i thought long and hard about how i wanted to do this... and i'm a horrible person... also, i have realized i have no idea how to write cristina, she hasn't braced our screens for so long.... fingers crossed for a return soon. and i have no idea how to write medical parts... i am NOT a doctor.
i've been writing ahead, and i realized when i don't remember when specific events happened in the show. sorry if the timeline isn't right and if people wouldn't be the right age, but it's my story and it's very OOC and AU anyways.
alexander karev needs to come back. i miss him. :( but o'malley!!!
There's so much I don't understand. When I was younger, I used to think that growing up, being an "adult" meant having all the answers. It meant not being bothered by all the small things and being able to make peace with the past. And don't get me wrong, I don't think you're really an adult until you've got a job and live alone, but I thought the small steps you make are enough to see a difference.
I'm still so confused about a lot of things, and I think maybe I'll never understand.
She couldn't remember most of what happened if you told her word for word. She had cried as her family had left her, she'd gone back to Cristina Yang's hotel room, drank just enough tequila to make her tipsy, and passed out on the couch in her hotel room.
Was this what college was? Blacking out after drinking? She hadn't even had that much! And the headache forming in her skull was enough to tell her not to do it again.
She woke up to Cristina sitting across from her, contently eating cheerios out of a box. Did they not have Cheerios in Switzerland? She blinked at her.
"You look like your mom, but some of your face is your dad."
"You know my dad?" She sat up, trying to remember if her dad had ever mentioned knowing Cristina. She did slightly remember her dad fangirling over her. Who wouldn't? Hearts in a box?
"I know all the doctors in Washington." Cass raised an eyebrow in response. "And your aunt showed me a picture." She shrugged. "He wasn't terrible on the eyes."
Cassie cleared her throat, getting up from the couch, blinking back the forming of a headache in her temple. She had cried in front of her aunt's best friend, for quite a while. The woman probably thought she was a wimp or something. "I'm gonna go back to my dorm and take a shower, have my first meal of dorm food."
"It's okay to miss them, you know. I left Seattle years ago, and part of me still feels like I made a mistake. But hopefully, you'll find something here that makes you want to stay. That's why I never went back. Or you could go home. No one would blame you for that."
Cassie's feet stopped her before she could make her way out the door. "I can't go home."
"Says who?"
The impending guilt from her father? Her aunt thinking she couldn't take care of herself? She wasn't a child! She'd spent the majority of her childhood alone, not needing anyone or anything except someone to feed her. She'd given up on finding someone to love her because it just didn't seem possible. Molly had loved her, but not in the way that she wanted to be loved.
And now that she had that, she didn't want to give it up.
Meredith wasn't some overly mushy character. But she was everything Cassie had ever dreamed of and more. It was in the way they sat at the kitchen counter at odd hours drinking hot chocolate or sat on the couch together. There were no abundances of "I love you", and Cassie didn't need to hear those words to know.
She had gotten so attached and now she didn't know who she was or if she was happy out here on her own. It was like she didn't know how to be independent anymore. And that was crazy. She wasn't going to be following Meredith around like a little puppy for the rest of her life.
Medicine had been her dream for as long as she knew that her mother had been a doctor. And watching her aunt, all of her aunt's coworkers, save lives was enough to convince her she wanted to do the same thing.
That was why she was here. That was why she was going to fight to stay here. She was going to make her aunt, her mom proud. Actually proud. None of that "I'm so proud of you even though you did nothing" nonsense.
She straightened out, cracked her neck, stretching out all of her muscles. She was ready to go. She was going back to her dorm to take a shower and eat, but she was ready to go.
"I don't know what just happened, but just remember that you're the sun in your equation. Not your dad, not Mer, you." Cristina's voice broke through her internal monologue. "I'll see you at the lecture later."
---///---
Cassie slowly made her way to the big lecture hall, having needed Google Maps to make her way around campus still. She made it there early, though, and waited in the line to be checked in. Everyone had texted her, but she just wanted to make it through the first day in solitude, see how it felt, and then call them when she figured out how not to sound overly homesick and beg to dropout on the phone. "Do you have your student ID?" She was questioned once she made it to the front of the line.
Cassie pulled the card out of her pocket, handing it to the lady behind the desk. She furrowed her brow at it. "You're an undergrad. What are you doing here?"
She cleared her throat nervously. "I, uh, know Cristina."
"You know Dr. Yang?" The woman gave her a pointed look. Cassie then realized how scrawny she must look compared to the other people. She could probably be in class with them if she hadn't resorted to staying in her relative age group. She was still going to be taking mostly junior and senior classes and probably graduate in two years, maybe one.
"Yes. She's friends with my aunt."
The woman squinted, and it was as if she'd just then read the name on the ID. "Grey? Like Grey Method? Your seat is front row, reserved. Sorry about that." She chuckled nervously, swiping the card and watching the machine flash green.
Her name was akin to being royalty. Knowing Cristina was akin to royalty. It was a good thing she didn't have her father's name. He was probably a golden alum too.
Once she started making her way to the front row, she suddenly realized how childish she must look compared to all of the med students. Most of them were probably five or six years older, well-dressed, and half asleep, living off of iced coffee and ramen. She was wearing jeans and a cardigan, not having really thought about having to look the part. She was going to have to start looking the part, apparently. Did everyone here know her name?
Everyone had notebooks and laptops, and she soon realized the front row was mostly made up of staff members, looking extremely adult. Which one was her seat? She gave up, finding the first empty seat she could.
"Is this seat taken?"
The adult looking up at her chuckled, "are you lost kid? Looking for the chem 100 lecture?"
"My last name is Grey. Do I need to say anything else?" She hadn't known where that confidence had come from, but the man shut up and let her sit anyway. With a satisfied plop, she opened the notes app on her phone. She would probably remember every word Cristina said without it, but to look the part.
"Don't listen to him sweetheart." The woman on the other side of her smiled warmly. "Burke's just jealous he's not up there."
"It was my idea..." he started, "by the way, Ms. Grey, tell your aunt I say hello." Did everyone know her aunt? Cass knew she was well known, but damn.
"Hello everyone. First off, I want to thank Stanford for giving me the opportunity to speak today in honor of your new term. Most of you are upperclassmen in the medical school, congratulations on your achievements thus far. I warn you, though, that it only gets harder from here. Residency will drain you, test you. But some of you will make it through." She paused, searching the front row.
"Most of you have some knowledge of the research I have been conducting alongside Dr. Burke for the last few years. The idea of creating synthetic organs to replace those that have failed the body is something the medical community has dreamed of for a long time." She clicked something, and a 3D image of a heart pulled up in front of her face. "This is our current design for a synthetic heart. It is the early stages still, but it is the shape and texture of a real heart." She used her hands to tilt the image, and the room broke out in murmurs. "Would anyone like to come up and hold it?"
She had to admit, she had known Cristina was a shark, but standing in front of these med school students, she was almost a teacher. Mer had joked about how bad of a teacher Cristina had been to her mother, but that was definitely a different time. That, or she was really trying to get Cassie into the pre-med funk. And it was working.
A million hands went into the air. Cass watched as the med students' dead eyes lit up as they shot their arms up. This was what they were fighting for, wasn't it?
"Kid in the nerd glasses and ugly jacket. You with the hair that looks like you stuck your fingers in an electric socket." Cristina's eyes flickered to her niece in the front row. She shook her head. She didn't want to be the center of attention for a bunch of med school students.
The rest of the lecture went by quickly, almost too quickly. Cristina explained a lot of the research, advertised an internship for the following summer, and answered so many questions. Cristina was in her element. She could see how she and her aunt were such close friends. They were like a yin and yang-- oh god, that was a bad dad joke, even for her.
"Thank you all for coming today. If you want to come up and hold the heart or ask me any more questions, I will be here for a few more minutes."
It's Burke that is nudging her as the audience began dissipating. "Come on Grey." He motioned for her to follow, and she chased after him up the steps. She walked over to see what it was he was showing her, and her eyes went wide. He pressed a few buttons, and soon the holographic heart was in between them again.
"Go ahead."
She held out her hand to touch it, smiling it when it turned underneath her grasp. "Is this the prototype?" She asked, excitedly.
"Yes." He came back, holding out the heart that had been passed around. She looked at it in amazement, and he placed it into her hands. He placed an actual (almost) heart into her hands.
She was mesmerized by it, holding it up and staring at it like it was a precious gem. And in a lot of ways, it was.
"So, what did you think?" Cristina asked, finally having gotten rid of the last eager med student. "Med students are obnoxious. They smell like bad breath and body odor. No offense."
Cassie blinked at the heart, still in her hands. "It's amazing. Thanks for letting me come."
"No problem. Consider it my graduation present."
"Dr. Yang, a pleasure as always." The cardio surgeon turned around, quick to shake hands with the figure who had walked up onto the stage. "Thank you for offering to speak."
"Anytime I'm on this side of the planet."
"Who is this?" The man asked, suddenly noticing the young woman still staring at the heart in her hands, animatedly questioning Burke.
"That's my.... Cassandra Grey."
"Grey?"
"Yes. Her mother is... was... Meredith Grey's sister." She fought the urge to roll her eyes. 'Whatever, Ellis Grey's daughter!' had turned into 'whatever, Meredith Grey's niece'.
"Ms. Grey." The man walked over, holding out a hand for her to shake. She handed the heart back to Burke before giving him her hand. "I'm the assistant dean for the curriculum here. Have you met with one of our advisors yet?"
Cassie shook her head. "I'm only a freshman in undergrad."
"Well it's never too early to start, especially for a Grey! We will have our office call you to make an appointment. What's your major right now?"
"Chemistry on a pre-med track."
"And how far along are you on your pre-reqs?"
Cassie grinned, "almost done with them."
The man shook his head in response, "no surprise there. Maybe we can sit you in on some lectures, would you like that?"
She was definitely getting an upper hand because of her last name and her connections. Was she going to complain? Absolutely not.
"I will have my office call you in the morning." He nodded again, "it was a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Grey, I'm sure I will be seeing you in the future," and the man walked off, leaving the three of them on the stage.
Cristina came over, punching her on the arm. "Wow must be nice to have that last name." she schmoozed sarcastically.
"I didn't ask to be surgical royalty," she shrugged.
"Whatever, Meredith Grey's niece. I'm catching a plane in a few hours, but there is this one thai place down the street that was the reason I didn't drop dead in med school."
"Do I want to know why you almost dropped dead?"
"Because I can't cook and need to be fed periodically and leaving to get food was a struggle when I had so much overachieving to do." The two of them walked off the stage with one wave to Burke and began making their way down the street.
"By the way, is there any chance I can keep the rest of that tequila bottle?" She asked, avoiding eye contact in case the woman said no, which she kind of doubted.
"Only if you don't tell your aunt I was the one that gave it to you." Cristina responded with a completely straight face.
"Oh please, she'd probably just ask why you didn't get the bigger size."
"I can't argue with that."
---///---
After she'd gotten her thai food, said goodbye to Cristina, and retreated back to the dorm building, she plopped down on one of the couches in the lounge and called her aunt back. Her aunt responded within three rings, clearly distracted by something off the screen.
"Bailey! Stop taking Ellis's toys!" She screamed, "hey Cass. How was your first day as a college kid?"
"Cristina's lecture was amazing. I got to hold..."
"Hold on one sec, Cass. Bailey! Don't make me ask you again! Sorry. What did you say?"
"I got to hold..."
"Bailey! That's it!" The phone flopped onto the table, and she could hear her aunt reprimanding her cousins in the background. She let out a deep breath. This was all she was going to get now. Half attentions from her aunt. It was better that way, made it a little easier to not miss home.
She debated waiting, but the longer she sat there, the more homesick she got. She sighed, ending the call before she could regret it. She watched her phone buzz again after two minutes and declined the calls before she could second guess herself. Then the messages started piling in. Apologies from her aunt, a 'do you need me to beat someone up?' from Alex, and a general confusion as to why she hung up from Amber, following by an 'is something wrong?' and then about ten facetime attempts.
She didn't know. Today was proof that she belonged here, and she hadn't even started. She knew the moment she held that heart in her hand that she needed to be here, getting one step closer to putting that heart into someone, even though she was fairly certain she did not want to be a cardio thoracic surgeon. She was fairly certain she knew what she wanted to be, but it was way too early to decide.
Sighing, she finally gave up, walking to her dorm room, a little concerned when the door opened with no struggle. She slowly opened it, blinking at the figure on the bed opposite her, smoking something that made the room smell like candy-flavored perfume.
"Hey! I was wondering when you would show up! I'm your roommate. I'm Sloane. I moved in today, but you were out all day." She inhaled again, letting out her smoke in a way that made Cassie cough.
"Yeah, I, uh, had a lecture to go to."
"Dude it's Sunday!"
"Well... you can never start too early?" She tilted her head. Her awkwardness was starting to show. She needed to relax, to make friends.
"Are you always this stressed? School hasn't even started yet and you're already freakin' out? You need to chill, man."
Oh, how she wanted to chill, to just not be in control. Control was what she craved, but lately she was not having it. "Can I have some of that?" she motioned to the thing in her roommate's hand.
Her roommate raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. This is just the bridge from the old life to the new life," she muttered, inhaling and choking so hard she broke into a coughing fit.
"I don't think so."
"Wait! Show me the right way to do it."
And she did. She puffed it until the pit in her stomach disappeared and she flopped onto the bed, calmer. Her hand suddenly hit the bottle of tequila she'd thrown under the covers when her and Cristina had stopped here earlier. Happily, she yanked it out, unscrewing it to take a sip.
"Got anything stronger to go with this?"
The blonde-haired girl grinned. "Want some peach rings?"