Taylor Swift - Mr. Perfectly Fine
Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"
How's your heart after breaking mine?
Mr. "Always at the right place at the right time," baby
'I am here to help you'
'I am here to help you'
I don't remember how many times exactly I heard it from Rowena's mouth in the past week. It's becoming nauseating now. She helped me understand things about Gian's life but she also dug the bitchy side of mine that gets irritated quickly every time I hear. 'I am here to help you'. but apart from that, I like her presence.
Rowena often stays the night in my house, with her 5'1 frame she fits perfectly on the couch. We talk or should I say that I do all the talking and she listens. My fever has gone completely now. I had googled about her, before allowing her to spend the night. She is Lorenzo's cousin and is often found at parties. Her Instagram account is filled with pictures. Even if she is a killer, I'm a sitting duck anyway.
Last night when she left, she told me that she will come just on one call. Her eyes held a deep concern for me. But I was okay. And I'm never gonna call her again. She thinks it will be deeply traumatizing for me to witness a murder. But she is also the same woman who had told me about the truth. So I don't feel bad. If anything I only regret it because I'm, keeping that big secret with me where I should be reporting it.
I didn't have trouble sleeping so far because of the pills. But since my fever is completely gone now. I don't need to take them anymore.
I had already been awake staring at the distance when my alarm went off. Flinging my legs out of the bed lazily, I pushed to my feet to get ready for school again. It's been a week since school started and it's the first time I will be going back. If I still have the job as I hadn't notified anyone or answered Helen's calls.
After completing my morning rituals, I stood in front of the mirror. I had subliminally chosen the same brown dress I had been wearing when I first met Gian. My gaze flickered from the dress in my hand to the girl standing in front of me in the mirror.
I dropped the towel wrapped around my body and hitched the dress over my head. My eyes surrounded by dark circles appeared to be dug deeper inside my head. My hands glided to the new concealer I had bought. I was so optimistic about Gian and my future together, that he would give me more hickeys and I will be in need of a concealer to hide them every day.
When I glided the comb-over my hair, my wrist slightly twisted over the edges, startling me. My mind was used to detangle more 6 inches of hair every day.
3 days back I unpinned my hair, which was twisted into knots secured on top of my head to scratch the itchy scalp properly. My fingers got jammed in the mess, the tips of my fingers felt greasy. I had applied a lot of hairspray on them as I was getting dolled up for my surprise party. I wanted to sleep but I also wanted to be free of the tangles and the dirty greasiness on my hand. When I washed my hand and saw my reflection, I got triggered. So on a whim topped with my medicated state and already questionable state of mind, I grabbed the scissors and chopped off the tangled part. The next day Rowena noticed the derangement right away and helped me snip it to an even length.
I grabbed my back and cradled Van in my arms. With great difficulty, I managed to lock the door. The memory of Gian came to me every waking moment of the day. With finally being off the medication I am now beginning to feel his absence like a punch to my gut.
From the moment I woke up till now my head moved to call for Gian's name to see him already in motion before the words would slip out of my mouth. I waited to feel the anger towards him. The hatred for him or myself for loving a man like him but it just wouldn't register.
When I reached the curb outside my house, I realize what am I going to do with Van now. His sitter is in the opposite direction. I will be late if I walk so I stopped a taxi passing by so I could head back in case I don't have a job or someplace to leave Van.
When I reached the kindergarten, A new guard that looked like a bouncer was standing at the gate, his eyes were covered by black sunglasses. He stopped my taxi, leaning down to search the passenger's seat. I gave him a reluctant smile. He gave me a stiff nod then hit the roof of the taxi making me jump in fear. I crouched my head to look if the school is still standing. Yeah, there it was 'Pumpkin Patch' written in bold cursive. When my fleeting glance came down I noticed an old woman with strawberry blonde hair standing at the foyer, smiling at the kids who always arrive early at school. She was wearing black tailored pants and a white blouse. Her hair was pulled in a small bun.
With unsteady legs, I walked towards her. The closer I got older she looked up close, probably in her fifties. But when she smiled she looked even younger to me. Her amber eyes were warm and friendly.
"You must be Zara Sinclair. I am the new principal." She introduced herself reaching out to shake my hand, her voice had a softer undertone than I had expected. A shudder ran past me, which I quickly masked by blaming it on the sharp winter wind.
Maximus. I should have thought of it.
"I know it's cold. Poor kids. Mrs. Armani has arranged new heaters for classes. It is great inside. Come on." She held the door open for me.
"M-Mrs. Armani...?" My breath got caught in my throat.
"Mrs. Claudia Armani." She corrected, as I walked past her. I chuckled foolishly. Of course, Gian won't get married so quickly.
"Forgive me, Miss Sinclair. I have already introduced myself to everyone on the staff and the new trustee Mrs. Armani. When you were on vacation." She said, walking with me to the office.
The bed where Van used to sleep on wasn't there and the interior also had some minor changes for the better. My stomach dropped. But I maintained a brave face, she is yet to comment on Van in my arms.
"My name is Lucia Regio. I was principal at the district elementary school. I had to take a break after two kids and you know... The years rolled around. Then I got this opportunity. I am glad to be here. And Mrs. Armani has told me about the little one here." She peered at Van, whose head slowly moved to look at her dispassionately.
"There is a bed for him in your class. The other classes also have a new pet. Van can be yours if you want."
"Miss Sinclair." She prompted again, not irritated with me by any means. My mind was reeling about the things Gian had done for Van. How my heart warmed at this gesture. My brain was still not prepared to hate him by any means.
"T-thank you. I-I should go to my class now. I am... it's been a while since I have seen them." I said running toward my classroom.
*****
The classes went smoothly, all the kids remembered Van and loved to see him back. They were really gentle with him and touched him with soft feather-light caresses. At first, Van tensed up every time someone asked my permission to touch him.
Van needed this attention. While I had Rowena to talk with in the past week. Van only had me as he had refused to allow Rowena to even touch him.
When lunchtime rolled around, I stood in front of the teacher's lounge. Only two of them inside could see me from where I had been standing. They still had a hostile look on their faces, so I walked along. It was too cold to sit outside. So I found myself walking to the office Gian had given me.
My hands paused at the doorknob, then I shook my head for the faintest doubt on Gian. That's how much I still love and believe in Gian. Closing my eyes, I pressed the knob it was open. Instead of finding a desk with a computer, there was a large picnic-style table and another one of Van's bed with more snugly toys. Van's tongue peeked in happiness as I settled him on his new bed.
While I was eating, Helen barged in, wearing a new dress that looked like it had cost her a fortune.
"Where the hell were you. I missed you so much. I have to tell you so much." She squealed, Van softly barked behind me in annoyance.
I gave her a chin lift beckoning her to go with her story. Her lips moved continuously, I knew she was talking about how great Fiji is. I have been there once with my family. But I didn't want to curb her excitement.
"And why didn't you come to my new year party...?" Those lines made me tune back to her conversation. I guess she had said it again the way she was frowning at me for not answering her.
"New year party?" I repeated, laughing in embarrassment, shaking my head in disbelief. She forgot about my birthday.
"Yes. You were supposed to be my saving grace. You didn't show up but all of these old hags did. They embarrassed me in front of David's friends. Thank god he is down to earth." She shook her head, her newly keratin-treated tendrils framing over her temples slipped down to fall over her eyes. She flicked it like a mean girl, continued to tell me their bitchy behavior - same as they behave in the school with me- affected the party environment.
Then it dawned upon me.! If it wasn't my surprise birthday party then why did Bilson invited me to his house.
"Bilson.." I hadn't apprehended that I have said it out loud until Helen began to speak about him.
"Bilson that asswipe. He left his job. Did you know he did the same thing with the previous school? Just up and left." She huffed, throwing her arms in the air. "They have his replacement, some old man with the helluva teaching experience. He is not like the other teachers. You will definitely like him."
"C-can you look after V-van.." I stammered pointing towards him. Her mouth tipped in a smile.
"Oh my gosh. He is still alive. Oh, hey..." Her voice muffled behind me as I shut the door behind me rushing to the bathroom.
I opened the toilet seat and hurled out everything I had eaten since morning. I was on the floor sitting on all fours, breathing hitched and soaked with sweat. On wobbly legs, I walked to the sink and wash my face. Cupping my palms I gathered some water in it and splashed it over my face.
Pushing all my weight on the washbasin I managed to stay on my legs. My stomach hurled again, but I didn't have anything else left in it to throw up, my insides knotted painfully. All the veins on my neck were protruding, throbbing loudly.
Tears gathered in my eyes from the pain and fear. Bilson had texted me to come over. What was his purpose? Why did he want me there? I had willingly walked into the house of a man, capable of running a child prostitution ring.
I had to brace some courage to peer at my reflection, the girl who was happy that a man has died. Because he had been hurting innocent kids.
Closing my eyes I splashed more water on my face. And another flash of memory registered in my mind. Before Bilson's body slumped to the ground, he had given me a sinister smile. He had planned something vicious for me. Gian's presence and whoever has killed him had interfered with his plans.
*****
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