The morning following the premonition we experienced is especially uncomfortable. Neither of us really knows what to say or do to take away the pain from the vision, and it's only making things worse.
I briefly told Anakin about my encounter with Obi-Wan in the archives, and he seemed supportive of my decision to tell him an altered version of the vision. I still stand by my judgement that it was a far better idea than simply telling him nothing.
It's hard for us to talk to each other after what we saw last night, and rightfully so. We both had to watch our babies dying, and Anakin had the added horror of watching me drift away. That is something that cannot be easily forgotten.
I decided it best to keep a little distance from Anakin today. We both need a little bit of time to heal and, more than anything else, I need answers.
I have one location set in my mind and that is the youngling training room. Master Ti has been tasked with watching over the younglings while she is on Coruscant, and my best bet at attaining the answers I desire is through her.
It doesn't take long for me to reach the destination. Standing before the graceful figure of my master is a small group of younglings eager to learn the ways of the Jedi. They are acquiring their basic lightsaber combat skills through using training sabers to practice the deflection of blaster shots fired by training droids.
This is a memory of my own that I will always be fond of.
"Ah, (Y/N)," Master Ti greets me. "Younglings, we have a visitor."
The younglings deactivate their training sabers and turn their enthusiastic gazes to me. By the slight chattering and excited looks, I can tell some of them recognise me. When you're a youngling and a powerful Knight or Master is nearby, you cannot help but stare.
"That's Master (Y/L/N)," A small boy with blond hair and blue eyes gasps.
I have never seen this boy before, but I recognise him in some ways. His eyes contain the same glimmer of hope that mine did as a youngling, and his eagerness to learn fills his voice. He reminds me of a younger version of myself.
"Hi," I say with a slight smile. "Master, may I speak with you for a moment?"
"Now isn't a great time. I'd be happy to speak with you at the end of the class if you're willing to wait," She replies.
I am officially a mother to be, so it probably isn't a bad idea to spend time with younglings. I wouldn't have a problem with her request either way though. I have always enjoyed giving time to younglings.
"Very well," I reply.
Master Ti encourages the class to get back to their training and most of them oblige. All except one, that is.
"Master (Y/L/N)?" The same youngling from earlier says to me.
I crouch down to be eye level with the boy. His eyes contain the same innocence that was once present in the eyes of all the Jedi. The time before the war, that is. Our losses combined with feelings of regret for our actions have taken the light away from our eyes.
This is why my children can never join the Order. I would hate for them to be apart of something that could strip them of their hope.
"That's me," I reply with a playful grin. "Do you need help with–"
"I'm Sors Bandeam," He cuts me off.
He promptly extends his hand for me to shake, and I waste no time in completing the gesture. The more he speaks, the more he reminds me of my younger self.
"You are quite the gentleman, Sors," I chuckle.
The boy let's go of my hand and places both of his back on the hilt of his training saber. He seems to be nervous, yet excited.
"Is it as amazing as they say it is?" He asks.
"What?" I question.
"Being a Knight," he replies.
The truth is, I have grown to hate it. When I was first given the honour, I didn't think my life could get any better. Now that I've held the title for three years, I kind of wish I had never earned it.
Knighthood comes with many things that younglings and even Padawans would overlook. There are sacrifices, losses, and indescribable pain. I have had to make some tough calls over the course of the war that haunt me to this day. It is not easy, and I wish this sweet, innocent child before me never had to experience it.
That being said, the galaxy could be in a very different place by the time he is a Padawan. The Clone Wars should be over, and much of the galactic unrest should be finished.
"It is even more incredible," I say, choosing to lie to the boy. "We get to save lives every day and work hard to make the galaxy a better place."
The Order is all he has ever known and is likely all he ever will know. If I told him the truth, it would change how he views his life. I couldn't do that to a child.
"Everyone says that you and Master Skywalker are the bravest warriors in the galaxy," He adds.
I imagine Master Ti sees fragments of the youngling I was in this boy. In any of my classes, I would take every opportunity I had to ask as many questions as possible. I wanted to know everything about the Order. My heart belonged to knowledge over all else. Once I became a Padawan, however, I learned the significance of bravery and that is what sparked my somewhat reckless approach to everything I do.
"One day, when I'm a Knight, I want to be the strongest warrior," He adds, his tone containing glee and excitement rather than arrogance.
"The best warrior isn't determined by their strength, young one. The best warrior is whoever chooses good over evil every time, no matter how difficult it may be," I explain.
I unexpectedly make eye contact with Master Ti as I say this. She only holds my gaze for a few moments, but that short time is long enough for me to see the pride in her eyes. She taught me the importance of choosing the light and hearing me repeat this knowledge to a youngling would make her proud.
"When I'm a Padawan, can you be my Master?" He asks, catching me completely off guard.
His request makes my heart race with joy. The younglings look up to Anakin and me; they idolise us. I would love to train Sors when he is ready to be a Padawan.
The one complication of this hits me within seconds. It doesn't matter how much I want to train Sors, it will never happen. I'm pregnant, and I will need to leave the Order long before he is even considered for the title of Padawan.
"I would certainly like to be your Master, Sors," I reply. "You focus on your youngling training, and when the time comes for you to be a Padawan, I promise the Order will choose the perfect Master for you."
His face lights up with hope. He truly believes that someday I will be his Master. I know the hope is false, but I cannot bring myself to take it away from him.
"How about you show me your lightsaber skills?" I suggest.
Sors nods excitedly and runs back to the rest of the younglings. Master Ti and I supervise them while also providing help whenever it is needed. If my departure from the Jedi Order weren't so close by, I would consider putting in a formal request to teach the younglings as one of my duties.
At the conclusion of the lesson, the younglings are taken to another class by a different Jedi. Sors waves goodbye to me, seeming hopeful that he will see me again.
"I'm very proud of you, (Y/N)," Master Ti says with a smile. "You have come a long way since your days as a Padawan. You have grown incredibly wise and will make a fine addition to the Council one day."
"You think I could make it onto the Council?" I ask, unsure if I heard her correctly.
"I have no doubt that you eventually will," She replies.
Her words sadden me more than anything. If it weren't for this pregnancy, I would have gone on to become a Jedi Master and likely even a Council member. I could have made changes and helped the Order find their way again.
I'm not regretful or sad that I'm pregnant, but I do wish I had more time to help the galaxy.
"Now, what is it you wanted to ask me?" Master Ti investigates.
My strategy is to speak to multiple people about different aspects of visions without telling anyone the full story. That way, I can learn as much as possible about it without compromising the safety of my family.
"How much do you know about Force visions?" I ask.
"I know they are not absolute in their content and are rather left up to interpretation." She replies almost instantly. "The future is constantly in motion, (Y/N). These visions some receive are merely a warning of what could happen."
Obi-Wan said something very similar last night when I spoke to him about the concept. Now that two Jedi Masters have said close to the same thing about shared dreams, I no longer feel as afraid.
"Is there anything that causes them?" I ask.
"Why are you so curious all of a sudden?" She queries.
I desperately want to tell her the truth, but with the constant secrecy of my relationship with Anakin, I know that is not a possibility.
"Late night reading," I lie, knowing it to be a believable explanation. "I came across a book in the Jedi Archives and it sparked my interest."
Master Ti has known me for a long time. As a Padawan, I would often come to her asking strange questions about a topic I had recently heard about. The occurrence was frequent, which makes my excuse in this regard quite realistic.
"The emotions of whomever is experiencing the vision is a strong influence. As you are well aware, emotions cloud our better judgement. A vision can be completely misread," She explains.
The way she is discussing the concept doesn't give me the best feeling. If emotions are a strong influence on what we see, it would make sense for the vision to have been created by our fear.
"So these visions are dangerous?" I investigate.
"Potentially. They are something the Order handles with much caution and care," She replies.
I thank her for her help with everything before departing from the youngling training room. I know a lot more now than I did this morning, but I still need more answers. These answers, however, need to come from someone other than my former Master. There is one person I know I can trust. The only problem is, this person is offworld.
I go to the one place in the Temple where I know I will not be disturbed; my quarters. No one will come here looking for me, including Anakin. That makes this the perfect place to start a holotransmission with Master Plo.
He is back on Cato Neimoidia, so he may not be able to answer me. Regardless, I owe it to myself and to Anakin to try.
Much to my surprise, and relief, Master Plo answers the transmission.
"Hi, Master Plo," I start. "I'm sorry for disturbing you during what I imagine is an intense mission."
"Don't apologise, young (Y/N). How may I be of assistance?" He asks.
Master Plo has always had my back. When he discovered my high Midichlorian count upon bringing me to the Temple, he lied about it to keep me safe. To this day, no one else other than Anakin and Padme knows the truth. I know I can trust him with anything.
"I was wondering if I could ask you about an ability I recently read about in the archives," I reply.
"Of course," He responds. "What do you wish to know?"
He's on a dangerous mission during a time of war, yet he is willing to spend time discussing an ability with me. He truly is like the father I never had, and I suppose I am like a daughter to him as well.
"There's a phenomenon through the Force known as shared visions. When a vision experienced by one person is seen in the same manner by another," I start.
"I have heard of this before. It is an incredibly rare ability that only occurs when two are bonded through the Force," He states.
"A Force bond?" I question.
I have read about this before, only I don't remember entirely what it entails. I do, however, know enough to be able to associate it with what I share with Anakin.
"A bond is a rare, yet powerful connection between two individuals through the Force. It establishes a physical and emotional connection that spans the galaxy. These shared visions you speak of are incredibly dangerous. They are treated with great caution by the Jedi Order," He explains.
There seems to be one common opinion shared by everyone I have spoken to about this; that these visions are dangerous. I don't know what we're going to do, but we need to figure out something.
"Thank you, Master Plo. May the Force be with you," I say.
"May the Force be with you, young (Y/N)," He replies.
He ends our transmission, which leaves me with a strange, somber feeling. I don't know how to explain it in a way that makes sense. Perhaps our extensive time apart throughout this war is getting to me a little more than I thought.
The door to my quarters abruptly opens and I know who it is without needing to check. There is only one person I know who lacks the ability to knock prior to entering someone's room.
"Huh, lucky guess," Anakin mutters to himself more than to me.
I turn around to be face to face with my husband. He looks tired and anxious, yet his eyes still contain that familiar glint of love.
"What?" I ask.
"This is the first place I looked for you," He replies. "You have a habit of coming here whenever you need to escape."
Anakin's ability to pick up on small details about my behaviour is proof of how much he loves me. Most of the time I don't even pick up on these habits. But Anakin, he always notices.
"Well, I've spoken to Master Ti, Master Plo, and Obi Wan about the dream. Don't worry, I asked each of them about a different aspect of it," I say.
"I'm glad to hear that," he replies, "because I spoke to Master Yoda about it."
"What?" I gasp.
Talking to the three Jedi Masters I chose was risky, but the best option. They are all close to us, and would never disclose this information to other Jedi for the mere purpose of keeping us safe. Master Yoda, on the other hand, I fear will not be the same.
I don't have anything against Master Yoda, I simply know how strong his allegiance to the Jedi Order is. Learning that Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One, is having premonitions of a negative future is not something I imagine he will take lightly. If he passes this information on to, say, Master Windu, things will become far more complicated than they already are. That's something I do not think we can afford right now.
"You can lecture me about it later," He teases.
"And why not now?" I counter.
"We were meant to be at the Briefing Room fifteen minutes ago for a report on the Outer Rim sieges," He states. "Obi-Wan told me to find you on my way there."
Anakin has many skills. He is strong, brave, loyal, and true, among many other things. One thing he is terrible at, however, is time management. Obi-Wan should know better by now than to task Anakin with anything like that.
"Why didn't you lead with that?" I groan.
The two of us put aside our feelings regarding our vision and hurry to the meeting. It's going to be hard to explain why we were late to this one, but we'll have to work out.
As soon as the meeting is over, I will find more answers.