❝He is not the cowering fearful boy from two years ago❞
Chapter 35 | proud
The world is floating around him, fleeting and transient, life is so fleeting. And Luce is just so slow, so slow. Everything around him runs it's course, fast and furious. And he lingers here, slow, and unsteady. If only he could run with the rest of them, stretch his hands out towards the blue sky and reminisce in his pure joy.
Then maybe he could steady himself. It's been a few days without Aera's presence surrounding him, and he feels unsteady on his feet. He runs a hand through this hair, and pulls his shirt roughly off, throwing on a simple hoodie he heads down the stairs. "Ma, I'm going out" he calls.
He needs to take a run, clear his head, the cold air that bites around him will do him some good. "Luce, help your brother first" his mother calls out, and he pauses. An expression of almost fear crosses his face, and he swallows. He'll be okay, he's almost eighteen, it's damn time he learned to take care of himself.
"Alright, Ma" he replies, and trudges through the rooms of his house. His brother is finally moving out. But he doesn't want to go help his brother, the last time they'd talked hadn't ended so well. At least last time Aera had been there to take care of him, as of the moment he had no one.
No, no.
No, that wasn't true. He knew if he really needed her, he could always go to her. But he didn't want to, he wanted to give her the space and time she so desperately craved. It was odd not being able to talk to her, yet still seeing her in the halls of the school. She would always flash him a soft smile, her eyes crinkling in the coroners.
And something in Luce would just ache.
But he'd smile back, his expression never betraying the torment he felt inside. She'd looked reassured, to know he wasn't crumbling without her. She'd thought he could stand on his own two feet, and he didn't know if he could. He was still struggling to do so.
"Hey Luce" his brother said suddenly appearing, and Luce visibly flinched. Swallowing he nodded at him, every damn time he saw his brother. All his mind would do is flash back to when, to when he would attack him without a care. The first few times, Luce would just curl up in a ball, and sob.
But somewhere along the way, he'd given up on that too. He would laugh as his brother insulted him, he would smile as he punched him. And the blood that would seep from his arms, he would wipe onto his brothers jeans. As if that made him stronger, when in reality he was nothing but weak.
He wasn't that person anymore, the boy who used to adore his brother's every action had died the night he'd laid a hand on Luce. He wasn't a stupid fifteen year old boy anymore, it is odd how much he could have changed in the past two years. But at times life does that to you, it changes you.
"Hand me my shirt will you?" his brother drawled out, his happy tone morbid to Luce's words. Nodding quickly, he handed the shirt to him. He was leaving today, he'd finally found a job and he was leaving. Luce reassured himself once more. Maybe he'd leave his life forever, this Luce did not know. He did not know.
"Have you found a nice girl that you like?" his brother asked from the corner trying to make light conversation, and Luce visibly flinched once more. The day, the day he had told his family that he liked both genders, they'd been supporting. At least his parents had been, his brother however was utterly disgusted. That was the first time he had hit Luce.
"You know Aera?" he asked, and his brother quickly nodded. He turned around to look at Luce, and the expression on his face was one of utter relief. "She's not that pretty, you could do better man" his brother mused, then he stood up and patted Luce on the shoulder.
"At least it's not a boy" he said, that tone of relief in his tone still. Luce gritted his teeth together, and looked away. "At least" he reflected back, and his brother faintly smiled. He looked a bit like Luce, they had the same crooked smile, dark hair, and dimples. He was a bit taller, and a bit more built though.
But in heart and mind, he was the farthest from Luce as could be. His brother patted Luce softly on the shoulder and said, "So you got past that phase then?" Luce slowly raised an eyebrow, and he straightened himself drawing up to his full height. He wasn't as tall as his brother, but they were almost an even match.
"What phase?" he asked, and his brother eyes crinkled, the vivid emotion of anger within them. It was so utterly familiar, and Luce knew what exactly it meant. "You know liking both phase?" He said, slapping Luce heartily on the shoulder, he then smirked, "It was disgusting to be honest" he said.
Luce pushed him back, and backed himself into the wall. "It wasn't a phase" he said, and his brother's eyes furrowed. He reached over and grabbed Luce by the shoulder, shaking him slightly as he glared. Luce tried to steady himself but it was impossible. "You like Aera" he stated, "She's a girl."
Luce tried to pull himself away, but his brothers' grip was unnaturally tight. He turned away, and there was his mother standing in the coroner. Watching them, he opened his mouth to tell his brother she was there, but she quickly shook her head. Urging him to do no such thing.
"Doesn't mean that I don't still like boys" he gritted out, at that his brother's eyes widened. And before he could do anything, there was a punch flying into his face. Luce grimaced, and at least turned a bit, so it hit his cheek instead of his eye. His brother's grip on him had finally loosened, and he sagged to the floor.
"Why won't you ever understand how disgusting that is?" his brother said, spitting at him. And he flinched, unable to do anything more, as his brother punched him once more, and even more. God, it hurt. Why was it always him? What did he ever do to deserve this?
It was then his mother finally spoke, "That's enough Jack" his mother suddenly called out, and his brother pulled away from him. His expression blearily as he eyed his mother. Luce next to him coughed, as he wrapped an arm around himself to somehow steady himself.
"How long have you been there?" Jack asked, his tone shaking as he realized what it was that this situation looked like. "Long enough to see you hurting Luce." And her expression was so aghast, so heartbroken. He knew she hadn't been close enough to hear Jack's words, but she'd seen him. Maybe she had been close enough, his vision was blurry, he couldn't tell.
Suddenly Jack pulled him up from the ground in a smooth and harsh motion, that almost had him doubling over and coughing. Smiling, he slugged an arm around Luce's shoulders. "Me and Luce were just okay fighting, it's c-common. We are brothers after all" then he turned to Luce, an expectant expression on his face. "Right Lucey" he said.
When Luce didn't say anything back, Jack awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "It just got a bit out hand. We're cool mom" he said, and then his mother and his brother turned to him. An expectant look on both of their faces.
He could, he could do as he always did and lie through his teeth. Agree with his brother and let his mother believe it, she looked a little less aghast already. He could go with it, like he always did. Or for once in his life he could stand up for himself.
He sallowed, "H-He's right" he mumbled, and in the corner the side of his brother's moth quirked up, forming into a retched smile. Luce swallowed back the bile threatening to rise up, and smiled at his mother. She looked back and forth between them, and slowly raised a eyebrow.
"Is that right Luce?" she questioned once again, and his brother had such a smug smile on his face. As if he thought, Luce was his to control. Luce swallowed he was not the same fifteen year old, he was seventeen and if these two years had taught him something. It was that his brother was not a good person.
"No, that's not right. He—" His mom cut him off before he could continue, placing a soothing hand on his shoulder. "Shh, it's okay. I heard everything" she whispered to him, and he sagged against her figure. Next to him, Jack, considerably paled.
"Is there anything you want to say to him Luce?" his mom softly questioned, and Luce slowly nodded. Standing up he walked over to his brother, and slapped him straight across the face. His brother's eyes widened, and he looked as if he's about to do something, but spotting his mother watching them carefully. He stops.
"Why do you hate me so much?" he asks, and to his utter relief. He's not shaking, he's not stuttering, he's exactly what he hoped he would be two years ago. Strong. Strong enough to face his brother, without looking like a coward. He is strong.
His brother rolls his eyes, "You're gay" he spits out, distaste in his voice. Luce rolls his eyes, "I'm bi, get it right idiot." He has half a mind to say something more, and it takes a moment to come up with the right words. "I think you've realized by now, that we bleed the some color. So I'm really not sure why it matters so much, but I should have always known you were a insensitive dick." He spits at him.
His mom flinches a bit at the cuss words, but her eyes soften as she stares at Luce. Before Jake can even hope to say anything, she turns to him. Their is a steel cool glare in her eyes, "Get out of my house" she says, and Luce can't help but smile as his brother's expression falls. He's twenty-two for gods sake, why is he even still here?
"You're kicking me out? He's the homosexual" He yells, and Luce just sighs in the corner. Leaning against the wall, he's still a little banged up, watches their interaction. His mother's eyes darken, "I thought me and your father made it clear that we fully support Luce two years ago." she says, and Luce smiles slightly.
"B-But—" Jake doesn't even get to finish his words, as his mom glares at him. "Get out of my house this moment, or I'll call the police. Physical assault and abuse isn't great for your Jake. Especially with that new job of yours." She says, and Jake has at least enough braincells to understand this, grabbing the luggage. He starts to leave.
Luce for the first time in forever is proud of himself. He can stand on his two feet, he can do it all if he needs to. He is not the cowering fearful boy from two years ago, he is who he is now. And he is strong, he is done letting others tear him down. He's done being a pushover.
And he's damn proud of himself.
"Rot in hell Jake" he says, and they are the perfect last words for a brother that never once cared.
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who's proud of luce? 🙋🏻♀️ i am!
also 5 more chapters to go + thank you for 3k!! 💞💗💕💓i am so so grateful :)))))