Arif's POV
A burden was finally lifted off from me. I felt lighter and happier. I always felt that I am a mistake for even thinking to come between the 'perfect couple'. Thats what had always stopped me from even thinking about anything more with Laiba. Ok who am I kidding, I still couldn't stop about fantasising of the idea of me and her...but it did make me feel so bad and low for thinking that, now I don't feel bad to let my mind dream. Of course, I still have allot to do before turning my dream into reality, but I feel like I'm already a step closer.
Earlier today she came home, thanks to my new work I missed out on the chance to see her. But then again thanks to my luck she had forgotten her bag here and that gave me an opportunity to go see her.
'Trrrrrng' the landline in the sitting area ringed.
"Hello?" Came non others but her voice, Laiba's voice.
I could hear by her voice that she was worried about something. And to what I know I'm sure she is worried about her bag. I shake my head to myself, this girl is always forgetting things where ever she goes.
"Hello?" She questioned to see if anyone could hear her again.
"Hello"
"Asalamulaykum arif bhai"
"Walaykumasalam. Kesi ho Laiba"
I spoke to her normally after ages, the past couple of years I really tried to avoid her, burying any feelings I had. Which had effected my interaction with her.
"Me theek hu, aap sunaein"
"Me bhi theek, Kya hua is waqt call?" I asked her even though I knew exactly what she has called for right now.
"Bhai woh mera na bag rehgaya waha..hum logo ki ek university event araha hai..recycling pe..you know like helping the environment..making it sustainable wagerah wagerah..tho humarey group me se, me uska poster banarahi hu, or woh kal due hai...aur mera sara saman is bag me hai...joh me apkeyaha bhoolgayi"
"Aram se saas tho lelo"
"Theek, kehne ka matlab yeh hai..keh itni raat ko me nahi asakti na...aur sarey mulazim bhi gaye...aap ya bilal me se koi please leaye..pleaseee"
She asked pulling the word please long. Damn! she always manages to make my heart skip a beat.
"Abhi tho Bilal sogaya hoga..kal leayega" I said to annoy her, she becomes ten fold more adorable when annoyed.
"Arif bhaiiii...pleaseeee naa, kya apko acha lageyga ke sab apney poster lagrahe ho aur sirf humarey group ka poster nahi ho? aur phir Bilal dantey mujhe purey group ke saamney...ache waley bhai ho na app tho mere....bhaiiiii pleaseeeeee na" she wined.
"haha, acha me araha hu..mujhe akey tumse ek baat bhi karni hai..."
I was thinking to confess to her, before I told anyone else I wanted to make sure I told her and had her consent to my proposal.
"Jee batein kya baat karni hai?"
"akey karta hoon, bus abhi se ek baat kehdu..agar joh me puchu uska jawab woh na ho joh me chahta hu, tho mujhse naraz nahi hona.."
"Arif bhai, me aur apsey naraz? me bhala kisi se bhi naraz hui hoon?..esa bhi kya puchna hai?....itna suspense kyu dalrahein hein?..acha nahi hongi naraz bus mera bag leayega"
"lata hu" I chuckled and we ended the call.
-----
I was outside her house, her bag next to me in the passenger seat. And I literally felt like I was going to faint when I begin talking to her. Damn it! I didn't even consider how hard it will be to confess. This whole time I spent all my effort hiding my feelings, now I've mastered that so well that I am struggling to express anything.
What should I say?
How should I say it?
'for god sakes just say it now!' a voice in my head screamed.
I took a deep breath, grabbed her bag and walked to her door. I ringed the bell and within the first few bells she came running and opened the door.
She was huffing, it was obvious she had just ran. Her wavy, long, almost knee length hair sprawled in the air. The casual shalwar kameez she wore was covered in patches of different colour paint, proving that she was in fact busy in some arts and crafts right now. Her left hand held a green paper card which was half cut in the shape of a leaf, being waited to be fully cut by the scissors held in her right hand.
"Asalamualaikum..ayeh upar ajaein" she whispered as to not disturb anyone at this midnight hour.
"Walaykumasalam" I smiled and followed her in. All the stressful havoc I felt in myself just a while a go in the car seemed to disappear seeing her. Just looking at her bought comfort to my struggling mind.
We walked into her room and the floor was covered with cutout cards of several colours. A big poster paper was held on an easel, the poster had its borders painted delicately with different colour flowers.
"Sorry room zara pehlawa hai hehe...pata hai hua kya..hua yeh keh yeh sab tho me le ayi..sab cards cut out kardiye..lekin glue aur felt tip pens bag me rehgaye...tho abh yeh sab bajaye khatam hone ke aur pehlta jaraha hai..mera bag?" she asked.
I put the bag down on her bed, where she now sat down and finished cutting out the green leaf she had in her hand.
"apko kuch kehna bhi tho tha na?..kya hua batein?" she inquired.
'Ok Arif just do it!'
'Just do it!! Or think about it you can blame yourself to be a wuss for the rest of your life'
'If you can't say it now when will you ever be able to!'
'Man up do it!'
"arif bhai?"
"han han woh. Ok look Laiba me jitni bhi koshish karu yeh baat mujhse ghuma phira ke kahi nahi jarahi.."
"aap seeda seeda batadein..don't worry ghuma me dungi..apko tho patah hi hai ismeh maahir hoon me" she giggled.
'Ok now is it Arif!'
"I like you..like, like wala like...as in shaadi wala like"
"Kya?"
"Don't get angry..I just now that I care for you allot, and I know that no one else would be able to like you the way I do, and to be honest I know I won't be able to like anyone the way I like you..and..."
"Arif bhai yeh aap kya kehrahe ho?..kuch pii pila ke tho nahi agaye?" she asked clearly getting uncomfortable by me, thinking I'm drunk.
Shit did I just screw things up?
Screw it! I've said it now there's no turning back!
"Tumne kaha tha tum naraz nahi hogi" petty move, she had all right to be mad at me now. But I don't know something in me was so desperate for her to hear me out that I said something this stupid.
"Mujhe kya patah tha aap esa kuch bologe...apse esi giri wih baat ki umeed nahi thi mujhe..chalein jayein abhi yaha se" she said turning her head to the side, as if she couldn't stand even looking at me.
"Laiba me.."
"Kya 'Laiba me'...mujhe apsey baat nahi karni..dhagabaaz ho ap! chaley jaein yaha se"
"Laiba I have no bad intention..I.."
"Baat na karein mujhse jaein yaha se.."
"Laiba I like you.."
"Acha? You like me?...why would you..mene khabi apko koi esa ehsaas hone diyah hai? joh aap mujhse itni aram se esi beghairti karein hein?..'like you' what...what exactly do you like about me?" she asked infuriated by my confession.
"I uh..." everything, I don't like, I bloody love everything about you. How do I say it. For some reason I forgot how to speak.
"Kya 'I uh'.?" she said whilst her hair kept flowing to her face and she angrily kept blowing it away. For a second my gaze just stopped at that twirl of hair that dared to irritate her, but I loved that too.
"Exactly no words. You do not like anything. You probably just hate me! thats why you're saying such stupid stuff to me...you think I am that beghairat ke koi bhi mujhse akey esi bakwas karsakta hai.."
"Laiba! tum meri baat nahi samjhrahi ho.."
"Me sab samajhrahi hoon.."
"I like..your . hair" I said just to say something at this point. And also because that damned curl of her hair kept disturbing her and I couldn't help staring at it.
Bikhri hui ho zulf bhi is chasm-e-mast par
Halka sa abr bhi sar-e-me-khana chahiye
"My hair?..you like my hair?" she asked, and disappointment was prominent in her voice.
She bunched her hair in her hand and pulled it forward.
"This? this is what caused you to betray me?"
Betray? why does she not understand that the only person I've been betraying is myself.
"This?" she reconfirmed, looking at her hair grabbed in her hand.
I licked my dry lips in nervousness "um yeah?" I said, sounding uncertain.
"Acha?"
And then she did something which I did not see coming. With three rough chops by the scissors she held, she chopped of her hair. Oh she was MAD AT ME for sure!
"Yeh lo!.. Abh jao yaha se aur ahinda mujhse baat karne ki zaroorat nahi hai! Allahfiz!" she dismissed handing me her hair.
Her eyes were red and beginning to water. She was really mad at me. I had broken her trust. Shit! I felt like what I thought I would stop being after I confessed, a wuss, a failure and mostly an asshole. I had broken her heart and I could see it. I myself am disappointed in me too.
"Laiba I ..I'm sorry" I whispered, ashamed of myself for letting her down this much. And I left from there.