Chapter 25
I thought I'll enjoy my day because of the launch of my first-magazine pero mabilis ding bumaliktad ang lahat. I was mortified. Pwedeng-pwede na nga akong magpalamo sa lupa just because of it.
Minetta told me not to check my social media accounts. Pero nanaig pa rin ang sarili ko at tiningnan ko pa rin. Mabilis ko ring in-exit. Para akong binalatan ng buhay. They are so mean and harsh. They are judging me based on the videos and pictures circulating online. Wala silang preno. They stated their opinion dahil sa tingin nila magkakaroon iyon ng difference. Nakakasakit lang sila ng damdamin and a lot of them don't even really care for my goddamn feelings.
After all, Cashel and I are just skits for shit show.
During my afternoon class where Adie's sitting in, I felt horrified. Alam kong bata pa lamang siya at walang alam sa bagay na 'yon. Sana rin ay hindi sabihin ni Cashel ang tungkol do'n. It was a mistake. It shouldn't even happen in the first place.
At ngayon, pinagsisisihan ko na talaga kung bakit hindi ako nakinig kay Cashel no'ng gabing iyon. Akala ko kasi nagseselos lang siya. Akala ko ayaw niya lang ako makitang nakikipag-usap sa iba dahil may agreement kami but he's already telling me to stay away. I kept my ears close and I became one of the biggest scandals here in Paris. Pakshet lang.
Hindi ako makampante but I'm trying my best to teach the students. Kailangan nilang matuto kaysa naman unahin ko ang sarili kong kapakanan. Hindi na nga ako pumasok kahapon, iiwanan ko pa ba ang mga estudyante?
Ang wish ko lang ngayon ay hindi ako ma-deport pabalik sa Pinas. Though wala naman akong nilabag na batas pero ayon sa contract ko with my agency, I can't stay in Paris when my job became a problem for me. Hindi nila ako suportado do'n. It's already out of their hands.
I need to have this job so I can stay in Paris.
And in the middle of my discussion of translating French fruits and vegetables to English, I was excused when Minetta came and announced that my presence is in need in the Principal's office. Minetta stayed in the room then she continues my discussion in her own way. And I made my way to the office, already have the feeling of getting fired. It's like a stab in the stomach. I feel so worse right now. I feel so nauseous.
Parang gustong umurong ng mga paa ko. Gusto kong umuwi—pero hindi ng Pilipinas. Gusto kong magkulong sa apartment ko. Gusto kong itago ang sarili ko sa kahihiyan.
It was as if kissing someone became a big deal for everyone, especially the French people. They do know how it is done pero bakit parang ako pa ang mali? Why does it have to be me? Bakit mas natutuon sa akin ang mas masasakit na salita?
Is it because I was the one who kissed Chevy? And we're both a public figure that's why it became a big of a deal? Hindi ko naman ginusto 'to. This wasn't on the plan when I came into Paris. Sabi ko magbabagong buhay ako at iiwanan ko na ang acting career ko.
My acting career in the Philippines is a total disaster and in Paris, it destroyed me again. To think that it's my dream job but it became my worst nightmare. And I can't wait to wake up from it.
When I'm finally standing behind the office door, humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at tinatagan ko na lamang ang sarili. I know I will lose something because of this situation. It was abrupt and challenging, I just hope I won't fall on a serious matter 'cause I feel like failing has always been my destiny. My end game.
Nang makapasok ako sa loob, the lady principal invited me to seat with her. I properly seated while trying not to be so anxious about it. Kabago-bago ko pa lang. Wala pa halos isang buwan. Na-report na agad ako sa office. I know I had a fault and I wish I could've changed it for the better but it's already been done.
I'm in total chaos right now. Merde.
"Salut, Miss Calafiore," she started, it comes with a warm smile. "I hope I'm not interrupting your class and pull you out of your class."
"That's totally fine," ngiti ko pa pero namumutawi na ang kaba sa dibdib ko. "I know why I'm here, too."
"Good to know that, Miss Calafiore," she said. "Because it has to come to my attention that you've been doing a little bit of crazy stuff. I know you're new in Paris, you're new in this school so I'm sure you're just living your life until it lasts. But your behavior in school and outside of the premises of the campus is different. If this thing has been done on the campus, I have to suspend you or it could be worst. But what you did happen outside and it's out of my hands. I can't give you suspension or anything. I'm just going to left you with this, that's all I can do, for now, be mindful of your actions. You have little children looking after you and hopefully, they won't find it out. I'm so happy that you're a new addition to our amazing faculty. Just... don't do anything crazy stuff again, Miss Calafiore."
She ends her sentence with a laugh. Pakiramdam ko, nakatakas ako sa malupit na punishment at advice na lamang ang ibinigay niya sa akin.
"Thank you for your understanding, Madame. I know what happened is wrong and I promise that I wouldn't do any crazy stuff again."
"Good to hear you say that, Miss Calafiore," she giggles, then she pulls something out of her drawer. Halos lumuwa ang mata ko ng bigla niyang ilabas ang magazine. "This one, it's fine. I love both of you. Cashel is a great man, I think. Would you be able to sign it for me?"
"Sure, Madame," napangiwi pa ako dahil biglang nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin.
Kinuha ko ang marker na inabot niya sa akin. Nanginginig ang kamay kong pinirmahan ang cover ng magazine. Binalik ko sa kanya ang mga gamit at ngiti ang namutawi sa labi. I was expecting so much worst than this pero mabuti na 'yong ganito kaysa naman itapon nila ako pabalik ng Pilipinas. That's the worst-case scenario of all time.
"Thank you for your time, Miss Calafiore. I'm sorry for pulling you out of class but can go and meet them now," aniya.
I bowed my head and smiled. Tumayo na ako sa kinauupan ko at papalabas na sana ako ng kanyang office ng may hinabol siyang sinabi sa akin.
"Miss Calafiore," she called. I turned my head to her. "I like Cashel more rather than Chevalier. Choose better, kiss someone wisely."
I nodded my head then directed out of her office. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik. Out of many people that I'm worried about, at least nabawasan na ng isa ang dapat kong pangambahan. Hindi ako made-deport pabalik ng Pilipinas. I can still stay in Paris. And I have to figure out how to fix this. Masyadong nagiging mabulaklak ng issue ang pangalan ko. Hindi ko pwedeng palagpasin at ibalewala.
A playful, wrongful kiss could destroy my future. Aside from the head of school, there are Cashel, Trudy, my family, and of course the people I'm looking at. Paniguradong lahat sila ay nagtataka.
I just made my name exploded like a bomb sa international scene at para akong nagself-destruct dahil sa kamangmangan ko.
I haven't contacted Chevy. Kinakabahan ako pero gusto ko siyang kausapin. He made it look like we did nothing. Mas lumala na ang trust issue ko ngayon. May mga tao talagang magpapabango ng pangalan mo at may mga taong sisira rin no'n. But in my case, ako ang sumira sa mismong pangalan ko.
When I entered the homeroom, naabutan ko pang nilalaro ni Minetta ang mga bata kaya naman ng makita nila ay bigla silang nanahimik. She parted a smile with me before she left the room. Huminga ako ng malalim at hinarap ko ang students. Bumalik din kami sa discussion at nakakatuwa dahil bigla silang naging active. Ano kayang ginawa ni Minetta? Afternoon classes are the sleepy hour's kaya ang hirap buhayin ng energy ng mga bulunggit na ito. It's good thing to spare my mind here rather than laying it all to my problem.
And I'm trying not to look so suspicious to Adie. I'm afraid how will her brother reacted to this. I put my right hand behind my back and crossed my fingers.
Everything will be fine. I know it!
***
When my class ended, nagmamadali naman akong kumilos para makauwi rin kaagad ako sa apartment ko. Hindi ko na napansin ang ilang estudyante na lumalabas but I'm sure their parents and guardians are already waiting for them. I even saw Minetta waiting by the doorway para hintayin si Adie. She's expecting to see Cashel and other the hand, ayokong makita si Cashel ngayon.
Inayos ko naman ang mga gamit ko. Isinakbit ko na ang bag ko sa braso ko at handa nang lumabas. I turn on my phone at ilang saglit lang ay pumasok ang 27 missed calls from Cashel at halos manlamig ang buo kong katawan. Biglang nag-angatan ang chicken skin ko. I rubbed it off to easen it.
I was expecting a call from Chevy, but he's silent as the deserts.
And from my way out of the homeroom, biglang pumasok ang tawag ni Miss Trudy. Kung hindi ko maayos na nahahawakan ang phone ko, tiyak nalaglag na ito at nagkabasag-basag ang screen. Muli akong humugot ng malalim upang pakalmahin ko ang sarili ko. Sinagot ko tawag niya at inilapat ko sa tainga ko.
"Salut, Cosette!"
"Salut," pagbati ko.
"I just want to congratulate you on the success of your first ever project with us. I'm happy that it was you and Cashel made the November issue a big success. And I'm already looking forward on working with you again. And oh! I have already sent multiple personal copies to Cashel. You can keep it or give it to your friends. It's your choice, Cosette."
"Merci, Madame," tipid kong sagot.
"But there's an abrupt situation that occurred, I'm afraid," she said, alam ko na kung mapupunta ang usapang ito. "Is it true, Cosette? I thought you and Cashel are together? Or did you guys just broken up? Tell me, Cosette. We're already trending on Twitter, Facebook, and there's a lot of posting on Instagram. Though it's bad. But bad publicity is still publicity. I checked your Instagram and you grew 1.4 million followers already! Cashel rounds up to five million just this morning! I don't know if the launching of the magazine affects both of your issues but I hope will sort it out. Especially with Chevalier. He just gained 7 million followers. Can we meet Cosette? Would be able to meet me tonight?"
I sighed. "As much as I wanted to meet you tonight. I need to sort this out first. I hope you understand that."
"Of course, do your thing. If you need some help, ask me. My platform reaches 48 million followers so I guess that's enough for people to know the truth, okay?"
"Oui..."
"Be positive, okay? Even though the situation might be a little eruptive. I still want to congratulate you, you deserved it," she said, I guess it wasn't bad at all. "Au revoir, Cosette! Appelez-moi vite."
When she hanged up, tinurn off ko na lamang muli ang phone ko. Mayamaya lang ay dumaan si Minetta sa tapat ng pintuan at ipinakita niya sa akin ang front cover ng magazine.
"Regardez, Cosette! Cashel signed it!" she exclaimed, pointing where Cashel signed it.
Nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko na siya natanong dahil bigla siyang tumakbo palayo. Napakurap-kurap ako. Wala naman si Cashel dito sa school 'no? I just hope he's not around. Sana ay umalis na kaagad siya. At bakit bumibilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko? Ito na naman ako na puno ng kaba. I hated this feeling. I feel like I'm dying.
He knows I've been ignoring to answer his call. Ano kayang sasabihin niya sa akin? Curious akong malaman 'yon pero ayoko siyang makita. Ayoko nang malaman. Nagbago na ang isip ko. If I can wear something to disguise just to get out of this place, gagawin ko. I'm afraid of him more than anyone else.
Mayamaya lamang ay bumaba ang tingin ko ng makita ko si Adie. Literal na nag-pause ang buo kong katawan nang makita ko siya. Wala pa ba ang sunod niya? O baka naman may iba siyang sasabihin sa akin? O kaya naman ay may nakalimutan siya?
"Hi, Adie!" pagbati ko. "Did you forget something?"
She shakes her head. Her hands were occupied by her snack bag.
"Is there something you need to do? Hindi pa ba dumating ang driver mo?"
She shakes her head once again. "Kuya's here and he's waiting for you outside."
"Why is he here?"
She shrugged off. "I don't know... he just wants me to call you so you can meet him outside."
Dahan dahan akong tumango. "O-Okay... I'll be there," nauutal kong sagot.
Nang tumalikod na si Adie at tuluyang lumabas ng room, sinundan ko naman siya palabas ng building. I wasn't prepared for this. That's why I'm dodging his call at hindi pa ako handang kausapin siya.
Habang papalapit na ng papalapit ang mga hakbang ko palabas ng exit ay parang magkokombulsyon bigla ang katawan ko. Tatatagan ko na lang din siguro ang tiwala ko. Nang tinulak ko ang pinto para tuluyan akong makalabas, una kong nakita si Adie na niyakap ang kanyang kuya. Lumipat naman kay Cashel ang tingin ko at nagtama ang mga mata namin.
Inutusan ni Cashel na pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan si Adie at hindi pa man ako tuluyang nakakalapit sa kanya, siya na mismo ang lumapit sa akin. Ilang inches na lamang ang pagitan naming dalawa at mas naramdaman ko ang malakas na kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ito dahil sa excitement o kung ano man. Kabadong-kabado ako. Parang nanlalata na ang mga legs ko.
"Salut," pagbati ko.
Napaismid lamang siya. Ang blanko ng expression niya pero kahit hindi ko naman isipin, namumutawi ang inis sa mukha niya.
"Why aren't you answering my call?"
"Uh... I'm—busy."
"I know you are. But I've been calling your phone for hours. Did you turned it off?"
"I did... 'cause I'm busy."
He smirked. "But you know why I'm here, right?"
I nodded. "To pick up your sister."
He scoffed. "What the fuck, Cosette? Don't make me stupid. I know what's happening. It's been all over online and as much as I've wanted to help I feel like I couldn't. It's my words against yours. They might not take mine and they might not believe me. I thought we're okay, Cosette. We're actually doing fine yesterday and this happened. You told me nothing happened but there is. I know our relationship isn't true but for God's sake, I know when a person cheats."
"Cashel, I can explain."
"It was supposed to be a good day for s. They just launched the magazine but you fucking ruined it," he gritted his teeth. Nanggigigil na siya at hindi ko na siya matingnan sa kanyang mga mata. Alam kong nag-aapoy na iyon sa galit. "See, this magazine, Cosette?"
Ipinakita niya sa akin ang nakarolyo magazine sa kamay niya at ibinulatlat niya sa pagmumukha ko 'yon.
"We were having fun but you ruined it. So thanks for everything, Cosette. We need to stop this. I guess that's the great thing to do. Our fake relationship is over, Cosette. Help yourself. I'm not going to be around you anymore."
Mabigat niyang inabot sa akin ang magazine at tinalikuran niya ako.
"Gano'n gano'n na lang 'yon?" bulyaw ko, tumigil lang siya sa pagpasok sa sasakyan niya. "Kapag si Amauree, okay lang na maghalikan kayong dalawa pero kapag ako na at ibang tao, may gana ka ng magalit? Pinalampas ko iyon at inintindi kita pero kapag ako, bawal na? We're not even in a fucking relationship, Cashel!"
"Yup, we're not but we agreed not to kiss someone else in public. We already talked about Amauree. That's not an issue anymore. Find your way home. Take the metro. You'll be on your own now."
"Cashel!" I shouted, parang mapipigtas ang ugat ko sa leeg ko.
And instead of hearing me out, Cashel tends to ignore it. Pumasok siya sa sasakyan niya at tuluyang pinatakbo papalayo. Naiwan akong nakatayo sa pwesto ko. Ilang saglit lamang ay napapansin kong may lalapait ng papalapit sa akin at alam ko na kung sino iyon. It's Toro. Bago pa man siya tuluyang makalapit sa akin at binato ko sa kanya ang hawak kong magazine at mabilis kong pinara ang taxi na dumaan sa kalsada kaya ako nakatakas.
At ngayon, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko.
As much as I want to clear this thing out, kailangan ko mnang unahin ang sarili ko. I'll settle it later. People already hated me. It also means, happiness is way too far from my reach this time. Akala ko magiging msaya na ako but then, bumagsak na naman ako.
Siguro nga ganito ang buhay, hindi laging nasa taas. Paano nga kaya nakakayanan ng mga tao ang kalupitan ng mga basher? Kung pwede lang maglaho na parang bula, hindi na nila ako makikita ngayon. Whatever happens tomorrow or in the next few days, I just hope it won't be bad like what's happening now.
Maybe it is what it is when you kiss someone in Paris. And being happy... can I still fake it or I will never make it?
***
Last 10 chapters! Thank you sa pagbabasa guys!
#FrenchKissInParis25 #FKIP25
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