❝They don't feel so infinite, and nor does he❞
Chapter 34 | fool
It is nearing the end of the day, the sun is setting, the water is sparkling and his heart is breaking. When she slides in next to him, her beauty is an enchanting and vivid type of one. The sun is setting over them, warm and tranquil. The moon which has slowly started being visible in the dark sky, is reflected on the water.
To Will, the moon doesn't feel so far away at the moment. Nor do the stars, they aren't visible yet. But when they are reflected on the water, he feels as if he could almost reach forward and touch them. They don't feel so infinite. And nor does he. He feels as if he's fading into the blurred corners of the world, when all he wants to do is shine brighter, day by day.
The sun is falling down and down, the colors in the sky as fresh as they would be if they were brushed upon a artist's canvas. The sky was dyed pomegranate pink, and the sun a fiery red. Unbreakable, immortal, and withstanding against everything. It is a shame that he cannot be like the sun.
"How are you?" Ana softly asks from next to him, and he turns to her his gaze detached. She has a pebble clutched in her slender fingers, and the sun reflecting against her dark skin, makes her look almost golden. Rich and luxurious. But that is what Ana has always been, wealthy and classy. Uncaring and heartless. That is something he has yet to be.
"I'm doing alright" he replies back, and takes the pebble from her outstretched hand. He tosses it, and it skips across the lake for a bit, before slowly sinking to the bottom. Where it once stood, there is nothing left of it. He wonders if one day he'll sink like that too. Her face next to him darkens, and she looks almost sad.
"Are you sure?" she asks softly, her raspy voice coming out soft and tentative. He turns to look at her, noting the way her eyes sparkle in the sunset. The way her golden skin glows next to him, how her hair cascades down her back. Like waves that even the ocean couldn't compete with. There's something different about her today, she looks a bit dejected.
Her skin is a shade lighter, and she looks a bit unsteady. But she's still glowing, her eyes wide as they peer up at Will. Glints of amber glint in her concerned expression, and Will feels so utterly angry today. She'd made it clear that she didn't care for him, yet why did she always have to linger at the corner? Unsure and acting as if she cared. Aera had done enough to break his heart today, he didn't need Ana to add onto it.
He chuckles bitterly, "I simply wonder why it is that everyone always leaves me?" Ana visibly flinches, she looks as if someone just struck her across her face. And she looks sick to her stomach. "I—"she tries her to object, and Will just rolls his eyes. He grabs another pebble from the ground, and skips it along the surface. Wishing that it would simply take him with it, down and under.
"Whoever it is that leaves you, they are a fool" Ana finally whispers, like a promise, soft and overcoming everything. He's heard enough promises from her lips to last a lifetime, she's never kept any of them. He turns to look at her once again, she looks nervous and unsure. Her expression is one of fatigue, of long lonely nights, and harsh winters. It is an expression he has seen reflected onto himself.
He laughs, "Then I guess you're a fool."
Something dark crosses her expression, and she nods. "I am nothing more than a mere fool" she whispers again, and it once more sounds like a promise, a promise that she cannot keep. It isn't a promise though. It is a truth, that is what she believes. Will can read it clearly in her expression.
He scoffs, and turns away "I think I am the fool here" he says, and Ana chuckles. Soft and bitter, it is impossible to read her emotions. She covers them so well, so delicately and intricately. When they were together, Will would treasure every glimpse he got of the real vivid her.
She suddenly swipes at her eyes, and it takes a moment for him to realize she's crying. "Do you remember the day, the one at the garden?" she asks softly, her eyes are watery still. But her tears don't flow, and Will doesn't know how to help her. He's never once asked her why, but even when they were together, she would cry.
Sometimes she would sob into his arms, delicate and heartbroken. Other times she would push him away, and at times he would hear her sob. Then she was the opposite of delicate, she was loud and desperate. It always sounded as if she could never hold it in. He would never pry, they had an unspoken agreement. She would tell him with time.
Here she was crying again, and this time, he didn't even hold the right to hold her. He instead looks away, towards the setting sun. He frowns, "Yeah I remember" he instead says, his words coming out soft, for her sake. She nods again, and he feels her swiping at her eyes once again.
"Do you remember me crying?" she asks, and Will wants to walk away. Shake her shoulders, and ask her why on Earth it matters now? It was years ago. But he doesn't, because he has never been heartless. He instead nods, his posture stiff and tense. He wants out of here, he wants to go home, to his smiling family and his smiling friends.
Away from the person who crushed him so long ago.
"You know what I found out then?" she asks, and he turns to look at her. Her eyes are hazy and unclear as she speaks to him, her eyes are defocused and she reflects how detached he feels from this world. "What?" he asks, playing her game. At least he thought it was a game, but somethings in the world never fail to surprise him.
"I f-found out I was dy—dying" she said, and the way she just dropped it was so casual. If not for the stuttering in her voice, Will could have thought she was talking about the weather. But her tone was so utterly heartbroken and anguished. It sounds like pure pain. Not quite understanding what was happening, he opened his mouth to speak but Ana doesn't let him. She reaches forward, and instead lays her hands over his mouth. Not letting him utter a single word.
"L-Let me finish. I found out I was dying, they told me I had c-cancer. I have only a few more y-years" Will tried to speak once again, but whatever it is that he was trying to say comes out muffled. Ana rushes on, as if she was trying to get everything out in one breath. Just so she could be done with it. As if she had been holding it in for too long.
"And that d-day, I told you I didn't love you. I couldn't take it, before I'd agreed to be with you because I wanted to live before I died. I wanted to be someone's, I wanted to experience that pure type of love. I wanted to have that at least. But you kept going on and on about everything you wanted with me, b-but I can't give you that—"
"I can't be with you, no matter how I wish more than anything I could be. I wish Will, I wish more than anything I had met you sooner. I wish we had gotten married, and had that escape you always talk about. I wish we could've lived happily ever after. I wish I never told you I fell out of love with you, because at the end of the day. You're the one who actually managed to that—"
And at that she broke off, unable to speak anymore and buried her face into her hands, softly sobbing. Her hands moved off his face, leaving him free to speak. But speak he did not, "Say something" she whimpered, and when she looked up he was getting up.
He looked her then, and for the first time he felt as if he truly saw her. Her voice even, it's raspy and croaky, different than usual. Her eyelids are weighed down, and her movements are sluggish. She had on a layer of makeup, maybe it was had covered it so well at first. But with a closer look, he could see the sickly sheen her skin had to it.
The dullness in her pouty lips, the wispiness in her thick waves. He didn't understand, he wanted her to be the same. But even physically she looked different, not a noticeable type of difference. But Will had stayed up long nights, admiring her, and he could notice them easily. If he looked closer, her hands and legs were shaking. And her dark tan skin, was a shade paler, making her look utterly unlike herself.
Her hands were frail and cautious, as she tried to reach for him. In her movements he saw the girl she once was, and the one she was becoming. And the one that would soon cease to exist. Her under eyebags were ashen under the sunlight, subdued and greyish. Her eyes though, those golden eyes, they shone like the sunlight still. As if nothing would ever crush her soul, like a promise that she would not wither.
He looked like he was going to crumble at any moment, her breath hitched and he looked at her utterly confused. "H-How can you be dying? You're so alive, I-I don't understand" he whispered, and she tried to reach for him. But he backed away, his hands flinging off of hers. He looked as if he could not bear her mere presence any longer.
"Where are you going?" she meekly asked, and Will looked around. A bit frantic, he couldn't breathe. "I-I'm going a-away, I need to learn to live without you. I need t-time." And with that, he had darted away, before she could even reply. His steps quick and frantic, he was gone. Before she could even hope to ask him to stay.
She buried her head into her hands and sobbed again, ignoring the curious glances people shot her, she just sobbed. Through teary eyes she looked at the sunset once more, it fell behind the horizon, painting the sky scarlet as if left this world. She wondered what she would leave behind, she sucked in a quivering breath.
The day was leaving her, and with it time was leaving her. She wanted to thank the heavens that this day was gone, all the pain she suffers, all the hurt she suffers. One day it will all be gone. Everything will be gone, and she will go with it. Far away.
When she was a little girl, naive to the world and its cruelties she used to think the colors of the sun represented something beautiful. They each represented the good that would come with tomorrow. Now she saw no such thing, soon those colors would be overridden with the black despair of the night.
And all that would come with tomorrow was unrelenting suffering. A bird chirped somewhere, and beside her silhouettes of them flew by in the darkening sky. The sun was half into the water, but it's reflection on the water, made it look almost complete. None of it mattered, he was gone.
But what of her? She had wanted to spend her life with him, why couldn't she get to at least spend her last days with him? He asked for time.
But time, she had none.
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:( poor ana, that's a bummer.