Butterfly Maelstrom
"Arch?" I asked while my eyes were still closed. I heard his soft laughter.
"Why won't you see me? Snooki, please open your eyes."
Siya nga! I wanna ugly-cry na. Napangiwi tuloy ako lalo. Ang arte ko talaga! "Ayoko. Baka pagmulat ko, wala ka naman! Nananaginip siguro ako. 'Cause, hello, I haven't seen you in days!"
"Nagtatampo ka?"
Nahimigan ko sa boses niya ang pang-aasar kaya binuksan ko na ang mata ko para irapan siya. "Feeling. Bakit naman ako magtatampo?"
It was supposed to be a joke, pero namula siya. Ako naman ang tumawa. "Char lang!"
He was still in his corporate attire; a white long-sleeved polo and a black loose tie, and on his arm hung his black blazer. My eyes hunted for it, and there I found his hand on the side, holding a brown paper bag where the mighty burgers probably were.
"Pero dahil may dala kang food, sige, crush na ulit kita." I shrugged. He smiled and shook his head. Tumabi ako nang kaunti para magka-space sa pintuan. "Pasok ka."
He pursed his lips, and his cheeks flushed a faint red. He didn't move. Why was he hesitating?
"Arch?"
"Uhh, do you maybe want to go up the rooftop?"
My lips slowly formed into a grin. Umiwas siya ng tingin at nagpanggap na umuubo. Nahihiya na naman. Gusto lang naman pala ay may view kami habang kumakain! Para siguro romantic.
Sige, pagbibigyan ko siya. Wala, e. Mabait talaga ako, kaya 'di makatanggi.
I quickly dashed to grab my yellow hoodie before I dashed back to my dashing boy. It was a lot of dashing, but I was just so dashingly giddy because I'd eat a burger.
"Kauuwi mo lang ba?" tanong ko kay Archer habang paakyat kami sa rooftop. It was just two floors above ours.
Tumango lang siya at saka binuksan ang industrial na pinto at pinauna niya akong makalabas. Maaliwalas na outdoor area ang bumungad sa 'kin. Napatigil ako dahil hindi naman ganito rito. There were lighted string lights twined around the metal railings, vining entirely the border of the place. The hue of the light warmed the ambiance of one cold night set atop of a rooftop in a dozed-off NYC. It was just how I loved it!
Sa gitna ng lugar ay may carpet, at sa ibabaw noon ay may makapal na comforter at napakaraming unan.
I swallowed the butterfly on my throat before I slowly peeked at Archer. It was hard to tell because of the lights around here, but I was pretty sure that his cheeks turned red—like it always did.
"Uh, I don't know about the lights," mabilis niyang tanggi habang nakatingin sa itaas.
"Sure, you don't." Nakapikit ako at umiling-iling. Sinakyan ko ang pagtatanggi niya habang nangingiti.
He sighed and looked down, this time. "No, you're right. I do."
I grinned. Nakatingala ako sa kanya habang naglalakad kami papuntang gitna. Sinundot ko ang tagiliran niya gamit ang tintuturo. "What a romántico!"
Pagkaupo sa gitna ay pinailalim ko kaagad sa comforter ang ibabang parte ng katawan ko. Si Archer naman ay umupo lang sa ibabaw ng comforter. Takot sigurong magkasala. Super char! Kekeke.
"This is... uhh... Uncle Benj's idea," he nervously started. Hindi siya makatingin sa 'kin. "Para..." tumigil siya para pumeke ng ubo, "manuyo." At saka muli na namang umubo.
I laughed and had my head thrown backwards. "Bakit ka naman manunuyo? May ginawa ka ba?"
Oo, winasak niya ang puso ko for four days, pero buo naman na ulit ngayon kaya I was already good, and up and running. No biggie! Although I really wanted to tell him that he could've at least warned me about the temporary discontinuation of days' worth of kilig supply. It would have been nice, a notice.
Sinimulan ko nang pakialamanan iyong pasalubong niyang burgers mula sa paper bag. Nilalabas ko ang mga laman nang maalala ko 'yong first lunch out namin—at a Michelin Star restaurant, just to eat burgers. I mean, come ooon!
"Hindi tayo nakapagkita ng apat na araw?" nangingiti niyang sabi.
Napalunok ako kasi... oo naman, kinilig ako! Alam niya kasi na four days. Grabe, he could count pala!
"Hmm. Bakit nga ba? I mean, 'di naman sa curious ako, because—whatever, psh! Pero bakit nga?"
I shrugged again, kunwari ay 'di affected, kunwari ay 'di nangulila ang aking puso't isipan sa kanya. Keme.
"Snooki, I was rushing work all week," he said. Tumaas lang ang kilay ko. Nangiti siya at napailing. Nilapit at tinapat niya ang mukha niya sa akin. Kinabahan ako kaya hinarang ko kaagad ang hawak kong burger sa pagitan ng labi namin.
He chuckled but continued to say, "So I could go with you to New Jersey tomorrow."
The cold air in the city was not enough to battle the heat that flared up my cheeks. I almost couldn't see his eyes because of his amusement. And because I couldn't think straight anymore, I just took a huge bite on my burger instead.
And munched. And munched, while I was in a trance, and while dodging Archer's amused stare.
"Sarap ng burger, 'no? Kain ka na. Hehe!"
He bit his lower lip as he inched away unhurriedly. The amusement in his mouth didn't dissolve, it only blossomed a whole lot bigger, and it was yet again nakakakilig but nakakainis!
Napapailing pa rin siya nang nakangisi habang binubuksan iyong wrapper ng burger niya. Napanguso ako habang ngumunguya. Kasi nga, medyo nakakainis! Alam niya namang mahina ako sa kanya, e 'no, tapos ganito pa ginagawa niya sa 'kin?
Lakas pa naman magpaasa ng mga ganitong mukha! 'Pag sinaktan ako nito, parang ang hirap saktan pabalik. Kaya sana mahalin niya ako, para I'll love him super duper extra times more! 'Di na siya lugi.
"Bakit ka pala sasama?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, tapos medyo masungit ang tono ko. Nangisi lang siya lalo. Kakainis! "Excited ka sa proposal ni Uncle?"
His brows twitched, and just before I could see his wide smile, he took a bite on his burger to purposely hide his lips.
Hindi siya sumagot dahil ngumunguya pa siya. Pero sana sabihin na niya ang totoo—na dahil sa 'kin. Kekeke!
I know that's what he technically said a while ago, but I had to make sure. If we'll have a label, I'll make sure to have it correctly, clearly, and legally.
"Uy, ano na?" tanong ko ulit bago pa siya makakagat sa burger. Inaabangan ko talaga. Pinapanood ko siya kahit nakikita ko 'yong nakakainis niyang guwapong ngiti! Nakakagigil!
Lord, akin na 'to, please? Sure naman na po, 'di ba? Favorite niyo rin naman ako, e. Kasi kung hindi, bakit niyo po ako ginawang maganda?
"Yeah, I'm excited about the proposal. I have to be there. I won't miss it for the world."
Umirap ako at muling kumagat nang malaking parte sa burger ko. Malakas siyang natawa. Nakakainis naman, e. Akala ko aamin na!
"Do you want to hear anything else, hmm?"
"Sus! Hindi. Wala, wala! Kumain ka na lang." I waved my hand dismissively. Kainis. Nakapagsalita tuloy ako nang puno ang bibig!
Humalakhak siya at umirap lang ako ulit. He rested his palm on my cheek and his thumb on one side of my lips, so he could wipe it clean of something.
"Don't be a grump, Snooki. You might jinx what's gonna happen tomorrow."
Mahina ko tuloy tinampal paalis 'yong kamay niya kahit gusto ko pa.
"Dapat silang magkatuluyan! Archer, don't you see it? We are fate's instruments so Tonette and Benjamin can have their second chance at love, and hopefully a successful one this time!"
"Okay?" He chuckled a little.
"Yeah, you heard me! And also, kasi kung 'di man ako magkaka-lovelife dito sa New York, at least Auntie will have a happy love life, happy lifetime."
"Are you sure it's good enough for you? Parang ginawa mo nang career ang paghahanap ng love life." He smirked, but even when he tried to, he still appeared soft to me.
Pero nakakainis pa rin! Simula kanina pa siya nang-aasar. Kinikilig naman talaga ako, kasi 'yong ngiti niya? Ay, sobrang panalo! Pero kasi, mas gusto kong marinig nang klaro kung bakit siya ganito—kung bakit niya ako ginagawang crazy praning.
"Yeah, psh! I mean, I like you, obviously, but you don't like me back. And I don't like anybody else, so I suppose I'll just drop it." I sighed dramatically. Kunwari unhappy. Kunwari ay brokenhearted.
Oh, Sir Archer, wouldn't you like to mend your Queen's dear heart? Char.
I had my eyes settled on the sky. I bet the stars were cackling down at me. The man that I so adored seemed to have written his confession plan at the very last of his to-do list.
It might be fine because I could wait. But he's a very busy, young, handsome man! When will he get to that? After I turned sixty? Oh, no, no, no. We're not here to repeat history, heck, no!
Wala pa rin. 'Di pa rin siya nababasag! Nawala nga iyong ngisi niya pero sa malayo na siya nakatingin.
Ah, ayaw mo talaga, ha? Dagdagan ko nga ng, "And Julio's young for my liking, so... bummer."
Nagbuntong-hininga ako pero ginilid ko ang mata ko para silipin siya. His distant idle stare was finally disrupted! Tumungo siya nang bahagya at muli na namang pumeke ng ubo.
"Arch, may sakit ka ba?" O, selos?
Umiling siya. "Ikaw, 'di ka ba nilalamig?"
Trying to dodge the topic, huh, Sir Archer? Sige na nga, palalagpasin muna kita ngayon dahil shy ka pa rin.
"Hindi," sagot ko. "Ikaw, hindi ka pa inaantok? Aren't you tired from work? Alam ko, maaga ang alis bukas."
"I'm always tired. Sanay na ako." He smiled weakly. "I can still drive safely even after being awake for twenty-four hours straight."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Insane! Woy, alagaan mo nga ang sarili mo! Baka maaga kang mamatay, ha? 'Di pwede 'yon."
"Bakit hindi pwede, hmm?" he asked right after his playful smile made its way back to his lips.
Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata pero natawa lang siya. Umirap ako sabay sabi ng, "Matulog na nga tayo! I wanna ready my mood for tomorrow. Dapat hindi ako antukin, baka may ma-miss ako."
"You're really into that thing? Proposals and weddings?"
"I'm glad you asked," I said proudly while my eyes were closed and my chin perked up. "To answer your question, Sir Archer, yes. I'm sort of into that—well, it's me and Saige. We're two lovesick cousins who always liked the idea of getting married young."
Umangat ang isang gilid ng labi niya. Mukhang amused na naman. "How young?"
"This young." I traced my upper body with both of my hands to present myself.
"What age?"
"This age," I said in a duh tone with a subtle roll of eyes. Humalakhak siya.
I was kidding him, but it was indeed one of my truths. Me and my cousin preferred to get married young. Saige had already planned out everything in her head, while me—I just really wanted to get married! Maybe because my ideal man was someone who would be a best friend to me. Then, he'd jump in on my crazies and just live life as it is.
I hadn't pictured everything that I wanted to happen, siguro dahil wala naman akong boyfriend noon! At hanggang ngayon naman, wala pa rin. Kainis.
Dahil sa daldal ko ay naubos na ni Archer ang burger niya. Dalawang kagat na lang naman 'tong akin, pagkaubos nito ay iba na ang kakagatin ko. Hngg~
Dahil natahimik kami sandali ay inikot ko na naman ng tingin ang paligid namin. We had a full three-sixty view of the city. The distant lights blinked from white, yellow, magenta, to all sorts of blue. Those were the colors of the city that's being run by so many adverts on huge screen displays. Looking above, the distant sky turned dark so that a busy city like this would finally go to sleep.
Pagkabalik ko ng tingin kay Archer ay nahuli ko siyang nakatitig sa 'kin. Mabilis tuloy siyang umiwas. Napahagikhik naman ako. Ang ganda ko talaga!
"Though, I gotta say, I commend the set-up." I was still looking around the place while nodding in approval. "Good job, Sir Archer!"
Ginilid niya ang ulo niya at kitang-kita ko ang tangos ng ilong niya. Hinihila niya ang necktie niya para kalasin. Pagkatapos ay umayos siya ng pagkakaupo at itinungkod ang braso sa tuktok ng tuhod. Tumungo siya at bahagyang natawa sa sarili.
"It's crazy, I know. 'Di na dapat ako naniwala kay Uncle." Mahina siyang tumawa.
"Huh, why? I loved it kaya! Like, super mega ultra ka-duper!" I assured him with wide eyes.
Nakangiti siyang umiling at inayos na lang ang cuff ng long-sleeved polo niya para maitaas iyon nang kaunti.
"You didn't really have to do this." I shimmied my butt so I could scoot closer to him. "But I'd rate this one over zero."
Even when sitting, he's still tall. I looked up at him and beamed essentially closer near his cheek. Then, I said, "It's undefined."
He stared back at me with his eyes supremely dazed, and with his lips that were slightly agape that instead of him mimicking my beaming face, it was I who lost it.
I lost my regular radiance so he could give me a glow in a different hue, one that I had always wanted to emanate.
His forehead met mine. His hand slithered purely on my waist and around it to pull me closer and bridge the gap between us. I half-knowingly placed an arm on his shoulder, as if to let my action speak of consent and patient longing.
His eyes skimmed the unspoken words on my lips. "One over zero. It's infinity."
I could hear everything from here—from the open space of where we were. It was the cold wind and the horn of the restless automobiles that were loud. But not until I felt the storm of butterflies surged my chest, then became the sound of my heartbeat as the loudest.
"I'm feeling everything good way too much, and it's faster than ever," he whispered without his eyes turning away from me.
I thought I'd always knew what to do and what to say. But here I was, speechless and lost for words.
His free hand flew and landed gently on my jaw. He made me see his eyes clearly. I spoke one of my truths before, but this time, it seemed like he was about to speak one of his.
"Snooki, I am loving you a mile a minute."
"Archer..."
Everything was loud. My heartbeat, the screaming of each of the thousand emotions that I felt all at the same time, the ringing in my ears—everything. It was all pleasingly deafening, not until I could no longer hear anything after he sealed his truth and his lips finally kissed mine.
We were unmoving, taking the time to memorize the feeling. We were steady, taking our time to immortalize each second our lips were on each other's.
And when our lips parted, I finally knew what I had to say. I knew what I needed to humbly ask of Archer.
"Please, don't slow down."
"No, I will never slow down," he vowed.