," Wilbur chimed in with a chuckle.
"Was it yo girlfriend?" Tommy shouted obnoxiously.
"Ew, no she's not my girlfriend," Techno gagged. Alice just stared at him with a sour expression.
"Well then tell us who it is!"
"And why she had a pineapple," Phil added.
"She's my roommate," Techno stated.
"Oh yeah, just leave the best friend part out. I don't mind.." Alice mumbled from her chair. She could only hear Techno's side of the conversation, but it was fine.
"Ohh," Phil realized. Techno had mentioned his roommate a couple of times off stream.
"You live with a woman?!" Tommy exclaimed incredulously.
"Uh, yeah that's what I just said," Techno replied.
"But a woman?!"
"It's old news Tommy, we already knew he had a roommate. Now, would you tell us why you were talking about pineapples," Wilbur sighed. Tommy was mumbling about how he didn't know.
"I didn't want her in the house while I was streaming because she doesn't like the yelling. I told her to get me a pineapple," He explained simply.
"You don't even like pineapple," Phil laughed.
"Yeah, I know. I'll probably eat it later anyway," He said. Alice's head shot up.
"You won't lay a hand on Tim," She seethed.
"Tell me you didn't name the pineapple," He gave her an unimpressed stare.
"Tim," She swiveled the fruit so he could see the smiley face she drew on it.
"No!" He slapped his forehead. "If you name it, you'll get attached!"
"She's still there?!" Tommy questioned.
"She's been glaring at me from the corner of my room," Techno replied with joking spite.
"Can we talk to her?" The boy questioned. More content for himself. He, Techno, and Phil were still streaming and talking to Techno's roommate would be hilarious.
"Why?" Techno wasn't sure he was comfortable with a child interrogating his bestie.
"It's Tommy man, what'd you expect," Wilbur said, sounding like the big brother everyone called him.
"Well, let's ask her first before forcing her to talk to Tommy," Phil rationed fairly.
Techno turned to his friend and gestured to his monitor, "They want to talk to you."
"Me?" She quirked a eyebrow.
"No, Tim." He sassed. "Who else would they talk to?"
"Geez, okay," She mocked him and got up to sit in his chair, taking Tim with her. He stood behind her and placed the headset on her head.
"I didn't know becoming an anarchist came with a side of attitude," Alice mumbled. She heard obnoxious laughter and gave Techno a look.
Why doesn't he ever mute?
"Hello woman," A voice bellowed and she immediately recognized it to be Tommy. What? She watched a few of Techno's streams. Plus, he complained about the child.
"Hi," She answered curtly.
"Are you Techno's girlfriend?" He asked. The question made her scrunch her nose.
"No," She didn't hesitate to respond which made the boy snicker.
"Right okay, so..wait, what do we call her.." Tommy trailed off. "Techno mate? Room blade?"
"Alice is fine," She saved everyone's time.
"Alice?" Phil repeated.
"Yep," She drummed her fingers on the desk lightly. She knew Tommy wanted content out of her, so just to fuck with him...she wouldn't oblige just yet.
"You don't talk a lot," Tommy sounded annoyed.
"Tommy, don't be rude. Sorry about him," Wilbur apologized with a sigh.
"It's okay, I know enough about his habits because of Techno's complaints," She said and got Phil laughing.
"Well, I'm Wilbur."
"I'm Phil," He introduced himself. "Can I ask what you named the pineapple?"
"Tim," She smiled, happy her fruit was getting deserved recognition. Techno tapped her shoulder and mouthed 'going for a break.' She gave him the okay sign.
"Why did you name a pineapple," Tommy was speaking in this monotone voice.
"Well, after having a few conversations with him, I decided he needed an identity," She shrugged as if it made perfect sense.
"God, you're like another version of Techno," Phil laughed.
"Yeah, we get that a lot," Alice chuckled.
"What did I miss?" A new voice said. She checked the discord and saw it was Dream. She raised her eyebrows.
"We are talking to Techno's roommate because he made her buy a pineapple as a distraction," Tommy explained briefly. Dream chuckled.
"Why a pineapple?"
"I don't know, he asked for one so-"
"Why'd you agree?" Wilbur questioned curiously.
"Cause he asked? I don't know, besides now I have Tim. Hello Dream, by the way, I'm Alice."
"Hello, what's it like living with a pig?"
"It's okay other then when he goes on about viewer retention."
"Amen Alice!" Tommy exclaimed with a few claps.
"Do you know anything about us? Or are you just talking to a bunch of strangers?" Wilbur laughed at the thought.
"I watched a few of his streams so I guess I know a little bit. He talks about you guys sometimes. He went on about Dream for a couple days though," She told them.
"Awe Techno talks about me?"
"When it's not Dream, it's Sun Tzu," She sighed, causing everyone in the call to laugh.
"I thought Techno just lived by himself," Dream said. "How long have you guys been roommates?"
"Three years," She said after a moment of thinking.
"Wait, really?" Phil asked. "I only just heard about you like a month ago!"
"And I thought I knew him the best," Wilbur muttered.
"Sorry Wilbur, I sort of grew up in his house anyway. It was just easier to live with him," Alice confessed.
"You grew up with the Blade?" Tommy yelled with a weird sort of growl.
"Yes, I just said that," She replied. "Someone's a bit slow." She muttered the last bit but Wilbur caught it and laughed.
"So technically speaking, you would know a bunch of embarrassing stories," Dream suggested.
"I suppose, why?"
"Could you share some?"
"That wouldn't be very nice," Alice scratched the back of her neck. "Especially in front of his 100k viewers."
She watched Tommy's character walk in front of Techno's and hit him. His sword must've had fire aspect and she put herself out with the water bucket.
"Don't do that Tommy," She scolded. He hit her again.
"Give me dirt on the blade," He demanded, hitting her again. "I can kill Techno while he's not here."
Little did he know, Alice was quite good at Minecraft. She attacked him back and he started yelling.
"HEY HEY STOP THAT," He ran and she chased him. "I'LL STOP, I'LL STOP." She stopped the chase and watched him eat to regen. The guys in the call were laughing.
"Awe, did she hit you Tommy?" Wilbur teased.
"She was doing crits!"
"I'm not an idiot, I know how to play Minecraft," She rolled her eyes. Tommy hit her again. She stared at his character. "You have two seconds to run before I kill you and save that armor for Tech." Her threat made the guys start laughing again.
Tommy started to flee and she counted to two before chasing him.
"Just give up, you aren't going to catch me," He taunted. Alice smirked to herself before using the water bucket in her hot bar to trident towards him. She clutched an MLG in front of Tommy and ran at him. He started sputtering curses.
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT NO NO NO STOP IT," He was yelling. She stayed on him until he was dead.
TommyInnit was slain by Technoblade using [Orphan Obliterator]
<Tubbo_> Sad
"Tommy!" Dream was wheezing at this point.
"SHE DID AN MLG, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" He continued into a rambling mess. He wouldn't stop yelling so Alice guided the mouse down to his name on discord and kicked him from the call.
There was a beat of silence before the three guys started laughing again.
"Did you just kick Tommy?" Wilbur exclaimed.
"No," She snorted. She mentally thanked Techno for keeping his inventory clean so she could take Tommy's valuable stuff and put it in his ender chest. She put the rest of Tommy's junk in a normal chest where he died. "But I fed the viewer's retention."
"Did you actually do an MLG?" Dream asked her.
"I mean, Techno's streaming right now so there's be no point for me to lie."
"Wow, when Techno's roommate is better than Tommy," Phil chuckled at the similarity between this girl and his friend.
"Techno's roommate," She gasped with an exasperated tone. "I'm just his roommate? What about my clout?"
"Are you just a copy of him??" Phil laughed as he asked.
"Techno 2.0" Wilbur contributed.
"How good are you?" Dream asked suddenly.
"Well, if we look at this situation logically, Dream, I've been told you're a smart guy so you should understand. Don't let me down here," She started her little ramble.
"Techno was an English major, who is obsessed with Sun Tzu and has extensive knowledge of Greek heroes. He's awful at math. Who do you think taught him about the pythagorean theorem?" She finished.
"You taught him about the triangles?"
"I taught him about the triangles," She confirmed.
"So, you're the reason I lost the 100k duel," He stated. Alice knew he was joking but it still surprised her.
"Wait really? I'm sorry, I'll teach you about the works of video game physics next time you have duel to make up for it," She offered.
"Okay, so a more polite version of Techno," Phil said quietly.
She watched Tommy's character look through he chest of his junk.
<TommyInnit> Where's my armor
<Technoblade> I told you I'd save it for Technoblade. I'm a woman of my word Tommy
<Tubbo_> Woman?
<Quackity> WHAT THE HELL TECHNOBLADE ARE YOU A WOMAN???
<TheEret> ...
<TommyInnit> THATS NO TFAIR I DIDNT KNWO HOU COUOD MLG
<Technoblade> What, like it's hard?
<BadBoyHalo> o.0
<Tubbo_> wat is wrong with tecnoblade?
"So, one of you is good at English and the other is good at Math?" Wilbur was marveling at their dynamic.
"Yeah, I was majoring in physics but uh..." Alice trailed off.
"You dropped out," Wilbur guessed.
"Yeah, it was boring," She chuckled sheepishly.
"Hypothetically, do you think you could win against me by using math?" Dream asked another question. Alice assumed he was still antsy from the war that happened and wanted a fight.
Now normally, Alice was a girl of a few words but when you got her started on a topic she excelled in, there was no stopping her.
"It depends I suppose. I'd have to first take into account, the independent variables of the situation like the rate at which you can click buttons and switch weapons." She started to explain.
"There's obviously a skill difference between us so I'd have to make it up by outsmarting you with tactics, predicting your moves or preventing moves."
"If you wanted me to solely rely on math, I could estimate the time it takes you to hit me and offset the rhythm. I could figure out an angle that you can't attack me from, or I could use vertical acceleration to bow spam you. Figuring out the calculations for the bow spamming would be harder though since the gravitational pull wouldn't be 9.8 meters per second and air resistance isn't a thing in Minecraft."
"I could also analyze how many hunger haunches decrease per attack and use that to stop you from regenerating. Then, I could use the basics of triangles but it'd boring since Techno made a big deal about it." Alice chuckled.
"Overall, it's hard to use direct theorems since real world variables don't exist in Minecraft. With Techno's weapons and armor, I'm sure I could come close but based on our skill difference, I don't think I could beat you." She finished.
There was a shocked silence and Alice got self conscious.
"I'm sorry, I sort of rambled there. I didn't mean to-"
"My god, no wonder Techno needed you to help win the duel. I barley understood what you said," Phil laughed.
"Are you some sort of genius or something?" Wilbur asked, quite impressed.
"I just named a bunch of laws, figuring out the math would be much harder," She reasoned.
"Yeah but at least you know what you're talking about," Dream pointed out. "Do you want to fight anyway?"
"But I'll most likely lose," She reiterated.
"If you win, he'll add you to the SMP," Wilbur offered.
"You can't make the deal for him, Wilbur," Alice shook her head. "I wouldn't ask that, this is a private server anyway."
"How're you a copy and an opposite of Techno at the same time," Phil exclaimed. "He would've taken that deal in an instant."
"It just doesn't seem very respectful when Dream wasn't the one who offered it," She explained.
"That was...strangely nice," Dream chuckled. "If you win the fight, I will consider adding you to the SMP but no promises."
"I didn't even ask to be added, why is this the deal," She pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Well if you win, you could use your brain to beat up Tommy. If you lose, you go back to a normal life without Tommy in it. Either way you win," Wilbur concluded. Techno came back into the room and leaned over the chair she was sitting in.
"So, are we on?" Dream asked, the anticipation was clear.
"Maybe after Techno's stream. His sellout timer is about to go out," Alice chuckled. "It was nice talking to you all, tell Tommy he needs to be nicer if he wants his stuff back."
"Will do," Wilbur let out a laugh.
"Was nice to meet you Alice," Phil said kindly.
"Yeah it was nice meeting you, I'll be mad if we don't duel," Dream told her. She smiled slightly.
"I'll make sure we duel, but don't get mad if I use my extensive knowledge on triangles," She joked before handing Techno the headset.
"Tommy kept hitting me so I killed him and put his armor in your ender chest. You can decide whether or not he deserves it back," Alice informed him. He nodded and gave her a fist bump. "I'll let Dream explain our duel situation."
She left his room to watch Clone High in her own room. 10 minutes of socializing had already drained her. Now she understood why Techno was so exhausted after streams.
Talking to people was lovely, but it sucked.
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